Chapter 21—Double-Toe Loop

Friday night, Drew was too keyed up about the upcoming Finals, he couldn’t sleep. Sex wasn’t relaxing him, either. Marina suggested they go to the SHAC and work on their routine to burn off the energy they should’ve burned off having sex. The team had a rare weekend off and on Sunday flew to Pittsburgh for the first of two away games.

They drove together in Marina’s car and parked in the deserted parking garage. Marina used her keycard because it wasn’t unusual for her to skate late at night and wouldn’t arouse any suspicions.

They skated their routine perfectly. At the end, he did a lift and lowered her slowly down his body until she was standing. He lowered his head and took her mouth in a searing kiss. Marina clutched his ass and held him tight against her. He skated with her held to him until she was pressed against the boards, and he continued his assault on her mouth.

“I’ve never done it on ice,” he rasped, dragging his mouth from hers and sucking on an earlobe. She briefly considered her options, but naked on ice wasn’t one of them.

“What if security comes by to check on us? They’ve done it before.”

He leaned back and looked into her eyes. “Fuck. I’m so tired of this sneaking around crap. I want you at all the celebrations with me. I’ve been missing them because you aren’t going to be there. I want the world to know I’m in love with you.”

“Drew, you know why we can’t. Let’s get through the season and figure it out later.”

When he scowled like he was doing now, his brows drew together, and his eyes hardened to cold pieces of jade.

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“I need to know where I stand with you,” Drew said, in all seriousness.

But Marina didn’t want to be serious. She wasn’t in the mood. She’d been trying to shake off this uneasy feeling for a while that they were being watched; most likely, she was paranoid. They’d been doing so much sneaking around, the odds were against them when it came to getting caught.

“I like you better laying down.”

Drew’s eyes narrowed to irritated slits. “I’m being serious here. I’m about to make the most important decision of my life, and our future relationship plays a part in that decision.”

Marina’s heart sank. Why did he have to bring this up now? She struggled as it was, knowing if she told him she loved him, he might give up hockey for all the wrong reasons. She couldn’t live with herself if he did that. “Your decision needs to be exclusive of me.”

“No, it can’t be. Not if we both love each other. Do you love me, Marina?”

“Drew, not now.” She grabbed handfuls of his shirt and stared up at him, pleading with him to not push her right now. He didn’t get the message.

“Do you love me?”

“I’m not ready to answer that.”

The look of utter despair and betrayal on his face shattered her heart.

“Then why the fuck are we doing this?” He backed away from her and skated in little circles a few feet away. He fisted his hands in frustration and stabbed at the ice with his blades rather than gliding across it.

Because I really do love you, she wanted to say, but she didn’t. He couldn’t know until he’d made his decision to stay or go. It’d be easier on both of them that way.

“Why are we doing this, Marina?” He ground to a stop and squared off in front her, hands on hips.

“For good sex?” she said, another poor attempt at a joke.

He scowled at her and kicked the ice with the toe of one skate. She wanted to hug him, kiss the anger off his face, take him to bed and make her forget all this. Somehow, she didn’t think she’d be able to deter him this time. He wanted answers to questions she couldn’t answer.

She skated toward him. When she put a hand on his shoulder, he flinched as if she’d struck him. “Drew, I want to see what the future holds, and if we have one. Can’t we table this until the Finals are over?”

“It’s always later with you. The next obstacle. The next mountain to climb. The next game to win. I can’t wait any longer. I have to know now. If you love me, we’ll find a way to make this work. You have to believe.”

She wanted to believe, but she couldn’t. She’d been slapped down by life too many times to believe in a fair and just world where repentant people eventually were forgiven by fate and allowed to be happy.

“I don’t know if I can.” She spoke with raw honesty and heartbreaking clarity. He deserved that from her at the least.

“Do you really mean that?”

She nodded, barely able to see through the tears pooling in her eyes.

Drew ran his hands over his face and let out a long, deep sigh. When he finally met her gaze again, the resolve was clear in his eyes. “Then we have nothing more to talk about.”

“Drew, I—”

He held up a hand, not wanting to hear it. “It’s time I go. I’ll see you on the bus.”

He headed for the tunnel. She started to go after him and stopped. It was better to let him go. She loved him too much to allow him to make the mistake of a lifetime. Things were better this way, for now.

 

* * * *

 

Drew avoided everyone for the next several hours, preferring to lick his wounds in private. He attended the morning skate and afternoon practice. She was there, but she ignored him and concentrated on the other guys. The few times she spoke to him, she was coldly professional.

He tried to concentrate on the upcoming Finals.

