Layla
There is a quote that I have always been fascinated and stumped with: “Sometimes, when finding the light, you have to pass through the deepest darkness.” You have to suffer before you can see the rainbow. You have to suffer heartbreaks before it can fully heal and be fully loved. I’d always wondered why people choose to do this to themselves. Why put your heart out there if it’s just going to break? Why do us humans purposely do this to ourselves? Do we like the pain? Do we actually think that after our suffering a rainbow will appear?
When you think about it, though, the analogy is fitting. After a terrible storm, where the winds have knocked down branches, rain coming down in sheets so that the roads flood, and thunder booms so loudly the windows rattle. After all that is over, if you look to the sky, you see a rainbow in the aftermath of the storm. Rain softly falls and the clouds part, showing a full rainbow to anyone who dares to go outside. In those moments, there is nothing but silence. No birds chirping, no loud booms of thunder, no brutal wind—just utter silence.
If you dare to go outside after the storm, you can almost see the beauty in it. The roads glistening, the sky turning the perfect shade of blue, the dead silence with no wind whipping in your face. In those moments, you forget that just minutes ago a storm was whipping its way through town and destroying almost everything in its path. How can something so beautiful come out of so much destruction? Is that how a heart looks after a heartbreak?
But like every storm, there is the aftermath; the clean-up. When something gets broken or destroyed it needs to be fixed. Does it get fixed perfectly? No. Does it change the shape or reconfiguring? Yes. When something gets broken, it’s not expected to turn out perfect again or even close to what it used to be. Whether it can be fixed to be even stronger than before, or if it will crumble easier is the question. The difference between a storm and a broken heart is you get to decide whether your heart will be stronger than it was, or to be weaker.
In college, I took a psychology class and I’d never been so interested in a class before. The professor once said that there are two types of people when dealing with heartache or loss. One will act out and walks around with an almost visible shield around themselves. The other one becomes secluded and walks around with their heart showing. One heart has been healed crooked and becomes weaker, so a shield needs to be put in place; they don’t see the rainbow at the end. The other has been healed slowly but carefully; it’s stronger than it once was and doesn’t need a shield; they see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel.
Which one is better? The one with the shield because that person knows to never go through it again? Or the one that is out in the open and knows it will receive a few blows but can handle it? Which one is stronger? Now that is the trickiest question of all. Do you shield yourself away from all heartbreak? Or do you let it out, knowing there’s a chance for it to be happy?
The way I was raised, I never believed in love. My parents didn’t love me and always told me so. How can one love when they aren’t shown how? The only thing that helped not destroy everything I knew about love was books. In romance novels, the girl gets her heart broken, but in the end, she ends up with the right guy who treats her like she is the queen. During my teenage years, I always wondered if those kinds of stories were true. Did the princess end up with the prince? The older I got, I realized that love was just a made-up thing. I never experienced it, so how could it be true?
Of course, that all changed the day I met Jason and fell in love. Then I realized that the stories were right; that falling in love was great and almost magical. I had felt like the princess ending up with prince charming. And for that one moment, I believed that my suffering was over and that I would soon see the rainbow. But then, everything changed. I ended up being the girl with the weak heart with a shield around herself. Through the rest of college, I didn’t get close to anyone and never let anyone near my damaged heart. Why would I ever think about letting that happen to me again? I wasn’t stupid enough to let my heart get healed just for it to break into a million pieces again.
That was when I was only slightly thankful that my parents treated me the way they did. I learned to mask my emotions, to never truly believe someone, and to wear a shield around my broken heart. If the shield were strong, then no one could penetrate it. But then again, fate decided that my heart could be broken once again. That was how I ended up here walking into the office, thinking about that very same quote and the words of my psychology professor.
My heart was broken because of Ashton. I could either do what I did last time, or be the stronger one this time. I could be the one letting my heart slowly heal and looking forward to seeing the rainbow at the end of the tunnel. For once, I wanted to be the one with my heart on my sleeve. I wanted to go outside after the storm and see the beauty of the aftermath, not just the damage. I wanted to see why others put themselves through just so they could feel that little bit of happiness at the end of their suffering.
