It’s another beautiful day in Sacramento, California. Sunshine floods through the wall of windows in the living room, giving the space a happy, optimistic feel. Outside, the sky is cloudless and the most appealing shade of blue.
Almost like Rob’s eyes when he’s happy.
I haven’t seen much of that color over the past week.
In fact, I haven’t seen much of Rob at all.
While I’m grateful he isn’t letting up on his training regimen because of my sudden presence, I get the distinct feeling he’s avoiding me. Most people don’t realize professional athletes have a full-time job to keep their bodies in top physical condition, even in the off-season, but Rob’s been pulling overtime this week. That’s just as dangerous as not training enough.
Without the careful guidance and watchful eyes of the Rushers’ training staff, Rob’s starting to run the very real risk of injuring himself.
But, maybe that’s what he wants. He’s always had a love/hate affair with football.
And that’s a problem.
Shawn’s accusations of Rob committing career assassination aside, I have no idea what Rob wants. What’s going on in his head these days?
Yes, we’re still writing down a fear and some tangible action plans every day, but they’ve become rather generic and stale since that first night. Sure, we’re still giving each other an eight-month timeframe, but…
I’m just not sure how we’re supposed to accomplish anything by sleeping in separate rooms every night and having no real interaction other than the casual, “How was your day?”
Combine the sinking suspicion Rob is experiencing a severe case of buyer’s remorse with the fact these walls close in a little more on me every day, and I’m damn near close to losing my mind.
As if I have any sanity left to spare.
The telltale sound of a key in the lock to the front door heralds my daily visitor.
I literally rise to the challenge from my perch on the world’s heavenliest couch.
Every day Shawn shows up, unannounced, to check in on Rob’s broken little wife.
Which is bullshit.
Not only am I acutely aware Shawn has business all over the country, but he was never interested in playing a “marriage counselor,” as he so often told me.
He seems to have no trouble with being a jail warden, seemingly blowing off his commitments elsewhere.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Falls. It’s a beautiful day.” His cheery demeanor and formal greeting grate on my already raw nerves.
“I wouldn’t know. It’s hard for a bird to enjoy the sky when she’s stuck in a gilded cage.”
He laughs, not seeming offended in the slightest at my jab. “It’s good to see the cabin fever isn’t dulling your sharp wit. Or your appreciation of one of the finest penthouses Sacramento has to offer.”
Shawn Metcalf has always been a big fan of riling me up, so I guess I should be comforted he isn’t stopping now, in spite of my insanity diagnosis and subsequent prison sentence. “You know damn well I could care less where I’m cooped up.”
He wiggles his eyebrows. “I know there isn’t another woman in this entire city who would say the same. Either about the location or the company. Forced or not.”
“Geez.” I roll my eyes, something I do a lot during Shawn’s visits. “Someone is awfully full of himself.”
“I wasn’t talking about me.” He aims a deadpan glare my way. “I was talking about your husband. Where is the big guy? I have good news and great news.”
Equal shares of curiosity and apprehension roll through me. “He’s training at the private gym he found. How do you not know about that?”
“I do know about that. I figured maybe since he wasn’t answering my calls that he was home with you for the day.”
“I haven’t seen him since this morning.”
Has Rob really been training all week? Or has he been blowing me off to spend all his time doing something else?
Or someone else? Since apparently, I’m the only woman in the city bitter about my circumstances.
“Metcalf. What are you doing here?”
Almost as if my doubts summon him, the object of my thoughts arrives. Decidedly not on schedule. He doesn’t usually come home until the sun has gone to sleep for the night. Never mind that he seems genuinely surprised to find his agent here, when he’s likely been the one sending him to check up on me all week.
“Looking for you.” The way Shawn bounds over to Rob is…well, he looks like a damn jackrabbit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the guy so excited.
Shawn reaches out and takes Rob’s hand, shaking it until Rob pulls away. “It’s over!”
Rob glances between me and Shawn, his shoulders bunched with tension, suspicion written all over his face. “What’s over?”
“Your suspension! The appeal was just accepted. I came here right away to tell you since you weren’t answering your phone.” The all-business Shawn returns with a frown and an accusing tone.
Rob doesn’t offer any explanation, even though he visibly breathes a sigh of seeming relief. “We filed an appeal? Since when?”