Everything a hockey player worked for from the day he put on his first pair of skates came down to these seven games. It was the culmination of years of hard work, blood, sweat, and an ample dose of tears in the privacy of his home. Most guys never got this far. Drew was one of the chosen few. Despite his uncertainty about his hockey future, he understood the importance of these moments. His father never had them, and neither had Dave. As much as he’d been fighting it, he wasn’t just playing for himself, he was playing for Dave and his dad and all the other guys out there working their asses off in the minors who would never make it to the NHL.

And here he was. On the verge of achieving his lifelong dream.

He was nervous as hell, and nothing should matter but the game, only he couldn’t get Marina off his mind.

Unable to face a night alone, Drew went to Gone Missing and worked on the Harmon case with Bronson. Maybe it’d take his mind off whether or not to cut Marina loose.

But he had cut her loose. They were over. As much as it broke his heart, he needed a woman who stood by him and loved him as if he were the only man she’d ever want. He’d thought Marina was that woman.

But Marina didn’t want to work on their relationship. She didn’t want to be with him like he wanted to be with her. Sure, she’d sneak around with him, but she wasn’t willing to do the heavy lifting of solving the issues their complicated situation required, and there were solutions. He knew there were. Maybe they’d involve tough choices, but he’d been willing to make them if Marina had only said she’d loved him.

She hadn’t.

And now she’d made those tough choices not nearly as tough.

Bronson rifled through a stack of papers from one of the many boxes in his office. He put them down and studied Drew with a practiced eye.

“What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. Why would you say that?”

“Because you’ve been looking at the same computer screen for the past twenty minutes, and there’s nothing on it but your desktop. I don’t know about you, but my desktop is damned boring.”

“That’s because you’re boring. My desktop is exciting.”

Bronson chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. So, it’s a woman. Marina, huh?”

“How do you know this shit?”

“Well, duh. I’m a PI. I get paid to observe and draw correct conclusions, but you two are transparent as hell. Not much to tax my abilities there.”

“I’ll try harder next time.”

“So, what’s the scoop?”

“We’re through, I guess,” Drew said miserably. He abandoned his futile attempt to look busy and leaned back in his chair, staring at the stained ceiling of the office. If this room could talk, he probably wouldn’t want to listen. One of the more prominent stains looked like splattered blood, though it was probably ancient.

“You guess? Either you are, or you aren’t.” Bronson dealt in black and whites. People were good or evil. Nothing was shades of gray. You were guilty or you weren’t. No half guilties in his world. Drew supposed that made his life more palatable. Despite how messy his office was, he thrived on order, his brand of order.

“She’s been offered a full-time job with the Sockeyes, and I’m considering signing a new contract with them. We can’t both work for them.”

“Then she goes to another team or another job, or you do. It’s that simple.”

Of course, Bronson considered it that simple. Drew, however, did not. “This is her shot at coming back, repairing her reputation. The Sockeyes are first-class. Anyone would be proud to be on their staff or the team.”

“If you want to stay together, you can’t be on the same team.” Bronson squinted at Drew, as if he didn’t get what was so hard to understand about that.

“I know.” Drew was exasperated. “That’s the problem.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure you’ll work something out.” Bronson shrugged, obviously done with the conversation. He didn’t do people well, and relationship problems weren’t his forte.

“I guess so,” Drew said glumly and turned back to his desktop. He forced himself to open Chrome and start doing some searches on certain persons of interest to see what he could find.

“Oh, shit,” Bronson said thirty minutes later. “You’re going to want to see this.”

 

* * * *

 

Marina’s phone blew up with texts from various people, mostly Mina and Kaley. She followed the link Kaley sent with heart-sinking dread. Someone had been in the SHAC on Friday night and had videoed their entire performance, including the makeout session afterward.

She was in deep trouble. The missed calls and texts on her cell were mountainous. Only one did she pay attention to. Mina ordered her to be at the SHAC within the hour to meet with Coach.

Several minutes later, Marina waited in Gorst’s office by herself. She could hear voices raised in the hallway. This was not going to be good.

The door opened, and Ethan and Coach entered, both looking grim. Ethan sat in a chair across the small table from her. Gorst sat on the edge of his desk, grim-faced and stiff.

“Marina, you know why you’re here,” Ethan said. He had the expression of a man about to do something he found loathsome.

She nodded. The lump in her throat prevented her from speaking. She clutched her clipboard in front of her like a shield, glad she’d brought it along even though she didn’t need it.

Gorst wouldn’t meet her gaze, and he let Ethan do the talking.

