Ashton
All week I was AWOL. I was either holed up in my office or here at home. I didn’t want to see Layla because my feelings were a mess at the moment. I didn’t know how I feel toward her, or if I was ready to move on from what Allie did to me. I avoided her at all costs this whole week and now that it was Friday, I was actually starting to regret it. Even though I didn’t really see her much at work, I missed those few times I did. I knew I was acting pathetic avoiding Layla like I was still in high school, but I knew just one look from her and I would be on my knees acting for forgiveness quicker than someone could say ice cream.
Being with Layla made me feel things I hadn’t felt in quite a long time, not since Allie. She made me feel like my old self, and I wouldn’t deny that I missed being him. I missed being carefree, laughing with my friends, loving someone. But at the same time, those feelings scared me and brought unwanted questions to mind. Was she going to do the same thing as Allie? Was I going to be left a shell like last time? I wish I could stop those thoughts, but I couldn’t. Allie broke me beyond repair. I didn’t know if I could ever get back to the way I was before.
Before Layla, I was fine being the way I was. I was fine working almost every day, being cold and heartless toward everyone, fine using a girl and not caring about how she reacted. I was fine being a shell. But with those few loving moments with her, I didn’t want to go back to my old ways. I wanted to change for the better. Those few moments made me realize that what I was doing wasn’t healthy or right. I liked how Layla was different than the other girls I’d been with, I loved how she argued with me and made my blood boil. I loved how just one look and I could practically see everything she was feeling and thinking.
I sat behind my desk thinking about everything. I wanted to change, and I wanted Layla to change me. With that thought in mind, I stood up and walked out of my office toward her. Now was as good time as any to finally let her know how I felt. I was just hoping that she would forgive me for everything I had done and said to her. Taking a deep breath, I opened her door and stepped in. I was expecting to see her at her desk working, but instead I was surrounded with darkness and an empty chair. Layla wasn’t here. Frowning, I turned and headed over to Judy.
“Judy, do you know where Layla is?” I asked, coming to a stop in front of her. I really needed to talk to her, and I didn’t want to wait another minute.
“She left about twenty minutes ago.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know. I think she had plans,” Judy said, looking at me almost apologetically.
“Oh.” I tried to leave out my saddened tone but failed.
“Just call her tomorrow, sweetie. I know she isn’t doing anything because she told me she would just be sitting around at home,” Judy said. Tomorrow? I can’t wait until tomorrow! Judy must have seen the look on my face because she put her hand on my shoulder. “Ashton, she is probably busy, and it’s a Friday. Let her be until tomorrow.”
I sighed and lowered my head. She was right, but tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I would be at Layla’s house. Telling Judy thanks, I went back to my office to finish up a few things. That, of course, turned out impossible since Layla was on my mind the entire time. I didn’t know how many times I reached for my phone to call Layla, but every time I stopped myself from going through with it. Judy was right; she was probably busy. If I wanted her to forgive me, then I had to give her space for the moment.
The night went by agonizingly slowly. I stayed at the office until seven or so, then headed home to try and get some rest. I also wanted to go over what I was going to say to Layla and how to get her to forgive me for my stupidity over the past month and a half.
Month and a half? Have I really known Layla that long? That time period wasn’t all that long, but to have already fallen for her? It was a short amount of time. It took me longer than that to fall for Allie. It was weird feeling like this only after a month, but I didn’t want to waste any more time.
The whole night I tossed and turned, trying to get my mind onto something else. When the sun started to peek into my room, I had only gotten maybe two hours of sleep, if that. Even though I hadn’t slept, I felt more energized than I had in a while. I knew it was because I was going to finally tell Layla what I felt about her, and I was going to tell her everything about Allie. I was hoping my heartbreak story would help her in forgiving me easier. I got up and headed to the bathroom before noticing the clock. It was only a little after six in the morning, and there was no way Layla was up at this time on a Saturday. I almost groaned out loud knowing I had to wait a few more hours before heading to her place. After going to the bathroom and splashing cold water on my face, I threw on a pair of PJ bottoms before heading downstairs. I might as well get something to eat and read the paper before getting ready. I had time to kill.
My newspaper came earlier than most, and I knew it was already outside. I unlocked my door and reached out, grabbing my rolled-up paper. I headed back to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and set the paper on the counter. A giddy feeling was welling inside of me, and I knew it was because I was going to see Layla. I didn’t mind the feeling because for once I was feeling something other than anger, emptiness, or nothing. I sat down on a stool and unrolled the paper. What I saw next made my body freeze and my eyes widen.
Millionaire bachelor has a girlfriend!
