Chapter 14

 

Devin

 

After emptying my pockets, I walked with the guard down a hallway where he gave me a quick pat down before bringing me into the main area of the unit Ashley was in. The unit was bare from decorations with off white walls. There were about a dozen chairs sitting in front of a television, which was protected by a similar glass compartment as the woman who had been sitting at the front desk. The glass seemed to be extremely thick like shatterproof glass or something.

I scanned the room in search of Ashley but couldn’t find her. The guard had me sit at a table, and he went down the hall to get her from her room. He stood in the doorway talking to her for a while, but I couldn’t hear what was being said.

When a woman finally emerged from the room, I wasn’t sure who she was. She certainly wasn’t the Ashley I knew. I hadn’t seen her in nearly a year, but I still couldn’t contemplate that the woman walking toward me was once the woman I’d loved and had a child with.

“Stop staring at me,” Ashley demanded as she sat across the table from me.

“I’m not,” I lied. “It’s good to see you, Ashley.”

“Don’t lie to me,” she said rudely as a few people turned from the television to see what was going on with us.

Ashley’s normally blonde hair had grown out several inches, and her dark roots were very visible. Her hair didn’t look lush and smooth like it always had before; instead, it was straggly and unkempt. She snarled at me as I sat there, and I felt her anger nearly exploding.

She was upset with me, and almost every time I’d seen her over the last few years, Izzy had been there. But this time, it was just the two of us, and Ashley wasn’t pretending to be nice at all. Plus, I suspected her body was going through some withdraws and agitation from the substances that she’d become accustomed to using lately.

“So you want Izzy? That seems weird since you haven’t cared about her for the last ten years.”

“I cared Ashley; I just didn’t think you needed my help.”

“Right, because being a single parent is notoriously easy,” she said as she fidgeted in her seat.

Her hands clasped together and then released. She looked at me and then away. She just couldn’t seem to get comfortable as she moved in her seat and tried to find a place that she could sit still in.

I noticed a woman in scrubs watching us from the nursing station, and she smiled at me as I looked at her, but then she went back to work. There were a few other people behind the desk with her, all of which seemed very busy and unable to pull themselves away from whatever it was that they were doing.

“I’m sorry. I should have tried harder,” I said, unwilling to argue with her.

I could have tried to prove my point by bringing up all the things she had said to push me away, but it didn’t seem useful at the moment. Ashley was clearly not in a good spot, and I couldn’t bring myself to argue with her. In fact, I wanted to hug her and offer some sort of support for what she was going through. I decided against that, though.

“Sure you’re sorry. You don’t care about me. You send your check each month and forget about the both of us.”

“Ashley, I’m sorry you’re going through this. But despite what you think, I do care about you and Izzy. I only want you to be happy. It’s just not going to be with me.”

“Yeah, that’s right because you’re married? Is that true? My parents told me. Isn’t it weird that you didn’t tell me?”

I swallowed hard as she stared me down. She was pissed, and I noticed her fists clenching as she pulled them down from the table.

“I’m sorry,” I added. “She’s a nice woman, though. I think you’ll like her.”

“Oh, yeah. You think I’ll like the little tramp that you randomly married? I doubt it. I haven’t heard a single thing about this woman, and all of a sudden, you two want to come steal my daughter from me.”

“She is our daughter, Ashley, and I’d never steal her from you. You are always going to be her mother. I just want to help take care of Izzy while you are unable to.”

“What? Have you talked to my lawyers? You think I’m actually going to prison too? This is all so stupid. I’m not going to prison. They will slap my wrist like every other time, and I’ll be home after my treatment is finished.”

I wanted her truth to be the real truth. No matter how much we disagreed, I didn’t want Izzy to have to go years without her mother. Even if she came to live with me, it wasn’t going to be the same as if her mother had been raising her.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” I said as I reached my hand out for hers.

When we used to fight, I never said I was sorry to Ashley. Most of the time, I’d continue the fight for hours trying to get her to believe I was right. But I was even surprised by how different I felt sitting across from her. I didn’t care if I was right; I genuinely wanted her to feel comforted even if she hated me.

“Put your hand away. I don’t want to touch you,” she scathed at me.

“Would you like to meet Lilli? She’s in the lobby and would love to talk with you.”

Ashley started to laugh so loud that everyone turned toward us. I knew that laugh, though, it wasn’t a good one. Her eyes narrowed in on me, and she clenched her jaw as she looked deep into my eyes.

“The only way I’ll meet that tramp of a wife is in the middle of a courtroom when a judge forces me to give you custody. Until then, you stay away from me, and keep your whore away as well.”

