Alessio
I felt Ayla shift in my arms. She sighed almost sleepily and burrowed deeper into my embrace. Opening my eyes, with my vision still clouded with sleep, I stared down at her.
She was sleeping peacefully, a contradicting image after the nightmare she had just a few hours ago.
It had been a few days since she spoke, but nightmares had plagued her sleep every night since then.
She was feeling again. Her emotions were small, almost invisible, but definitely there. The nightmares were proof of that.
Ayla thought staying numb would be better, without realizing that she was slowly destroying herself by not feeling anything.
She had to let it out. I wasn’t stopping until I broke every wall around her heart.
“Good morning, Angel,” I whispered in her ear. Placing a kiss there, I pushed myself on my elbows. She sighed again and blinked her eyes open.
Ayla stared at me blankly for a moment and then closed her eyes again, refusing to acknowledge me. Like every day.
Kitten. How innocent. She seemed to have forgotten that I was a stubborn fucker. She could fight me all she wanted, but I would win in the end.
I won before. I was going to win again.
“It’s already late. You need to wake up and eat,” I pushed, kissing her on the nose.
I noticed her wrinkling her nose, and she opened her eyes again.
Ayla moved out of my embrace and struggled to sit up. Placing an arm behind her back, I helped her in a sitting position.
I rested my palm over her firm abdomen. When I felt a kick, I smiled. It was impossible not to. “Good morning to you too.”
Ayla tried to shift away from my hand, but I pressed it more firmly against her stomach, feeling the baby play target practice.
I moved my hand away, and Ayla placed hers over the bump, holding it protectively. At least she was acknowledging the baby.
I stared at Ayla until she looked away. Sometimes she would show subtle emotions, but they would quickly be gone.
She was fighting herself.
I guessed I had to fight her too.
I moved quickly then, surprising even myself. I was always patient. It looked like my patience was slowly running out.
Shifting myself over Ayla, with my thighs on either side of her hips, I moved my face closer to hers.
Her eyes widened in shock. There it was. Finally, an emotion. I saw her swallow hard, and her gaze moved slowly over my face.
I palmed her cheeks gently, our noses touching slightly. “Come back to me, Angel. I’m waiting for you. Let me help you. Give me a chance to make you whole again. Give us a chance. Fight for us.”
She closed her eyes. Stubborn woman.
“Ayla, open your eyes.”
Her eyes snapped open. “I told you before and I will tell you again: don’t look away from me. I want your eyes on me. Looking at me. Seeing me. Only me, Ayla.”
I didn’t miss how her breath caught in her throat and how she stared at me with wide eyes.
Ayla licked her lips and tried to look away. I noticed her hands rubbing her stomach, almost angrily. They were shaking. When I looked at her face, I saw that she looked lost and scared.
Ayla seemed agitated.
Fuck! I pushed too hard.
“Angel,” I murmured, kissing the corner of her mouth. “If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you. And I want to help you.”
Ayla blinked several times, and she turned her head toward me, a look of astonishment on her face. She cocked her head to the side as if waiting for me to continue.
I felt my own eyes widen. I had said those words to her before.
My heart clenched at the possibility of her remembering. My hands shook as I caressed her cheeks.
“You are worth more than you think,” I whispered softly. So many months ago, I had said those exact words to her. And now I whispered them again, hoping it would make yet another difference.
I pressed our foreheads together, holding her to me. “You bring happiness to others. You bring light, my Angel. You changed me. You made me feel. I didn’t realize I was letting the shadow control me all this time. Not until you came into my life. You bring me light. Just like a true Angel.”
I was weak before. When she had cut herself and I had said those words to her, I kept my true feelings hidden. I had refused to tell her the truth I told her now.
But things had changed since then. I had changed.
And now I was going to rewrite our history.
With a sigh, I moved off her. She exhaled loudly, the comforter fisted tightly in her hands.
I placed my hand right next to hers. They were inches away. So close yet not touching.
“Can I touch you?”
Her gaze moved to our hands, but she didn’t respond. I knew she wouldn’t.
“Can I hold your hand?”
Ayla opened her mouth, and she gasped for breath. Her head snapped up, her startled eyes meeting mine.
It felt like my chest was being wrenched open when I saw tears forming in her eyes. She looked down at our hands. So close. I wanted to touch her. I knew I could if I wanted.
But I didn’t move. I waited for her.
Her tears didn’t fall. She swallowed several times before moving her hand over her stomach, giving me my answer.
It was such a déjà vu moment.
I chuckled under my breath. “Okay. So this is how you’re going to play.”
I moved to my knees until our faces were almost touching. “I’ll play your game then,” I continued. “I won’t touch you. Not until you ask me to.”
I could almost see the memory flashing behind her eyes. The way her lips parted in surprise, it gave her away.
“I won’t touch you. Not until you beg me for it,” I finished, my voice low and deliberately seductive.
We were about to go back to the beginning.
Ayla flinched before she closed her eyes tightly. I was tempted to take her in my arms and hold her close. Take away all her pain. Keep her nightmares away.