***
The next day at the office flew by pretty fast, and every time I thought of Ashton, I pushed him aside and focused on other stuff. Today was the day that I decided I wanted to change. I wanted to forget everything that my parents had taught me about love, and start to forge my own. I was going to see the rainbow at the end, whether I wanted to or not. Because maybe, just maybe, I would end up happy.
Most of the day I didn’t see Ashton, but I kept busy doing my work. It was only two and I had most of my stuff done. I was more than ready to be home as well. As I was typing an email to one of our clients, my phone buzzed next to me. Reaching for it with one hand, I finished up my sentence with the other. I looked down at it and smiled.
To: Layla
From: Alex
I can tell you’re thinking about me right now.
To: Alex
From: Layla
Oh, and how so?
I leaned back in my seat and stared at my phone.
Alex: My Spidey senses are tingling.
Layla: Wow…your senses must be off. I was thinking about another guy.
I hit send and giggled softly to myself. I felt like a teenager staring at my phone waiting for his reply.
Alex: Pfffff right…you’re thinking about my foxy ladies from the store, aren’t you!
Layla: Oh yeah, I think about the old woman in my spare time.
I couldn’t help but feel giddy when he texted me. Something about him brought out my flirtiness, if that was even a word.
Alex: I knew it! :) Anyways, what are you doing?
Layla: Nothing much, just waiting for work to be over.
You could say it was weird that I knew absolutely nothing about Alex, not even his last name. A little voice in the back of my mind couldn’t help but chime in every once in a while that, for all we knew, Alex could be a serial killer or be part of a gang. I wouldn’t deny that I was slightly worried about that, but for god’s sake I was twenty-three years old and I deserved to have some fun for once.
Alex: What time do you get off?
Layla: Around five or so.
I looked around my office and saw I was basically done with everything today, and what wasn’t done could be finished tomorrow. I looked at the clock and saw it was about 3:30.
Layla: Actually, I can leave now. Are you busy?
I hadn’t even seen Ashton today, so I wasn’t worried about leaving early.
Alex: Nope, I’m free. Would it be okay if I came and picked you up to take you to dinner?
Staring down at his reply, I did a mini happy dance in my head. Alex asked me out! Taking a deep breath, I sat there for a few minutes not wanting to reply too quick. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of weirdo glancing at my phone every two seconds, even though I was. After I had let two minutes go by, I replied.
Layla: Sure, that sounds great. :) I’m at 209 Buffalo Drive.
I shut down my computer and started gathering my things. As I smoothed down my pencil skirt, I hoped it would be okay with Alex that I was still in my work clothes. I threw my bag over my shoulder and left my office, heading for the elevators.
“Hey, Judy,” I said once I got close.
“Hello. Where are you off to?” she asked, looking up at me.
“I um…I have a date.”
“Oh, with who?” Her voice was laced with curiosity.
“This guy named Alex I met at the store yesterday.” I grinned, thinking about our first encounter.
“Someone’s smitten,” Judy said, grinning at me. I blushed and shook my head.
“I am not,” I argued but not with much confidence. She just shook her head at me. “It’s okay that I leave though, right?” I asked her. I always felt the need to ask Judy’s permission more than Ashton’s.
“You’re fine, Layla, don’t worry. Have fun on your date.” She smiled at me and I said goodnight to her and left to the elevator. When I got down to the lobby, I looked around for Neena but didn’t see her. I was slightly glad cause I didn’t want her to question where I was going then have to explain everything. I walked out the doors quickly, just in case Neena decided to pop out somewhere. I swear at times she was like a ninja.
As I waited for Alex, I walked down the street a few doors down and looked through the window of what appeared to be a bookstore. I hadn’t known that was there, and I promised myself I would check it out another time. I loved older bookstores like that. Right when you walked in, you’re hit with the smell of books, old and new. It was those kinds of places that sold coffee, that somehow had the most comfortable worn-down couches/chairs, and books that I could spend hours reading. Back in college, I would go to the place a few doors down from our apartment and spend hours upon hours there getting lost in studying or reading a book. Just the air of a bookstore was soothing. I knew if I stepped foot in there right now I wouldn’t leave until I got kicked out. Smiling through the window, I heard my phone buzz and saw a text from Alex.
