Chapter 14—Playing the Odds

Drew tried to do the right thing and go to sleep but there was no fucking way in hell he could. The mattress in this hotel was too soft, but he knew his sleeplessness had more to do with his life than a simple mattress. And even more to do with last night with Marina.

He had to see her. Talk to her. Assess her state of mind. If for no other reason than to calm him down before this big game.

He was keyed up about the game tomorrow night, only it wasn’t a good keyed-up, more like a dread sitting in his stomach like a badly digested spicy burrito. He also couldn’t get Marina out of his head. He kept picturing how she’d looked the night before. The images had him hard and salivating. He doubted a cold shower or a hot one with a hand job would alleviate the frustration eating away at him.

Was Marina still up? He had her pegged for a night owl, judging by her excessive use of coffee and constant yawning before ten a.m., and her habit of skating after eleven o’clock at night. He was a bit of night owl himself, which he guessed was a good thing since hockey games were in the evening. Better to be at his peak later in the day than earlier, especially since his peak hadn’t been that great.

On a whim, he texted her.

We need to talk. Want to get a drink in the hotel bar?

She responded immediately. What if someone sees us?

He tapped out, So what if they do? We’re friends. You’re helping me with my game. And I do need some help with a few things I’ve been thinking through.

She didn’t respond quickly this time. He’d almost given up on her when his phone chimed. OK, see you in ten.

He grinned and pulled on some sweats, a T-shirt, and running shoes, happy to see her under any circumstances. He shoved a Skookums baseball cap low over his eyes and headed for the elevator, looking more forward to seeing her than he had to anything else he’d done all day.

She was late, and he feared she’d changed her mind. He sipped his ice water and glanced one more time at his phone. He’d been waiting twenty-five minutes. The bar was dimly lit and empty except for a couple drunk businessmen at the bar who paid zero attention to him. At least he wasn’t taxed with dealing with fans.

When she appeared in the doorway, he breathed a sigh of relief. God, she was lovely, even dressed in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. She had to be the most beautiful woman on the planet. Or at least in his world. He’d been surrounded by gorgeous women most of his life, but none of them affected him like this petite bundle of energy. And now he knew what she looked like naked.

She lit up his entire world with one smile, and he wished for the hundredth time they could go out again. Only he couldn’t, not as long as he was playing for the team, which would be through the end of the season at the least. His future was undecided both on his end and the team’s, but he couldn’t afford to worry about it. The team had a Cup to win, and he might not be as involved as the rest of the guys, but he did care about winning that Cup for them and Dave. And oddly, for his father. If the Sockeyes won the Cup, he would’ve achieved his father’s unachievable dream and fulfilled his dying brother’s last wish, and he could move on to whatever he chose, whether it be hockey on his terms or something different.

Marina sat across from him, and he couldn’t wipe the stupid grin from his face. If anyone had been watching them right now, he was damn sure they’d know he was crazy for her.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

He blinked a few times. “Uh, no, why?”

“You’re staring at me as if I have something on my face.”

He started to tell her how he couldn’t stop staring because she was stunning and perfect and checked all his boxes. Instead, he held his tongue and took the high road. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

“What’s going on? You wanted to see me.”

“Nothing, really. Couldn’t sleep and figured you probably were awake. I hate to drink alone.”

“Drink alone? You’re drinking water.”

“Yeah, but if I was alone it’d be something stronger.”

“I can’t lie, I’m glad you texted me. We do need to talk. Clear the air.”

Yeah, he was expecting this. She’d be racked with guilt after last night, while he was racked with passion.

“We can’t do a repeat of last night. Not until our futures are clearer. And maybe not ever, depending on where we end up.” The words rushed out of her mouth as if she were trying to say everything before she stopped herself.

“I don’t see why we can’t keep it a secret. Last night was—magical. I want more of it, of you. I need you, Marina.”

She frowned, and her eyes were sympathetic yet uncompromising. “Last night was a mistake.”

“An incredible mistake. We’re so good together. How can you throw it all away?”

