EVE
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Psalms 23:4
You haven't known loneliness until you've walked down a dirt road in the dead of night. You haven't known fear until you've been abandoned to the wolves.
My bare feet ached, the rocks and pebbles over the ground digging into the bottoms without mercy or apology. It was becoming normal for me to feel this pain - penance, I assumed for my sins - and for as often as I'd run over broken twigs and jagged stone, I could probably walk over hot coals at this point and not feel a thing.
I couldn't feel anything really. But I could see and I could hear. That's how I knew a car was careening toward me, its headlights blinding my eyes and music blasting away the silence of the forest that surrounded me.
The car fishtailed this way and that, dust kicking up from its tires until the road looked like the gateway to Hell. But it slowed when it approached me, when its lights caught me in their beam and illuminated my entire body.
"Damn, baby! What's a beautiful girl like you doing walking all alone on a night like this?"
I didn't like the smell that emanated from the car when he rolled the window fully down, I didn't like the music that was blasting or the way his bloodshot eyes looked me over. He was one of the wolves that would tear me apart with sharp teeth if I let him. But still, despite my fear, despite everything, he was the only living, breathing soul that was near me. And his car would be a faster way to Elijah than my feet.
Maybe God had sent this man to help me along in the direction I traveled. I'd been praying to him for help, after all.
"I'm walking to church," I answered, my voice not strong enough to be heard over the blaring music.
The man turned the music down and leaned low to look at me through the passenger window. "What was that, baby? I couldn't quite hear you."
A tremor of fear shot through me, but I put my faith in God. The only problem being that I was too focused on what I'd prayed for Him to send me to hear Him whispering in my thoughts to run.
"I'm going to church," I said again, adding what strength I could find to my voice.
The man smiled, his lips crooked and sloppy, his eyes bloodshot and studying me with sharp focus. "Church?" He laughed. "What would make a woman like you need a church at this time of night?"
"I'm a sinner," I answered, figuring the explanation Elijah had always preached in his sermons would resonate with any person who knew why God was needed in our lives.
His grin widened. "Aren't we all?" he murmured.
The response he gave made me feel a little better. He understood that we were all damned without the grace of God's light. He must have been sent in answer to my prayers.
"Well, let me help you out, beautiful. Ain't nothing good that can come from being so alone in the dark like this." His hand hit the handle to the door, pulling it quick so that he could step out of the car that sat idling with its headlights casting a bright glow over the landscape around us.
Rounding the front end of the car, those headlights caught his face, brightening it until I could see the scruff over his cheeks and the greasiness of his brown hair where it dusted his shoulders. He wore a pair of baggy blue jeans and no shirt, dark hair dusting his chest and running a line down his center. That trail disappeared beneath those jeans and I couldn't help but follow it with my eyes.
The only man I'd ever seen without clothes was Elijah. This man didn't hold a candle to him.
"What's your name, beautiful?"
His voice lowered to a deep baritone as he approached me and continued talking. I stepped back without realizing it, my arms coming up to cross over my body as if that would stop the trembling.
"Eve," I said on a shaky breath.
"Eve," he repeated back, his tongue peeking out to roll along his bottom lip. "That's a good Christian name."
"Hebrew," I blurted out. "They wrote the Old Testament."
He shrugged a shoulder. "It don't matter. We're all the same in the eyes of God."
Elijah wasn't. He was blessed with the strength of God's hand. But I didn't tell him that.
"The biblical Eve, huh?" He scrubbed his hand against his jaw. "Guess that makes you responsible for the fall of man."
"I haven't made anybody fall."
"Oh, what a sweet thing you are. Don't worry, Darlin', I fell a long time ago."
He lunged forward faster than a snake to wrap his large hand around my bicep and pull me close. I didn't like the smell wafting off him. I knew it was alcohol that rolled off his breath. Never having tasted a drop of it myself, I recognized the smell from some of the men in the family. They'd been indoctrinated with that stink on their skin, but Elijah had wiped it away as he'd eradicated them of sin.
"Why are you fighting me, Eve? I'm just trying to talk to you."
I wasn’t fighting, not like he claimed I was. All I wanted was to pull away from him, but every time I tried, his hand gripped tighter and his smile pulled wider apart.
Realizing I wouldn't get away from him, I settled down. But instead of letting me go, he pulled me even closer, his chest brushing up against my arms where they were crossed over my chest.