Alex: I am outside.
With a sigh, I turned away from the bookstore and headed back to the office building, keeping my eyes open for Alex. When I got closer, I looked to my left and saw Alex leaning against a really nice car in front of Miller Industries. I took in his appearance. He was wearing a gray suit jacket with gray slacks, a white button-up shirt, and a light gray tie. The suit hugged his well-toned body. His blonde hair was smoothed back and over. Staring at him, I felt my knees go little weak. Man, did he look absolutely sexy in a suit!
I walked up to him almost shyly. I felt mediocre in front of him. My brown hair was pulled into a high pony tail, and I had on a tan pencil skirt on with a white blouse, and heels. I didn’t put on much makeup on today with only a little eyeliner, eyeshadow, and some lipstick. He was staring up at the building as I came to a stop in front of him.
“Hi,” I said nervously, playing with the strap on my bag. He looked down at me and shot me a killer smile. I felt myself relax and smile back at him.
“Wow you look…” he said but trailed off, looking at my work outfit.
“Sorry, it’s just my work outfit. I hope that’s okay for dinner.”
“No, no you look great. Perfect for dinner.” He held out his hand for me. “Shall we get going?” he asked in an almost British accent. I laid my hand in his warm big one and nodded.
“We shall,” I said replied my best impression of a British accent. Alex chuckled beside me and opened the passenger side of his car for me.
“My lady.” He waved his hand in front of the door, and I shook my head at us. Alex seemed to bring out my playful side, and I was already enjoying this date. I buckled myself in while he ran around the front and to the driver’s side. I admired the interior of his car and I almost whistled. It was some type of Audi, but I didn’t know what model. The soft black leather seemed to wrap my body into itself.
“Nice car,” I commented.
“Thank you. This is my favorite.” Favorite? As in, more than one? I looked at him wide-eyed. “Yes, I have about three cars.” I said that out loud? Stupid mouth.
I didn’t ask how he had three cars, but instead just nodded. He must be pretty loaded to have that many cars. Ashton had three as well.
“Are you hungry now, or do you want to eat in a little bit?” Alex asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“I—” I started to say but was interrupted by my stomach, which decided it was time to make mating calls. Blushing, I lowered my head.
“Eat now it is then,” Alex said, laughing. My blush got darker. “What would you like to eat?”
“Anywhere’s good. I like anything basically, besides seafood,” I answered, shrugging and feeling my blush die down.
“I know a great place that isn’t too far from here. That okay?”
“That sounds perfect.”
We drove in comfortable silence to the restaurant. It was one of the first times I didn’t feel the need to gab the whole ride to avoid silence. Alex pulled up to what looked like a nice restaurant. He got out and before he could open my door for me, I was already out and standing beside the car. He handed his eyes to the valet and grabbed my hand.
“This place has really good food,” he said, leading me through the doors and to the front desk. “Table for two,” he told the hostess. When she looked at him, her eyes widened, and she quickly grabbed two menus before leading us toward the back. I couldn’t help but wonder why she acted the way she did, but I pushed it aside for right now.
“Here you go, Mr. Ryder,” the hostess said, handing the menus to us once we were seated. The name Ryder sounded familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on where I had heard it.
“Don’t worry about the price,” Alex said just as I opened the menu. My eyes almost bulged out of my head. The prices were about as much as it was when I went on my first date with Ashton. Just for a side salad it was $10.99. I stared across at Alex, practically asking him how he could afford these prices. “Choose whatever you want.” He sent me a look and I knew to drop it. I looked around for the cheapest thing, but only came up with the side salad. Sighing inaudibly, I knew I couldn’t pick something cheap.
“Hello. My name is Nick, and I’ll be your server today. What can I get you to drink?” our waiter came up and asked. I opened my mouth to answer with water, but Alex beat me to it.
“Can we get a bottle of your ’74 Merlot?”
“Right away, sir.” The waiter nodded and walked off. I wasn’t a wine expert at all, but I knew enough to know a bottle of ’74 Merlot was a lot of money.
“What are you going to get?” he asked me a minute later, setting his menu down.
“I guess whatever pops into my mind when he comes back,” I answered, not knowing what to order.
