“SURPRISE,” EVERYONE SHOUTS as I enter. Even though this is not a surprise shower, it’s customary to still shout when the bride-to-be walks in.
Ashley has transformed her living room into a metallic-themed room fit for a queen. Think Versailles. Golden touches embellishing every square inch.
“Welcome to your golden shower. I think later we all get to take turns peeing on you.” Jayne grips a cup of coffee, making the snide remark out of the side of her mouth. Her newfound fondness for her dancing buddy Ashley was extremely short-lived. By the end of the limo ride home after our trip to South of the Border, they had returned to snarls and sneers, the magic spell of Fireball wearing off once the clock struck midnight.
“Come sit right here.” Ashley directs me to a tufted chair adorned with golden ribbons situated between my mother and Mrs. Daniels. My mother has little plastic wedding bells hanging from her ears this time.
“Now that she’s here, can we show Amanda our rooms and play?” Nina begs, latching herself onto my niece. Her sisters and Michelle are all ready to pounce on the fresh meat. Amanda grins, eating up the attention from the other girls.
“Go ahead.” Ashley waves them off. “But stay out of my room.”
“We know. We know,” I hear them say as they scamper up the stairs.
On the table is an array of delicious hors d'oeuvres, and while we each grab one of her fancy fine china plates to fill, Robin pops open a bottle of champagne. Ashley encourages my mother to make the toast. I hold my breath; ya never know what is gonna come out of her mouth.
“To a lifetime of love and happiness.” My mother’s toast is touching and appropriate. I exhale before sipping the fizzing bubbly.
We take our filled plates and champagne glasses to the living room sofas. Immediately, two separate groupings form, me, my mother, sister, and Jayne on one side, and Ashley, Robin, and Mrs. Daniels on the other. My mother asks me questions about the new house, and I excitedly fill her and my sister in on all the details. I find out that my sister knows the sex of the baby. I clap learning I have another niece on the way. It’s a pleasant afternoon, and I’m enjoying my time with my family, but at the same time feel a little left out, wondering what the Daniels women are discussing and giggling at that I’m missing out on.
The tension between me and my future mother-in-law only seemed to pile on more after the bachelorette party. I can’t say that I don’t understand why. Thanks to me, she spent half the night in line at the bathroom, missing the entire show except for the part where I got crotch ground by my maid-of-honor’s ex-slash-returning boyfriend.
It sucks, but I need to face the fact that I’m never going to be as comfortable or as accepted by her as Ashley and Robin are.
Mrs. Daniels turns her head and finds me staring in her direction. She offers a quick smile, and I snap my head away, mortified. My spacy thoughts had me gawking at her like a lunatic. Wonderful.
“Ma, is Aunt Holly gonna open her gifts soon?” a voice yells from the top of the stairs.
“Yeah.” Ashley glances at the clock. “Come down now, we’ll get everything ready.”
“You guys didn’t have to get me anything,” I say with a hint of disbelief. I know gifts at showers are customary, but it’s the bride’s duty to act surprised and play the “aw, you shouldn’t have” act.
Lola and Stacy grunt, carrying in a big tub of tulle and gold ribbon. They place it down and I see it’s actually a wishing well. One by one they place small gifts into the handmade structure. Ashley guides me back over to the special tufted chair and has me take a seat. The coffee table in front of me gets loaded up with packages.
“What is all this?” For a small party, the pile of gifts is astonishing. I’m truly blown away. “Where do I start?”
“Michelle is going to hand you the gifts, Lola is gonna take care of trash duty, and Stacy is going to write down the gifts so you remember who everything is from. And Ella and Eva are in charge of turning the ribbons and bows into a bouquet for you.”
“Amanda is gonna help us make it,” Ella boasts proudly.
The gifts start coming toward me. Beautiful wine glasses for both red and white from my sister. A gorgeous white silk robe with a matching nightgown to wear on my wedding night from Jayne, and also a piece of lingerie so racy I don’t even lift it from the box. Stunning copper pots and pans from Robin, and fifteen stoneware place settings from Ashley—enough to serve dinner to the entire Daniels family. The wishing well is filled with useful household items, everything from dish detergent to serving utensils that each little girl takes turns claiming as their gift as I unwrap.
