Chapter Fourteen
Missy raced downstairs, berating herself for ever trusting Ben. How many times did it take for her to really understand no man was trustworthy? The sick feeling in her gut told her she’d let herself be fooled again. Fooled by Louis, fooled by the married Matt, and now Ben. All of those women she’d counseled so they wouldn’t be victims, all her years of being a victim had taught her, rightly so, never to trust a man. And she’d stupidly let Ben in close, to her home, her bed, her heart.
She dashed at the stinging tears in her eyes and scanned the parking lot for signs of Louis. In the distance his old blue Toyota sped out of the apartment complex. She was shaking, sweating, her entire nervous system crashing hard after the adrenaline rush of finally facing Louis after all these years and fighting back. She never would’ve confronted him. All of the self-defense she’d learned was only if someone struck out at her. He’d rushed at her, she’d defended.
She’d prevailed.
She took a deep breath, still too worked up to drive anywhere. She slipped into her car, turning it on and blasting the heat. She quickly locked the doors. She’d wait for Ben to leave, and then she’d go back inside. Why should she be the one to leave her own apartment? She’d fled the scene, not able to handle Ben’s betrayal on top of seeing Louis. She’d nearly killed Louis, had felt that power in her hands, her vision a red haze. Ben’s voice had reached through that haze, bringing her back to herself. She’d thank him for that if she wasn’t so furious with him. He’d spied on her without her consent, learning personal information she never shared with anyone.
Ben appeared at the bottom of the stairs and immediately zoned in on her, striding toward her car. Dammit. She didn’t want to talk to him. He’d seen way too much today, knew way too much. This was why she never had relationships. They always hurt her.
He knocked on the passenger’s side window, gesturing for her to open the door.
She looked at him and all she saw was a man who knew more than anyone had a right to. She rubbed her temples. Why couldn’t she ever leave the past behind and be a new person? A smarter, stronger Missy. Now it was too late. Ben would always see that other Missy—a victim.
“I’m freezing out here!” Ben shouted through the closed window. “Come on, Missy. Please unlock the door.”
She glared at him.
“I’m not going away until I know you’re okay!” he shouted.
All his noise was going to attract the attention of her neighbors. She gritted her teeth and unlocked the door.
He got in, shut the door, and turned to her, speaking in a rush. “I looked into you when you first started working for us. It’s standard procedure for all employees. That’s what we do.”
She reached for calm, still shaky and sweating. “I didn’t sign anything saying it was okay to look that deeply into my background. Checking references, yes. My personal history, no. And you ne-never—” She clamped her mouth shut, hating that she was stammering. Her throat was thick, tears welling in her eyes, but she would not break down.
“Can we go back inside to talk?” he asked gently. “Maybe give you some time to recover. I know Louis—”
“No-o!” Her breath hitched, a sob trying to break through that she ruthlessly pushed down. “You never told me that was standard procedure.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “I’ll admit I was driven by curiosity, and I didn’t follow any of our standard procedure when it came to you. I was hooked, Missy. From the very beginning, I couldn’t think straight when it came to you. There was never any bad intention, I swear. I just wanted to get to know you.”
“Then you should’ve let it happen naturally over time. When I was ready.”
“You’re right. I see that now and I’m sorry.”
She pursed her lips, fighting tears.
He let out a long breath. “If you would’ve just talked to me, I wouldn’t have been so curious. You were so mysterious.”
Her hackles rose. “So this is my fault?”
“Look, here’s what we need to do. I’m going to apologize again, you’re going to be mad for a while, and then everything will go back to normal. Okay? I’m really, really sorry. I won’t ever do anything like that again.”
She said nothing.
“I told you I never had a serious relationship. Can you cut me a little slack? I fucked up and I’m sorry.”
Her lower lip wobbled. She had to end this. She couldn’t trust him.
His tone became more forceful. “Missy, you should’ve told me about Louis. That he hurt you. You kept me in the dark about your life. Without all the information, I can’t fix it.”
She pressed her lips together. “I’m not something for you to fix.”