“I’m not throwing it away. We need to finish out the season first. See where things go. Where we land.”

He hated her plan, but the set of her jaw and the hardness of her eyes told him she wasn’t going to be easily swayed. Fine, he’d let this go for a while, make her suffer as much as he was suffering, until neither could stand being apart.

“OK, have it your way, sweetheart. But you haven’t seen the last of me naked yet.”

“Thank you.” Her joyous laughter was music to his starved soul. “Have you heard from your parents?”

He blinked at her quick change of subject, his brain taking a moment to adjust from sex to parents.

He shook his head. “No, not since my showdown with Dad. It’s weird. I thought I’d be relieved, but I miss him.”

“Do you think he’ll show up tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know. I can’t imagine him not showing up. Sometimes we have blow-ups, and he comes back acting as if nothing ever happened, but then, I’ve never told him how I felt about hockey before, either.”

“I’m sure that came as a shock.”

“He’s one of those guys who would’ve played forever if he could’ve. He can’t understand anyone with a talent for the game not feeling the same way.”

“I’m sure it’s tough for him. He wants the best for you.”

“Yeah, he does, just goes about it wrong.” He met her gaze. She was watching him in that way she had as if she could see right into him and read his deepest thoughts. It was odd, and he’d never felt it with anyone else.

“He is a little driven.”

“A little? Try growing up with both of them. You were a world-class athlete. You know how my mother was as a coach.”

“Tough but fair. Always pushing me to the edge and slightly over. She knew how much was enough and how much more I could do even when I thought I couldn’t.” She sounded wistful.

“Did your parents push you?” he asked.

A smile tugged at one corner of her sexy mouth, and he swallowed. Just looking at her mouth was making him hard, and he couldn’t seem to do a damn thing about it.

Marina got a faraway look in her eyes as if recalling fond memories. “No, they never pushed me. I wanted this. It was all me. From the first time I laced up my skates, I knew I was doing the thing I was born to do. Did you ever feel that way, Drew?”

He started to shake his head. Frowning, he searched his childhood memories for those early days when skating was fun, when his big brother and father would take him and some friends to the frozen pond behind their house and they’d play hockey.

“Yeah, yeah, there was a time. I did love it. Did you love the competition, too, or just the skating?”

“All of it. I loved going out there and doing my routine in front of a packed house. I fed off it. I guess I’m a born performer. My mom always said I was a ham. And you?”

“There was a tipping point. I’m not sure when, but after my brother died, and I became my dad’s sole focus, hockey ceased to be anything but work.”

“That’s what this figure skating thing is all about, isn’t it? Getting back to your roots, to the reason you played hockey in the first place?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure it’s going to work.”

She considered his words for a long moment, rubbing her index finger across her lips. He suppressed a groan and thanked the powers that be he had a table to hide his erection.

“If you could do or be anything, what would it be?”

“You’ll laugh.”

“I would never laugh about someone’s life passion.” She squeezed his hand, and as if remembering their pledge to keep it friends-only, she jerked her hand away.

“I would love to work with my buddy, Bronson. He’s former Army Special Forces, and he started a PI agency about six months ago that specializes in finding missing people. I’ve helped him out on occasion, and we make a good pair. I do the digging on the Internet, and he does the personal legwork. He’s also my karate instructor.”

“Karate?”

“Yeah. Something he does on the side. He teaches a few classes and has a couple dozen pupils. He’s done some self-defense classes for the WAGs. I’m not great at karate, but I could hold my own in a fight.”

“I had no idea.” She looked him up and down as if assessing him all over again. “You’re a man of many levels, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

“When you were telling me about the PI work and karate, your face lit up like it never lights up when you’re talking about hockey.”

Drew shrugged. She was right, but he had no idea what to do about it, so he decided to keep quiet.

He nodded, at a loss for words. Words seemed so inadequate when someone went from having a loving family to having no one in the blink of an eye. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the soft rock playing on the speakers.

“Drew?” she asked finally. “Do you ever worry about traumatic brain injury?”

