Mixed (A Recipe for Love Book 3) by Lane Martin (15)

"We're getting ready to go, baby, and the doctor stressed you should nurse her during take-off and landing." Logan kissed Aria and me before he placed her in my arms. I wasn’t going to lie, I could get used to this. I mean come on, we were on a private jet flying to California. I’d never understood the saying about feeling like butter until I sank into my seat. Had we been flying commercial I know Mr. Protective would have said no way to us going. Not that I would have argued. Hell, I’d already made everyone sanitize their hands three times, and we weren’t even off the ground. We reminisced about our childhood on our flight to one of my favorite places in the world. We spent every summer at the lake with our grandparents until they passed away. Days spent fishing with Pop and eating Grams pie were the best. I couldn’t wait to show Logan the tire swing that swung over the lake. Sure, I had to get stitches because I got scared and held on too long and got cut on the rocks, but I still wanted to share it with him. Along with the tree where I got my first kiss from Nick Wright. He smelled like peanut butter and got mad at me when I told him I didn’t close my eyes. If it had been Logan kissing me I’m sure it would have been a different story.

So much had happened since we arrived in sunny California. Declan was reunited with the woman who gave him up at birth. Sometimes it was incredible what a small world it was. Forget about six degrees of separation when it came to Declan’s mother. It had been only one since Emily, and I knew her as children. After a great dinner overlooking the water and an entertaining game of Apples to Apples Logan and I were finally alone.

“I still can’t believe this is happening.” It turned out Emily was the key to Declan finding the answers he was looking for. If only he had stayed. But then what? I guessed everything really did happen for a reason. Logan and I sat in Adirondack chairs watching the sunset. Aria was asleep in her car seat at our feet. Between the trip, spending the afternoon at the farmer’s market, and enjoying a delicious meal made by my gorgeous man, it had been a long day for all of us. Logan seemed deep in thought as the last bit of yellow reflected in the calm water. He turned his mother’s chip in his hand, something he had been doing less and less recently. If we were in a room, an elephant would be in it with us, and it wouldn’t be our daughter’s soft fuzzy stuffed one. Logan didn’t believe in living with regrets. Hell, he had the motto tattooed on his forearm. But more than that, he felt everything happened in its own time, so I just needed to wait him out. I didn’t have to wait long.

“I talked to the caseworker.” It was the first mention of his niece since our argument about me “sticking my nose” where it didn’t belong.

“Oh,” I offered without taking my eyes off the lake.

“Don’t “oh” me Lib, I know you’re dying to know more.” He was right, but I still tried to play it cool. Hundreds of scenarios had run through my head since I met with Chris at the jail.

“Hmmm,” I deflected as fiddled with the blankets that covered Aria.

“You’re so full of shit.” Logan barked out a laugh which startled the baby. He quickly picked her up, and she instantly fell back to sleep in his arms. Now, who was deflecting?

“Her name is Clara.” I didn’t stop to tell him I already knew that much. “She’s ten.” I knew that too. “Her mom, Gem,” Who name’s their kid Gem? I detected a slight wobble in his voice before he continued. “Gem decided she wasn’t cut out to be a mom. Basically, dumped her on child services and took off for Florida.” How could anyone do that, and more importantly, what were we going to do to help Clara?

“When are we going to get her?” The words were out of my mouth before I even had time to think about them.

“What?” Logan sounded confused by my questions which further made me question his hesitance.

“I asked you when we were going to get her,” I repeated my question even though I damn well knew he heard me the first time.

“It’s not that easy Libby.” Wasn’t it?

“Why not?”

“Because” I had a feeling it was a good thing he was holding the baby.

“Because why?” I knew I sounded like a child, but shit he was acting like one.

“She’s not a baby Libby.” This couldn’t be the same guy.

“So, if you and I had met in two or three years, would you feel differently about Aria?” I question unbelievingly as tears streamed down my face. Logan had loved Aria from the minute he heard her heartbeat. I had felt it that day, but I knew it now. He had told me himself.

“Shit Lib, I don’t know what I would have felt.” He scrubbed his face with his free hand. He was struggling as much as I was. I knew he would love my daughter, our daughter. No matter, how she came to be or when he came into her life. I had no doubt, and even though I had no idea what I was doing half the time with Aria, I knew Clara was supposed to be with us. I didn’t know what to say because I was sure he knew it too, so I said nothing. Sometimes no words were the ones we heard the loudest. I rose from my seat and took Aria from him before sitting in his lap with the most precious gift I’d ever been given and kissed him with everything I had. We can do this. I love you. No regrets.

