Alexei prowled the streets. He was too furious to stay in his apartment, pacing, thinking of her next door. Blood thumped through his veins, urging him to fight, but he had no enemy to confront.

Except, perhaps, himself. But Evie had to be wrong about him. He’d never hurt her, never hurt any woman. He wasn’t his father. He’d done what he could to escape that life and distance himself from that past.

Why couldn’t she see he wasn’t like that?

The fact that she saw him that way hurt, deep in his soul. It was the wrenching pain of betrayal, one he’d never experienced before. He never should have given his heart to a woman that would believe that of him.

He found himself at the doors of Golan’s Gym. He shouldn’t have been surprised his subconscious mind had taken him here, to a place that had always been his solace. Here, he’d always known what was expected of him. Where his size and strength had always been a bonus, not something to be feared.

He pushed open the door and stepped inside, finding it empty in the early hours of the morning. He switched on the lights and stood just inside the door as they reluctantly flickered on.

The sight of the tattered equipment did little to soothe him. It was a sad reminder of the life he led, a worn out second-rate fighter with no future. As soon as he was done in McCready’s fights, his career was over, that much was obvious.

No wonder Evie wanted to escape him. Maybe her talk of him being violent had just been an excuse. That would make more sense, since he’d never threatened her in words or action. But, no, he’d seen the fear in her eyes, the pain and heartbreak that had mirrored his own. There was no faking that.

Alexei stepped into the gym, his eyes drifting to the place he and Evie had often trained together on the mats. Her presence was now imprinted in every aspect of his life. On this gym, on his apartment. On his mind and his soul. He felt like he’d never escape her. Never stop wanting her.

Her words had hurt, and still did. But he didn’t think the sting of her parting words would ever be enough to erase the memory of everything they’d shared. He’d seen a different side of himself with her. A side he’d never anticipated, but didn’t actually hate.

But had all that been a lie?

Alexei slumped on the bench nearest to the punching bag and stared at the gym without really seeing it. Silence echoed back. His mind kept circling back to the moment in the bar, Evie’s words repeating on a loop in his head.

Could he have stopped the fight before it even began? He eventually, reluctantly, decided maybe he could have. Should he have? That was the real question. He firmly believed those assholes had deserved the beating they’d got. All four of them had intentionally scared a woman, waiting until her boyfriend—and even that word sent an ache to his heart, since he’d never officially been that and now never would—had been out of the picture before approaching while she was vulnerable.

Maybe next time the creeps would think twice before harassing a woman.

But then an image of Evie’s stricken face as she’d looked at him would burst into his mind. In that moment, she’d seen him as a beast.

And Alexei couldn’t be sure she was wrong.

 

 

Chelsea came to visit Evie after she’d called her friend looking for support. Days later, she was no longer so convinced she’d done the right thing. Perhaps her reaction to the fight had just been one of knee-jerk fear. She no longer trusted her instincts, so she called in Chelsea as a reinforcement.

She’d barely stopped crying since she’d last seen Alexei, muffling her tears with her pillow so he wouldn’t hear through the thin walls. She heart and body missed him, almost unbearably, while her mind tried to tell her she’d done the right thing. But if that was the case, why did she still hurt so much?

Her friend arrived an hour later armed with wine, chocolate, and ice cream. Evie had never loved her more.

“We’ll sort this out,” Chelsea said, dumping her load on the kitchen table. Then, she’d held out her arms for a hug and Evie gratefully accepted the comfort.

A few minutes later, they sat on the couch with a large glass of wine each.

“Tell me everything.”

Evie did, spilling her heart out about how her relationship with Alexei had developed and then so spectacularly imploded. She also told Chelsea about how confused she was, how she no longer knew how to trust her own instincts. Chelsea nodded through it all, her face expressing none of the judgement Evie had half-expected.

When Evie was done, Chelsea set down her wine and took Evie’s free hand. “I want you to know that feeling afraid after what you’ve been through is a valid reaction, maybe even a normal one.”

Evie breathed a sigh of relief, even as her heart twisted. Had she wanted Chelsea to tell her she was wrong? To have an excuse to go back to Alexei, one where the decision was out of her own hands, along with the responsibility?

“But,” Chelsea continued, “It doesn’t mean it’s an accurate one.”

Evie swallowed. “What do you mean?” But she feared she already knew the answer.

“I mean, that someone who has gone through trauma as you have, doesn’t always think clearly in certain situations. You close down to protect yourself. And that’s a normal thing to do, to stop ourselves getting hurt. But sometimes the way our brain sees things is not always the way things are.”

“So you think I’m in the wrong?”

Chelsea shook her head. “I don’t know. I think only you can decide this. It might not be an easy answer. Because Alexei does have a violent job, and he did beat up those guys without breaking a sweat when he could have walked away. But do I think that’s an automatic deal breaker? Not necessarily.”

Evie slugged some more of her wine. “He couldn’t even see why it might have upset me, though. He couldn’t admit he might have done something wrong. I think that might have been the worst thing of all.”

Chelsea made a sound of annoyance. “Ugh, men.” Evie laughed at the fake disgust in her friend’s face. “I do admit that a man who can’t admit he’s at fault is unlikely to change.”

Evie nodded. “Yeah. Maybe I overreacted to the fight, though I’m still not sure I did. But surely he should at least say ‘doesn’t matter what I think, babe. If it scared you, I won’t do it again’. Right?” Her voice had gone comically deep as she imitated Alexei’s accent appallingly.

Chelsea wrinkled her nose. “He called you babe? Then you should definitely dump him for good.”

Evie laughed again. “No! I was being descriptive.”

“Okay, look. That’s the ideal scenario, right? That a man realises his faults once you point them out and makes an effort for the better. That’s why Mr. Darcy is such a fucking hottie—he takes Elizabeth’s set down to heart and goes, ‘holy shit I’m an asshole’. But unfortunately, men are rarely perfect to start with, and really reluctant to change in real life. So you have to decide whether his faults are something you can live with, or not.”

Evie was silent for a long time, pondering her friend’s wisdom. A row of chocolate squares appeared in front of her and she took them from Chelsea and absently took a bite.

“I’m still not sure,” she admitted eventually with a shrug. “He really frightened me. And I’m sick of feeling frightened.”

“Well, that sounds like you’ve decided.”

“Yeah,” she said sadly. But a pit had opened up in her gut and tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of never seeing Alexei again. “But I love him,” she choked out as the tears gushed out, leaving Evie sobbing.

Chelsea immediately wrapped her arms around Evie and held her tight as the tears flowed.

“I’m sorry,” Evie whispered when she could talk coherently again. “That’s been happening a lot.”

“I understand. Love certainly complicates things.”

Chelsea handed Evie a tissue.

“I loved Jimmy, too, briefly. So obviously I have awful taste.”

Chelsea shrugged. “Alexei seemed pretty decent, from what you said. He just had at least one flaw that was incompatible with what you need.”

“Why are you so reasonable?” Evie asked with a pout.

Chelsea cracked a grin. “If you’d rather eat ice cream and badmouth men for the whole night, I’m here for that, too. Just figured you want a more level-headed sounding board until you were sure the relationship was done for good.”

Evie smiled gratefully and wiped away the last of her tears. The pit in her stomach still yawned, and part of her wanted to run back into Alexei’s arms to fill it. But she couldn’t do that. Not until she knew for sure what she wanted.

“What should I do?” she asked her friend, curling up on the couch with her head in Chelsea’s lap.

Chelsea stroke her hair. “You don’t have to do anything just yet. Decide when you’re ready.”

Evie let out a shuddering breath. “But what if by then it’s too late?”

Chelsea had no answer for that.