Evie stalked through the dark streets towards her apartment, Alexei following at her heels. For the first time, his presence didn’t make her feel safer. In fact, it added to the creeping chill currently making its way through her body and into her heart.

Finally her apartment building came into view, a welcome beacon in the darkness. She quickened her pace, heart beating as Alexei followed suit. She knew it was him, the footsteps baring down on her, but it still sent shivers down her spine as if she was being followed.

“Evie,” he said, he voice apologetic, but she ignored him, moving even faster until she jogged in her heels.

The trust she’d so carefully bestowed on him had been crushed and now lay bleeding like her heart. Tears pricked her eyes. She’d known he’d been too good to be true. She should have listened to her first instincts, the ones that had warned her he lived a violent and dangerous life.

But she’d been too messed up to trust herself. She’d wanted to believe she was fixed and healthy, and could choose the right man this time around. Instead, she’d given her heart to another violent man.

“Evie,” Alexei said again, firmer. Evie wiped away tears and stepped into the interior of her apartment building. She didn’t stop, running up the stairs as fast as her heels would take her. Blisters were forming on her feet and her calves were on fire, but she ignored them, too determined to get away.

She knew Alexei could have caught up to her any time he’d wanted, with his long legs. But maybe he still had enough humanity left to understand she needed space. That hope was dashed, however, when he walked straight past his own apartment door towards hers as she fumbled with her key. She managed to insert it into the lock and push it open before he reached her. She slipped inside and tried to close the door but he held out a hand to stop it before it latched.

Evie swallowed as terror gripped her. Would he push his way inside? She’d be powerless to stop him if he did.

“Leave,” she choked out.

“You need to talk to me,” he said.

She let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t need to do anything.” She shoved against the door again but he wouldn’t budge. His jaw was tight with anger.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Okay?”

“No,” she hissed. “Not okay.”

He hesitated for a long moment. “I don’t…” He stopped, eyeing her. “I don’t understand why you are mad,” he said eventually.

Evie’s eyes widened in shock. “You don’t know? After what you did?”

He shrugged helplessly. “I protected you.” It was almost a plea, trying to get her to see his point of view. But she shook her head, not listening. She’d been through this before, the excuses and lies. This time, she’d trust herself.

“You incited a bar brawl,” she countered, angry he’d make her explain this. Why couldn’t he see? Why couldn’t he understand?

“They were threatening you.” His voice was rough, his accent thick.

“No, they were intimidating me.”

“I don’t understand the difference.”

She took a deep breath, trying to control her fury. She didn’t want to talk about this now, but there was no way she could get him to leave unless she did. His expression was pure stubbornness.

“The difference is that you didn’t need to hit them. We could have walked out at any time.”

“He swung at me,” he countered.

“Which, if I remember correctly, you dodged with ease.”

He shrugged. “They deserved it. They scared you.”

“Yes, they did scare me. And I didn’t want them there. But there were so many other things you could’ve done which didn’t involve violence. Instead, you chose to punish them. They were drunk, and not professional fighters. And you’re huge and very dangerous with your fists. You could have seriously hurt one of them!”

He narrowed his eyes. “They still would have deserved it.”

“The fact that you don’t even regret it means I’m right in this decision. I don’t want to see you anymore. We’re officially over.”

Alexei’s eyes grew stricken, his head shaking as if denying what she said. Guilt gnawed at her, but she had nothing to feel guilty about. She’d just been conditioned not to upset the men in her life.

“I can’t lose you.”

“It’s too late,” she told him as firmly as she could, but her voice wobbled. The twist in her heart made tears spring to her eyes. Her entire soul shattered into pieces and she didn’t know if she could ever put it back together. She blinked back the tears so he wouldn’t see.

“What should I have done? Let them hurt you?”

“Alexei, we were in a public place. They wouldn’t hurt me there. Yes, they enjoyed frightening me, but I doubt they planned to rape me on the bar, or whatever the hell you’re thinking.”

“They needed to stop.”

“Both of us could easily have walked out. There was no need to get violent. But you wanted to hurt them, I saw it in your eyes.”

“They scared you,” he said again as if this was answer enough, a pleading in his gaze for her to understand.

“We could have walked away. Left the bar. They never would have followed us. They were afraid of you, and you could have scared them into leaving. You could have talked them down. There were so many options.”

“Me? Talk? I can barely speak enough English to get by. I do actions, not words.”

“Bullshit. You talk to me well enough.” The anger was back, mixing with the guilt for a potent combination of fear and regret and fury. But she couldn’t deny the truth of his last words. He was a man who showed who he was through gestures. Walking her home, giving her his jacket, letting her tie him up when she was nervous. Words had never been his strong suit. His actions had turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. What had been so wonderful when she’d felt safe with him had now been tainted. The same man who had shown her such care and kindness in his gestures now proved his actions extended to violence, too.

“Not enough to stop men scaring you,” he said, and Evie tried to regain the thread of the fight.

“You don’t get it, do you?” she asked softly, studying his face. He looked like he was in agony, his face pinched tight and his eyes pleading with her. Did she truly believe this man could hurt her? She simply didn’t know, couldn’t be sure anymore.

He shook his head and Evie sighed. “I can’t be with a man that solves his problems with violence. Surely, surely, you understand that.”

Alexei’s eyes widened as he stared down at her. “I’d never hurt you,” he whispered fiercely.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I wish I could believe that,” she choked out, tears streaming faster now. “But I don’t know if I can.”

“Evie,” he pleaded, stepping forward.

She swallowed and shuffled back, away from him. “No. I can’t take the risk. Not again. I have to protect myself this time, and get out while I still can.”

“Evie, you have to believe me,” he said.

“No. I don’t. I only have to believe myself.”

His arm slackened where it was held against the door, his expression conveying his shock. Evie took advantage, finally slamming the door shut on him and clicking the lock. She turned and slid to the floor with her back to the door, letting the tears fall freely now. She didn’t think he’d try to break down the door, not after he’d got her such a tough one.

Deep down, before tonight, she believed he wouldn’t hurt her. But now, she didn’t know, and couldn’t be sure. It didn’t make it okay if he was willing to hurt anyone but her.

Confused, heartbroken, and emotionally weary, Evie crawled into bed and fell down onto it face-first.

She was doing the right thing, she was sure.

So why did she feel so utterly miserable?