“Since last month when I finally got the dirt I needed to make it happen.” Shawn grins.
Rob casts a confused glance my way. “Did you know anything about this?”
“Nope.” It seems I’m being kept in the dark on all fronts these days. I suppose that’s what I get for having a stint in a psych ward.
Rob returns his attention to his agent. “Okay, so…what? I’m not suspended anymore?”
“You are officially cleared to return to all team activities, but they’re not going to give you back a red cent of the fine. I figured I’d let that go.”
“I don’t give a damn about the money,” Rob bites out. “How did digging up dirt result in my suspension being overturned without my knowledge or participation in an appeals process?”
“An old friend helped me expose Mackey’s seedy side. After that, it was easy enough to put together a convincing case that he had it coming.”
Rob blinks several times before mouthing to me, “Who’s Mackey?”
Unbelievable. Was he drunk when it happened? “He’s the journalist you punched at your last game. You know, the whole reason you were suspended and fined in the first place.”
“Oh.” At least he has the sobriety to look somewhat contrite now. “What could you have possibly discovered about some low-level reporter to get the league to back off on my punishment? You can’t refute I hit the guy.”
“No, but the NFL found it more than a little suspicious he’s been investigated for bribery, stalking, and solicitation. It didn’t hurt that he’s been fired from several previous news stations for allegations of sexual harassment before landing in Sacramento.” Shawn puffs out his chest like a peacock. “After my friend gave me proof of that, all I had to do was put it in writing, provide sources, then call on your past behavior as the type of guy to not take that bullshit sitting down. An NFL quarterback who co-founded an organization with the purpose of reducing sexual assault on college campuses would obviously deck a journalist who routinely makes comments about treating women like garbage.”
Okay, now I’m as confused as Rob. “What made you think to even look into this? Your argument makes sense, but that’s still a really circumstantial case for hitting a reporter. The league doesn’t condone violence under any circumstances.”
Shawn’s posturing deflates a bit. “I actually didn’t think of it. My friend contacted me, offered up the info on Mackey, and suggested the league might be willing to overlook Rob’s actions because they’re already getting bad publicity for so many assault and domestic violence scandals among the players. They could actually use Rob’s stance on not tolerating that behavior as a positive spin to gain some ground they’ve been losing with female fans.”
Rob voices his suspicion before I can. “Why would a complete stranger go to bat for me like that?”
“You might not know her, but she isn’t a complete stranger.”
“Just because she’s an old friend of yours doesn’t make her a friend of mine,” Rob counters.
A hint of embarrassment creeps over Shawn’s face. “Friend might actually be the wrong term. She was a hook up buddy from college. I hadn’t heard from her since I graduated. Maybe loyalty to our shared alma mater was her motivation?”
Shawn was a senior when we were freshmen, so there’s a good chance Rob and I wouldn’t know her if they were in the same graduating class. Not to mention State boasts a student body of well over thirty thousand students during any given semester.
Still, during my time as president of the Wives’ Club, I became familiar with more people than I ever thought possible. “Does your friend have a name? Should we be sending her a fruit basket and season tickets as thanks?”
Or referring her to the foundation for resources on dealing with sexual trauma? She clearly has some sort of vested interest if she approached Shawn with all this information. Was she one of the women Mackey harassed? Or worse?
“She was one of the only girls who was happy with sharing a night, and honestly never wanted anything more,” Shawn replies with a wistful gleam in his eyes. “I guess her no-relationships rule worked out well for her. She always said she didn’t want a boyfriend getting too clingy and tanking her career. Hella motivated for her age, but I wasn’t complaining. She’s an investigative reporter now for the Dallas Star. And damn good at her job, judging by all the info she sent my way.”
More suspicion piles onto my already overloaded shoulders. A quick glance at Rob reveals the same too-controlled expression that’s been on his face all week.
If the name I’m thinking of is pinging around his brain, he doesn’t seem surprised in the least by her involvement.
And then he confirms my fears with a whispered, “Julie Jones.”
“Yeah.” Shawn nods, the smile never leaving his face. “You know her? I think she graduated in your class, so you would’ve spent more time on campus together than she and I did.”
Oh, they spent time together all right. In very select locations on campus.