“Not you, just the problem. That’s who I am. I see problems and find solutions. Just give me all the information. You’ve barely shared anything about yourself. The only things I know are you grew up in California and love snow.”
She crossed her arms, her chin jutting out. “You know a lot more than that, stuff I’ve never told anyone besides my sister.”
“I still feel in the dark,” he said quietly. “Like you’re hiding something.”
Fuck it. He wanted the grisly details, she’d give them to him. Maybe then he’d realize exactly how fucked up she was. She was sure he’d be sprinting out the door.
“What do you want to know, Ben? That my mom had me at sixteen and gave me up? How about the story of my adoptive parents dying in a car crash when I was ten? My dad dead on arrival, my mom in a coma, me looking at her full of tubes and wires, terrified, and then she died overnight while I was sleeping and I never got to say goodbye? That’s a real winner. Or that I married that bastard Louis at eighteen and endured three years of abuse? That he held my wrists and slapped me so hard my ears rang, yanked my hair out, hurled emotional abuse at me, and I let him? How about that he nearly killed me when I mentioned divorce? Is that what you’re so damn eager to find out?”
“Missy.” He reached for her hand, but she resisted, keeping her arms crossed.
Her mouth kept going with no thought beyond driving him away. “Add this to your Missy file. I was a fifteen-year-old runaway after my aunt’s sleazy husband made a pass at me. Six months on the streets, then a series of foster homes. Isn’t it great how much you can learn about someone even without the magic of the internet?”
“No, Missy, I’m sorry. Baby—”
Tears choked her voice. “Fuck you.”
His voice remained calm and steady. “I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through.”
She stared straight ahead, tears flowing freely. “I didn’t want you to know. He abused me and I stayed.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
She wiped her tears and sniffled. “I know, but it feels like it. I came here to start fresh. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” She crossed her arms again, hugging herself. “I’m so embarrassed,” she whispered.
“Embarrassed? Hell, I’m impressed. You kicked his ass and he fucking deserved it.”
She met his eyes, seeing only appreciation. “It felt good,” she admitted. “I’ve been training for that confrontation ever since I left him.”
“You did good, Missy. You really did.”
She nodded, still feeling shaky but also a little proud.
“How long has he been begging you for money?”
“He showed up a few weeks ago. I thought after he stole the money from the church bazaar, I wouldn’t see him again. That’s why I was working a second job. I didn’t want anyone to know I brought the devil to their door.”
“Again, not your fault.”
“It is.” Without her, Louis never would’ve come around.
“No, not your fault,” Ben insisted. “Tell me everything that’s happened with him, and then I’ll figure out a plan to permanently get him out of your life. And then we’ll help out the Harpers together.”
“That is my job. I don’t need you to rescue me.”
“I’m not. I’m helping.”
“I’ve got this,” she said evenly. She fixed her own problems. Always.
“Why won’t you let me help?” he barked, his voice too loud in the confined space.
She glared at him. “Don’t yell at me. I don’t need or want your help.”
He blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t want to fight.”
“Then you should go because I’m in no mood to get it through your thick head. I fix my own problems.”
“You can’t do everything by yourself,” he snapped, sounding really pissed that she wasn’t immediately falling in line with his fix-Missy plan. “I want to help. I want to keep you safe.”
“I am safe. You say you’re impressed with how I kicked ass, but you don’t think I can handle any further confrontation. I can. I don’t think there will be a next time with Louis, but if there is, I will be prepared.”
“What does that mean?” he demanded.
She closed her eyes, trying to keep from screaming. She didn’t like answering to Ben. He wanted to take over, be her Mr. Fix-It, and that was just not her. “Ben, I’m done.”
“Done?”
She met his eyes and spoke over the lump in her throat. “Yes.”
“Okay, we can talk later, but don’t think I’m letting it drop.”
She shook her head.
Understanding dawned, his expression going slack. “Are we…breaking up?”
“Yes,” she whispered and stepped out of the car, gently shutting the door behind her.
A moment later, the car door slammed behind him.
He didn’t come after her.
She walked on shaking legs by sheer force of will, nausea rolling around her stomach, and made it into her apartment before collapsing.