Joie

 

“Okay, let’s do that again from the top!” Everyone groaned, but marched back into position. I yanked my phone out of my pocket and checked the time again. Cole was almost thirty minutes late. Dang him! I dialed his number. After a few rings, his voicemail picked up. I disconnected the call and then called again. Nothing.

“Stupid. Stupid,” I muttered under my breath. Where was he? I waited a full three minutes before pushing the button on my phone again.

He answered on the third ring. “Yeah?” He sounded out of breath.

“Where are you? You’re late!”

“I-um,” I heard a giggle through the receiver. Oh. My. Gosh.

“Cole Derrick Parker!” How dare he answer the phone while making out with his skank! “You get in here right now!”

“I’ll be right there.” He disconnected the phone.

“Argh!” I wanted to strangle him. Looking up from my phone, I noticed the room had gone still. Even Ms. Lewis was watching me with her mouth hanging open a little.

Slapping the sheaf of paper in my hand down on the table, I took a deep breath. “Fifteen-minute break!” I think we all needed it.

Some people took off for the bathrooms, but mostly everyone just plopped down on the stage and either pulled out their phones or sat and chatted. I, on the other hand, had an idiot to intercept. I marched up the aisle to the door leading to the parking lot. When I reached the vestibule, I saw Cole through the window. He was just getting out of his car. The windows were steamed up and he reached a hand in to help Brianna out of the back seat.

Sadness filled me like acid, burning through my whole body like molten lava. And when Cole kissed her, tears stung behind my eyelids. It was stupid. I made my choice, didn’t I? Just because Cole kissed me that day- it didn’t mean anything. Why should it bother me to see him kiss her? It shouldn’t.

But it did.

Oh, it did.

I watched as Cole made his way into the school, straightening his shirt and running his hands through his mussed hair. I was going to be sick. I should have left. I should have gone back into the auditorium, but I couldn’t. Maybe some sick part of me wanted him to know I knew what he was up to. Maybe I wanted to see his reaction to that. Did he care? Would he care? I waited with my arms crossed. If nothing else, he’d held up everyone else, so he could feel up his girlfriend.

His smile faded as he walked through the glass doors and saw me standing there.

“Hey, sorry, I-”

“I don’t need details, thanks.” I held up my hand to stop him.

“I wasn’t going to offer any,” he replied raising one brow. His gaze traveled the length of my body. And not in a flattering way. “What’s this? You the new welcoming committee?”

“Funny.” I drew myself up tall. As director, it was my responsibility to keep things going smoothly. “You said you would do this, Cole. I need you to be on time. We had to rearrange the whole rehearsal because our lead actor wasn’t here.”

Cole threw his hands in the air. “Jeez, Jo. I was late one time. I’ve been here on time every other rehearsal and I’ve worked my tail off memorizing lines and keeping these guys going.”

“Oh, the mighty Cole Parker, keeping everyone on pins and needles with his greatness.” With my hands on my hips, I rolled my eyes, letting him know exactly what I thought of him and his hype.

Cole took a step closer. “You begged me to do this play, Jo.” He pointed his finger at me. “I’m doing you a favor.”

“That’s right. I just didn’t know what a diva you’d turned into,” I sneered.

Cole’s eyes widened incredulously. “Diva?” He stepped closer, challenging, threatening. And close enough I could see the remnants of Brianna’s lip gloss on his face. I sucked in a deep breath, but quickly regretted it. He even smelled like her. I fought to keep from crumbling before him.

Twirling away, I called out over my shoulder. “You’re right, Cole. You are doing me a favor. But if you could just do one more and be on time from now on, I’d appreciate it.”

 

Cole

 

I felt my shoulders slump as I watched her walk away. The door closed behind her and I let my eyes slide shut. Dangit! I really hadn’t meant to be late. I’d just gotten- distracted. Blowing out an aggravated breath, I headed for the auditorium. No sense in provoking her further.

Rehearsal was a beast. Joie was pissed off and everyone else was on edge realizing there was tension between us. I tried to lighten the mood with my usual joking tactics but that only seemed to make it worse and caused me to get yelled at for not taking things seriously. Ugh.

Finally, it was over, and I didn’t waste any time getting out of there. The last thing I wanted was another dressing down from Joie. But old habits die hard, and I found myself sitting in the parking lot waiting to make sure she got her bike okay. Five minutes passed. Then ten. After fifteen minutes, I started to get angry. What was she doing? Irritated, I got out of my car and headed back in to the auditorium. Dumb girl. Didn’t she know it was a bad idea to hang out at the school alone? Sure, the janitors were there, but who knew who else could sneak back in.