As I face the windows instead of watching for any further reaction on Rob’s face, the rational side of my brain argues I shouldn’t be upset. Not even a little.
Julie helped Rob. In more ways than one.
I forced him into her bed. She didn’t seek him out.
She’s got his back in ways I can never hope to emulate.
And maybe that’s why Rob spoke her name so reverently.
I can’t erase all the imagined images of them together which flash through my mind, even now.
I tune out the rest of the discussion behind me. If Rob is jealous that he and his agent shared the same woman’s bed, I don’t want to know about it.
“Will you please talk some sense into him?” Shawn’s exasperated shout forces me to turn around, only to find Rob standing right behind me.
I startle.
And that, finally, cracks Rob’s neutral façade. He looks…disappointed.
“Who am I talking sense into about what?” I avert my gaze to the floor, not sure I want an answer to my question.
“He declined the Body Edition last year. If he refuses again, I’ll never get another chance to market him in the big leagues.”
“You heard your agent, Falls,” I choke out. “You should do it.”
After a few heartbeats of no one speaking, the notebook is thrust under my nose. The open page is littered with Rob’s scrawls.
Fear: You only want me to do this
So we’ll be even on something else.
You had your nude photoshoot, now you want me
To pose naked for millions of strangers so I can’t be jealous
Of them seeing you.
I don’t want you to think like
A business major who’s only
Trying to market my career.
I want you to answer Shawn like my wife.
The woman who’s still jealous of someone who
Means absolutely nothing to me.
“What is this?” Shawn interrupts my reading. “Grade school? You two need to pass notes in front of me to have a private conversation?”
Rob’s laughter forces my gaze up to his. That damn dimple is on full display, and his eyes far outshine the sky outside. “Tell him ‘no.’ Tell him you don’t want to share.”
My first instinct is relief. Rob doesn’t want to be shared with anyone else. Not Julie, not whoever I assumed he was with all week. Not all the jersey chasers he’s been sleeping with since he moved to Sacramento. But, I can’t ditch the nagging feeling he’s been avoiding me and simply refuses to admit he has a connection to the woman who helped him in ways I can’t.
“I still think you should do it. You can’t overlook the marketing side of your career, especially in light of last year. Besides, the spread is always tasteful. It’s not meant to be trashy. It’s a showcase of the human physique in its peak state. The whole point is to draw attention to the fact you spend hours honing your skills and achieving perfection in athleticism.”
Rob’s disgruntled expression causes Shawn to bark out harsh laughter. “I clearly need to give you lessons on negotiation. That was not the way to get him to say yes, Evie.”
“What? Why not?” I just assured him he won’t be showing off his penis to the thirsty masses. His agent probably doesn’t know how sensitive he is about it. Come to think of it, I don’t know if he’s still sensitive about it. He probably isn’t after all the women who’ve undoubtedly glorified his massive appendage.
Shawn laughs again. “If my wife told me she’d been checking out other dudes in the Body Edition, I’d burn something down, not agree to pose for the magazine.”
“I’m not doing it.” Rob crosses his muscular arms over his chest, which only reinforces he absolutely has the build to be included in the annual publication.
“Yes, you are. Because you would rather pose for that spread than have me make an appointment,” I remind him without overtly sharing our deal with Shawn.
I’m not sure how much he knows; how much Rob has told him.
“Fine,” Rob sighs. “But, Evie has to be there for the shoot.”
“I’ll invite the Queen of England if it’ll get your ass to show up.” Shawn cackles, then checks his expensive watch. “I have a flight to catch. I’ll send you the paperwork this week.”
The sound of the door slamming closed behind him precedes silence in the sunny condo.
“Evie.” Rob’s quiet plea isn’t enough to make me face him without a third party to mitigate some of this tension.
“You should call and thank her. She really bailed you out of a mess.”
“I don’t have her phone number, and I never asked for her help.”
Somehow, I find it hard to believe he doesn’t still have her number.
“Baby, we need to talk.”
A flash of anger zips through me. “I’ve been stuck here all week. You haven’t needed to talk to me so far. No reason to change now that your suspension is over. Unless, of course, you’d like to discuss me leaving before you re-enter the media’s orbit. I’m sure you won’t win any points with all your lovely Falls Fanatics with me around. And Julie might not be too happy to know she helped you while I was squatting in your condo.”
