TWO GLASSES OF white wine are set in front of us, and we place our order. It’s just me and Holly on an actual date. The most normal thing we’ve done in a month. I’m so happy to finally have a night out where it’s just us and no one or nothing else to distract us.
“Cheers to them accepting our bid.” I raise my glass of wine. Even with a low bid, the sellers accepted our offer and the wheels are already in motion. By late summer, we’ll be homeowners.
“Cheers to our new house.” She clinks my glass and sips, her pouty pink lips leaving a shiny kiss on the glass.
“The realtor says if all goes well, we should be ready to close on September 1.” I rally up some nerve to discuss a certain pressing issue with her.
“That’s so close,” she says excitedly.
“It is. It’s close but still far,” I say. “And that means we’ll be staying with my parents.”
“I know.” Holly picks up her glass for a gulp of wine. “It’s nice that your parents are letting us stay.”
“It is, it is. Definitely. But….” True to her word, we had stopped having sex after the mirror incident. Our beds are still in the L shape, like we’re roommates at college and not a man and woman about to become husband and wife. If we’re going to be living with my parents for another couple months, something needs to give.
“Sex. I know.” She pushes a few brunette strands behind her ear. “It’s just so awkward, and every attempt we’ve made to have actual sex has ended badly.”
“We need to keep working at it. We’ll find a way.”
“I know we do.” She gnaws at her thumbnail. “But would you be okay if we waited until after the wedding? I know it sounds silly, but at least then I wouldn’t feel so guilty.” The wedding is still three weeks away. Can I survive three weeks? “Think about how great the wedding night will be if we wait.”
If we wait three weeks, the wedding night will be over the second she unzips her dress. And I wish I could say I’m joking.
“What about the honeymoon?” I ask, remembering that I still have off the five days before our wedding.
“I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to do a honeymoon. We’re gonna save for the house.”
“Maybe not Hawaii, but we can still go somewhere. Florida? Drive up to Niagara? We should have a honeymoon.”
“That’s what everyone keeps saying, but things are going to be tight with the new house, and I do not want to throw off your plan to go back to school.”
Yes, going back to school is part of a plan I hope to accomplish in the not so far off future, but even the best laid plans sometimes need to change. How much are we willing to give up?
“Holly, we’re heading into uncharted waters. Things are gonna go off course. We still need to live and enjoy life.”
“Well….” Her brown eyes light up. “I do have a surprise for you. I was going to tell you after dinner, but I guess now is as good a time as any.” She raises her shoulders and claps her hands together. “I booked the Marriott in Philly for our wedding night. It’s not far away. We can go there right after the wedding, and we can leave early enough the next day for you to make it home in time for work.”
“That’s great.” I try and control my voice. One night, a half hour away with my bride. It really isn’t that great. It’s one night in a hotel in the same state. Good, yes, but hardly great. Were we wrong to have made the offer on the house so quickly? What would have happened if we moved into her apartment instead of mine? Everything would have turned out differently. We wouldn’t be living with my parents, and we wouldn’t have made an offer on a house so soon. We’d be going on a honeymoon, and Holly wouldn’t be settling on a sheet cake from Costco for our wedding. We’d also be having a fuck load of sex. Dammit. I close my eyes, almost wishing I could magically turn back time.
“Have you started to write your vows yet?” Holly asks, before taking a sip of wine. I think she can sense my thoughts and wants to steer us onto a new topic.
“I’ve been working on them a little here and there.” Complete lie. Kent’s reminded me several times to start working on it, but so far my mind has been a complete blank on what to say.
“Yeah, me too.” She clears her throat and twirls a piece of hair around her finger. I’m not the only one telling a fib.
“How’s Jayne doing since the Nine Juan Juan incident?” I like Juan. At least, I did until I heard about and saw, thanks to Ashley, pictures of his groin inches from my fiancée’s face.
“Actually, she’s out with him right now.” Holly giggles. “Where drug dealer was a big no-no with her, stripper is surprisingly a big yes in her book.”
“Does that mean he’ll be coming to our wedding?”
“Yes. I bet he will.” Holly’s giggles come to an abrupt halt. “Your mom. She was there. And now Nine Juan Juan will be a guest at our wedding.” Her face reddens and she rubs at her temple. “I give up. It’s time for me to just accept my place as the weird little black sheep of the Daniels family.”
“If you’re weird, then that means I’m weird, too,” I say.
“Well, that confirms it, because you are definitely weird.” I’m relieved as she begins to laugh again.
“Mutual weirdness forever.” I raise my glass and we clink to our weirdness.