"There you go, baby. Just calm down a little. Daddy wants to take care of you. It's not safe for a girl to be alone." His gaze scanned down my body. "Not safe for you to be barefoot on a dark, deserted road either."
"He didn't give me shoes," I explained, not liking the fear that cut through my words.
"I don't know who he is, but it sounds like he's not the kind of man to take care of a woman. Not like she needs anyway."
Although he'd turned down the music in his car when he first pulled up to talk to me, it was still a soft beat across the wind. There was still a voice crooning a song that crawled across the surface of my skin.
"Dance with me, baby girl. I'll even let you step on my boots so you don't hurt your feet."
Frightened to the point of losing the ability to think, I clenched my teeth together and tightened my arms over my body. "I don't dance," I finally said, hoping the confession would make him go away.
His hips swayed against me, his large arms wrapping around my shoulders as I was pulled flat against his chest. "There's nothing wrong with dancing, Eve. God wouldn't give us music if he didn't want us to move to it. You know what I mean? Now step up on my boots so you don't hurt yourself. Let me take care of you for a change."
An owl called out in the distance, lending his voice to the music that softly played. Beyond the glow of the headlights beaming from the car, I couldn't see the road, the forest, or anything that would help me. This man was the only person who knew where I was. The only person who could help me escape the thick darkness of night.
Slowly placing my feet on his boots, I let him crush me to his chest.
"There you go, Eve. Now doesn't that feel better?"
We swayed left and right, my stomach pressed up against his jeans, his excitement hard and bulging. A shiver coursed through me at the feel of him. I didn't like this man, but I didn't know what else to do. I had to play along. Had to hope that a simple dance would be enough for him to open the car door, tuck me inside, and take me where I needed to go.
Elijah wouldn't be happy to know I'd let another man touch me. He would reject me if he knew I was no longer pure. But Elijah wasn't here to save me from the man who had his rough, strong hands wrapped over my hips. He wasn't there to keep those hands from traveling farther south.
I flinched when his fingers massaged over the cheeks of my butt. I bit my lip when he rested his cheek against my head and moaned.
"Damn, baby. You certainly are a sinner, aren't you? You definitely have the body of one."
His voice was gritty and low, his hands working over me as his excitement pressed into me more. "Tell you what, baby girl. You need a ride and I need something else. And there ain't nobody here to know what you've done. Why don't you let me take a little look at you? It'll be a secret between us."
Tears welled in my eyes, my arms shaking from how hard I held them against my chest. "You can't keep secrets from God," I argued, my voice shaking and weak.
"God never said there's anything wrong with looking. I give you a ride. You let me take a peek at what the Good Lord gave you, and we can call it a fair trade."
The tears welled harder and the man tsked to see them stream down my face. "Don't cry, baby girl. You just found a man who's willing to save you. You should be celebrating."
I was so confused. So lost and terrified. It was pitch black in every direction and if you listened hard enough you could hear the animals moving around in the woods. It was only a matter of time before one of them got curious and walked out to see if I could be a snack.
What could I do? If I ran, he'd catch me. And that was only if I was strong enough to break free of his grasp.
"Just a look? That's all? You promise?"
"Shit, beautiful. I'd promise you anything just to have a chance to see what's under these baggy clothes."
"And you'll take me where I need to go after?"
He laughed, his chest shaking against me. "Baby, you just tell me what direction and I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
Just a look. How big a sin was that? I wondered if Elijah would understand. If he would know that I didn't have a way to escape. It was just a look. Just a peek so that he would save me from the dark that threatened to enshroud me in its cold fingers until I forgot how to breathe.
"Okay," I mumbled. "Just a look."
"That'a girl. I like a woman who knows how to make a deal."
He let me go and I turned to stare down the road, hoping and praying for another set of headlights to light the path. But we were alone in the middle of nowhere. Not a single soul around to know my shame.
"I'll take a step back if that makes you feel more comfortable. You can lean up against the car and keep warm by the engine. That way, when you show me what you have, you don't shiver from the cold."
The man stepped back like he said he would and I considered running. But he was bigger than me and most likely faster. There wasn't anywhere I could go that he wouldn't find me.
Moving to the car, I leaned up against the hood and refused to look at the man as I uncrossed my arms. "What do you want to see?"
"All of it, baby. Take it all off real nice and slow."
