Layla
The rest of Saturday and Sunday passed in kind of a blur. I was inside my own bubble, not really seeing or hearing anything. When I had gotten home from Ashton’s, my entire outfit and body were soaking wet, so the first thing I did was hop in the shower. Actually, all I did in there was let the water run over me as I stared at the wall. I was still trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened. When Sunday rolled around, I was still as confused as I was the day before, but slightly more coherent.
Every time anything happened that involved Ashton, I seemed to get clobbered, and I was tired of it. He pushed me away, and I somehow came right back. He was sweet to me, and I fell even more. Now, when I’m ready to confess my feelings to him, he’s with someone else. I was fed up. When I was younger, I was so desperate to feel loved that I welcomed the notion of getting my heart broken because if it was broken, than that meant I had something real and good. But now I realized how stupid I was, and I was tired of getting my heart broken. What I really needed right now was to be by myself. I needed to figure out what I wanted, and in order to do that, I needed time alone.
It seemed like right when my life was at an okay point—I was fine with my job, my life, and my friends—something had to go and ruin it. I hadn’t known it, but the moment I ran into Ashton at that bar my life had done a 180. My heart fell for someone again when I didn’t think I could. I quit my awful job and was now working at a multimillion-dollar company making good pay. I’d met new people that I’m coming to love as my best friends, and most of all, I’d come to realize what I need in my life.
I was finally coming out of the shell I had built all around me when I was with my parents. I was putting myself at risk and finally being carefree. I was tired of my parents holding me back, and me feeling like I was still with them. It had been four and a half years, and I hadn’t heard from them not even once. I could be dead for all they knew, and they didn’t care. I’d always felt their presence lurking over me all my life. I was not that little innocent thirteen-year-old who let her parents beat her anymore. I am twenty-three, almost twenty-four, with a new life. I was not skittish anymore, and I was not afraid. It was time for me to live my life the way I wanted to; no more letting people do it for me, or listening to my parents’ voices in the back of my mind.
That didn’t mean I was going to party every night, hook up with random guys, or even quit my job. I was just going to be alone for a while, hang out with my friends, and get my priorities straight. I had just committed to my plan when Kacey and Neena suddenly burst through the front door, their faces red like they had run here. I raised an eyebrow at them from the couch.
“You guys okay?” I asked.
“L-Layla,” Kacey sputtered out. She held her hand out toward me and in it was a magazine. Neena did the same but with a newspaper.
“Doing some light reading I see,” I commented, standing up. They both glared at me, finally catching their breath.
“You are on the cover!” Neena yelled out, coming toward me.
“Wait, what?” Kacey and Neena surrounded me, holding out their magazine and newspaper. I looked down and gasped loudly. They were right; on the front page of the New York Times and the New Yorker magazine. “What the hell!” I ripped the newspaper out of Neena’s hand and read the little article.
I stood there wide-eyed after reading it. Someone had taken Alex and I’s photo when we were on our date, and now it was spread across every newspaper stand in New York. Great, just great. Now another thing I have to worry about.
“So, you went on the date with Alex I see,” Neena said sarcastically. I held back a glare. Now was not the time.
“How did this happen?” Kacey asked, pulling the paper from my tight grip. The edges were bent.
“I don’t know. I didn’t see anyone with a huge camera taking pictures of us. There were only a few others there with us.” I slumped down on the couch. Who had seen this? “How long has this been out?” I asked, suddenly standing back up. I watched both of them looking at each other and practically having a conversation without me. “Well!”
“Since Saturday morning,” Kay said softly while looking closely at me. It’d been out for two days and I hadn’t heard about it!
Did this mean Ashton had seen it? Alex? What was I going to do? I was starting to have a panic attack, and my breathing hitched in my lungs.
“Layla, breathe! It’s okay!” Kacey said, jumping up and putting her hands on my shoulders. I hadn’t had a panic attack in years, and I had forgotten how bad they were. My lungs were closing up, my body was shaking, and my head started pounding, my vision going fuzzy. I looked at Kacey with wide eyes, trying to take a breath. I barely heard Kacey telling Neena to grab a bag from the kitchen, and her practically shoving it at Kacey. She grabbed my shaky hands from my sides and brought them up to grab the bag. With her help, the bag was put against my mouth and I breathed into the bag. Slowly, my lungs started to open up and I could take deep breaths. My body still shook, but my head was clearing up. I felt two pairs of arms lightly grabbing my shoulders and guiding me to the couch.
After about five minutes of breathing into the bag, I was able to pull it away and breathe better. I clenched my shaky hands together, focusing on calming my body down. Neena and Kacey stood by, anxiously waiting for me to be okay. When I shot them a small thankful smile, they finally slumped their tense shoulders and gingerly sat next to me.
“You okay?” Neena asked, almost whispering.
“Y-yeah I am okay.” I choked out. “It’s just a surprise I guess. And who knows if Ashton or Alex have seen it.”