“This is damn hard for me, Marina, because I’m being a hypocrite, and I hate that. I’m sure you understand how your relationship with Drew undermines your credibility with the guys and makes it difficult to be considered a professional with your fellow coaches and staff.”

“I do,” she said in a small voice.

“I’m the last person in this organization to berate you for falling in love. I know as well as anyone, you can’t plan it or stop it. It hits you like a charging bull, and all you can do is grab it by the horns and hang on for the ride. But I have an organization to run and a Stanley Cup to win. If this were brought to our attention in a way we could’ve kept quiet, I’d have let you stay until the end of the season. The team doesn’t need the drama or the distraction of the press this is getting and will get for the next several days. I guess we’ll test their resilience, especially Drew’s.”

She nodded and unsuccessfully swallowed a sob, which came out in a weirdly inhuman whimper.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan said, “but we’re going to have to let you go. Please pack your things and security will help you carry them out.”

Marina nodded, needing to get out of there before she burst into tears.

Coach Gorst reached for her hand and shook it awkwardly. “We’re going to miss you, Marina.”

“Me, too. Thank you for giving me a chance.” She hurried from the room before she lost it in front of them. Outside in the corridor several team members shuffled and stared at their feet. They murmured thanks and goodbyes. She was touched by their concern. Only Drew was absent, which hurt more than being fired.

Coop was the last one to approach her. “I wasn’t on-board when they hired you, but I am now. You are one of the best things that’s ever happened to this team. We’re going to miss you.”

She smiled, attempting to see through her tear-filled eyes. “Thank you.”

Oh God, she had to get out of here.

Marina ran to the parking area and drove away, pulling over blocks later because she couldn’t see through her tears well enough to drive. Where had Drew been? Since she’d led him to believe she didn’t love him, he was most likely turning her rejection right back on her, along with doing damage control for his own career. Whatever it was, he was avoiding her, and she couldn’t blame him.

She’d never felt so lost or empty in her life. She went home, pulled all the blinds, and sat in the dark, staring at the walls. Her future had blown up on her in a way she’d been dreading. She’d played out this scenario in her mind countless times, and the worst had come to fruition. She’d lost her job and Drew in twenty-four hours. For the hundredth time, she glanced at her phone hoping for a text message from Drew…but nothing. Unable to stand the silence any longer, she texted him.

I suppose you heard the news?

He never texted back. She called him. The phone went straight to voicemail.

He was done with her. She’d listened to him profess his love and had done nothing in return.

A few hours later, Kaley pounded on the door until Marina had to let her in before the building superintendent called the police. Marina was still in her PJs and inconsolable.

Kaley gave her a once-over and sighed. “I see I have a lot of work to do today.”

“Don’t waste the effort. I’m a hot mess, and I’d like to stay that way for a while. I’m wallowing in my misery.”

“You earned it, but once you’re done, call Drew. I’m sure he’s tried reaching you.”

“I tried texting him. He didn’t respond. He’s through with me, and it’s all my fault.” Marina sniffled.

“Oh, Marina, what did you do?”

“He told me he loved me.”

Kaley cocked a brow and studied her as if she were daft. “And that’s a problem?”

“I didn’t say it back. He wanted to find a way to make this work between us, and I didn’t say it back.” Her voice had risen to a hysterical pitch, and she hated it. “I. Didn’t. Say. It. Back.”

“You don’t love him?”

“I do, but if I tell him he might sacrifice too much for us to be together.”

“I guess that’s noble, but within twenty-four hours, you’re fired.”

“That’s the irony of it all.”

“Call him. Tell him you do love him. Tell him the truth. The silver lining in all this is you’re free to be together now.”

“Why should he believe me now? I go running to him when I have nowhere else to run? No. He won’t appreciate that. I rejected him, and he’s a proud man. He’s done with me. The timing sucks. Now I know how Juliet felt.”

“At least you haven’t killed yourselves yet.”

“And don’t plan to.”

“Good thing.”

“I need to shower. I look like road kill.”

Kaley didn’t dispute her remark, so she must look as bad as she felt. With a sigh, Marina heaved herself off the couch and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom.

She was drying her hair after a shower when she heard voices in the living room. One was Kaley, the other was a male voice. Her heart skipped a beat then raced ahead, hoping the voice belonged to Drew.

It did not.

She hurried into the living room with partially dry hair and no makeup. A middle-aged man desperately trying to look ten to twenty years younger was chatting comfortably on the couch with Kaley. He had an iPad in his lap and was showing her something. She nodded and listened intently, then glanced up when she saw Marina standing in the hallway.

“Uh, Marina, Phil here is from Real People Productions. He has an idea for a reality show centered around your struggles upon returning to the States.”