“I should’ve sprung for a wax,” Evie giggles. “On your dime.”
She’s much more relaxed, and funny, now that they gave her something to kill her anxiety while we wait for her scheduled OR time.
“Why would you need a wax?” She doesn’t even have a car, to my knowledge.
“Because the surgeons are going to see me. Naked.” She wiggles her eyebrows, then breaks into more laughter. “I feel so bad for them. I’m scarred, hairy, and not at all a supermodel.”
Oh. That kind of wax.
I frown at her constant self-esteem issues, but I can’t say I feel too bad about the surgeons not being aroused by her naked body. “Baby, it’s their job. They’re not looking at you like a woman they want to date. You’re their patient. I’m sure they’ve seen far…worse than what you have to offer and never batted an eyelash.”
She breaks into more laughter, then reaches out a hand to nearly stab me in the eye. “You have the prettiest eyelashes. It’s really not fair. Women would kill for those gorgeous, long, naturally-curled lashes.”
“Aww. I bet you say that to all the guys.” I grab her hand and wrap it in mine before she can do any more unintentional damage.
A nurse I haven’t seen before pops her head inside the curtain of Evie’s pre-op holding cell. “How are we doing in here? It sounds much better now.”
“All’s well that ends well, ma’am.”
Maybe they gave her too much Ativan. She’s awfully small, and awfully dorky just now, even for Evie.
“Oh my God, you’re…you’re…”
“Her husband.” I stand at the side of my wife’s bed, willing this lady to understand.
Today, I’m not the starting quarterback for the Sacramento Gold Rushers.
I’m not a Heisman trophy winner.
I’m nothing more than a science-loving man, clinging to the hope of modern medicine for a better outcome than what’s been laid at our feet.
“Of course.” The petite blonde blushes, but doesn’t say anything else before leaving us alone again.
I reclaim my chair and pray nothing more will come of it. It’s impossible for Shawn and Byers to vet everyone for professional conduct. They can’t change rosters in a freaking massive hospital, after all.
Evie’s chewing on her lip when I return my attention to her. “What if it doesn’t work? What if this is all for nothing? What if…”
I put my free hand over her mouth. “Baby, it’s fine. It’ll be fine. We’re already here, so let’s just see what happens.”
She nips at my hand until I relent. “I just don’t want to go through all the pain I know is coming for nothing.”
Hearing that kills me. There’s nothing I can do but be here. It’s so fucking unfair she has to shoulder this burden alone. “You know what you need? A distraction.”
She scrunches her cute little nose up. “What kind of distraction? If you put on a strip tease for me, I’m not sure any of the nurses will be able to handle that level of hotness.”
Oh, yeah. I can’t pass up this opportunity. Not when her tongue is so loose.
“I was thinking more of a list.” I dig my phone out of my pocket and bring up the notes app.
“What is your obsession with lists, anyway? You have a list for everything, I swear.”
“I’m a jock, remember? I think of lists as my playbooks for life.”
Evie rolls her eyes. “Like the list I made for you in high school.”
“Yep.” Damn. I need to frame that thing and hang it up on one of the bare walls in the condo. Pure gold, that list was. Still is.
“What list are we making today, Superjock? How to care for a post-surgical patient? Life with a chronic pain sufferer? How to keep your best friend in her appropriate box?”
That last one makes me crinkle my forehead in confusion, but whatever.
I’m counting on the drugs in Evie’s system to give me a direct, unfiltered line to her brain.
“I was thinking something a little more…fun.”
“Oh. Well, then.” She attempts to sit up straight in her bed. “Fun is my middle name. What are we titling this list?”
“I thought you didn’t have a middle name because that’s not a typical Greek thing?”
“Hahaha,” she deadpans. “Don’t try to distract me from my distraction. What list are we making?””
She is so fucking funny and easy to mess with right now.
“Evie’s Sex Bucket List.” I type it into my phone as I say the words aloud.
Her rolling laughter jerks my attention away from the screen. “Are you kidding me?”
“Nope. No joke. This surgery is going to be a success, and all your wildest dreams are about to come true. Now…tell me what you would want if you could have anything your dirty little mind ever cooked up.”
Some things won’t ever be possible with a guy my size. It’s not like I’m having dick reduction surgery. That doesn’t even exist. Yes, I’ve checked. But, no reason to rain on her parade just now. The trick is to get her in the best possible mindset for what she wants.
Every good athlete knows mental state can make the difference between winning and losing.
“Anal.”
I have no idea how she manages to keep a straight face, because I’m cackling like a middle school boy on the inside.
I pretend to write that one down, but instead tap out:
1. Anal play a possibility.
“Okay. Next?”