“I figured we would end with the moms.” Ashley retrieves one of the last two wrapped packages on the table. “Here, this one is from your mom. Open hers first.”
It’s a large box that weighs almost nothing as it’s placed on my lap. I pull away the wrap and undo the tape, opening the box. I peer inside and see a piece of paper at the bottom.
“Mom, what is this?” I question.
“Read and see.” She smiles.
I pick up the paper and open it up. It’s a letter.
Dear Holly,
Your balance at Romeo’s for your wedding has been paid in full. We hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
Love,
Mom and Dad
“Oh my God, thank you so much.” I set the big box aside and get up to walk over and hug my mom. “You didn’t have to do that. This is so generous.” Tears form in my eyes and I use my knuckle to keep them at bay, trying to squish them back in.
“We love you, and we’re so happy that we are able to help you after all.”
“Thank you, this helps so much.” I give up on my knuckle technique and let the tears fall. “This is amazing. I can’t thank you enough.”
“You still have one more.” Eva shoves the last present on the table in my direction. I let go of my mom and take the present from her before returning to my special chair. “It’s from Grandma.”
I compose myself and open the final present, still reeling from the generosity of all the loved ones surrounding me. I slide a finger under the white paper and unwrap, revealing a set of dish towels.
“Thank you,” I say, a bit stunned. I look up and see matching looks of surprise on the faces around me. Not that I needed nor expected an extravagant gift from my mother-in-law. Dish towels are a very useful gift. Very useful.
“They’re beige. I wasn’t sure what colors you would be choosing for your new house.” She looks uncomfortable, shifting in her seat. Her cheeks flush a noticeable pink hue.
“They’re perfect. Thank you,” I say, placing them in my lap. “Thank you, everyone.”
“Time for cake. Who wants coffee?” Ashley walks around taking orders while I excuse myself and go to the bathroom.
“Hey, wait up.” My sister waddles behind me, holding her big round belly. “Great gifts,” she says, lowering her voice. “But is there an issue with your mother-in-law? I mean, dish towels, that’s a bit cold.”
“There’s no problem. The dish towels are nice. Besides, we’re living with her and like she said, she doesn’t really know what colors we’re doing in the house and everything.” I keep my voice light, but the more I say it, the more it hurts. It’s confirmed. She doesn’t like me. I think she wishes I wasn’t marrying her son. I go into the bathroom and click the lock. I hit both switches, turning on the light and the fan. I need the noise to block out any sounds I might make as I open up the floodgates and let the tears flow.
I FINISH MY first beer and hand the empty glass over to the waitress, who puts down the second pint glass in front of me.
“Is this a strip club?” I have to ask because we’ve been sitting here for thirty minutes, and I’m still not sure. The two of us traveled over an hour to get to this questionable location, in a town I’ve never even heard of, and entered through a back entrance to a dank little club.
“Relax.” Jeremy chuckles. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
The room is filled with small tables for two draped in red tablecloths. A stage up front is hidden behind a purple velvet curtain. The crowd around us is mixed with both men and women, young and old. His telling me to relax does nothing for me.
I glance at my watch for the time. “I wonder how the shower went.” Holly had sent me a text that she was going to dinner with her family before they went back home, but she hadn’t mentioned any details from the party.
“I’m sure it was great.”
“I hope so, ’cause things have been rough lately, between living with my parents and buying the house and wedding planning. Not to mention, Holly’s put a hold on any and all types of sex until we’re married, that’s certainly not helping things out.”
“No sex. Brutal.” Jeremy’s mouth stretches into a yikes of disapproval. “But at least you only have a couple weeks to go.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure I’m gonna make a couple of weeks, and I’m worried that even after the wedding Holly is gonna still be weird about it. She has it in her head that my mother doesn’t like her.”
“Any truth to that?”
“None. My mom loves her. But I can’t seem to convince Holly of that.”
“As far as the wedding planning, is that all taken care of? Anything you need help with?” Jeremy scratches his beard thoughtfully.
“No. I think we’re good now. Holly has her dress, Romeo’s is taking care of the food and drinks, Kent hooked us up with a DJ, and he’s all set to do the ceremony for us. We have the marriage license.”
