Cole

 

If there was one thing I knew about Joie, I knew she kept secrets. Even though I knew something was off in her life from the time we were really small, it wasn’t until sixth grade that we actually talked about it and that was only because I pushed the issue one day. I don’t think she would have ever admitted anything otherwise. Until then, all I knew was that my best friend in the whole world lived scared.

Joie’s dad was charismatic. He had a smile for everyone. Together, Joie’s parents were striking. I remember one-time Joie came to our house to stay overnight because her parents had some red-carpet kind of thing to go to for the premiere of one of her mom’s books. When they dropped her off at our house, they were already dressed. Her mom looked like a princess and her dad was every inch the dashing prince charming. Maybe that’s why it was so shocking the other day to see her mom looking so... haggard. Anyway, on the outside those two looked like they had it all together, you know?

I could never shake this feeling around him, though. Maybe it was just that I was a kid and had that second sense you get sometimes about danger. But I never felt comfortable around Joie’s dad. I remember thinking his smile never reached his eyes and that Joie always shied away from him whenever he tried to hug her or show her any kind of affection. Coming from a loving home, myself, and knowing that I could crawl up into my dad’s lap when he got home from work and just sit there while he watched some game or other on tv, well, I guess I noticed the difference. My dad made me feel safe and I knew Joie’s scared her to death.

One day when we were in the sixth grade, things had started to kinda change between us, Joie and me. We were still best friends and everything, but we sat closer on the couch to watch movies, making sure we were touching. A lot of our play was physical, you know, wrestling around and tickling, things like that. Well, on this day, we were down in my basement. Joie was trying to do her homework and I was trying to get her to do just about anything else. As usual, I took things too far and the next thing I knew, we were wrestling around. One minute we were laughing and playing and the next, Joie was on the ground, clutching her arm.

Man, I felt like the biggest jerk. Sure, we joked around a lot, but I never wanted to hurt Joie. My mom raised me to be a gentleman and even when we played around, I tried to be gentle.

 

“Oh, my gosh, Jo. Are you okay?” That’s it, just shoot me now. How could I have made Joie cry like that? I sat next to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “Geez, seriously. Are you okay? I feel so bad.” I felt my own eyes fill with tears. Joie was my best friend and I loved her more than just about anybody.

Joie sniffled for a few minutes more, her tears soaking the front of my t-shirt. It felt weird, but I felt so bad I didn’t even say anything about it. Finally, she lifted her eyes and glanced at me. I thought I was going to be sick, she looked so sad.

“Jo-” I shook my head. I didn’t even know what to say.

“It’s okay, Cole. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” She raised her arm and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her shirt.

“Didn’t know what,” I asked, completely confused. “What do you mean? I swear I didn’t mean to hurt your arm. I was just playing around.”

“I know. It’s just-” she turned her head away from me. “It’s just it was already hurt.”

“What? How did you hurt it? What happened?” Injuries were a badge of honor at our age. Joie and I compared scars and bruises all the time. I hadn’t heard anything about her arm. I wracked my brain to think of how she might have hurt herself.

Then, it was like time stood still. Like everything stopped and I was looking through a long tunnel and Joie was at the other end. All I could see were her eyes. Eyes that were filled with the most aching, heartbreaking sadness I had ever seen. And I was reminded of something. Something dark that I usually tried to hide away because it interfered with the happy times Joie and I had together.

As gingerly as I possibly could with my eleven-year-old hands, I took hold of Joie’s arm and began pushing her sleeve up. I knew I needed to see what was there, but in my heart, I was hoping she would stop me. That she would tell me everything was fine and not to worry about her. I wanted to go back to hiding from the darkness. Her darkness.

Her eyes never left my face. Even when I had pushed her sleeve up past the black and blue fingerprints on her upper arm, Joie never looked away. And I felt like all the air, all the happiness, all the love had been sucked out of my soul. Who could do this to my beautiful friend? But I knew.

Without knowing what I was doing, I threw my arms around her and cried. I think it was the first time I’d cried in years. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had. But there in my parent’s basement with my best friend crushed as close as I could get her, I sobbed. Before long, Joie began crying again and I’ll never know how long we held each other there and let out all our sadness. All our brokenness.

“I’ll kill him,” I whispered into her hair. “I promise, I’ll kill him for what he did to you.”

Joie shook her head against my shoulder. “No, Cole.”

“Yes. I don’t want him to hurt you.” Even as I said the words, reality crashed around me and I knew, I knew this wasn’t the first time. Of course, it wasn’t. Hadn’t I seen the signs all along? Hadn’t I noticed the smile that never reached his eyes? Hadn’t I collected Joie almost every day for a few years straight from behind the trash bins? It crushed me. Fresh tears rolled hot down my cheeks.