The unplanned trip to California was very quick, and I thought it was pretty suspicious when Declan announced he and Logan were making a pit stop in California without us to talk to a restaurant group about a possible California location. Logan would never put his name on something he wasn’t involved with directly, and he couldn’t very well be in California and New York at the same time. Not to mention we already had a lot on our plates. My money was on Declan wanting to ask our father for Emily’s hand. Not that Dad deserved the respect, but that was the kind of man Declan was. And knowing how much they’d already lost, I doubted Declan was going to let very long go before he asked my sister to be his wife. I should have mentioned my suspicion to Logan, but he was acting strangely. This thing with Clara was eating away at him. I was trying to patient, but it wasn’t my strongest virtue. Neither was waiting for sex. Don’t judge me, but last night Declan and Emily decided to camp out by the lake. Our bedroom faced the water, and with our bedroom window open we heard everything. And I mean every single thing. At first, they were joking about the epic game of Apples to Apples we had played when he commanded she get her “luscious ass over here.” Luscious had been part of the game.

“We shouldn’t be listening to this,” Logan whispered as he tried to get up to close the open window. I stopped him by tossing my leg over his and placing my arm on his bare chest.

“Probably not,” I agreed before pressing my lips to his chest and trailing a hand down his muscular torso. He groaned when I skimmed my fingers across his sexy ass fuck boxer briefs.

“Lib,” his whispered protest was also a plea. No, I couldn’t make love to him, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t make him feel good. I wasn’t sure whose groan filled the air, Declan’s or Logan’s. I pushed down his briefs, and his breath caught. His perfect thick cock twitched in my hand as I pumped him. My sister moaned, and Declan encouraged her to play with her “beautiful diddies.” Speaking of tits, mine were hard as a rock. The thought of what we were doing caused me a moment of hesitation. Was Logan thinking about Emily when she yelled, “Oh, God, yes. Jesus, fuck!”

“It’s you, Libby.” He answered as if reading my mind. How did he always do that? I pumped his cock in gratitude before I took him in my mouth. He swelled as I wrapped my fingers around his base. My fingers barely touched. I touched the roof of my mouth, and he groaned as the underside of my tongue hit the rest of him. “Always you,” he grunted as my sister continued making her porn star noises. Logan went off like a rocket when Declan yelled, “fuck, yes!” Yeah, we were probably going to hell, but it was fucking hot. Logan pulled me up, so my head was resting once again on his chest.

“You’re amazing Libby,” He kissed me on top of my head, “and I’m not talking about your blowjob skills babe.”

We’d had enough serious moments for the day, “But you like those too.” I teased. He tightened his arm around me, and I could feel his smile form on the top of my head.

“I love every part of you Libby.” It didn’t matter that Emily and Declan were laughing about popping their air mattress or that Aria decided to start crying, the moment was far from what most would consider perfect, but it was perfect for us and I would cherish it always.

While Logan and Declan made a “business side trip,” the rest of us, including his long-lost mother, returned to New York on the private jet. Logan was still acting strangely and as foolish as I felt because we hadn’t been apart that long, I missed him.

Geeze, shouty capitals, and extra explanation points. I got it. He didn’t want us at Swayed. For a second I questioned if he wanted us at all. Maybe that’s why he’s off. Stop Libby, just stop. “Baby girl you probably already know this, but I’m a little bit nuts.” I cooed at my daughter as I changed her diaper. Yeah, okay, I was officially losing it.

Logan was unhappy when he finally got home, but he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. I knew something was up when we were summoned to my sisters for dinner. Our Aunt Maggie and her beau Billy arrived at the same time we did. Maggie was part of our chosen family. Aunt Maggie immediately took Aria. Logan’s jaw was clenched, and I swear if he held my hand any tighter he would break something. When my sister saw us, she looked at our men and assessed the situation before taking Aria from her Great Aunt. "If we had two babies, I'd hand you each one. Looks like you need her more than he does." Emily handed Logan our daughter, and instantly his entire demeanor changed. Then my sister turned her attention to Declan and commanded; "now you sit down."

