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Pushed by Leah Holt (10)

Chapter Ten

Imperial

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Why?

How many times can you ask yourself that question before you finally just give up? Ten times, twenty times. . .

Was there even a number value that could be placed on it?

There was no point in asking myself why this was happening anymore. It was done, I was there and no amount of wishes could change it.

For some unknown reason, my life had split off the path, it had taken a turn I hadn't seen coming. Fate had a fucked up sense of humor and I couldn't help but think I must have done something horribly wrong to have it drop me there.

No. No more feeling sorry, no more replaying that night over and over. I need to use my head. I need to read the world around me and play it like it wants to play me.

I couldn't continue to fester in questions, all I could do was try to get home. It was time to take the shattered pieces around me and make an exit for myself.

There had to be a way out and I was going to find it.

He's telling you to listen. . . Maybe that is the way.

Maybe he's telling you the truth.

Regardless of what he was saying, I wasn't ready to put my future in his hands. He was still the reason I was here to begin with, I wouldn't forget that.

It didn't matter how much I wanted to believe what he was saying; his hands brought suffering, his hands destroyed everything they touched. . . What good are words after that?

My bare feet patted quietly behind Machi as we walked through a tunnel of sounds. The noises never stopped. I could hear them when I was awake, when I slept, even when I tried to focus on my own thoughts. They were always there, seeping into my ears and erasing the silence.

Machi stopped in front of the elevator, leaning over to push the button. Waiting for the doors to open, I brushed my heels against my calves, rubbing the dirt off the bottom of my feet.

“Stop doing that.” Machi snapped as he tapped his thumb against his thigh, never breaking his gaze on the shiny silver doors.

“Sorry, it's annoying.” Whispering under my breath, I glanced up quickly then back at the ground.

Shit.

I really can't keep my mouth shut.

Rolling my shoulders forward, I twisted my toe into the floor, hoping he hadn't been paying attention.

It was a stupid wish to make. I watched it rise above my head and get slapped down the moment it hit the ceiling.

The elevator doors slid open and before I could react, he had his hand around the back of my neck, throwing me inside.

Machi glowered down at me, his teeth gritted tight behind parted lips. He didn't talk, he just stared blindly as the doors finally sealed shut behind him.

In one quick swoop, he pitched forward, grabbing my arms and lifting me off my feet, shoving my shoulders into the wall behind me.

The metal bar jabbed me in the center of my back, causing me to yelp in pain. “I'm trying.” The words came out quiet and strained.

I'm sorry! I really am trying, Asshole! Holding in my scream, my chest puffed up, filling with the onslaught of words I refused to let out.

“Even soundless apologies aren't enough. You're going to get us both killed if you don't cut the shit. Do you understand that?” Cocking his head, I attempted to speak, but he silenced me with a hand over my mouth. “Do. Not. Talk. How many times do I have to say it?”

A voice is allowed inside the room, but not outside the walls?

You really don't want me to explain or say one damn word even if we're alone?

I couldn't look away from him. His eyes blazed in anger and destruction as his fingers tightened around my arms and the tips of my toes brushed over the floor.

“We're about to walk into the fucking lions den, so this is my final warning. Do what I say, listen like you've never listened before, and hopefully, I won't have do something you'll regret. You're already treading water after you're little outburst last night, I won't allow that to happen again. I'm not going to let you fuck up everything.”

Sucking in a gulp of air, I bit my bottom lip and nodded. I didn't want to cause more problems for myself, I just wanted to go home. Nodding again, I made my eyes lower to the floor and forced them to stay there.

“Good.” Dropping my arms, I wobbled on my feet. But he didn't let me fall, Machi scooped his arms around my waist and held me up. “There's too much you don't know about this place, you realize that, right?”

Shaking my head yes, I lifted my hands to his forearms and steadied myself. Staring at my fingers, I winced with apprehension. I wasn't sure if he was going to get pissed because I had touched him when he hadn't told me to.

Is touching allowed?