“No. Cole, don’t you see? Don’t you get it? You are better than him. Hurting people is not what you do.” Joie rose up from my hold on her and grasped my shoulders. “You can’t hurt him. It would hurt me to know you did something like that. You are so good. You’re all I have, Cole. The only hope I have.”

 

The only hope she had. My friends wanted to know why I was starring in Joie’s play? That’s why. Because I was the only hope she had. That and a ten-year-old pact that included burning Joie’s mom’s incense and cutting our palms to become blood brother and sister and a promise to never say no if either of us invoked the power of our pact.

Damn. I was such a fool.

 

Joie

 

I knew the minute Cole pulled up in front of my house I didn’t want to go in there. Lights glared through the window panes and 70’s disco music echoed faintly through the walls.

Smiling as brightly as I could muster, I pushed open the door. “Thanks for the ride.”

Cole’s hand on my arm stopped me before I could make my escape.

“What?” I met his gaze over my shoulder.

He glanced uneasily at my house. “What’s going on in there? Are you going to be okay?”

Putting on a braver face than I felt, I stepped out of the car. “Don’t worry about me.”

Cole was out of the car and by my side before I could even step up on the curb. “Come to dinner at my house,” he blurted, grabbing my hand.

“What? No.” I tugged my hand, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he stepped closer until I felt his breath on my face. My heart stuttered in my chest.

“Joie. I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you and I get that, but I got this feeling. In my gut, I have this feeling that you are not okay.” His eyes hardened as he looked at my house. Two men had come out the front door to light up cigarettes, the sound of laughter wafted into the night air before they closed the door again.

Anxiety that had nothing to do with Cole’s closeness threatened to crush me. He was right. There was no way it was safe for me to go in there. Things with my mother were getting worse.

“Mom would love to have you for dinner and we can do homework up in my room. Just like old times.” Cole propelled me across the street, then deposited me on the sidewalk in front of his house. Jogging back to his car, he jumped inside and parked it in his driveway. Two seconds later, he was back at my side. “Come on.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I caught the eye of one of the men on my front porch and shivered. As much as I didn’t want to rely on Cole, I’d never been more thankful for him.

The Parker’s home was warm and inviting after the cold outside. Cole removed his coat and tossed it and his backpack into a pile at the bottom of the stairs.

“Here,” he said, taking my stuff and adding it to his. “We’ll take it up later.”

I just nodded, the awkwardness of the situation almost unbearable. What would his parents think?

“It’s okay, Jo. We’ve done this a thousand times.” I wanted to be reassured by the confidence in his eyes, but it was hard. We had done this a thousand times probably a few thousand times. I knew his home as well as I knew my own. I even knew the scent of the beef stroganoff dinner coming from the kitchen.

“Oh, my goodness, Joie!”

A dark-haired tornado hit me right in the belly. Laughing, I hugged Macy, Cole’s younger sister. “Hey, Mace.”

“It’s so good to see you! I’m so glad you’re here.” Macy squeezed me tighter and my throat constricted. I hadn’t just shunned Cole three years ago, I’d shut out his whole family.

“I’m glad to see you, too, Mace.” I hugged her close.

“Are you staying for dinner,” she asked excitedly.

“I- I think so,” I answered, glancing at Cole.

“She’s staying.” Cole ruffled Macy’s hair. “Let her breathe, for heaven’s sake.”

Macy grinned at me and loosened her grip around my waist, settling for grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the kitchen.

“Look who’s staying for dinner!” Macy’s loud call preceded us into the kitchen. It looked exactly as I remembered it. Mrs. Parker had decorated the cheerful room with roosters. She stood at the counter wearing a rooster print apron that looked like it should be on a grandma and not a beautiful mom in yoga pants and running shoes. She was just pulling something out of the oven when we turned the corner. Rolls. Oh. Wow. They smelled so good! I couldn’t remember the last time I had a real home cooked meal. Probably the last time I ate at the Parker’s.

Mrs. Parker’s face lit with a smile when she saw me. She quickly set the rolls on a hot pad on the counter and met me with a hug.  

“Joie! I’m so glad you’re here.” She smelled like expensive perfume and dinner.

“I’m sorry to barge in like this.” I glared a little at Cole, but he just shook his head and smiled.

“You never have to be sorry for coming over here.” She laughed a little and squeezed my shoulder for good measure. “Are you kidding? Things haven’t been the same since you haven’t been around.”

“Mom.” Cole’s voice held a hint of warning.

“Wash up, Cole. You, too, Mace.” Mrs. Parker led me to the kitchen sink and handed me a bottle of hand soap while Cole and Macy marched to the bathroom just off the kitchen.

“I can’t believe it, Jo.” Mrs. Parker said softly.