“I never did until last year. I got hit fucking hard against the boards. In fact, my helmet flew off. I was out with a severe concussion for weeks. When I came back, what little passion I had for the game was gone. As if that injury was the last straw. The final nail in my hockey-playing coffin.”

“I’m sorry, but have you considered how unfair it is to your teammates that you’re not playing up to their intensity level?”

“All the fucking time. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m trying not to think of my future, just concentrate on the Cup. Once that’s won, I’ll achieve something my father never has, and my brother never had the chance. It’s as if winning the Cup will set me free from guilt and expectations.” He pointed at his chest. “I wear my brother’s number, so he’ll always be with me on the ice. Did you know that?”

“No, I didn’t.” She placed her hands on her chest and tears welled in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m overly sensitive about stuff like that. It’s an incredible gesture.” She sniffled and wiped her face on a clean napkin.

It took everything he had not to wrap her in his arms and kiss those tears away.

He wanted more of what they had last night. Craved more. Needed more. Just another month or so. He could wait. Marina was worth waiting for.

“Marina, if one of us wasn’t with the Sockeyes, do you think we could make this work between us?” He gazed directly into her eyes, not blinking, not showing any emotion. He wanted a straight answer without his body language affecting what she said.

She clasped her hands in her lap, stared down at them, and sucked her lower lip between her teeth, something she seemed to do when she was seriously considering her words. He waited patiently, not hurrying her. Finally, she looked up.

“Yes, I do.”

His heart sang with joy, and he wanted to shout his good luck out to the world, but he maintained his stoic expression. “I won’t be with the team forever, you know.”

“I know.”

“Someday, you and I.”

“We’ll see. Depends on how far away that someday is. Our futures are murky at best. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing.”

“Your turn. What would you be doing if you could do anything?”

She laughed. “I love working with hockey players, don’t get me wrong, but my ultimate goal would be coaching world-class skaters.”

“You have the talent and the teaching ability.”

“Coaching the best isn’t something a skater does once they quit competing, no matter how good they were. You still have to work your way up through the ranks. In my case, I have my reputation to overcome, too. It’s definitely an uphill battle.”

“My money is on you.”

“And my money is on you.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a long while, not needing any words to express how they felt for each other. Drew would wait for her. Someday the time would be right, and they’d explore this thing between them. He just hoped he didn’t have to wait too long, because the waiting was killing him, especially now that he knew what he was waiting for.

 

* * * *

 

Drew walked Marina to the elevator just as Rush, Gibs, Ziggy, and Cave staggered into the lobby. Their gazes flicked from Drew to Marina and back again. Then they exchanged glances with each other.

“Been out partying?” The disgust in Drew’s voice came through crystal-clear.

Cave’s eyes narrowed. “I could ask you the same thing? Private party, maybe?”

Drew visibly bristled and fisted his hands, as if ready to wipe that smirk off the drunken asshole’s face, but Cave was too drunk to notice threats subtler than a Harley-riding motorcycle gang bearing down on him.

Rush nudged Marina. “You should party with us sometime, Reena. We have fun together.”

“In your dreams, Rush.” She rolled her eyes, gave him a hard jab in the ribs, and moved closer to Drew. Rush grabbed his side with a groan and eyed her with grudging respect.

“I hear she loves to party,” Cave added, leering at her. He made a step toward her but didn’t get far.

Grabbing him by the collar, Drew shoved him up against the wall. Cave blinked several times at him as if not sure why his teammate had done that.

“Get the fuck out of my sight, you asshole.” Drew turned to his teammates. “You better get upstairs before Coop and Smooth do a bed check.”

The guys grumbled and stumbled into the elevator.

“You better go with them. I’ll catch the next elevator.” The last thing Marina wanted was to be on an elevator with inebriated hockey players and Drew.

Marina blew out a long breath as the doors slid shut on the guys with Drew riding herd on them. The last thing she saw were his eyes pleading with her to rescue him. So not going to happen.