Looking up, I waited for him to reprimand me for the small amount of contact my hands had taken without his permission.

He never did, he continued to talk, disregarding my hands on his arms and my eyes set on his face.

Sucking in a rush of air, his chest pressed mine as his fingers curled into the center of my back, and the thick bulge of his cock teased the warmth between my thighs.

Our eyes connected and a strange feeling settled over me. I felt charged, like he was negative and I was positive. The energy was instant, flowing from skin to skin, vibrant and alive.

Lightly, his tongue dragged over his bottom lip as his gaze held steady. I watched his iris' flicker like the tip of a flame, refusing to break the trance he had over me. The deep green flashed, twinkling with blue flecks and gold highlights.

Despite the anger painting his face, I didn't feel afraid. His touch was too gentle, his lips were too sultry. I had forgotten what we were doing, lost in a moment of delusion and untamed desire.

Is he going to kiss me?

A piece of my brain was hoping he would and I wasn't sure why. How could my body betray me like that? It created lust when it should feel hate, it created need and unwanted tingles when it should have wanted nothing but to be far away from his hands.

His head shook slightly, eyes drawing back in, focusing on the wall behind my head. It was gone, the feeling had dissipated, muzzling my lips and smothering my heart.

“Here's what's going to happen next—we're going to go have breakfast, you're going to sit by my side and keep your eyes off the men at the table. Can you do that?”

Thinning my lips, I nodded yes.

“No matter what they say, no matter how disgusting, how degrading, how downright awful it might be, you never speak, and you never look up.”

Dropping my head into my chest, I nodded again. I broke, I couldn't look at him anymore. Temptation to lean in and feel his lips on mine had crossed from thought to urge.

An invisible tether was tugging on me, causing my body to sway. The muscles in my face twitched, while my lips pushed out and my tongue touched the back of my teeth, ready to tempt him inside.

What is wrong with me?

No. It's not real, the emotions you feel are fake, it's black magic.

It was natural for your mind and body to not want to feel what it should when reality was a nightmare. . . Right?

Dropping to flat feet, I took a step back and let my arms slide off of his.

“Imperial,” he said softly, bringing his finger to my chin and cupping my jaw. “I'm not lying when I tell you this is the way.” The doors opened wide and Machi yanked himself free of my skin, raking his fingers through his hair and looking around anxiously.

There was worry on his face as his head darted back and forth, eyes wide, studying the room. His muscles tensed up and loosened as he realized no one was outside the door. “Alright, let's go.”

Another long hall entombed me like a mouse in a maze. There were less rooms in this hall than upstairs, and to my surprise, none of the same sounds trickled from the doors we passed.

I wanted to embrace the silence, I wanted it to stop the white noise that was set on repeat inside my head.

Curling my toes into the floor, the soft carpet was a surprise to my feet. The area he had taken me to looked nicer, cleaner, brighter. The paint was actually white, the walls were whole, and decorated in paintings of risque dressed women from the twenties.

If I had been there on a tour, I would have seen the images as artistic and beautiful. For all purposes they were, they were amazingly realistic.

The artist had captured the light perfectly in the eyes, leaving you with the feeling that the women were looking out of the canvas and directly at you.

The fringes on the dresses appeared to pop off, threatening to tickle you if you brushed against them. Even the chairs and desks in the background looked smooth, touchable, as if your fingers might slip through like it was an open window.

But seeing them now, seeing them through the eyes of a captive, I wanted to tear them down and break them in half. They didn't represent the vision of a painter or a time when women were coming into their own.

All I could see was the sale of sex.

Machi came to a stop at a set of chrome doors tucked away in the center of the hall. The windows were made of frosted glass, allowing shapes and shadows to form, while still leaving mystery to what was resting behind them.

Lifting his knuckles to the window, he tapped it twice, then snapped his shoulders square and tall. There were no more whispers of what to expect or how to act.