The waiter comes over and places Holly’s dish in front of her. “Do not let me eat all of this or my dress will never zip, and it’s the one thing I didn’t scrimp on for this wedding, thanks to my parents.” She takes a bite and groans. “So good. Seriously, take half of it off my plate right now and do not let me eat it.”
Over dinner the topic of conversation switches and she starts to discuss something about her job, but my mind stays fixed on her last comment about the dress and how it was the one thing she didn’t scrimp on. Once again I find myself wishing for a time machine. From my hasty, no-frills proposal to a now nonexistent honeymoon, nothing has gone the way it was supposed to. She deserves so much more.
How can I fix this?
“THINK ABOUT SOMETHING that she loves or that you both love together.” Patrick lifts his arms so the man at the tux shop can get a measurement.
“I did write something, tell me what you think.” I unfold a square of paper from my pocket. “This is what I have so far. Holly, when I met you, my sober heart became drunk with love. You ignited the night, sending a fireball directly to my heart. Or should I say a ball of fire directly to my heart? Which sounds better?”
Patrick turns to Kent and they exchange knowing glances. “Is he joking?” Patrick asks Kent.
“He has to be. There’s no way he’s stupid enough to think that he can make his wedding vows sound like an ad for Fireball. Unless”—he points at me—“they’re sponsoring the wedding. Are they sponsoring it?”
“You said to think about something we both love. I don’t know.” I guess this means the ones I wrote about pizza and the one where I made a Westworld reference were out, too. “I’m no good at writing vows. I suck at this.” I take the tux I’m handed and step away from them into the dressing room.
“Matty.” Patrick stands outside the dressing room door. “What is something you are really good at, something you’re known for? Facts. Just think of the facts about why you love Holly and go with that.”
“Hey, guys.” A new voice enters the mix.
“Mom and Dad are here,” Pat informs me. My father’s also getting fitted for a tux, and my mom offered to come and make sure we weren’t choosing anything inappropriate. I guess maybe she thought that without the help of a woman we’d all order orange tuxes.
A tickle forms in the back of my throat. I’ve been rehearsing in my mind the last few days ways to ask my parents for a small loan. Just enough to pay for a honeymoon, nothing extravagant, maybe enough for a quick getaway at the Falls. I looked online and we could probably do something really nice for about $1,500. It wouldn’t take me long to pay them back.
I adjust my jacket and tighten the white tie before opening the door, and when I step out, my mother gasps. Her eyes fill and she bites down on her lip, fighting back the tears.
“Matthew, look at you.” She pulls out a tissue and wipes at the escaped tears. I’m a guy in a tux, but she weeps like I expect a mother would over seeing her daughter in a bridal gown. “You look so handsome.”
“Ma, really?” Kent shrugs. “What is this? I don’t remember you getting this emotional over me in a tux.”
“Yeah, me either.” Patrick chuckles. “And I think I looked pretty good.”
“Don’t make fun of your mother. You both looked wonderful in your tuxes. I’m just crying because, well, it’s Matthew, he’s all grown up.” My mother releases one gentle sob that she muffles into her balled-up tissue, and we all shuffle uncomfortably.
“Everyone look, Jeremy is here.” My father races over to the door to welcome him. I heard they made fast friends at my bachelor party, the one I did not attend.
Jeremy’s arrival is the perfect thing to break the tension of my mother’s tearful moment. She swipes at her eyes and shoves her tissue into her purse. Her eyes meet mine and her face stretches into a smile.
“I’m so proud of you, Matthew.” She squeezes my arm before walking away.
And... I won’t be asking for that loan.
How can I? She’s proud; I’m all grown up. Asking for a loan now will only negate those sentiments.
“Looking good.” Jeremy walks over and shakes my hand.
“Really?” I strike a pose to the left then to the right, tugging on my cuffs. “It doesn’t look bad?”
“You? Look bad? Impossible,” he teases. “If you remember, not that long ago I tried to snag you myself.”
“This guy.” My father tosses his head back and busts into a gut-wrenching laugh. “How funny is this guy?” He slaps his knee.
Jeremy grabs my upper arm and pulls me in close, lowering his voice. “I don’t think your dad understands that I’m gay. Every time I made a comment about Justin and me the other night, he’d laugh as if I was Seinfeld doing a set on stage at the Beacon.”
“Being clueless is hereditary. Where do you think I get it from?” I chuckle. “That bachelor party was probably his first time out in years. Kinda sorry I missed it.”
“No worries, my friend.” Jeremy gets an evil glint in his eye. “I’ve got that all taken care of. I heard the girls had their fun, now it’s time for us to have some fun.”