“Jo!” It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim room. Someone had already turned off the house lights and all that remained was a few running lights. “Jo,” I called out again.

And then I heard it, the unmistakable sound of someone crying- well, sniffling at least. Scanning the room, I saw her. She still sat in the center row about halfway back, where she could see the whole stage as she called out instructions during rehearsal. Her shoulders were hunched and shaking. My heart sank. I knew these tears were because of me. They were my fault.

I made my way to the row where she sat, and side stepped between the seats until I reached her.

“Just go away, Cole.” Her words were muffled against her legs. She was doubled over like that day in my car with her face buried in her knees.

“What are you doing?” I sat down beside her, tempted to rub her back, but I held my hand in my lap instead.

Her tear-stained cheek turned toward me a little. Oh, man. Without considering the consequences, I reached for her. Bent up the way she was, I just put my arm under her knees and lifted her into my lap.

“No. No, no, no.” She shook her head against my chest. I ignored her and tried to brush the wet strands of her hair away from her face.

“You’ve made a mess here,” I muttered under my breath as I worked.

“Stop it,” she cried, slapping at my hands. She looked so cute, I smiled. She was like a disgruntled little bird, flapping her wings.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I didn’t mean to be late.”

“Why do you think everything’s about you? You are a diva,” she croaked on a sob. Her eyes flooded with fresh tears and a new fear filled my chest.

“What are you crying about, then? Did something happen at home?” I swear, if anyone hurt her-

“Of course not,” she blubbered.

“Where are your glasses?” I knew she tended to just toss them wherever when she was upset, and I didn’t want them to get broken.

She started swatting at me again.

“Hey!” I held up my forearms to take most of the hits.

“Stop taking. Care. Of. Me!” She punctuated each word with a direct hit

“Stop hitting me.” She was beginning to remind me of a pissed off cat in my lap, scratching and clawing.

“You stop!” The tears had slowed, and she just looked mad.

“I didn’t do anything,” I defended. “I thought you weren’t mad at me.”

“Of course, I’m mad at you, you idiot!” And we were back to the hitting. I wrapped my arms around hers, pinning them to her side.

“I said I was sorry about being late. I promise I’ll do better.” And I would, if only she would stop crying. Since her arms were unavailable, Joie used her feet to kick at me. “Ouch! Jo, I’m not kidding. What is your issue?”

“You. Smell. Like. Her.”

Whoosh. You could have heard a pin drop in that auditorium. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. All the air rushed out of my chest and my arms fell slack. Joie didn’t move a muscle as our eyes held.

“Why do you care?” I finally broke the silence, my voice barely above a whisper. She’d made it clear she didn’t want me anymore. Not as her friend. Not as her anything.

“I don’t.” Lie.

Somehow, my hands found her face. Cupping both cheeks with my palms, I lifted until she was forced to meet my gaze.

“Are you ever going to tell me why?” The ache that never went away bloomed into full blown agony.

Her eyes reflected my own emotions, but there was more than just pain. Sorrow. Remorse. Resolve.

Without warning, her hands reached up. She framed my cheeks just as I had done to hers. “I’m sorry, Cole. What I said was unfair.”

Joie leaned closer until her lips pressed sweet against the corner of my mouth. Gasping, I struggled against the want for more. Joie rose from her seat in my lap.

“I’m waiting for Eric. He had some things to finish up before he could leave.” She slipped into her coat and picked up her backpack while I tried to remember how to breathe. “Thanks for looking in on me.”

I nodded, still unable to move and she walked away.

For the last three years I’ve wondered. Why did I have to love this girl? It wasn’t like she made it easy. Even before her dad died, it was hard to be her friend. She was moody, often bothered by the specter of her reality. Some of it was just her personality, but a lot of it was a reaction. On the other hand, I’m just a naturally optimistic person. I’ve never been one to let things get me down. Lose a game? Work harder and try harder the next time. Hurt feelings? Give them the benefit of the doubt. Arguments? Take a break and then work it out. Nothing could get me down.

But Joie did. How could she have so much power over me? Why couldn’t I just be happy with Brianna? And the funny thing was, for the last eight months I have been happy with Brianna. But now? Now, it felt like a door was opening. This huge, colossal door cracked its seal just a teeny, tiny bit. And that’s all it took, folks. Hope returned. Stupid, optimistic Cole returned. And all I could think about was how to get Joie to love me again.

She’d been gone.

But now she was back.

That hole in my heart I’ve been ignoring for years? Yeah, I kept falling in it.

I wasn’t at all sure I could go back to forgetting it was there.