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Pushed by Leah Holt (11)

Chapter Eleven

Machi

––––––––

“Are you okay?”

Imperial rolled her head in my direction, sitting softly onto the bed with a wince. “I'll be fine.”

“I warned you.”

“Yeah, you've said that already.” Shaking her head, her hands sat on her lap. “I can't believe you spanked me.” Relief highlighted her tone as she lifted her head. “I honestly thought you were going to kill me.” Rocking her waist, she adjusted herself on the mattress.

Watching her, I leaned against the wall and stuffed my hands under my arms. “That's not how it works, you're no good to them if you're dead. They want you to be like a doll; pliable and workable, so they can do whatever the fuck they want to. It's not that bad if you end up in the right hands. But fighting me, disobeying and not following the rules, that's what's going to make this harder on you.”

Fiddling with her nails, she picked at her fingers. “I'm not meant for this, Machi, I can't handle it.”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, touching my bottom lip. “You handled yourself pretty well I'd say. Most girls panic, they try to run or fight back. But you. . .” Bobbing my head up and down, I pointed in her direction. “You're stronger, you fight without lifting a damn finger.”

Sighing heavily, she flopped her body back, falling weightlessly onto the mattress. “Am I sure. . . Yes, the answer is yes.”

“Well, I guess the only big problem you do have is keeping your mouth shut.” Winking playfully, I chuckled.

I wanted to lighten the mood and get her to finally see that I wasn't the bad guy. I had a role to play, breaking character wasn't something I could do outside that room.

But if she allowed herself to read between the lines, if she let herself see me and not the man I was forced to be, maybe she'd finally understand.

Lifting her head up, her lids hovered half open. “That's not funny.” Grunting with annoyance, Imperial rubbed her temples. “Can I ask you something?”

Shrugging my shoulder, I tipped my head towards the ceiling and nodded.

“Will you give me an honest answer and not one of your cryptic fucking statements that don't make sense?”

“I only make promises I can keep, but don't let that stop you. Go on, ask me.”

“I know what you're doing and I know what you're preparing me for. I don't agree with it and I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been trying to find a way out. But there's one thing I don't understand—why are you being this nice to me? I mean—” Cutting herself off, she pinched and poked at her elbows nervously. “Are you always this nice to the women you kidnap?”

Shit. I expected her to ask me about what was going to happen next or why the men here desired such horrible, disgusting things.

How do I answer her?

Tell her the truth, it doesn't change anything.

Maybe she'll trust you more.

“Well, if you want honesty, the truth is I've never kidnapped anyone before, you're the first.”

“That's bullshit,” she said, her voice high, almost mimicking a cruel laugh. Shaking her head in disagreement, Imperial sucked her cheeks in and bit down. “I don't believe that for a fucking second.”

“I'm serious, I've never had to take any of the girls forcefully, they all came because they wanted to.”

Pushing up on her elbows, her eyes slit tight. “Why don't I believe that? You're going to try and tell me that women agree to this shit, like you can waltz right up to them and reel them in like you're selling tupperware to an elderly woman? No, I highly doubt that. Your guy there, Fior, when he grabbed me, it didn't seem like it was his first time. And that night your guys were out there looking, looking for other girls, girls you lost—”

Holding up my hand, I stuffed her words right back into her mouth. “I said I never kidnapped anyone, that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else here. And yes, we were looking for a couple girls, but it doesn't usually go down like that. That night was different, it wasn't typical. I'm not who you think I am, Imperial.”

“So you don't go killing men and stealing women? That's all in my head, it's not how this shit goes? How the hell am I supposed to believe that when that's exactly what happened! What is this then, is it all just a big game? Is it just my eyes playing tricks on me; smoke and mirrors?”

A pain hit my chest as the words came out of her mouth, slicing my heart in half. That was a phrase I wanted to forget. The only other thing I would ever risk my life for had swallowed those words, allowing the mask to take shape and come alive.

Hearing it out loud again, having it seep into my skull, it hurt more than knowing what would happen to me when this was all over.

“Don't. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.”

Her eyes lit up, brows softening. “What about me then? What about in here, right now, who are you?”