"Unless you want me to start calling you Dicklan again, you better start talking now." It wasn’t a shock to hear him say, “We have news about your father.” So, I was right, Declan and Logan had gone to see our father. The question was, why did Logan need to go with Declan for that? Was Logan angry because my dad was going to end up in the “clink” like grandma always predicted or because he found out I hadn’t notified dear old dad his granddaughter was born?

“I don’t like this Lib.” We were in the back of the car riding home. It was decided Maggie was going to fly back to California to tell the news to mom in person. We all agreed it would be a splendid idea for her to come back with her, and not just for a visit. Mom would never admit she stayed in our old home to be close to dad after what he had put her through. I guess it was both a blessing and a curse that Emily and I were like her in that when we loved it was forever. Our mom would always love our dad. That’s just who she was.

"I'm not exactly thrilled Logan. It's not every day you find out your dad is going to prison.” Oh, shit, his brother was in jail, and Logan felt responsible for putting him there. I backpedaled. “If he did the crime, he should do the time.” OK, so that wasn’t any better. I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but I had a tendency to joke around when things got too serious.

“You didn’t tell him about Aria and you sure as hell didn’t tell him about me.” Oh, that.

“We’re not very close Logan. I would have told him eventually.” I took his hand in mine. “I promise, I wasn’t hiding you or Aria. He just lost the right to be a part of my life when he screwed over my mom.” I hoped he would understand. My dad hadn’t completely abandoned us like his did, but he had let us down.

“I get it, Libby.” He brought our joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of mine. I wondered if the reason for the visit with my father was what I believed. Part of me wondered if Logan would visit for the same reason one day. Visiting prisoners didn’t seem to be high on his priority list. Plus, Logan and I weren’t as traditional as Emily and Declan. I mean, they still attended church for god’s sake. And nothing screams out rebel like getting knocked up by one guy and having another one acting as the baby daddy. I relaxed a little, and he continued, “I don’t think we’ve heard the last of Grant Barnes.” At dinner, Logan and Declan had both voiced concerns that dad might try and take advantage of them and us. I wasn’t concerned about me, and I knew Emily and Declan could handle dad.

"I don't have anything worth any value." I looked at my daughter and realized that didn't come out right. I had a healthy child, a family who supported me, and a man who loved me. I was so rich in every way that mattered. "It's not like we're married or anything." I might as well have just punched him right in the gut. I actually heard his breath leave his body. I couldn’t say anything right tonight. I needed to fix this. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"Is the idea of us being married that repulsive to you?" Nothing could have been further from the truth. When we were in California, and I gazed at Logan holding Aria in a rocker overlooking the lake, and I saw it. Our future. That was if I didn’t ruin it first. Fuck a duck.

Fuck! Was that really what she thought? I would marry her tomorrow, but I didn’t want her to think I was doing it for any other reason than I loved her. In California, I told Declan I was going to ask Libby to marry me and that I wanted to adopt Aria. We both busted a gut when he pulled out the engagement ring for Emily he’d been wearing around his neck since he left. He wanted to ask Grant Barnes for his blessing. I just wanted to meet the man; personally, I didn’t think I needed his permission to marry his daughter. It was her choice alone.

The caseworker told me even though I was family, it wouldn’t mean I was automatically granted custody of my niece, but that I had an excellent chance. She also asked about my marital status and my living situation. She didn’t like the fact that three of us were already living in a one bedroom apartment. Not to mention I needed to figure out what my brother’s angle was in this. The similarities between Grant Barnes and my brother Chris were uncanny. They were both users. They would both do anything to serve themselves. I recognized it the second I met Libby’s father. He might as well have “what’s in it for me” tattooed on his forehead. The caseworker assured me that the only reason Chris hadn’t given up his parental rights yet was because he wanted to make sure I was willing to take Clara first. That it was his only way of having any say in her future. He supposedly wanted her with me. I guessed if I had read any of his letters I might have already known that. Gem practically ditched Clara. Clara was a kid and didn’t seem to understand that mommy wasn’t coming back. Hell, they hadn’t even been able to place her in a foster home because she kept running away, back to the receiving home where Gem left her off. To add to the problem Clara wasn’t talking to anyone. Libby just had a baby. We lived in a tiny apartment. We weren’t married, and that fucker Edward was Aria’s biological father. I knew I should just tell Libby what I wanted, but I couldn’t. This had to come from her.