I ended up falling asleep binge-watching Netflix. When Ryan works out of town, it’s just me here for the most part. Well, me and my fur baby, Cloud. She’s my four-year-old white Persian and the closest thing to children I have.
Ryan’s son, Porter, comes by twice a year, maybe, but never when his dad’s not here. Ryan and I don’t have kids together. I’m only twenty-eight, but with our age difference being almost ten years, I’m not sure if I’ll ever have kids of my own. Ryan doesn’t mind either way.
Porter is currently going to college, so the age difference between us is weird when we actually do get to see him. He doesn’t look at me like a stepmom, and that makes it difficult on all of us. Having Porter when Ryan was so young changed the way he looks at life. That’s half the reason he works his ass off now. Ryan grew up with a rough home life, and he swore his family never would. He works for what he wants and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Seeing as Ryan has a child from a previous relationship, apparently, it’s me who’s the defective one in the baby-making department. Everything checks out fine at the doctor, and I’m healthy for my age on every spectrum. I’m just too scared to go get it checked out any further. A rocky marriage and no kids—I’m not ready to face that reality. So I don’t.
Something startles me awake, and I realize it’s my phone buzzing somewhere under the covers. The room is dark, no light peeping through the top of the curtains, so I know I’ve been out for several hours. I hadn’t intended to sleep so long. I wipe the drool away from my face and check my phone. I have several texts from Erin and one from Lexie asking if I can cover a shift for her at the hospital tomorrow. Ryan and I had plans, but now that he’s gone, I might as well. I could use the distraction.
There’s still a notification at the top of my home screen that won’t go away. Clicking on it opens that stupid app Erin downloaded, and there’s my profile picture staring back at me. Long black hair, dark tan, and I was wearing my thick, black-framed glasses. Erin insisted I use this picture because I look like a hot, nerdy school teacher, as if that’s something her new boy toy wouldn’t easily have been able to resist.
Well, she wasn’t wrong…. No, Luke. I will not send you my nudes.
There’s a message icon that’s glowing pink with a yellow paper heart sticking out of it. Apparently, I have mail—twenty-two messages to be exact. Curiosity gets the best of me and I click on it. Erin wasn’t lying about the dick pics either. My inbox looks a little something like this:
Noah: *Photo attached
John: *Photo attached
Gregg: Send nudes?
Brannon: *Photo attached
Justin: Ur hot. Whats ur #?
Barf. You get the idea. I scroll down a little further because there’s a message from a guy named Roman. His message is different from all the rest, and that’s what catches my eye. He actually uses the alphabet and not his cock. Only the first part of the message can be seen without clicking on it, and that alone has me itching to open it and read the rest.
Roman: Hey there, darlin’. I don’t normally do whatever this is, but something told me I’d be stupid not to. I just had to let you know, in case no one’s told you today… you’re beautiful.
Well, Roman is quite the looker himself. I typically don’t have any interest in a man who isn’t Ryan, but he is cute. He has dark hair and a beard for days in some photos. His eyes are dark. He looks like he’s been through a lot, like he can see right through me. Shit, he can see that I read his message. Why is technology so advanced? Whatever happened to writing letters and sending e-mails? I don’t even use Facebook. That’s how techy challenged I am.
Too late to back out now, I click on his profile and find more pictures of his tattoos. He has full sleeves on both arms all the way down to his hands and two more tattoos that wrap around the back of his legs. Why the hell is he on here when he could obviously have any woman he wanted? I decide to be polite and type out a quick thank-you. Being nice never hurt anyone… right?
In true Ryan fashion, he never called last night. I didn’t figure he would, being so late, but a text this morning would have been nice. I’m fishing my scrubs out of the laundry room when Erin walks in. “Morning, Ley. I come bearing gifts.” Her singsong tone is less than desirable at this early hour. She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and holds up an extra-large coffee cup. She always looks so put together in her jeans and heels. I don’t even know if I own a pair of jeans. My style is more of a cross between cutoff rock band T-shirts and shorts, leggings, and scrubs.