Without warning, he hoists me up, leaving me no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist to keep my balance. “W-what are you doing?”
Rob never touches me without permission, certainly never when I’m so obviously angry.
His wide smile also seems uncharacteristic. “I’m redistributing the power between us more equally.”
All I can do is stare at his weirdly happy face.
When I don’t respond, he pulls me tightly against his chest, practically crushing me in his grasp. “You absolutely hate her.”
Is that a question I’m supposed to answer?
Rob’s grin grows even more blinding. “The knowledge she’s been with me makes you violent. I can see it in the set of your shoulders, the way you fisted your hands when you realized who Shawn was talking about.”
I didn’t even realize I’d physically done anything to give myself away.
“Why are you so happy about this?” Dammit. I basically just admitted he’s right.
With a firm hand at the back of my head, Rob brings me in for a searing kiss. It’s not gentle, not timid. It’s blistering, possessive, everything I ever wanted from him…before.
By the time he pulls away, I’m breathless and more than a little dazed. Still angry, though.
“What the hell? Who are you, and why are you acting like this?”
“I’m your husband,” he breathes, his forehead resting against mine as he continues to bear my weight in his arms. “The man you came back to after being with someone else because you hated it. I’m the guy you loved enough to pull out of a cesspool of my own making simply because you couldn’t bear to see me drown.” He pulls back to look in my eyes, his full of honesty and clarity. “Don’t you see, baby?”
I’m starting to see red from a combination of fury, frustration, and confusion.
“The experiment you wanted so badly to run you were willing to lie to me to make it happen was a success. I hate to admit you were right, but damn. You were right.”
I struggle to escape his hold, but he only squeezes me tighter. “Let me go. I’m glad you found what you were looking for, but there’s no need to rub it in my face like this.”
“Evie, stop. Just listen. I’m not explaining myself very well.”
It’s no use anyway. Though Rob rarely uses his strength against me, he won’t let me go until he’s good and ready. “Fine. Explain.”
He tries to press another kiss to my lips, but it lands on my cheek when I turn my head.
The bastard only chuckles.
“We are not here together right now out of commitment, or pity, or anger. We’re not married because someone forced us to be. We don’t love each other because we have no other options.”
“You aren’t making any sense!”
He smiles, but this one isn’t gleeful. It’s soft, sweet, reminiscent of the shy boy I knew so long ago. “I love you because you’re you. No one else is you, and no one else will ever be enough for me. Julie helped me prove that. You love me because I’m me. In spite of all my shortcomings and failures. If that wasn’t true, I’d already be a memory in your life. The guy you were with helped you prove that. There are a million guys out there who would be so much easier for you to be with than I am. And the fact that your entire body tensed at the mere mention of her name only proves how much ownership you claim on me, whether you want to admit it or not. So, yeah. I’m happy as fuck to know just how much you think of me as yours, and how much you don’t want anyone else to have me.”
Though I’m the one who pushed for him to be with someone else, I never once thought about it from the perspective he’s just given me. “Do you…do you get that angry when you think of him?”
He doesn’t even know his name.
Rob glances around us. “Every hole on these walls was from all the times I imagined what I wasn’t even sure was happening. So, yes, baby. Just the thought of another man touching you makes me absolutely lose my mind.”
As much as I want to give in and stop fighting my own stubbornness, something still doesn’t add up. “You’ve had so many other women to help you forget; why be bothered about thoughts of me with only one other man? Why avoid me all week? You’re hardly ever here, and I’m just left to sit in this condo and rot.”
He brushes his lips across mine again.
This time, I let him. I can’t fight how much I want him anymore. His pull is too strong. His will unbendable. He’s never shown so much unbridled lust for me before. It’s like he can’t help but be close to me.
I’d be a fool not to accept what I’ve always wanted, even if it’s only once.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apology. You just said we’re not together out of pity.”
“Oh, I’m not sorry for what’s kept me so busy this week. I’m apologizing in advance.”
Clearly, Shawn was wrong. Cabin fever is absolutely getting to me. I can’t keep up with Rob’s mind for anything. “Why?”
A different kind of smile slides across his lips. “I’m about to be a very bad feminist.”