He’d have been one of them a few years ago. She was well aware of his rep as a party-boy. He’d been the guy staggering in drunk and getting his picture plastered all over the social media sites. He’d played better then, despite his drunken escapades, and the team had overlooked his bad-boy behavior.

Now he was the model player off the ice and an enigma on the ice.

She’d never met a professional athlete at such odds with his career choices. On one hand, her heart went out to him. On the other, she found his lack of interest in his sport annoying as hell. She’d give anything to be competing again, and he was struggling with his indifference. Sometimes, life wasn’t fair. Make that all the time when it came to her career.

To be honest, she’d done it to herself with a little help from her so-called friends.

The elevator doors opened, and Marina stared into the empty box waiting to take her to her room. She backed away. Going to her room and staring at four nondescript walls didn’t appeal to her. Going back to the bar didn’t, either.

She left the bank of elevators and walked to the lobby, finding a private seating area behind some potted plants way taller than her and sat down. Hiding had become a common practice with her before she left for Europe. Even though the Europeans loved good gossip as much as the next region, they also had other things to focus on, such as a love triangle scandal between two soccer players and the wife of one. As an American, Marina had been old news within twenty-four hours. She’d been pleasantly surprised that she hadn’t gotten much press in her return to the US. Even after it was announced she was working for the Sockeyes, there hadn’t been much interest. She’d gotten a few calls for interviews, but nothing of the magnitude she’d seen before she’d left. Nor was the press following her around and hounding her night and day.

Of course, all that could shift in a flash, she knew that as well as anyone. If she kept her head down and avoided all appearance of scandal, perhaps she’d survive.

“Marina, what are you doing down here by yourself?” Ethan asked as he slipped around the edge of a potted plant. He was carrying a small grocery bag.

Marina gave a guilty start even though she didn’t have a reason to feel guilty. “I couldn’t sleep. Just needed to get out of the room for a while.”

“Not waiting for anyone?” Ethan asked innocently, but Marina cringed inwardly. How could he possibly know? He thought she had a secret rendezvous scheduled. “Not that it’s any of my business.” He narrowed his eyes and studied her. “It isn’t my business, is it, Marina?”

Marina shifted uneasily, knowing her behavior had to appear suspicious, even though she was innocent, unless she was condemned for her dirty thoughts about a certain hockey player. “No, not meeting anyone.” She looked at the sack and back to Ethan. “Needing a midnight snack?”

He looked at the bag as if he’d forgotten about it. “Oh, this? It’s for Lauren. She wanted ice cream.”

“Ice cream? She’s not—”

A huge smile spread across Ethan’s face, and he nodded. “Yeah, but keep it quiet. We don’t want to announce anything until after the playoffs.”

“OK. I can do that.”

“She’s almost four months along.” He looked away as if seeing into his future and liking what he saw. “You’re doing a good job for us, Marina. I know some of the guys can be tough, but you’re making progress, just what we wanted to see.”

“Thank you.”

“Are things going OK? None of the guys are giving you a hard time?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

Ethan breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good. I wouldn’t want anything to distract my players right now, and Drew can’t afford the distraction least of all. He’s struggling, and Coach can’t seem to find the key to unlock his potential. Gorst is a master at getting the most out of his guys, but Drew, well, he’s a head-scratcher. We can’t figure out what his issue is. Even now that his father has disappeared from the scene, things haven’t improved.”

“I don’t know what to say.” She wouldn’t betray Drew’s trust by letting Ethan in on his inner struggles. With Ethan the team came first, and the last thing he’d want to hear is that one of his players wasn’t in love with the sport Ethan lived and breathed.

“You don’t have to say anything. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’ve seen glimpses of some changes in Drew, and I’m thinking you helped put them there.”

Marina had no idea if Ethan was giving her the go-ahead for a secret affair with Drew or talking strictly business. She decided she’d best take him at face value and not read too much into his words.

“I’d better get this to Lauren. Nice chatting with you.” Ethan smiled at her and left. Marina waited a few minutes and took the elevator up to her room.

She spent the rest of the night in fitful dreams about blowing her shot at Olympic Gold along with her shot at happiness with Drew.