Lillian

His words resonate in my ears; their implication endless.

“What? But … that’s impossible—”

“How else do you think she survived?” he says through gritted teeth. “It was the only way.”

I shake my head. “But you, you killed him …”

“For her,” he says.

I’m trying to fit the missing pieces together. That day, when I was at work … when I heard on the news he was arrested … that’s when it happened.

“But how? I didn’t even know—” I mutter.

“I didn’t want you to know because I knew you couldn’t live with yourself if you knew how she survived,” he explains. “So I told everyone to lie to you.”

Tears keep rolling down my cheeks. It’s too much to take in. Too much for my heart to accept.

Because if this is true, how can I stay mad at him?

“I’m sorry,” he says, shattering everything I thought I knew about myself. About him. About us.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeats. “But I made this choice, and I would do it again if I had to.”

I do the only thing I can. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. Deeply. Madly. Hard.

I’m lost in my emotions, lost in him, lost in my mind. Because I know none of this can stay the way it is. Everything changed the moment he made his decision, and now, after all these years, I finally understand why.

“Mommy?”

* * *

Hanson

Daisy’s voice makes me pull back, and Lillian also takes a step back, pretending nothing was going on.

“Yes?” she mumbles, adjusting her robe and rubbing her lips together to hide the evidence.

“I forgot to say … the noise that woke me up was a car.”

She frowns. “A car?”

This house is pretty much out in nowhere-land. Whoever comes along these roads is either visiting her or her neighbor. But who in the world would be traveling in the middle of the night? Except me, of course.

“Yeah,” Daisy says. “I went to the window to look outside and see who it was, and I saw an old lady standing on the side of the road. Near the gate.”

Lillian’s eyes widen while I grab Daisy by the shoulders. “The farm’s gate? What did the old lady look like?”

“Um …” She touches her lip and looks at Lillian, who nods in agreement. “She had a yellow scarf, and her hair was up high.”

Fuck.

This is definitely not good.

“That’s my neighbor,” Lillian says. “What’s she doing here in the middle of the night?”

“What was she doing there?” I ask Daisy in a hurry.

“I don’t know. I think she was on the phone,” she says.

Fuck. Definitely fuck.

“That woman saw me in a shop downtown the other day,” I explain, rising to my feet.

Lillian’s face turns white as snow. “You mean …?”

I nod.

She covers her mouth with her hand.

“She’s calling the cops. Who knows how long she’s been standing there.”

“Shit but that means they’ll be here any minute now,” Lillian says, her voice unsteady.

She’s right. “My car’s on that road too.” I run my fingers through my hair. I’m not worried. I knew this would happen eventually. It was only a matter of time.

“You can’t leave,” she says, shaking her head.

“I know. I’ll stay,” I say resolutely. “I’ve known this was the only outcome for a long time.”

“What?” Her lips part. “But that means you intend to go back to prison? No. They’ll put you away forever if they catch you.”

“I deserve it,” I say, licking my lips, thinking about the time I could’ve had with her. Thinking about all the kisses I’ve missed and all the touches we’ve had to forfeit. I don’t regret it for a minute. Not even a chance. Because she’s alive. Daisy lives.

So I grab Lillian’s face and press my mouth to hers, claiming her one final time. I want her to know I won’t leave her. At least not in the heart or mind. I’ll be there every step of the way. “I love you,” I say. “You’ll never know how much this one night meant to me.”

“No …” She sucks on her bottom lip, barely able to keep it together. “Stop, please.”

“You knew as well as I did that it couldn’t stay this way forever,” I say. It was a wish we both knew would never come true.

“This can’t be happening,” she says, hugging me tightly. “Not again.”

“You know they’ll never let me stay with you,” I say.

“But I finally know why you did what you did. You saved her … and now they’ll take you away again? It’s not fair!” she says, trying not to explode in rage in front of her little girl. “I’m sorry, I just …”

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Daisy asks.

Her voice alone is enough to pull Lillian back down to earth. She smiles at her little girl, and says, “Nothing, Daisy. It’s all right. We’re just talking about our options here.”

“There are no options,” I say. “You and I both know that.”

Lillian’s face turns sour. “Don’t say that. Not after dropping all that on me here. After all this time …” She hiccups from the bomb I just dropped on her.

I can tell it’s hard for her to grasp. For her to accept what’s about to happen.

I grab her face again and make sure she looks me straight in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.” I press my finger onto her heart. “I’ll be there. Always.”

“That’s not enough,” she whispers.

I feel the same way, but I know it’s not going to happen. No matter how much we dream about it.