“Can’t go wrong with anything here.” Right after he closed his mouth, the waiter was back with the bottle of wine. He did that weird thing they do in fancy restaurants in the movies. He poured a little into a glass and waited for Alex to taste it and nod that it was good. I always thought they only did that on movies, but apparently not. I tried not to laugh as Alex smelled the wine and took a small sip. He looked like a weirdo, and I had to choke back a laugh.
“What can I get for you?” the waiter asked a few minutes later after pouring wine into both of our glasses.
“I will have the New York steak with the vegetables,” Alex replied. The waiter nodded and turned to me. He didn’t even get a notepad out to write it down.
“I, uh, I’ll have the BBQ pizza,” I said the first thing that came to mind. The waiter raised an eyebrow at me, clearly surprised I ordered pizza instead of a salad or something. He nodded a minute later and left to put our order in.
“Pizza?” Alex asked, amused.
“I’m hungry,” I stated and shrugged.
“Here.” Alex picked up his wine glass and held it up. I grabbed mine and put it in front of his. “Here’s to meeting someone at the grocery store.” He grinned then clinked our glasses together. I smiled and took a sip. The wine was good, and I let my body slump back against the booth.
“Your last name is Ryder?” I asked suddenly. I stared across at Alex, feeling that I knew absolutely nothing about him. He nodded and stared at me almost expectantly. “How about we play twenty questions to get to know one another?” I suggested.
“Sure. I’ll go first. What is your full name?” He started off easy.
“Layla Kingston,” I answered. “I know yours is now Alex Ryder. How old are you?”
“I am twenty-five, almost twenty-six. You?”
“Twenty-three. Where did you go to college and major in?”
“That’s two questions, Layla,” he chimed but answered anyways. “I went to NYU and majored in business. Now you.”
“I also went to NYU and majored in journalism,” I answered.
“Wow, we missed each other by only a few years. Your turn.”
“Well…I see you’re in a suit, so where do you work?” I decided to ask.
“I own my own company, Ryder and Sons,” he said. All of a sudden, the name clicked. I froze, staring at Alex.
Alex Ryder! I should have realized that! He was the second most eligible bachelor in New York, a millionaire, and Ashton’s enemy and competition. When I was studying up on Ashton’s company, I read about Alex but never saw a picture of him. I read that Ashton and he went to the same school and both took over their father’s companies around the same time. What was he going to think when he heard I was Ashton’s PA?
“I see that you know who I am now,” Alex said, trying to break the silence.
“I uh…yeah.” I took a sip of my wine. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect to be on a date with the second most eligible bachelor in New York,” I replied.
“I was starting to wonder when you would figure it out, truthfully,” he said, leaning back in the booth while staring at me.
“Sorry, I’m a little slow,” I joked.
“Is that going to be a problem?” Alex asked a minute later, looking at me. The way he was staring at me, he looked almost worried about my answer. I was already dealing with one bachelor, and dealing with another wouldn’t be a problem. Plus, Alex was different than Ashton; he seemed sweet and sincere.
“No, not at all. It doesn’t matter what your status is,” I answered truthfully. I had only known him for a day, but I knew Alex wasn’t like most stuck up rich people. He shot me a big smile at my answer.
“Okay, good. Back to questions.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’ll ask you the same. Where do you work?” I hesitated, not really wanting to say where. I mean, if there’s bad blood between them, I don’t want to get in the way.
“I work at Miller Industries,” I finally spat out. He stared at me for a minute before nodding slowly. I sat there waiting for him to ask what I did, but thankfully he didn’t.
We asked each other a few more questions before our food came. I learned that Alex had two younger brothers who were about to graduate high school, that his father still helped out at the company, and that his mother was a fashion designer. I told him that I had no siblings, that I lived with my best friend, and used to work at the Sunrise Café before working at Miller Industries.
The rest of dinner we spent asking questions and telling stories. I felt completely comfortable with Alex, and I could feel myself starting to like him. I ignored all of my own protests against continuing with him and let myself have some fun. As I listened to him telling me a story about a prank his brothers pulled on him, I grinned and for the first time since I met Ashton, I forgot about everything and enjoyed my date.