“Well, has any of them contacted you yet?” Kacey asked. I shook my head. No one had, and it was already Sunday afternoon.
“I know this isn’t the best time, but who did you choose? I gotta say Alex’s date looks pretty fun and sweet,” Neena asked, changing the topic.
“It was fun. We ice skated for a while then went and got something to eat before he dropped me off here. Alex is perfect, but…” I trailed off. Both Kacey and Neena had made their feelings about Ashton quite clear, and I kind of didn’t want to get yelled at for picking Ashton.
“But nothing compared to Ashton,” Kacey finished for me. I nodded and hung my head.
“It doesn’t matter, though. He is with someone else now,” I said bitterly.
“He’s with someone? Since when?” Kacey asked, surprised. “I was just with Nick and he never mentioned Ashton was with anyone.” Neena looked at me, waiting for me to tell the story they sensed that had happened.
“Well, my date with Alex was great. He was so sweet, and we had a blast getting to know one another, but when he kissed me, I didn’t feel anything. Yeah, it was good, but not like with Ashton.” I reached a hand up and touched my lips, almost feeling them tingle. “I thought about both of them and what I felt, and I choose Ashton. I know I haven’t known him that long, and only a month or so isn’t enough time to fall for someone, especially someone as aggravating as him, but I have.”
“Anyways, yesterday morning I got up later than I wanted, so I booked it to get ready and headed to his apartment. It was pouring out, and the stupid taxi driver practically shoved me outside when we got there. So, I was soaking wet by time I made it to his door. I knocked, and his girlfriend Natasha opened the door in nothing but his shirt. She was the girl he was with at the gala too,” I added. “I heard him in the background call her ‘babe’ and considering the way she looked, I know they are together. So, I left,” I finished, slumping down into the couch.
Now, hearing it, I should have stayed and busted through the door, demanding what Natasha was doing there but like with everything else, I was too chicken to do it and ended up leaving. That was what I did, though. If anything got too hard or complicated, I run, never having the guts to stay and work it out or to actually say what I want to say.
“Oh, Lay,” Kacey said softly, patting my shoulder. Before her or Neena could say anything else, I sat up and held up my hand.
“I don’t want to talk about him anymore. What’s done is done and I need to move on.” I sent them a look and continued. “I have been all wrapped up in my own drama I don’t even know what is going on with you guys. Neena, how is Liam doing?” I asked, taking all the attention off of me. Thankfully they both understood and dropped it all. I knew they would only drop it for so long before they demanded more information or told me their own feelings about the matter.
“Well…he asked me out!” Kacey gasped, and I had to hold back a grin. “Friday night, as I was about to leave the office, he came to a stop in front of me. He looked so yummy in his black slacks and a pretty blue button-up shirt that I almost jumped him then and there, but I was still angry at him. Anyways, we stood there staring at each other before he finally spoke. It was so cute because he was all nervous, but he finally asked me out. Of course, I made him wait for my answer for a few minutes before saying yes. And last night we went on our first date.
“It was amazing! He took me to a fancy restaurant that had great food, and there we talked about basically everything, and afterwards we went and walked through Central Park. It was cold from the rain, so he gave me his jacket which was so sweet. And under the stars he finally kissed me.” Neena sat there, swooning from the memory. “It was just great. We have been texting all day, and I think we are going to go out tomorrow night after work.”
“That’s so sweet,” both Kacey and I said at the same time. I had to hold back a triumphant yell. What Neena didn’t know was that on Thursday I had to get something from Liam at work, so while he was getting me the records for a client, I asked him about what was happening between him and Neena. After hearing how much he really liked her but wasn’t sure she would say if he asked her out, I basically told him to grow a pair and ask her out. Of course, I knew she would say yes. Liam just needed a little shove to do it. I was glad he finally took my advice and asked her. From the gleaming look in her eyes, I knew she was falling for him.
I should have taken my own advice and asked Ashton out myself, but as I’ve said before, I’m too stupid and chicken to do so. I turned to Kacey this time, wanting to hear about her love life. Hearing about how other people’s love lives were going instead of my nonexistent one helped. It got my mind off of Ashton and Alex for the time being.
“Nothing interesting is going on really,” Kacey said, shrugging.
“Boo, you’re boring!” I said, sticking my tongue out at her.
“Hey! Nick and I are just taking things slowly. We both like where we are at the moment, and since we were busy all week, we haven’t really seen much of each other. I was only with him for a few moments today before seeing the magazine with you, then coming straight here.” I couldn’t help but feel bad that I had ruined the only time she had seen Nick this week. I had only briefly met Nick, but I knew he liked her almost as much as she liked him. Whenever she would talk about him, like now, her face lit up and her eyes seemed to sparkle. I knew about his playboy ways, but it seemed he had changed since he met Kacey and I was glad. She liked him, and I wouldn’t let him break her heart.