“What about flowers?”
“Oh yeah, Holly ordered the cake and flowers from Costco.”
“She did? That’s surprising. I know she mentioned wanting stephanotis in her bouquet. Costco can’t do that. They don’t do tiered cakes, either.”
“I don’t know.” I shrug, and the conversation ends there as the lights dim and a spotlight shines onto the small stage. The music begins and a large foot with a chunky strapped heel pokes out of the purple velvet curtain, followed by a very full-sized leg.
“Why, hello boys.” A large, scantily dressed woman with poufy red hair addresses the crowd. “I am Cinny-Mann Whisky, but you can call me… later.” Maybe I’m imagining it, but I think she winks a heavily eyelashed, powder-blue-covered eye directly at me. Laughter and applause fill the room.
Cinny-Mann kicks up her legs to the slow, steady beat of a drum. Her large hips jerk back and forth to the beat before she breaks into song, and I’m blown away out how dead-on her vocals are. Wait, maybe she’s lip syncing?
After Cinny-Mann leaves stage, Wiley Serious, who bears a striking resemblance to Miley Cyrus, twerks her way on stage to perform in skintight shorts. She squats down low and sends her round behind into a wave of ripples. I didn’t even know butts could move like that. Jeremy catches me in an openmouthed stare and elbows me before bursting into a hearty laugh.
“What? A guy can look,” I say, sending him into near hysterics as he almost falls from his chair.
Eleganza De Lite, a stunning blonde in a sequined gown, is next up. She belts out an Aretha Franklin song. This time I watch the lips closely and confirm she’s lip syncing. It’s strange to me that all these women have stripper-esque names but aren’t strippers. I guess with all the women in show biz, ya gotta make yourself stand out in whatever way possible.
Last up is Blooming Bookay. The blushing bride is decked out in a patent leather white gown with cutouts at the waist and a voluminous feather boa around her neck. She takes her act onto the floor, singing to the guests, pausing to make small talk, and rubbing a satin-gloved hand over the shoulders, arms, and even heads of a few of the men in the audience.
“He’s getting married, Ms. Bookay,” Jeremy says when she arrives at our table, pointing at me.
“Well, congratulations.” She wraps the boa around me and shimmies her large covered breasts in front of my face. She bends down and puckers her lips in my direction. “Tell me, are you the groom or the bride?”
“What?” I ask, bewildered, but she ignores me and saunters over to the next table. I look to Jeremy, but he just wipes away a few tears from his nonstop laughter, shoving his phone back into his pocket.
What the…? Huh?
I SIT IN my car and watch as the digital clock turns to eleven. I’ve been out here for twelve minutes, avoiding going inside. The shower was beautiful, and afterwards dinner with my family was actually normal and very enjoyable. But my gut sinks with a dread over seeing Mrs. Daniels, who I know is waiting right inside. I can see the living room light on.
Jayne and my sister both mentioned the dishtowels. My mother just raised her eyebrows with a smug smile. They wondered if I was upset. I told them it isn’t a big deal at all. Because it isn’t. At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. Simple, nice, plain, boring, beige dishtowels. Nothing wrong with that. It just means that the woman… hates my guts.
I’m about to make my move and exit the car when my phone vibrates. I grab it, welcoming the excuse to stall for another minute.
I open a text from Jeremy and immediately start laughing at the picture. Matthew is wrapped up in white feathers, being air kissed by someone who is clearly a drag queen. Well… clear to most. More laughter bubbles up. I reply to the text.
Holly: Does Matthew know?
Jeremy: Not a fucking clue.
Every time I think I can’t love Matthew more, I’m proved wrong. One of these days I’m scared my heart might just explode. God, I love that man.
Holly: LOL! Have fun!
Jeremy: I’ll try not to have him home too late.
I bite my lip, looking down at the picture one last time, stifling more giggles, before shoving the phone in my bag and stepping out to finally go inside. I prepare in my head what I will say to Mrs. Daniels when I see her: The shower was beautiful. The cake was delicious. All the gifts are wonderful. Then I’ll yawn, say how long the day was, and make a quick getaway upstairs.