“Ashley,” I said softly. “I’m really just trying to help. Don’t you think Izzy would have more fun with me while you are in prison?”

“Prison! See I knew you thought I was going away. No! I’m not going to prison, and you can go screw yourself. I’ll see you in court if you try to take Izzy away, and I’ll have you charged with kidnapping!” she screamed and stood up quickly, making her chair fall over and causing a commotion as the security guard rushed over.

I held my hand out to motion to him that I was fine, but he still came over. He stood near Ashley and waited for her to sit back down. She looked afraid of him and quickly grabbed her chair and sat down. The nurse was on her way over too, and she had a small cup in one hand and a larger water cup in the other.

“Take this Ashley; it’s your PRN,” she said calmly.

“Oh, God, I’m not going to freak out. Geeze,” Ashley said as she rolled her eyes.

But she took the medication and then sipped the water to wash it down. The nurse and security guard took a few steps back and started talking to each other as they both continued to look at Ashley.

“They think I’m going to freak out and punch you like I did to my lawyer.” She laughed. “But that would make you happy. You’d think you could steal my daughter from me, and I’m not going to make that easy for you.”

The Ashley that was sitting across from me wasn’t the one I knew. This woman was angry and mean, and nothing like the Ashley I had once cared for. But I was also a different man, and I didn’t feel it was necessary to continue to agitate her.

“I’m going to leave. Please call me if you’d like to visit again. Or have your parents call me. I’ll give you some time to think about things, but I’d be happy to have some papers drawn up saying that Izzy will come back to live with you when you are home, no matter what that time frame is. I really do not intend to keep you from her, Ashley.”

My voice was calm and sincere, and maybe she could tell. Ashley didn’t respond, but she nodded her head at me, and I noticed a tear started streaming down her cheek. I could only imagine how much turmoil her body and mind were going through. It had to be a very horrible spot to be in.

Ashley walked away from the table without saying anything else to me. She didn’t even look back toward me as she went into her room with the nurse following closely behind. I stood up slowly, and the guard came over to escort me back out of the unit.

“The medicine is making her sleepy now,” he said as if it was an excuse for her not saying good-bye.

“It’s okay; I know things are tough on her.”

“This is the best I’ve seen her since she got here, though,” the guard added.

If that was her doing well, I could only imagine how the last few weeks had been. I never went through any sort of treatment, but I remembered the draw to drink more and more when things were out of control. I remembered the urges, and it hadn’t been pretty. Luckily, I hadn’t suffered too much, though and was able to get my life back under control; I was sad that Ashley had to work so hard to get hers under control.

As I walked into the lobby, Lilli stood up and nervously walked over toward me.

“She’s not ready to meet you yet,” I said as I gathered my things from the container that the guard held.

“So can Izzy come stay with you?”

“Not yet. But we can go visit her today.”

Lilli looked confused but didn’t say anything else. She followed me out to the car, and we sat quietly on the ride over to Mrs. and Mr. Edwards’ house. I didn’t wait to hear if it was alright to come over there. Instead, I decided we should just visit for a short bit.

It was emotional to see Ashley like I had seen her. It was terrifying to think I might have to bring her to court in order to see my own daughter more, especially because I knew I’d win, and it would forever ruin the little bit of cooperation that the two of us had.

I had the recourses necessary to bring a case against Ashley right away. And considering she was in a rehab facility and not able to care for our daughter, I thought I would win. Even with my past, I could prove that I was currently a good choice, or so I thought. But there was still a little worry that the court would decide to leave Izzy with her grandparents, and it was enough to keep me from calling a lawyer that very minute.

“Devin,” Mr. Edwards said as he opened the door. “We were just getting ready to go eat.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call first. Things were a little rough at my visit with Ashley.”

Mr. Edwards had always been kind to me, even when he didn’t like me. He opened the door and let us come in and sit down. Izzy instantly ran to me and wrapped her arms around me.

“Daddy, you’re back!” she yelled as she stayed latched onto me.

“I missed you,” I said as I hugged her. “I couldn’t stay away.”

“Are you coming to pizza with us?”

I looked at Mr. Edwards to see if he was alright with us joining them for dinner. He nodded his head and then looked over at Mrs. Edwards who also nodded.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Mr. Edwards said. “I bet your daddy and Lilli are really tired. They can come to pizza with us and then go rest.”

It was his way of saying we were invited to pizza but that he wasn’t going to let me take Lilli to the hotel with us that night. I was okay with that plan. Anything was better than just turning around and heading home.