Knowing that my friends love lives were going great made me sad that mine was in shambles. If only mine could be as simple as theirs. It didn’t take long for silence settle between us and my mood to dampen.
“You need to tell Alex.” Kacey finally said what her and Neena probably have been holding in for a while. I sighed, knowing I have to but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to break his heart. I nodded at her and looked down at my hands. The sooner I did it, the better. With a deep breath, I heaved myself off the couch and toward my phone on the counter. Before I could chicken out, I typed a quick message to him.
To: Alex
From: Layla
Hey. Can you meet me at the coffee shop a few doors down from my apartment?
I didn’t know how things went from happy to serious in just a matter of minutes. I was hoping that Kacey and Neena would have kept me occupied for a while so I wouldn’t have to do this today, but apparently, that wasn’t going to happen. I had to face this head-on and on my own. Alex texted me back a minute later agreeing to meet me in five minutes.
“Layla, it is going to be fine. Just tell him what you feel, and I know he will understand. You can’t help who you love.” Neena nodded behind her, and I shot them a smile. I was thankful they are okay with my decision and were here to cheer me up.
“And afterwards come back here and we will get good and drunk,” Neena added. I laughed and shook my head.
“We got work tomorrow,” I reminded her before I headed to get dressed.
I quickly got dressed in a pair of old jeans and an undershirt before sliding on a hoodie. Pulling on a pair of Converse, I brushed my hair into a ponytail and left. There was no use getting all dressed up for what I was about to do. Leaving the apartment, I waved at my friends and smiled when they wished me good luck. I slowly walked downstairs, taking my bottom lip between my teeth trying to think of something to say. I had never done something like this before. In all honesty, Alex was only the third guy I had been with. With no experience dumping someone, I wanted to go the route where I didn’t hurt him but I knew there was no other way.
Coming to a stop in front of the coffee shop a few doors down from my place, I took a few deep breaths before walking in. The lovely smell of coffee surrounded me. I glanced around the small shop before coming to a stop at Alex sitting at a table in the back with two cups of coffee already. He stood up and sent me a big smile as I walked toward him with heavy legs. Oh god, I really don’t want to do this.
“Hey,” he said, leaning down and kissing my cheek.
“Hey,” I replied softly, taking a seat across from him. “Sorry I’m late.”
“No, you’re fine. I was a bit early, so I decided to get us some coffee. Do you like sugar?” I nodded and he passed me a cup. “So, I take it you want to talk about something with me,” Alex said, breaking the awkward tension.
“How did you know?”
“Well, someone doesn’t really call someone at such a short notice and tell them to meet them somewhere if they didn’t have something to say.” Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I stared at Alex’s face. I looked at his pretty green eyes staring down at me almost in worry, the slight stubble starting to appear on his jawline, and his blonde hair messy like he just got out of bed. Taking a sip of my coffee to calm my nerves, I finally spoke.
“Alex, I’m sorry, but I…can’t go out with you anymore,” I choked out. “It’s not that I don’t like you, cause. I do I just…” I trailed off.
“You like someone else,” he stated, staring at me. I gulped and nodded, peeking up from under my lashes to see his expression. I thought I would see his face crumpled with hurt, but instead, he looked oddly calm. I looked at him head-on, surprised by his reaction.
“How did you know?” I asked, surprised.
“I didn’t know at first, but on Friday night after I kissed you I knew. You kind of just smiled at me then went inside.” I folded my hands in front of me, feeling bad. I hadn’t realized I did that. “Layla.” He reached his hand over the table and put it on top of mine. “I am not mad, really. I am just sorry that I’m not that guy.”
“I am so sorry, Alex,” I said, feeling my eyes start to fill with tears. “I wish you were too. I really do. You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, not just a piece. You’re amazing, and I hope we can still be friends.”
“Of course, we can still be friends. Even if we aren’t involved, I would still love your company.” He shot me a smile and I returned it with a watery one of my own. “I think I know who the other guy is, just…don’t let him hurt you, okay? If he does, I’ll kick his ass for you.” I laughed at his last sentence.
“Don’t worry. My best friend has already said the same thing. He’s just…complicated.” I trailed off.
“I know, just be careful, okay?” Alex said, squeezing my hands.
“I will, Alex. Thank you for understanding, and I am so sorry again.”
“Don’t be. When it isn’t right, it isn’t right.” He looked at his watch and back up at me. “I better get going. I have a few things to do.” He stood up and I got up with him. We walked out the door together and stood facing one another. “Call me if you ever need anything, and don’t forget to text me still. If you want to hang out anytime, I will be there. I’ll talk to you soon.” He wrapped his long arms around me, and I stood on my tippy toes, wrapping my arms around his neck.
We stood there hugging for a few minutes before pulling apart. With a small kiss on my forehead, he headed to his car and sent me one last wave. I waved back and turned around. As I walked those few feet to my apartment and up the stairs, I felt lighter than I had in a while.