“What do you mean,” I asked, not at all sure I wanted to know what she was talking about.

“We’ve just missed you so much.” She paused, her gaze flitting to the bathroom where we could hear Cole teasing Macy as they both washed up for dinner. “Some of us more than others.” Her brow quirked significantly when her eyes found mine again.

Guilt and regret burned through me as I considered her words, when I thought about all the dinners I’d missed out on the last three years. Maybe I’d been wrong to cut myself off from the only real family I’d ever known. Feeling confused, I turned away from her, only to come face to face with Cole.

Cole. It always came back to Cole. Goodness, he was gorgeous.

“Help me set the table?”

Thankful for something to do, I nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

Cole pulled open a cabinet door and began removing plates. I found the drawer filled with silverware and loaded up on the necessary utensils. We worked together to set out place settings for five. Heading back to the kitchen, I went to the cabinet to get a pitcher to fill with ice water for the table.

“Wow. You still know where everything is,” Mrs. Parker remarked with wonder.

Cole rolled his eyes and loaded his hands with glasses. “More amazing than her remembering is the fact you haven’t changed anything.”

Trying to look offended, however unsuccessfully because she was smiling, Mrs. Parker lightly slapped Cole’s shoulder with a towel. “Hey, now.”

Cole waggled his eyebrows at me and I knew he was teasing his mom. Mrs. Parker had a compulsion to rearrange her furniture all the time and in the past, Cole and I had been her labor source for shifting things around. Apparently, the need to rearrange didn’t translate to the kitchen cabinets. I grinned. Cole was a stinker.

“Honey, I’m home,” a deep sing-song voice called out from the front room followed the slamming of the front door. Everyone in the room smiled, excited for husband and father Mr. Parker, to make an appearance.

Derrick Parker was a large man, when he walked into the room, everyone knew it. It wasn’t just his size, though, that made him stand out, it was something else. Confidence. Power. Compassion. Through all the years dealing with my own father, I was forever thankful for Cole’s dad. As hard as it was sometimes to wonder why Cole had such a wonderful family while mine was so dysfunctional, I tried to remember to just be glad they welcomed me so easily.

As kids, I remember Cole being so excited when his dad came home from work. Instead of running to hide, Cole would run to the door and throw his skinny arms around his dad’s tree trunk legs. Mr. Parker never failed to greet Cole with a smile.  Soon, I was just as excited as Cole to see Mr. Parker come home and he had a smile for me just as easily as he did for Cole. I can’t tell you how many times he’d swung me up in his arms and tickled my neck with his five o’clock shadow until I had whisker burn on my skin. I still could remember the scent of his aftershave. Mr. Parker taught me that not all men were like my father. Not all men were like the ones my mother brought home from the bar or wherever else she found them.

“Hon, looks who’s here for dinner,” Mrs. Parker said as she gave her husband a hug.

And just like that, I was immediately engulfed in the warmest, safest hug I’d ever remembered.

“Ah, Jo-Jo.” His voice broke as he said my name and tears sprang to my eyes. Why had I ever denied myself this? I’d missed this family so much!

“Hi, Mr. Parker,” I whispered against his broad chest. He still smelled exactly as I remembered. He squeezed me tight for another moment, then pulled away, his eyes suspiciously damp.

“Well, shoot, Nora. I think this calls for a party. Break out the pop!” Mr. Parker whirled away from me and I had to blink several times to clear the moisture from my eyes. Mr. Parker slapped Cole on the shoulder and placed a sweet kiss on Macy’s head.

“You had a Dr. Pepper last night, Derrick,” Mrs. Parker admonished.

“I know, but last night Jo-Jo wasn’t here.” Mr. Parker winked at me.

Some things never changed. Mr. Parker was diabetic, and Mrs. Parker was a stickler for watching his diet. But Mr. Parker’s biggest weakness, other than Mrs. Parker, was Dr. Pepper. It was the reason I liked the drink so much myself.

Relenting, Mrs. Parker sighed. “Okay, but just one.”

Mr. Parker pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”

“Dad, you are so embarrassing.” Macy shook her head, the love evident on her face a comical contrast to her words.

“Embarrassing?” Mr. Parker grunted, stalking toward Macy like The Hulk.

“Alright, alright. Just kidding.” Macy giggled, and Mr. Parker pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

“Dinner’s ready!” Mrs. Parker set out the last dish on the table and everyone made their way to sit down.

Without even thinking, I sat in my usual spot beside Cole. Mr. Parker sat beside me in his seat at the head of the table. Mrs. Parker was at the other end, beside Cole while Macy sat across from us. After a quick blessing on the food, everyone began talking at once, filling their plates from the delicious food laid out. A sense of peace and completeness settled over me. I’d forgotten what it could be like.