“I'm an asshole, I'm a royal fucking dick and I don't take shit, that's me. But I'm not a monster, I wasn't lying when I told you that. Outside that door the rules are different, in here with you, I don't have to be that man, and I'd rather not be him. But it only works if you don't do anything stupid—like bite me.” Rubbing my ear, I cringed as I touched the small cut. “That shit hurt.”

Imperial's lips turned up, her cheeks flushing red. She smiled, a real smile. It might have stemmed from embarrassment or shame, but I didn't care. Her face had actually brightened.

My heart jumped seeing her lips curl and her teeth sprout behind the soft pink blush of her mouth. It was natural and pure, sexy and alluring.

She had smiled and I was able to help her do it, I had given her a little color to the world she was seeing in gray. It had been so long since a woman had looked at me that way.

Too many years had been spent trying to reach the forbidden fruit, that I hadn't realized how much I missed the feel of a woman in my arms or the scent of a woman on my clothes. I had forgotten how it felt to feel the intense throb that a girl as beautiful as her could drum up inside.

“Yeah, about that, I was just trying to figure a way out, I thought. . . I thought maybe that could work.” Her thumbs tapped the bed as her eyes met mine. “Are you really telling me the truth about everything? That if I listen to you, you can help me get home?”

Holding up three fingers, I said, “Scouts honor.”

Dipping her brows, her nose scrunched in disbelief. “Come on, I need to know. Are you really telling me the truth?”

Dropping my hand, I lifted my foot and pressed it against the wall behind me. “Yes, I mean it all. Except, it won't happen if you keep having these outbursts and don't follow the rules. If you want freedom, you have to listen.”

Her brows un-twined, head angling towards her shoulder. “Like those other girls that didn't have to sit on the floor?”

“Exactly, just like them. And trust me, they are not here by force. You might not believe it, but they love their master, their master loves them, it all works together in a sick way.”

Hanging her head, Imperial nodded in agreement. “I think I get it.”

Laying back against the wall, I tipped my chin up. “Can I ask you something?”

Shrugging her shoulder, she stared down at her feet. “What?”

“Did you enjoy it at all?” Looking her in the eyes, I felt my cock pulse. Because I did.

I shouldn't have asked her that question, it wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to be a moment of pleasure. But I had to know. She didn't respond like any of the other girls who had gotten spanked for the first time.

And that turned me on, it made me want to see what else she could take, see how far I could push her.

I wasn't ashamed that I had enjoyed bending her over that table and spanking her. It was a rush, it kicked my body into overdrive and made me want her that much more.

The first time I set foot inside these walls, I hated every thing about it. Now, things were a little different.

There were pieces I enjoyed, small parts that excited me. It didn't change what I had set out to do, and at first I hated myself for even allowing that rush to fire off inside.

I questioned what the fuck was wrong with me. I feared that I was in too deep, that I had gotten sucked into the dark side and was turning into one of them.

But that wasn't the truth. I still didn't enjoy the auction or having no control over who the women ended up with. I hated hearing the suffering of the women who had been given to the real bad guy.

And I hated that I wasn't able to stop it, that I couldn't save some of the poor women who were dragged through this fucking place.

I did my best to make sure that my girls went into the right hands, but unfortunately money talks, money wins.

Even if Imperial didn't enjoy being spanked, punishing her had been nothing but gratifying to me. Feeling her ass jiggle under my palm, watching her body tense, trying to brace for the next blow; it was sexy as fuck.

But I didn't hurt her, I didn't leave a permanent impression of my hand on her ass. I could have really done some damage, I could have made her so raw she'd wince for a month. Only, I wouldn't do that to her.

The men at the table didn't need to know that, they never needed to find out that I had barely used my muscles at all.

All they needed to see was the fear on her face and the tears she had cried. I still needed them to believe I was one of them or everything I had done, everything I had to live with, it would all be for nothing.

Imperial stared at me, her eyes wide and unsure. But she didn't answer, trading her words for silence.

“Nothing to say? You're not even going to chew me out for asking?”

Shrugging her shoulder, she blinked slowly as her brow twitched in thought.

Did she like it a little?

