LINDSAY WATCHED AS the digital clock blinked from 11:59 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. It was officially April 5.
She attempted one last time to shut her eyes. It was no use. Every time her eyes closed, instead of drifting into a much-needed sleep, the image of herself as the blissfully happy bride, unaware and naïve, about to have her world turned upside down, flashed in front of her. Weddings always made the memories return, but the wedding she was to attend today had left her able to focus on little else.
Aware that there was no chance of falling asleep, she stretched her arms over head and begrudgingly hoisted herself up out of the plush hotel covers. The room was dark except for the soft glow coming from the bathroom. She’d left the bathroom light on for both a guiding light and sense of security. But tonight, no amount of light would be able to offer her the security that she sought.
She sat on the edge of the tub, and the water pouring out of the spout heated up rapidly, burning her fingers. Lindsay adjusted the faucet, bringing the water to a more acceptable temperature, pressed down on the button that sent the water spurting out of the showerhead, and stepped in. The warm water saturated her thick dark hair, and she reached for the tiny bottle of shampoo, and squeezed a blob into her hand. She massaged her scalp until her head was covered in foamy scented bubbles. Her eyes shut as the soapy foam dripped down her face. Immediately, the images reappeared. A strapless white gown billowing out around her, the tiara pinned into place, nestled in the perfect curls it took all morning to achieve, and the sparkling engagement ring on her finger, anxiously awaiting the matching band that would soon be slipped on, completing the set and rendering her an official married woman. She was marrying the boy she’d loved since high school, her best friend... her soul mate.
For a brief moment, the memory made Lindsay smile, even though she knew what came next.
The door opened and a flourish of crimson satin entered the small vestibule in the back of the church. Lindsay looked away from her glossy smile in the mirror to the woman who appeared in the reflection.
“You look beautiful,” Karen said. Her auburn hair was swept up, her fair skin complemented by the rich red of her gown. Even on a day like today it was hard not to feel overshadowed by her beauty. “You look happy.”
“Of course I am,” Lindsay replied, her knees bobbing with excitement underneath the layers of satin and tulle. “I’m so happy I could burst.”
“I just saw Justin.” Karen took a deep breath, her green eyes zeroing in on Lindsay. “I wish I could say he’s as happy as you are.”
Not today. Please, not today. She and Justin had struggled with some issues after their engagement, but those issues had been worked out. Whatever he was going through, he’d said it was fine now.
“I’m sure it’s nerves.” The butterflies fluttering delicately in Lindsay’s stomach quickly converted to a wake of vultures feeding on her insides. “Last-minute jitters.” Her voice skipped.
“Lindsay, we both know that this marriage should not happen.”
“No, I don’t know that. Justin and I love each other.”
“He does love you. But you and I know that the way he feels for you is not enough to get married and start a life together. You can’t give him what he wants.”
“How dare you!” Lindsay spat, slamming a closed fist into the soft folds of her gown. “I have given Justin everything he wants and more for the past nine years. You’re just jealous. Jealous that our love is strong and that our marriage will last.” Lindsay said, taking a low blow against Karen’s recent divorce.
Karen straightened her shoulders and set her jaw against the attack. “I know my timing is bad. And believe me, I was going to mind my own business. I wanted to stay out of it, but when I saw the look on my son’s face this morning….” Her voice broke and she swallowed, lifting a tissue up to dab at an escaped tear. “He won’t listen to me. But he’ll listen to you.”
“Are you suggesting that I call off the wedding?”
“We both know that this wedding shouldn’t happen.”
There was a knock on the door and Gina, the maid of honor, poked her head inside. “They’re ready for pictures.” Lindsay stood up on shaky legs. “Linds, oh my God, you look gorgeous. Like a princess.”
“Thank you.” Lindsay’s voice shook; the vultures were still circling inside her belly, and she felt woozy, reaching out for the back of the chair to help steady herself.
“Are you okay?” Gina ran over to her. She held on to Lindsay’s forearm, glancing in Karen’s direction. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No.” Lindsay took a breath, standing up tall. “My future mother-in-law just came in to wish me luck.” She locked eyes with Karen. “But as I was just telling her, we have love, we don’t need luck,” Lindsay said, digging deep for a strong air of conviction to convince Karen that they were and would be fine.
The same way she had been trying to convince herself.