On the front of the New York Times was a picture of Layla smiling up at Alex Ryder. The guy who cheated on with my ex, the guy I hated with everything I had, and my business enemy. I stared at the front page, looking at Layla grinning up at Alex. She was grinning so widely, and I couldn’t remember if I had ever seen her look like that before. My giddy feeling disappeared and left nothing inside of my chest. I read the small article below the picture.
It seems our very own bachelor Alex Ryder has gotten himself a girl. A girlfriend? Or just a new plaything? From the looks of the picture above, they look pretty cozy with each other, and were seen together ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Grins and laughs were present all night before they left hand in hand. We don’t know who the lucky girl is, but if she has captured the attention of Ryder, then she must be special, and we have to say they look great together. An insider said Alex looked practically smitten over the mystery girl. What’s going to happen with these love birds? Do we hear wedding bells soon?
As I read the article, my stomach dropped lower and lower. What was she doing with Alex of all people? And what was she doing ice skating with him? Because she has moved on, idiot. I wanted to deny that, but the longer I stared at the picture, I felt my heart somehow breaking, or what was left of it. I should have known this would happen. I should have known she would choose someone else. I could feel my wall starting to come back down around me and my heart hardening. I shouldn’t have even thought this time would be different; whenever something good comes my way it finds a way to turn out disastrous or wrong.
If Layla had moved on, then I should as well. The best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend you don’t have one. Tearing my eyes away from the paper, I threw it across the room and ran my fingers through my hair. With my walls down and forcing myself to forget about Layla all together, I headed up to my room and grabbed my cellphone. I knew I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but I clicked the number and pressed call. If Layla was going to be with another guy, then I would be with another girl. I was going to do what I do best.
“Hello?” The female voice came through the phone.
“Come over to my place,” I answered then hung up. I paced my room, resisting the urge to punch something. My knuckles had barely recovered from the last time I hit my wall. I listened to the sudden pitter-patter of rain hitting my window. I looked outside, watching dark clouds coming toward town and bringing with it rain. When a knock sounded downstairs, I stalked downstairs clenching my jaw and throwing open the door. Standing there in a skin-tight dress was Natasha. Growling low, I grabbed her waist and pulled her inside and up against the wall. Before anything could escape her lips, I slammed mine down on hers and kissed her with all of the anger inside of me.
***
Layla
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain hitting my window. I rolled over snuggling deeper in my covers, not wanting to get up. Knowing it was Saturday didn’t help either. The sound of the rain was soothing, and I loved it. As I listened to the rain, I suddenly remembered last night. I quickly sat up and looked around. I had forgotten all about last night! Looking over at my clock, I saw it was nine in the morning. Shit! I have something I have to do! I quickly scrambled out of my bed, only to get my body tangled with my covers and fall to the ground. I groaned, trying to ignore the stabbing pain going up my elbow and knee. Knowing I would probably have a bruise tomorrow, I untangled my legs and booked it to the bathroom.
Quickly showering, I let my hair hang down my shoulders air drying as I threw on a pair of blue skinny jeans and a cute long sleeve gray shirt. I wanted to look cute, but not like I was trying to either. Putting on a little foundation to hide my bags, as well as some mascara and lip gloss, I slipped on a pair of gray flats before grabbing my bag and heading out. I wanted to do this sooner because it would give me time to say what I want to say. Thankfully our building had a cover, so I wasn’t getting wet as I hailed a cab. I quickly ran out and slid inside the taxi, rattling off Ashton’s address.
Yes, I chose Ashton. I knew it wasn’t the greatest choice considering everything he had said and done, but being with Alex was nothing like being with Ashton. Yes, I had a great time with Alex and we got along great, but there wasn’t that spark that I had with Ashton. There wasn’t that passion burning inside of me waiting to burst free, and my skin didn’t tingle the way it did when Ashton briefly touched me. Ashton and I had a lot to work out, and I wasn’t going to let him off the hook for what he has done to me. I was going to make him grovel for a little bit and maybe even beg before I forgive him.
Deep down I knew Ashton had been hurt before, and that was why he acted the way he did. Having been hurt before, I could see he had built a shield around himself; becoming closed off and rude is his way of protecting himself. Being hurt didn’t excuse what he had done, but at least there’s a reason for doing so instead of him just doing it out of satisfaction.
I liked him more than I should, but I knew it would be a little while before I could come to love him. I didn’t even know if I was capable of love anymore, but liking was better than nothing. I wondered what I’d do if he didn’t feel the same way back. It was okay if he didn’t. I just had to tell him and get it out. As long as he knows and doesn’t like me back, then I can start to move on instead of wondering if he feels the same. It’s better to have known than to have lost. I didn’t want to not say anything and years later wonder what would have happened. No more what-ifs. For once, I was going to be rash and careless with my feelings.