“I’m so hungry for pizza,” I said as I held Izzy’s hand and we went out to the cars.

“Can I ride with Dad?” she asked her grandfather.

“Not today,” he said.

I wondered if he was worried I might just take off with Izzy. I would not have done that, but I could see how he might think I wanted her so badly that I’d do something drastic. But what he wasn’t seeing was that I loved Izzy, and I would never cause her that kind of trauma.

“We will follow you there,” I said in an upbeat voice.

We all loaded into our vehicles, and I followed them down the block and into a shopping area. The pizzeria was packed as we stood in line waiting to get in. Izzy grabbed ahold of my hand, and Lilli stayed nearby while Mr. and Mrs. Edwards stood whispering behind us.

“You know I never heard how you guys met?” Mrs. Edwards said.

“I live in the neighborhood, and we always saw each other while we were out running,” Lilli said as she leaned in toward me. “He’s a much better runner than I am, though.”

“I bet I could beat you, Daddy,” Izzy added.

“Oh, I know you could. I’m getting way too old for running. Lilli likes to run for miles and miles, but I can only run for a short distance before I’m so tired and need a break.”

Izzy laughed and smiled up at Lilli. The Edwards seemed clearly suspicious about Lilli and me, much more than they had been on our first visit out there. I had to believe that Ashley called them and said something about the situation. She hadn’t asked me about Lilli at all, but perhaps she called and asked her parents to find out more.

“So you own a house in the same neighborhood?” Mrs. Edwards asked Lilli.

Lilli looked scared as she smiled at me and waited for me to say something. I was a little panicked because I genuinely didn’t want to lie anymore. I wanted to tell the truth or some semblance of it if at all possible.

“Her parents have a home near mine. They travel a lot, so Lilli stays there while she’s going to school.”

“Oh, school?” Mrs. Edwards asked as she raised an eyebrow at Mr. Edwards judgmentally.

“Yes, I’m going to become a nurse,” Lilli added.

I wasn’t sure if that was the truth or not, but I was grateful she had joined in and said something. I quickly went back to talking to Izzy and hoped that the Edwards would stop grilling Lilli and me with all their questions. It was clearly making Lilli uncomfortable.

Dinner was quiet as Lilli, Izzy, and I sat on one side of the table and Mr. and Mrs. Edwards on the other side. I tried to talk with Izzy as much as possible, and Lilli chimed in from time to time too. The uncomfortable tension between the Edwards was palpable, though, and I was excited to have the dinner over with.

“So when did you all start dating?” Mr. Edwards asked.

He was looking at Lilli, but I knew she was going to leave the question for me to answer. Lilli quickly took a big bite of her pizza and pointed at me while she chewed and seemed to apologize for not being able to talk at the moment.

“We’ve been together for a few months,” I added. “But it was love at first sight.”

“Love?” Izzy asked as she smiled up at Lilli and then looked at me.

“Yep, I love her,” I said, and the funny thing was, it didn’t really feel like a lie.

“I like you, Lilli. My dad has a good taste,” Izzy said as she went back to eating.

“Thank you, Izzy. I’m really glad the two of us got to meet.”

“Me too. You’re really nice. I can see why Dad married you.”

I instantly looked over at the Edwards. We had agreed not to say that Lilli and I were married. I was furious because it was something I didn’t want Izzy to know. It was a lie that I didn’t want Izzy to have to deal with.

“Ashley told her,” Mrs. Edwards said apologetically.

“Yeah, Mom was really mad about it. But I’m not mad. I think it’s cool,” Izzy said as she continued eating and was oblivious to all the looks going back and forth between the adults at the table.

“I’m glad you and Lilli like each other,” I added. “You two are my favorite girls in the world.”

It wasn’t a lie. Even though Lilli and I were just getting to know each other, she was very high on my list of people I liked. Of course, Izzy was a little higher, but the two of them had become the center of my world in the last few weeks, and I was excited about those changes.

“So when did you get married?” Mr. Edwards asked.

His question seemed more like an interrogation as he narrowed his view in on me. The lie was already eating me up, and I could hardly stand to keep it going, but the thought of losing contact with Izzy was much more terrifying.

“Oh, my gosh,” Lilli screamed as her soda fell into her lap and all over her outfit.

She jumped up and started cleaning up the mess around her, but the dark soda had drenched her pants. She looked over at me, and I knew she had done it on purpose, and it was time for us to get going. Lilli was adamant about not wanting to lie, and I didn’t want to push the subject any further that evening either.