Is she scared because she doesn't think she should have enjoyed it at all?

Smirking, I sat down beside her and rested my hands on my legs. “There's nothing wrong with admitting that you liked it, Imperial. Sometimes you have try first and evaluate later.”

Huffing under her breath, she shook her head. “I didn't say I liked it.”

“But you didn't say you hated it.”

“I don't have to tell you anything.”

No, you don't. . . But you didn't scream, you didn't beg me to stop.

You accepted it after a blowup, you took it without one damn word.

“Can you at least tell me that you're going to listen now? If you did or didn't like it, it doesn't matter. I just need to know that you're going to try and trust me.”

“Is this why you do it? Because you like delivering punishments?”

“No, that's not it at all.” Scrubbing my jaw, I clasped my hands together. “I can't tell you what brought me here, I can't tell you why I do this. But I can tell you it's not for the reasons you're thinking.”

Her eyes lifted up to my face, squinting and curious. “If I listen, will it really get me home?”

“Eventually.”

“Eventually? That's your answer? I can't imagine any of those men ever letting go of something they bought. Eventually means nothing to me. Eventually tells me that you could be full of shit and don't know what the hell you're talking about.”

“You need to trust me, that's all I can tell you.”

“How? How can I trust you when you're answer is bullshit? That's not a solid yes, that's leaving me in limbo with just wishes of freedom.”

“Trust me because I'm not one of those men, trust me because I'm not just telling you this so you do what I want. I don't need to bribe you with freedom to get my way, if I was like any of those other guys, you'd be in a lot more pain right now.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

Sucking in my bottom lip, I bit down hard, trying not to give away too much. “I'm telling you because you deserve better than this.”

“If I deserve better then why did you take me to begin with?” Her head drooped down, fingers braiding together. “Why didn't you just let me go?”

I wanted to. . . Fuck did I want to.

“Imperial, you don't realize how much safer you are being here with me.” Dropping my eyes to my lap, her fingers danced over mine, softly wrapping my hand.

“I did.”

“You did what?”

“I liked it.” Snapping her eyes to the floor, she kept talking soft and low. “I don't why, I should be fucking pissed, but I'm not. I never imagined being spanked before and I did, I liked it.”

“Did it scare you?”

“A little.”

“Did I scare you?”

Her eyes darted up, scanning my face. I could feel her pulse through her fingers as it intensified, beating faster and harder. Opening her mouth to speak, she closed it again.

“Did I scare you?” I asked again sternly, needing an answer.

I had to know if she feared me, I had to know if I had stepped over that line and pushed her from hate to fear. Because hate was fine, she could hate me all she wanted while she was in here, but I couldn't have her fearing me.

Once true fear set in, once her body decided that fear was what I deserved. . . She'd never look at me with anything but emotionless eyes. I couldn't have that, I couldn't handle a cold glare from the one woman who had finally breathed life back into my heart.

“No.”

Throwing my hands around her face, I curled my fingers into the base of her skull. I held her still for a moment, waiting for some sign that she was telling the truth. That this wasn't some game she was playing, hoping it was the key to her existence.

Her fingers gently wrapped my wrists, lashes fanning her lids like canopies, slowly blinking and opening again. Imperial didn't move, she didn't lean in, but. . . She didn't lean away.

My hands were clammy, thumbs stroking her throat as she swallowed hard. I felt the lump travel down, losing it once it passed my touch.

Her breathing picked up, chest rising and falling with need. I could see her, I could see all of her as she opened herself to me in ways that no one ever had.

She wasn't vulnerable or weak, she wasn't just tempting her captor with the hope of being set free. . .

What I saw in her eyes was real.

Crashing my lips onto hers, Imperial opened her mouth, inviting me in. She tasted sweet, she tasted of lust and desire. Our tongues danced around each other as her hands made their way into my hair, raking my scalp.

Every movement was raw, it was animalistic as the intoxication filled my veins, making me want nothing else but her.

She was a woman, a woman that deserved more than a place like this. She was an angel, a godforsaken rush in my hands that I wanted to keep for myself.

And I was going to get her home even if it killed me. . .

Because I'm already a dead man.