“It has to be enough. For our little girl,” I say.

“She didn’t make this choice, dammit!” Lillian paces around the kitchen, getting more agitated by the second. “Is she going to lose you again?”

Her words cut into me like a knife through butter.

“There’s no other outcome to all of this. I knew that when I escaped that prison, Lil,” I say.

She keeps pacing around, ignoring everything I’m saying until she abruptly comes to a stop.

“There is,” she says, not even looking at me while she utters the words.

My brows draw together. “What?”

When she gazes up at me, the look on her face has shifted to something more ominous. Like she’s suddenly a whole different person, and it brings chills to my spine.

“Daisy …” she says, approaching her. “You have to say goodbye now.”

“Why? Is he leaving again?” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes.

“It’s time for you to go to bed soon …” Lillian says, smiling at her and running her fingers through her hair. “Mommy wants a hug and a kiss now.”

Daisy wraps her little arms tightly around Lillian’s body. It gives me goose bumps to watch the intense bond these two have. It also reminds me of what I’ve missed all these years.

When they’re done hugging, she says, “Go to the back of the house. Don’t go outside. Just wait there.”

“Why?” she asks.

“You’ll understand soon,” she says, smiling as the tears well up in her eyes again, but she swallows them away. She presses another kiss to Daisy’s cheek and pats her on her back. “Go on.”

When Daisy’s left the room, I grab Lillian’s shoulder, and say, “What are you doing?”

“Making a choice,” Lillian says, giving me a bitter smile.

Like we’re saying goodbye when we’re not supposed to.

It’s all happening so fast. I wish I could put a stop to it, but I know just as well as she does that this could never be.

Right then, sirens in the distance are heard.

They’re here.

“Quick. You gotta leave,” she says.

So quickly did she change her mind about me. Not that I’m complaining. I’m grateful that she wants to help me out, but …

“I’ll never get outside fast enough,” I say, shaking my head.

“Yes, you will. Here, take this.” She shivers as she grabs a coat off the hanger and wraps it around me, along with a scarf and a hat.

“My car is out front. No way I can get there in time before the cops get here.”

“You can take my truck,” she says.

My eyes widen, and I realize what she’s about to do. “No, Lil.”

“Yes,” she says, pushing me to the back of the house.

“You can’t do this,” I say.

“Yes, I can.” Not only has her voice changed, but her whole attitude has done a full one-eighty. “I’m not letting them take you away. Not when she finally has you again. Not when I finally know why you did it.”

She can’t stop the tears from flowing anymore, and even I am tearing up as I hold her hand and squeeze.

“Take her,” she says. “I want her to grow up safe and sound … with you.”

“But I’m a criminal—”

“I don’t care!” she says, wrapping her arms around my neck. “She needs you like I needed you.”

“She needs her mommy,” whisper into her ear.

“You know what they’ll do to her if they find me here with her. They’ll put her in a foster home. You didn’t sacrifice everything to have her go there, and you know that,” she says, looking me directly in the eyes.

“Then stay here and let me—”

“No. You’ve done enough,” she says. “It’s time I took the burden,” she says with a heavy voice. She grabs a box and pushes it into my hand. “This contains all her medicine. Make sure she takes it every day. You can get more at the pharmacy. She’s got a prescription. She visits the doctor every month. Make sure she gets checked regularly.” She swallows. “Oh, and she hates blueberry pie, but loves blueberries on pancakes.”

I smile and nod, gazing into the bag. There’s a bunch of bottles filled with pills.

It looks like there’s no point in fighting her. This is how she’s always been. Stubborn to the bone. Just like her little girl. Just like me.

“I’m doing this. Don’t think of convincing me otherwise,” she adds.

“All right.” I sigh. “You’ll be aiding and abetting a criminal. You know that, right?” I say with a dead serious face.

She nods, her stance unchanging, her voice resolute. “I’m aware.”

I hug her tight. “Thank you.”

“No. Thank you,” she says. “For finally trusting me and releasing me from the pain.”

It feels like ages before we can finally let go of each other, but the sound of the police getting closer and closer forces us to. But I refuse to release her hand. I smile at her, and it’s the toughest smile I’ve smiled in years.

“Take care of yourself,” she says.

“I will.”

“And make sure she stays innocent. I don’t want her to know,” she adds.

I nod. Understandable. “I will.”

When we finally release each other, compelled by the sirens, I move to the back of the house while she stays and watches me pick up Daisy. One final glance is all I need to know she’s a hundred percent sure of what we’re about to do.

So I open the door, and I don’t look back as I run with Daisy.