Inside, Mrs. Daniels is in the living room with a book in hand. I pop my head in for the rehearsed conversation. “Hi, Mrs. Daniels.”
“Holly, I’ve been waiting up for you. Can you come sit?” She places the book down and extends a hand toward the sofa.
Sit? Crap. Goodbye quick conversation.
“The shower was beautiful,” I say, still trying to go with what I planned.
“It was. Ashley is a wiz at putting together beautiful parties.”
“And the cake was delicious.”
“Very.” Mrs. Daniels nods in agreement.
“All the gifts are wonderful.” I say the last comment and yawn. Almost there. I stand up for a second yawn and stretch into it for effect.
“Well, I wanted to talk you about that. The dish towels….” She looks down at her hands.
“I love them. They’re so useful. Thank you.” I react quickly. “They’re a great gift. Perfect.”
“No, they’re not.” She shakes her head. “And truthfully, I didn’t even buy them, they were part of Ashley’s many wishing well gifts.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure what to say to that. She didn’t even buy the dish towels. “Um, that’s okay. Really, all you do for us, letting us live with you, we should be buying you a gift.” I force a smile.
“Well, you did just buy me a new mirror,” she says.
The forced smile vanishes and I throw up a little in my mouth. She knows about the mirror? What else does she know? “I’m…. It broke by accident.”
“Oh, I know, honey. I shouldn’t even have said anything. I just want you to know that I understand accidents happen, and you could’ve just told us. We would’ve replaced it.”
“I’m sorry.” My eyes start to fill. I don’t want them to, but they do. “I make so many mistakes, and I know I’m not good daughter-in-law material like Ashley and Robin. I want to be, but I think I’m just… different.” I’m starting to blubber.
“Holly, stop. You are absolutely daughter-in-law material. I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel any other way. You are a wonderful addition to the Daniels family.” She reaches for a tissue and wipes her nose, motioning with her elbow for me to sit back down. “I think I need to apologize if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable. It’s never been on purpose. It’s just that Matthew is… my baby. He’s my little boy, and sometimes I think it’s hard for me to grasp that he’s all grown up and that soon he’ll be married. I know it sounds silly, he’s a grown man.” This time her eyes fill, and she uses the same tissue to catch any tears before they spill. “With Kent and Patrick, it was different. Those two were practically born angsty teens, but Matthew, he’s… special.” She clears her throat into a soft chuckle. “Moms aren’t supposed to have favorites, but maybe I do.”
I squirm on the sofa uncomfortably. I’m stealing her baby. Her favorite son. What do I say to something like that?
“I love Matthew with all my heart.”
“I know you do. And just like Matthew, you are a very special woman. You’re the perfect woman for him. Everything he needs and deserves.” My heart pounds in my chest. Does she mean it? She picks up an envelope from the end table. “This is my real gift to you. I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you at the shower, but your mother had just given you her generous gift, and the last thing I wanted was to come across like I was trying to outshine her.” She hands the envelope to me.
I take it, my hands shaking as I open it and pull out the thick papers inside. I read, and read again.
“Maui?” My jaw drops. Am I dreaming?
“Yes, everything has been taken care of. Air, hotel, transfers. I want you two to take the honeymoon you always dreamed of. The one you both deserve. Even if it is before the wedding.”
“Yes, our pre-wedding-moon. Only us,” I say through my tears with an awkward grin.
“Yes, only two people as special as you could pull off something that crazy and that wonderful.” She beams, and my lips twitch into a smile from the compliment.
“This means so much to me.” I hold the papers up to my chest. “You have no idea. Ever since I met Matthew, I’ve always worried that maybe you didn’t think I was good enough, and some of the things you’ve seen….” I probably should not bring those things up.
“All families are different, and in this family, I know privacy is always a bit of an issue. But believe me when I say we’ve all seen many things from every member of this family. And I know that a big family like this one takes some getting used to. But please don’t ever feel uncomfortable or question if we love you, because we do.”
“I love you, too, Mrs. Daniels.” I get up from the sofa and run over to hug her. “This means so much to me. How can I ever thank you?”
“Well, how about you stop calling me Mrs. Daniels and start calling me Grace?”
“Thank you, Grace, for Maui….” Once again my eyes fill. “And for Matthew.”