And for a brief second I was sad he hadn't spoken to me. His voice brought a calmness over my body, it eased my nerves and gave me the strength to see beyond the moment.

He had been dangling my freedom with broken words and promises of a future. I just hadn't truly listened to what he was saying. I was going to try now, I was going to put my faith in his protection and assurance of getting me home.

What other option did I have? Deep down, I knew getting out wasn't something I could do on my own. I needed help and he was going to give it to me.

But I couldn't understand why he had taken me if he was going to help me get out. None of that made sense. If he wasn't going to keep me, then why take me at all?

The door peeled open, creaking as it swept in. A wave of scents exploded over my face, turning the nerves in my stomach from rigid to hunger pains.

The air was drenched in aromas of sweet breads and savory bacon. Citrus swirled over my face on long streams, followed by maple syrup and fresh eggs.

This went way beyond the small portions he had brought me just to keep alive. My belly growled, twisting in hunger that made me delirious. My tongue licked over my lips, my mouth watered instantly. I had suddenly turned into Pavlov's dog, waiting for the bell to signal food was coming my way.

A man welcomed us in and guided us over to a large table that looked like it was dressed up for a business meeting.

Fancy napkins and crystal wine glasses with  broad gold strips around the lip sat beside Artisanal porcelain dinnerware. Baskets of fruit were placed around the table, while smaller ones held steaming biscuits and cut french bread.

My eyes kept glancing, they kept shifting and moving as subtly as they could. It was one thing to not use your voice, but to not use your sight. . . That was like asking the sun not to rise or the moon to not work the tides.

Machi straightened his back and grabbed my hand, leading me behind him. I kept my head down, forcing my eyes to stay fixed on the floor. Following the diamond pattern, I watched my toes as they stepped between the tiles, focusing on the tan grout and glossy ceramic.

“Enjoy, Master M.” The usher held out his hand and stepped to the side, allowing Machi to sit.

Master M?

Nodding to the man, Machi took his seat, resting his forearms on the table. I stood for a moment, unsure of where and how I was supposed to sit. I was afraid to look at him for guidance, I didn't want to upset him anymore than I already had.

His words were weighing on me, holding me hostage. There was a level of belief in what he was saying as his eyes bore into me and his voice knifed my ears, stealing my thoughts.

'I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. Can't you see it? Can't you feel it?'

If he's telling me the truth, I need to listen.

Clearing his throat, Machi gripped my hand and tugged me to his side. Pulling on my arm, he guided me down, positioning me on my knees beside him.

Just do what he says, Perri. Try to trust him. . .

Try.

Gutty laughter and footsteps started to fill the room as more men entered. Keeping my head on the floor, I heard the sounds of chairs moving against the ceramic tiles and the subtle banter of back slaps and welcoming handshakes.

“Machi!” A deep voice chimed as his shiny shoes pushed in, kicking my thighs like I wasn't even there. “I wasn't sure if you'd be joining us this morning after everything that happened, but I'm glad to see you're here.” Another set of smaller feet crept up beside him, bare and naked, just like mine.

How many girls like me are here?

Machi stood up, bending over me to greet the man. “Steven, I wouldn't miss this for anything.”

“Good, you shouldn't. I want to say I'm impressed, most of us could never do what you did.” Steven's feet pushed in further, almost stepping completely on my thigh. But I didn't move, I stayed still, doing my best to bite my tongue. “The trouble you ran into, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.”

Sitting back down, Machi began running his fingers through my hair. The gentle touch tickled my scalp, sending a shiver down my spine. It was soothing, causing my lids to close slightly and calming my nerves.

Having him touch me seemed to be his way of speaking to me when words weren't allowed. His hands spoke with reassurance, telling me everything was all right. Every twirl of hair and rake through the strands let me know it was going to be okay. . . But only if I did as I was told.

Angling my head closer to his lap, he continued to massage my scalp, digging his fingertips into my hair. “No, don't be, he got what he deserved. There's no room here for loose ends, I've always thought it was better to have a tight knot.”