“Man, that’s a disaster,” I said as I handed her some napkins. “We better get you to the hotel so you can change.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Izzy, I’ve ruined our pizza night,” Lilli said.

“It’s okay. Are you guys going to come back next weekend?”

I looked at Mr. and Mrs. Edwards as I tried to read the expression on their faces. They didn’t look like they wanted me to come right back. But I wasn’t about to let their disapproval stop me from seeing my daughter.

“Yep, I’ll be back next weekend, but Lilli has to work, so she won’t be able to come.”

“Oh, that’s okay. You and I can go do fun stuff together then,” Izzy said as she hugged me. “I love you.”

“I love you too. You can call me anytime this week. Your grandma and grandpa have my phone number.”

They went along with what I was saying and shook their heads in agreement. A phone call with me was much better than having me show up.

“We are thinking of going on a summer trip soon,” Mr. Edwards said. “I’ll let you know when.”

“Okay, because I’d really like to spend more time with Izzy this summer.”

“I know,” he said and didn’t look happy about it.

We said our good-bye’s, and I gave Izzy one last hug before we left. The relief I felt when we finally got out of the restaurant and into the car was almost joyous. The tension had been so thick between the Edwards and me that I was sure my blood pressure was up to a dangerous level.

“Um, that was uncomfortable,” Lilli said as she buckled her seat belt.

“I know. It was like they knew we were lying or something. That soda spilling was genius, though.” I laughed. “Pretty good move there.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. They were going to keep grilling you until they caught us in a lie.” Lilli laughed as she shook her head. “They know something is up. What happened with Ashley?”

“I don’t know. She basically thinks I’m trying to steal Izzy from her. Plus, she didn’t look like she was in a good place. I’m not sure if it was the withdrawals or the medication she’s on. She was really angry. She’d been like that with me on the phone the last couple of times I talked to her too.”

“She’s going through a lot,” Lilli said compassionately. “I don’t think I’d want to meet my ex’s new woman if I was going through such a hard time. She probably wants to make sure she’s looking all dolled up and better than me the first time we meet. That’s what I’d do.” Lilli smiled so sweetly at me that I nearly drove off the road as I was so distracted.

“You’re a good person, Lilli.”

“Not really, but I do know women.”

“I thought I did.” I laughed. “But I’m starting to think I was a little delusional.”

Lilli laughed with me and a little bit at me. She had a huge brown stain of soda down the front of her shirt and jeans, but as we pulled up to the hotel, she got out without seeming to have a care in the world.

I grabbed our luggage instead of letting the bellboy take it. This way we could get up to our room faster, and Lilli could get out of those sticky clothes.

She walked beside me as we got checked in. The front desk clerk recognized me from the previous weekend and gave me the same suite we had before. When we walked into the room, it was as if we had just been there only hours before.

“I’m taking a shower,” Lilli announced as she went straight to the bathroom.

“Should I join you?” I asked.

“Not right now. But you can get us something to drink. I need to calm down a little. That was a stressful dinner.”

“Deal.”

As much as I would have loved a little fun with her in the shower, I was probably more stressed out than she was, and a drink sounded perfect. I called down to room service and had them send up some desserts and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. It seemed like a good drink for the day we had just finished.

I left Lilli’s suitcase by the bathroom as I knocked on the door.

“Your bag is just outside the door if you need it,” I yelled.

“Okay, thank you.”

Lilly took a remarkably short shower and was standing in the doorway only a few minutes later. She had a towel wrapped around her as she put her bag on the bed and rummaged through it so she could grab some clothes. Her wet hair dripped all over the rug as she stood there looking in the small bag for much longer than I thought she needed to.

“Everything alright?”

“Um, I accidentally grabbed three shirts and no other pants,” she said with a laugh.

“Hmm, well you could just wear a shirt,” I said with a wink. “Or you could wear my swim trunks if you’d like, and we can send your pants down to get washed.”

“Give me your T-shirt,” Lilli demanded as she looked at me seriously.

“Why?”

“It’s bigger than mine. I’ll wear that while we wait. Can you send my pants down now? Will we get them back by morning?”

“I’m sure they can get them to us by morning.”

I did as she asked, took my shirt off and threw it in her direction. She slipped it on over her towel and then tipped her head upside down as she used the same towel to wrap her wet hair and twist it up on top of her head.

“Perfect. Now, where’s the alcohol? I need to drink.” She laughed as she climbed into the chaise chair.

“How is it that you look fantastic in that shirt, and I just look like a boring old guy?”

“I’m not sure, but I do like this shirt,” she said as she rubbed the fabric between her fingers. “I think I might keep it.”