I hadn’t told Alex yet, but I would after. I just wanted to talk to Ashton first before saying anything. Even if he didn’t feel the same about me, I would still tell Alex. I would not be that person who strings him along when I didn’t feel the same about him. I just hope he wouldn’t get too made, and that we could be friends. I would rather be friends with him than nothing, and I hope he would as well. Alex was a great guy and deserved someone who could love him with everything they have, not with just a small piece of their heart. I didn’t want to hurt him, and that’s why I had decided to do this early, so I could tell him before he starts to feel something for me. I wanted to stop anything before it was too late.
The taxi came to a stop and I sat frozen on the seat, staring up at the building. Was I ready to go up there? I was slowly getting out of the taxi, but apparently it wasn’t fast enough for the driver because he practically yelled at me to get out. As the taxi drove away, I stood there in the rain staring up at the building. Now that I was here, I was starting to get nervous. I could feel the rain starting to soak my clothes and hair, a few drops rolling down my face. I knew I looked like a weirdo standing out in the rain, so after a few minutes I headed inside, almost completely soaked.
I wondered what the people here thought of me as I walked to the elevator. I’d been here plenty of times in my work clothes, but I’ve also come out looking like crap and crying. The workers probably thought I was a whore or something. Rain had pooled inside my shoes and I could feel my toes tingling from the slight cold. Water was starting to drip off the ends of my hair, and I was sure there was a puddle underneath me. I played with my fingers as I rode to Ashton’s floor, going over everything I wanted to say. Last night as I lay in bed, I came up with a whole speech and I worded it perfectly for today.
Finally, the elevator dinged opened and I walked out biting my bottom lip heading to his door. With a deep breath and a shaky hand, I reached up and knocked on his door.
“Layla, you can do this,” I chanted under my breath to myself as I waited for him to answer. “Just remember what you said this morning. Don’t let him off so easy.” Nodding to myself like a psychopath, I rubbed my sweaty palms on my wet jeans.
The door finally opened, and my heart sank faster than the Titanic. Standing in front of me in nothing but one of Ashton’s work shirts was Natasha. The shirt barely went to the top of her thighs, and the front buttons only had four of the seven done up, leaving a sizable amount of cleavage on display. I took in her appearance and noticed her blonde hair was everywhere like someone’s hands have been in it, her lips were swollen, and on her neck looked to be a hickey.
“I, uh—” I stuttered out, not having even thought about if Ashton had someone here.
“You’re Ashton’s assistant, right?” Natasha asked in a soft accent. I couldn’t pin point what kind it was, but I wasn’t surprised she wasn’t from America. All I could do was nod dumbly.
“Babe, who’s there?” I heard Ashton call out from somewhere inside. If my heart could have dropped any lower, it did. I stood in front of the beautiful, almost naked model, looking like a drowned rat from the rain. My hair stuck to my neck and forehead, and I bet my clothes were hanging off of me soaked in water.
Standing there looking at the woman dressed in Ashton’s shirt, I felt broken. Of course, Ashton would be with Natasha. He wouldn’t be thinking about stupid little me. Hearing him call her babe, I knew he had to be somewhat serious with her. I was so stupid thinking I could just show up here assuming he would be alone and wanting to be with me. I completely forgot about Natasha and him being an item. Feeling whatever was left of my heart shattering, I forced a thin smile.
“Sorry for interrupting something. I better go. Please tell Ashton it wasn’t me,” I said softly, almost in a whisper. Natasha looked at me funny but nodded at my request. I sent her a shaky smile before turning down the hall. I neared the hallway where it turned and stood hidden by it, looking at the door. I watched as the door started to close when Ashton came up and kissed Natasha roughly on the lips, his hands wrapping around her skinny waist. I watched with a broken heart as the door closed on them kissing. Feeling tears pool in my eyes, I dragged my feet to the elevator and then to the front doors.
He didn’t feel the same. He never would. I stepped outside and into the rain, realizing I couldn’t have Ashton. He was taken and looked to be fine being taken by Natasha. I was so stupid thinking I could actually show up, confess my feelings and be with Ashton. I hadn’t even thought about any other scenarios, like him being with someone else. I didn’t know how much I actually liked him until I saw him kissing her, feeling my heart shatter. The rain mixed with my tears rolling down my face.
Tears blurred my vision as I walked in the direction of home in the rain. It felt like the clouds were crying with me feeling my pain. As I walked home, I didn’t feel sad or hurt. I felt nothing. Numb. Knowing that he now was taken, I knew I had to do what was right, despite my feelings. I now knew what it felt like to let go of someone I really loved for them to be happy.
I walked home in the pouring rain quietly crying, wrapping my arms around my middle as if to hold me together because if I didn’t, I would fall apart.