“You’re a lifesaver.” I barely manage to thank her before I’m downing my drink. I’m surprised to see her so soon but grateful all the same. Today’s going to be a long one. Dealing with Ryan, or the lack of him, has made my mood foul, and I don’t have time for it.
I don’t have to work, Ryan has made that clear numerous times over. I just like being there and the people I’m surrounded by. They’re like my second family. I only work three shifts a week, unless I’m filling in, like today, and I make enough to cover any extra expenses that Ryan doesn’t pay for. Erin works at a real estate company a few blocks over from the house, so on the rare mornings she has extra time, she supplies my lifeline… caffeine. God love it.
As I punch in, the time card says 6:50 a.m. I have ten minutes to get caught up on patients from the night shift and run a quick assessment on my rooms. I have four right now, which isn’t too bad. I know I shouldn’t say that because then all hell will break loose. That’s just how it works around here. No two days are the same.
By ten o’clock I’ve turned over two of my rooms to two new patient arrivals. Still nothing life-threatening, and I have a minute to sit down and type out a quick message to Ryan. The lull doesn’t last long before the morning rush comes in and I’m back on my feet.
The rest of the day is pretty much the same. I don’t have a spare minute to even grab my phone out of my pocket unless it’s to page down a doctor. When I’ve made my final rounds and reported my patients to the incoming night shift nurse, I can finally breathe a breath of fresh air. Schlotzsky’s and my bed are calling my name for a solo date night.
When I walk in the house, I’m greeted with the bells of Cloud’s collar running down the stairs. “Hi, pretty girl.” Cloud purrs against my leg and waits for me to pet her. Scooping her up, I take her upstairs and shed my scrubs on the floor. I hate leaving clothes out of the hamper—that’s my thing. I can’t do dirtiness, but tonight, it’s going to have to wait. That’s how exhausted I am. Getting under the blanket in clean, cold sheets sans clothes is the next best thing to heaven. Cloud is happy her mama’s home, curled up at my feet ready for her slumber. I give her some loving with my foot under the blanket and wait for my phone to get enough battery juice to turn on. As soon as the buzzing of texts, voice mails, and missed calls start rolling in, I scroll down my recent calls and dial Ryan.
“Hey, Ley.” His voice is scratchy, and he sounds tired.
“Hey, did I wake you?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s okay though. I tried you several times but never could seem to get through.”
“I picked up an extra shift. Lexie needed me. Her parents are in town, and I didn’t want to turn her down. You know how it goes, I might need her to return the favor one day.” He couldn’t have been trying too hard to get me. My phone didn’t even die until I was on my way home, and he was dead asleep when I called him just now.
He clears his throat. “Listen, I may be up here for a few days longer than I thought. I just got word that one of our contracts got extended, so we may need to stay for the extra manpower, but I don’t know much yet. I’ll keep you posted.”
God, how did we come to this? We sound like a business transaction, not a happily married couple who can’t get enough of each other—like the old us. “Are we okay?” Asking this makes me cringe. I should know by now not to, that it just pisses him off, but I need to know where his head’s at.
He sighs. “Yeah? Why do we always have to do this? I told you I have to do what I have to do. If that means me being gone longer, then so be it. It’s my job.” He’s annoyed, and I should have just left it alone. Damn me and my girly feelings.
“I’m just trying to communicate with you, and you always get mad—”
He huffs into my ear and doesn’t even try to feign not being annoyed. “Fuck it, Leylah. I’m going to let you go. I have an early morning, and I’m not in the mood for this. I was asleep. That’s all.” He yawns.
At this point, I just want to end this conversation so I can go cry into my pillow.
“I love you, Ryan.”
“I love you too. Goodnight.” The line goes dead, and I’m left alone stewing in my thoughts.