She seems to mull it over, finally getting into the idea. “Hmm. I dunno. My brain’s kind of fuzzy.”
“Can you remember anything you used to want? Maybe something you fantasized about in high school?”
God knows I was a horny bastard then. Looking back, I can’t believe all the different scenarios my mind imagined, heedless of my size being a potential issue.
“Oh!” She claps her hands together, and I’m reminded of the cheerleader impressions she used to give. “I want someone to bend me over the arm of the couch and take me hard from behind!”
The way she uses the word, “someone” bothers me, but I let it go in favor of pecking out the next item on her list.
“I don’t want to be treated like glass ever again.” She furrows her brow. “If this is a list of fantasies, then I want to feel someone’s unbridled passion for me just once before I die. However, whenever the mood strikes, with nothing holding him back.”
Him? What the fuck? Haven’t I been giving her unbridled passion, no matter how much it crushes me to cause her pain?
“Let’s see, what else?” She taps her finger against her chin, but I’m ready to be done with this game.
“Ooh! I’m not very flexible, and he’d have to be super strong like you, but against the wall. Yeah.” Her eyes get glassier than they were before they gave her the Ativan. “I want super-hot, clothes ripped off, sex against the wall.”
Strong like me?
Did the nurse slip me something, too?
I mean, I know I’m as nervous as Evie about this procedure, but I don’t remember asking for anything to calm my anxieties.
How can I be hallucinating her constant word slips?
She counts on her fingers, mumbling to herself. “Couch sex, from behind, wall sex…what’s left? You’ve had way more experience in the hot sex department than I have with all the women you’ve slept with. I’ve only been with two guys. Give me some suggestions.”
“Don’t forget anal,” I remind her, choosing to ignore the more painful topics she’s brought up. “You already said anal.”
“Oh, right. Thank you.” She blows me a kiss and I’m at ease again. “I guess that only leaves one thing.”
“What’s that?” I’m on the edge of my seat, hoping for more of her wishes instead of talk of us with other people.
“The ultimate product of love-making. A baby. I want to be a mother.”
I rise from the chair, folding over her to plant a slow kiss on her mouth, everything except our future forgotten. “Remember what I said. No matter what happens today, nothing between us changes. We have other options. Surrogacy, adoption. We’ll have kids. Someday.”
She smiles this beautiful, dreamy smile at me. Caressing my cheek with her hand, her breath fans over my face with the sweetest scent of Evie.
I take a heartbeat to drink this moment in.
Just the two of us.
On the verge of something different.
Of course, it doesn’t last long. Our shift nurse slides open the curtain with a wide smile. “It’s time. Give your wife a kiss until you can see her again in two hours.”
I follow orders, but Evie pulls me close when I try to back away to let the orderlies roll her into the OR.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, baby. I told you I’d be here. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”
“No, not for being here,” she clarifies, her gaze suddenly sure. “For being my best friend. For going through everything we’ve been through together. For this last step. I’m so happy you found your forever, even if it isn’t with me.”
There goes her crazy tongue, again.
“It is with you, Mrs. Falls. You’ll see. The surgery is going to go great. We’ll have everything we ever wanted.” I drop my voice low enough to not be overheard. “And then we’ll get started on your bucket list.”
This smile is different. Almost sad. “That bucket list will never come true. But, you promise me you’ll cross off any items you haven’t achieved yet on your list with her.”
Okay, I can’t ignore this anymore. “Who’s her, baby? Who are you talking about?”
Evie shrugs, but releases her hold on me, relaxing into her gurney. “I don’t know her name. I’m sure she’s wonderful, though. From what I’ve overheard of your phone calls late at night, you really love her and she’s an amazing woman. I’m glad you enjoyed a brief period of healthy sex, but I’m even happier you found someone to share your whole life with.”
No.
Oh, fuck, no.
“Fear,” Evie continues with her soft smile. “She’s going to get impatient waiting for you. I want to release you from the rest of the bet. I don’t want you to miss out on the love of a lifetime. This is the last option I have before a hysterectomy; I’ve fulfilled my end of the deal. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. We’ll always be friends, but it’s time to let me go.”
The nurse laughs off Evie’s words as meaningless gibberish. “Some patients get so dramatic with the anti-anxiety meds. They help with nerves, but we can’t predict what it will make them say. She’ll be fine, Mr. Falls. This isn’t major surgery, and she’s in otherwise good health. No need to let anyone go today.”
Evie fades from view as they usher her down a hall leading to the OR and me to the waiting room.
It appears I have a few more confessions to make.
Number one: I have no intention of letting go.