Chapter Fifteen
Ben dragged himself into work on Monday morning, a mess of tangled emotions—angry, sad, and hurt all at the same time. It astounded him how much he hurt. One weekend of perfection and then it all fell apart. All along, he’d known the happiness he felt with Missy couldn’t last, yet he’d been blindsided. It was like a severed limb. She’d felt like an essential part of his life and now she was gone. He still couldn’t believe how quickly everything turned to shit.
Logan took one look at him and stopped pouring his coffee. “You look like hell. Pull an all-nighter?”
He’d probably managed three hours of sleep after turning the Missy problem over in his mind for hours. “I slept.” He trudged to his office, guilt weighing him down. He should’ve told Missy he’d looked into her background. No, he should’ve had her sign the standard form they gave everyone, but he’d gotten ahead of himself, eager to know more about her.
He slumped at his desk. Was it really so bad what he did? Or was Missy extra sensitive because of that asshole Louis? If she’d only shared more about herself, he wouldn’t have been so curious.
He leaned his elbows on his desk and covered his face with his hands.
A soft knock on the door had him jackknifing upright. Had Missy shown up? Was she willing to talk to him again?
Logan.
Ben scowled. “Go away. I’ve got a lot to wrap up before Christmas.” The office would be closed starting tomorrow, Christmas Eve, through the New Year.
“Wrap up?” Logan grinned and took a seat in the chair across from Ben’s desk. He never could take a hint. “What’d ya get me?”
“I’m not in the mood to talk. Just please leave.”
Logan studied him. “You and Missy break up?”
“How did you know?”
Logan shook his head. “You’re a moron.”
“Thanks, idiot.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Would you please just leave me alone?”
“Nope,” Logan said cheerfully.
Ben narrowed his eyes. “I really don’t want to kick your ass. Not good for the business.”
Logan snorted. “Like you could.” They were pretty evenly matched and both knew it after years of wrestling each other and all of the guys. It was both sport and how they resolved problems. At least back when they were kids. Teenaged years had seen their share of bloody noses too. Now they were adults and liked to think they were past that. Though the way Ben was feeling right now…he wasn’t so sure.
Logan shook his head. “Ya know, I cleared the way for your cranky ass, letting her go early so you could finally be with her, and then you fuck it up.”
Ben stood, placed his palms on the desk and got in Logan’s face. “Last chance,” he growled in warning.
Logan slowly stood, forcing Ben to straighten so he wouldn’t have to look up at him. “Whatever it was, just apologize.”
“I did! Many times.”
“Do it again. With flowers or some shit like that.”
Missy wasn’t the kind of woman easily swayed by an obvious token of apology like that. Her trust level was low as it was, and what little trust she’d had in him, he’d managed to shut down completely. His chest ached, sadness pushing out all the anger and hurt. He slumped back to his seat. This sucked so bad.
“Damn, Ben, just looking at you is making me tear up.”
“Fuck you.”
“If she’s that important to you, don’t give up. It’s not as hopeless as it feels right now.” Logan turned and left.
“What do you know?” Ben shouted after him. Logan hadn’t given up on his college girlfriend, still holding out hope for a reconciliation when “the time was right,” whatever that meant. Ben didn’t see that ever working out for Logan. The man knew nothing about fixing relationships.
Logan shot him the bird over his shoulder.
Ben clicked over to his email inbox, figuring at least he could clear that out. He certainly couldn’t focus on any real work.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Missy at the church bazaar, selling him a sweater, all smart-mouthed fun. That mouth, those sexy plump lips.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Missy in a clingy black dress at the Fierce Loving wrap party, casually asking if he wanted to get laid. “An itch you need to scratch once in a while, right?” His finger hovered over the delete key, remembering the warm inviting look in her brown eyes. He’d thought the casual-sex thing was perfect, but then it turned into something more, and now it was over.
Delete! Delete! Delete!
He slammed the laptop closed, memories of Missy flashing through his brain—elf Missy, naked and primal Missy, buttoned-up professional Missy, soft Missy. He missed that Missy most of all, soft and tender. Undone by him.
He straightened. Wait a minute. That was all he needed to do. Some gesture that made her come undone, that showed her how much he loved her. His mind boggled for a moment. He did love her. Why else would he feel like he’d lost a part of himself when he’d lost her? He’d do something to show her she could trust him to come through. She’d understand she didn’t have to deal with every fucking thing in life on her own. He helped the people he was close to. It was an essential part of him. She had to understand he helped because he loved.
He stood, pulling his jacket on, determined to get through to Missy. He stopped. What was he going to do, show up at her apartment? No. The Harper family. Missy would be going there tomorrow for Christmas Eve. She wanted to bring the Harpers a special Christmas celebration, and he’d help too, showing Missy they could be a great team if she’d just let him in. He pulled out his phone, searching for their address, but it wasn’t listed anywhere. No problem. He knew they went to the same church as his grandmother. He’d get the info from her. He fired off a quick text to Logan, saying he’d be back in a couple of hours. He headed out the door, hope giving him an extra burst of energy.
By the time he got back to the office, it was hours later because he’d gotten hung up at his grandmother’s house. She’d insisted on feeding him lunch and also gave him the third degree, asking if he was taking good care of himself, eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, blah, blah, blah. He did his best to reassure her, but she seemed to know something was off with him. In any case, she’d been very helpful about the Harpers. After hearing their situation, he understood exactly why Missy was taking their cause so personally.
He just hoped his gesture didn’t blow up in his face. With Missy, sometimes good intentions weren’t enough. She had to believe deep down that he meant it.