Chuckling, the man with shiny shoes stepped back and began walking away. “I'm sure Sylvan feels the same, which is why you're still here with us.”

“I need to talk to him myself, I think he'd understand the situation better if he heard it from my own mouth, in my words, not Ethan's.”

“Yes, well, we all know that takes time.” His voice drifted off as he walked to his seat, followed by the light slap of heels.

Glancing under the table, my fingers twined together as I noticed more and more feet. There were several chairs with girls sitting beside them. Some were perched on their knees on the bare floor, a few others had small pillows to use, while the select few were cradled on the lap of a man.

How can there be so many?

Why do they stay?

Machi's fingers continued to comb through my hair, each stroke was soft and tender as he played with the long locks, spinning them around his fingers and letting them fall free. He was talking to people I couldn't see, whose voices I didn't recognize, whose faces remained invisible to my eyes.

Fuck, I wish I could see.

The girls on the floor all kept their heads dipped into their chests, not moving a muscle. The tops of the toes that dangled under the table wiggled and bounced like children on the lap of a parent.

A part of me was sickened by all the women who rested at the side of a man, while a small part of me twinged with jealousy over the girls who were allowed to be at the same level as the men they were with.

Who are those girls? Why do they get special treatment?

Taking in a deep breath, the savory scents of the room engulfed my body, drawing out the starvation my brain hadn't allowed me to feel before. The adrenaline had slowed down as time went on, giving room for my body to settle.

My stomach gurgled and I cupped my belly, trying to silence the growing hunger. I was hoping that I was the only one that heard the sounds. I didn't want my talking stomach to be mistaken as my voice.

Machi didn't seem to hear my belly growl, he kept chatting with people around the table, all while touching me delicately in some way. His hands worked over my shoulders, stroking my back, his fingers gripped the sides of my neck, massaging the muscle.

I'm starving, when do I get to eat?

“So, Machi, when should we expect the new arrivals? I mean, since the last two seemed to slip through the cracks and all.”

“Well, right now I have a few girls being tailed on the east side. Hopefully, all goes well and we'll have them here in the next week or so.”

“And how long do you think it will be till they're ready to go? The show next month needs to be full, we have a large crowd of high bidders that will be here.”

Machi scratched his fingers up and down my neck, digging in with heavy strides. “Same as always, maybe sooner. My patience for trouble is thin, I'll work them hard.”

“Good, that's good. Last night went well, but it could have been better.”

Machi laughed and I felt him lean to his right. “They can always be better, Drake, always.”

The table erupted in laughter as forks pinged off porcelain and full mouths mumbled inaudible words.

I couldn't understand how those men could sit there and speak about women like they were meant for purchase, like their life was nothing, like women were put on earth to only serve the men who bought them.

It was foul and disgusting, forcing my veins to pulse angrily beneath the surface.

Balling my fists in my lap, I snarled under my breath. I was ready to jump up and scream, I wanted to call them all raging pricks, and make them regret ever taking advantage of another human being.

Only I didn't. I allowed their conversations to flow in one ear and out the other, I forced myself to disregarded the words being spoken and pretend like I wasn't listening.

But I heard everything, I took in every single cruel laugh and horrid reference about the women they were discussing. And I kept my mouth shut, not once allowing my anger to show on the outside.

The group ate and talked, laughed and joked. And I just sat on my knees, with an empty stomach and hatred filling my chest.

Fucking douchebags, stupid degenerate pricks!

The cold edge of a plate slid into my leg, knocking me out of my trance. Looking down at my side, a plate of eggs with a roll and bacon was sitting on the floor beside me. Tapping my shoulder, Machi leaned down and spoke into my ear. “We're all done, you're allowed to eat now.”

I was tempted to look up, but I couldn't. I stared at the small dish while ice hit my heart and rage bubbled deep inside. Glancing at the other women around the floor, their fingers picked and ate, filling their ribbed frames with scraps.

This. . . This is it, I've had enough.