My hands shook when I reached for the buttons of my shirt, images flashing in my head of the wooden shed where Elijah had first seen me without clothes. He'd married me that night in the eyes of God. He'd marked me and he'd taken my body like a husband does a wife. For six more nights he'd shown me just how a woman acts for a man. He'd shown me what it felt like to bask in his light.
Maybe if I pretended it was him standing in front of me, this would all be a lot easier.
My fingers moved over the buttons, unhooking one before moving to the next. My bottom lip trembled harder with each button that came undone. When I reached the bottom and pulled my shirt apart, I flinched at the soft hiss of breath over the man's lips. I cried to feel my nipples beading tight in response to the cold air that slipped in with greedy fingers to dance across my skin.
"Damn, baby. Your momma named you right. You definitely are the reason for the fall of man."
A zipper lowered, the soft susurration of metal against metal grabbing my attention where it carried across the wind. "I hope you don't mind if I touch myself while looking at you."
Pressing my lips together, I tried to stop the trembling, but it spread like fire over my body instead.
"The pants, baby girl. Take them off too."
I reached for the button and hesitated. When I peeked over at him, his hand was working back and forth over his length. He nodded his head in my direction. "Go on, baby. There's no need to be shy. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
His grin widened showing me all his teeth. I bit the inside of my lip and pulled the button loose on my pants, my hands too shaky to work the zipper.
For as loose as the pants were, the zipper wasn't necessary. The material slipped down my legs regardless. By the time they puddled at my feet, the man was jerking himself harder, his own bottom lip caught between his teeth as his eyes widened and his chest beat with heavy breath.
"Kick them off," he demanded, the fake sweetness in his voice he'd used until then completely absent.
My voice wavered when I argued, "But you've seen me. Can't we just leave now?"
He laughed, the sound carrying over the way his hand slapped between his legs. "I haven't seen your ankles. And you haven't turned around to let me see your ass."
Tears were dropping steadily off my chin, but I nodded and kicked the pants away.
"I haven't seen your shoulders either. Take it off, all the way."
Closing my eyes, I did as he said and pulled the shirt from my shoulders. It slipped down my arms to fall to the ground, bunched and useless lying over the dirt.
He practically growled when he said, "Now turn around and spread your legs. Bend over the hood so I can get a real good look. I'm almost done and then we can go wherever you want."
"I don't want to," I cried.
"We made a deal, baby girl," he answered, his voice strained as his hand continuing pumping.
I'd already come this far. I was already naked and trembling on the side of the road, and there was nobody who would know what I'd done. Nobody but God. He had to forgive me. He had to know it was the only choice I had.
Turning slowly, I ignored the way he moaned to see my bottom. Spreading my legs, I bent over the hood like he said, the heat of the engine pressing against my chest sending goosebumps down my legs.
He was on me within a second, his excitement pressing against me as his hands reached between my breasts and the hood of the car. I bucked back, desperate to get him away, but he made a hushing sound at my ear as his fingers found the tight nipples of my chest.
"Shhhhh, baby. Calm down."
"You said look only!" I cried.
"I know. I know," he answered, his voice as soft as satin once again. "But baby, how can you blame me with the way you look? You were born to tempt men. I just want to touch you. Nothing more. Just a touch."
His hand massaged my breast, his excitement pressing against the split in my cheeks. When he forced a hand between our bodies he slipped that hard part of him between my legs. I closed my legs together, but it was still there, taunting me.
My body responded despite what my mind and heart were saying. This damn body full of sin and everything wicked. Crying harder I whispered to myself what Elijah had told me about myself, the words coming fast and growing in strength as I repeated them over and over.
"What's that, baby? I can't hear you."
His hips pushed closer, my legs pressing painfully into the side of the car.
"Your body is your temple? Is that what you're saying over and over again?"
Nodding my head, a sob broke free of my lungs.
"Oh, sweetheart, don't you worry. Your body is my temple, too, and I want to walk on inside to worship it properly."
I hated that I was wet between my legs, hated that my sin couldn't be contained without Elijah there to take it from me. I hated myself at that moment and just wanted this man to go away.
"It's not going to hurt, sweetheart. I promise. I'll make sure I make you feel right."
He reached between us again and pulled his hips away. When he pressed forward, he was against the opening of my body, threatening the sanctity that had only been Elijah's.
I screamed, but he released my breast to cover my mouth and muffle the sound.
And just as he was about to force himself in, something hit the back of his car hard enough to send us both flying.