Sleepily, my eyes blinked open. My vision was blurred, and I tumbled over the edge of consciousness.
My eyes finally adjusted to the glaring sunlight a few seconds later. Ayla was still wrapped in my arms, her body anchored into mine.
My eyes widened when I found my hand over her round stomach. I stayed frozen for a second, too scared to move.
My throat felt suddenly dry, and I swallowed past the lump forming there. I pressed my hand more firmly into the roundness. The towel had fallen away, and I was now skin to skin with her belly.
Her stomach was stretched tight, but the skin was still surprisingly soft.
I stared at the contrast of my hand over her skin. My hand was big and rough, my palm taking about half of the fullness of her stomach. While even bruised, she radiated beauty.
I was still staring at Ayla’s abdomen, and instinctively, I started to rub small circles. When I realized what I was doing, I went to snatch my hand away but stopped dead.
My eyes widened, and my breath left my lungs in a loud whoosh.
What the hell.
There. It happened again.
The first time was so light that I barely felt it. But this time, it was harder.
My hand had moved when I felt it.
Was that…?
I leaned closer, my face only inches away from Ayla’s stomach. I waited and counted the seconds in my head.
When I started to give up, it happened again. And then again. Harder this time. I flinched and pulled away quickly.
“Mommy, can I feel the baby?”
She took my hand and placed it on her round belly. As soon as my palm made contact with her stomach, I felt a hard kick.
“She kicks hard,” I whispered.
“You used to kick harder.”
“I was feeling Princess moving.”
Swallowing hard against the unwelcomed memories, I placed my hand over Ayla’s pregnant belly again.
I felt it again. A kick. Or was it a punch?
It—the baby—was moving, and I was feeling him.
Without thinking, I caressed the spot where the baby just kicked. “You have finally decided to make your presence known,” I whispered.
There was another slight movement, and I stared at Ayla’s stomach in awe. Completely mesmerized.
I had come to a point where I didn’t know how to feel—I didn’t understand what I was feeling.
One moment I hated the idea of the baby, while the next I was mesmerised by his movement.
The way my chest tightened and my heart fluttered told me a different story. I didn’t hate the idea of the baby. I hated the situation.
But the baby came with this situation.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when the baby moved again. Pulling my hand away, I shook my head and looked up.
My heart stuttered, and I swore it stopped for a second.
Beautiful green eyes stared back at me.
I stared back, trying to catch my breath.
For so long, I wanted to look into those eyes. And now I was.
My lips wobbled into a small smile, and I sat up, leaning forward into her. Her eyes were a glimmer color of emerald. They sparkled brighter in the light of the morning sun. Her black hair was splayed across the pillows as she blinked sleepily at me.
So beautiful. She looked like a Goddess. A real Angel.
My Ayla was back.
I couldn’t help but smile as I reached to palm her cheek.
“Ayla,” I croaked, rubbing my thumb over her velvety soft skin.
Her gaze softened the slightest bit, and a sweet smile whispered across her lips.
“Y…you…ha…ve his eyes.”
My eyes widened at her soft croaking voice. Ayla was talking!
But then confusion clouded my mind. “Whose eyes, Angel?”
I waited, but she didn’t speak again. My muscles started to lock in tension.
She stared and then finally whispered, so soft I barely heard her, “A…Al…Alessio.”
What?
“Ayla…what are you talking about? It’s me. Alessio. I am Alessio.”
And then she closed her eyes.
“No. No. No.” I panicked. “Angel, open your eyes. C’mon, show me those pretty green eyes.”
It wasn’t enough. I barely saw them. She had to stay awake. I had to hear her voice. I would beg for it if I had to.
I had no shame. Nothing else mattered.
“Angel,” I said, shaking her shoulders. “Please, say something.”
She didn’t even stir.
How long was she awake? Did I miss it? Was I sleeping the whole time she was awake?
How could I have been so fucking irresponsible?
This time I wouldn’t sleep. There was no way I would close my eyes again.
My heart raced like the wings of a caged bird. I did feel caged, and it was suffocating.
It felt like I was watching everything from the outside. Ayla was far away, and no matter how much I reached for her, she always ended up fading in the darkness.
She always faded away, and I was left empty.
No!
I took her hand in mine and talked. I talked for hours.
I begged for her to wake up. I begged for forgiveness. I begged for her love.
I made promises to cherish and take care of her.
But no matter how much I cajoled, fussed, and pushed, Ayla never moved or stirred.