Slowly rolling my head, I glared up at Machi. He didn't notice, he was too engulfed in whatever nonsensical discussion he was having with the man at his side.

Rising to my feet, the room's multitude of voices all dissolved into silence. Holding out the plate, I spoke sternly. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Slamming the plate down, I laid my palms flat on the table. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

“Pixie,” he demanded, jerking his shoulders back and gripping the trim of the table. “Sit back down.” Each word came out forced as his teeth bit down and his eyes glowed with disbelief.

“No!” Flipping the plate, the food popped off and spilled over the glossy lacquered finish. “This, this is fucking degrading! I will not eat like a dog at your side, I will not take your scraps and make it seem like it's okay. I deserve more respect than that you fucking asshole!”

Standing quickly, Machi loomed over me, shadowing my small frame. “Sit back down or so help me—”

“Or so help you what?” My hand flew to my hip as my leg cocked out to the side. “I'm not a damn animal and you can't treat me like one.”

A man at the head of the table held his finger up. “This is unacceptable, Machi, and you know it. She shouldn't be here if she's not ready.”

Machi's lip curled up as his eyes dimmed and head tilted a hair into his shoulder. He didn't look back at the man or nod to him in agreement; he just stared at me, clutching his hands at his sides so tight his knuckles were white.

“Who's ever actually ready for this? What the hell do you do to these girls to make them so compliant? This is wrong! This isn't right!”

“Pixie—”

“Do you drug them? Do you—”

Throwing his hand out, Machi cupped the nape of my neck and pushed my face down onto the table.

Drawing in a loud gush of air, I gasped in surprise. My eyes scanned wildly around the table, not actually focusing on one face, but seeing them all in a blur, like the wind capturing a tornado of falling leaves.

Their faces swirled together, their eyes blending into one dark mass as all of them glared at me like they wanted to jump the table and spit in my face.

Lowering to my cheek, his free hand smacked loudly beside my head. “I warned you,” he said, whispering the words into my ear. “I warned you and now I have to punish you. These men need to know that I'm in charge. I told you I didn't want to have to do this, I told you that you had to choose; pride or freedom. You better hope you still have freedom left.”

Tears instantly sprung to life, rolling off my cheeks and splashing the table like raindrops on the sidewalk. “Go on then, do it, fucking kill me. I don't give a shit, I won't do this!”

From the corner of my eye, I watched the group smile and laugh. One man whispered something into the ear of the woman on his lap. Her cheeks blushed and she shyly tucked her face into his chest.

Taking in a solid breath, I heard the wind echo in my ears as I pushed the air back out. The table clouded over in a white haze, blocking out the mirrored reflection of all the faces surrounding me.

Just do it already! Get it over with!

Bearing down on my teeth, I glared up at Machi, ignoring the tears that wouldn't stop falling. I wanted him to see me, to not have the luxury of only having to look at the back of my head.

Let him see my eyes gloss over, let him watch the color drain from my face; he was the one who would have to live with that memory, and I was praying it would devour him from the inside out.

Laughing lightly, he pressed his face against mine. “I'm not going to kill you, Pixie.” The sharp edges of his teeth gently plucked my lobe as a huge grin smeared his face. “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't now, just because you told me to. What you want doesn't matter anymore, all that matters is what you do. . .” Breathing heavy over the shell of my ear, his voice morphed from dark to sinister. “Maybe after this you'll finally understand.” Sliding his hand down my spine, his palm rolled over the curve of my ass.

Splayed over the table, every single face devoured me with a wide cavernous smile. Eyes twinkled and glittered, reveling in the torment that his control was about to extract from my body. They begged for more, they craved for more; while I anticipated the end.

I didn't want to see them, I didn't want to watch the look on their faces or their tongues dragging over their lips like I was dessert being served on a silver platter.

Closing my eyes, Machi's voice dropped to barely audible as he spoke one last sentence into my ear.

“Try not scream, Imperial, it only makes them want more.”