But I had been doing this for weeks. It didn’t make much of a difference.
So we were going to play it another way.
“Lena will bring our breakfast. After I feed you, I have to take care of some things. I won’t be far, though,” I explained.
This was almost a routine. After her panic attack, I explained to her what I was doing and where I was going. It was to keep her mind at ease. To let her know I was always there.
Walking away from the bed, I peeked at the full-length mirror, watching Ayla closely. She got out of bed and followed me into the bathroom.
Good. She was slowly doing things on her own.
I brushed my teeth, and she copied me. We washed our faces, and while I changed, she kept her dress on.
The breakfast tray was already waiting for us when we walked out of the bathroom. Ayla sat on her side of the bed, waiting.
Placing the tray between us, I fed her small bites while I ate too. I didn’t speak. Ayla stared at me, confused, but never uttered a word.
When a knock sounded on the door, I got off the bed. “That must be Maddie,” I muttered to Ayla.
“Come in,” I called out, putting on my suit jacket. Maddie walked in and smiled at Ayla.
“Are you ready for the tour?” she asked, looking at Ayla expectantly. Not that Ayla ever replied.
“I can take you to the back garden today,” Maddie continued, helping Ayla out of bed.
After Ayla’s panic attack, Maddie thought it would be good to help Ayla become familiar with the estate again.
Ayla looked back at me, waiting for my reply. She always did that. As if asking for my permission. If I said yes, she would go. If I said no, she never said anything but would stay in the room.
Not anymore.
“Do you want to go with Maddie?” I asked.
I saw her eyebrows furrow in question, her hands trembling at her side.
C’mon, Angel. Don’t be scared. I will be there to catch you if you fall.
“Ayla, do you want to see the back garden with Maddie?” I pushed.
She stayed quiet, but I saw her breathing had accelerated. Maddie looked at me, worried, but I stayed focus on the beautiful Angel in front of me.
She stared at me. Ayla took a deep breath, her gaze never moving away from mine. It was like she was taking her courage from me.
Like I gave her strength.
I smiled encouragingly. Still staring into my eyes, she gave a small nod.
Fuck yeah!
I wanted to scream, throw my hands in the air and jump. She did it!
Holding my fist against my pressed lips, I cleared my throat, but the emotions were overflowing.
“I will be in my office. Enjoy your day with Maddie. She will take good care of you,” I said.
She nodded again. This time, it was impossible to hold the smile.
Giving Maddie a nod, I walked out of the room. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I called the one person I knew would be able to help me.
“What is it?” the voice answered.
“Nina, I need you in my office in an hour.”
“I’ll be there,” she replied. I hung up before she could say anything else.
Nikolay and Viktor were already waiting for me outside of my office. I nodded at them, and they followed me inside.
“What are Isaak and Lyov doing?” I asked.
“The businesses are running smoothly. Surprisingly. It looks like they haven’t lost their touch yet,” Viktor grumbled.
“That’s good.” I nodded. I knew they would keep everything in line.
“The women at the clubs?”
“With Alberto out of the country and his men hiding, we have full control over the clubs. Even the ones that belong to him. Under strict orders from Lyov, the women are being treated fairly,” Nikolay replied.
“Those who have been abused intensively are under care,” Viktor added. “If only we had Alberto in our hands. He’s the only fucking problem now.”
“Any news from him?” I questioned, sitting back against my chair.
They shook their heads mutely.
“I need answers!” I bellowed. “The information from the Black Club members led us to a dead end. It brought us nothing.”
They said Alberto was hiding in Canada. By the time my men reached there, he was already gone.
Alberto was smart. He never stayed in one place. He moved every few days and left no tracks behind. It was almost impossible to track him down.
“We are doing everything we can, Alessio,” Viktor muttered. He ran his hand over his face in frustration. “But don’t forget. We might be powerful, but he is just as powerful. He has connections everywhere. When a Mafia man wants to go off grid, it is impossible to find him. You know that better than anyone. Lyov and Isaak pulled it off. You did it too once.”
“I don’t care who he is or what he’s doing. All I know is that as long as he is alive, Ayla and the baby are not safe. I need him dead. I need his blood on my hands. Until then, I won’t rest,” I growled dangerously.
“We aren’t stopping until we find him. Mark said he has some information too. I’m going there tomorrow. We’ll see what he has and how it can help us,” Nikolay added.
“Good,” I muttered.
“What do you want to do with Artur and Enzo?” Viktor asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
At the mention of Artur, a sudden surge of fury coursed through me. I held the table tightly until my knuckled turned white.
“Keep them alive,” I gritted out. “I need them alive until Alberto is found.”
Viktor shook his head. “Are you sure? Artur is practically dead. So is Enzo.”
“I don’t care how you do it. I need them alive. When Alberto is found, I will finish them all together. Like a little family reunion. I’m sure they will like it,” I growled.
Taking a deep breath, I released the table from my grasp. “After all, I’m not done with them yet. They haven’t spilled enough blood. Their pain is not even half of what Ayla has had to go through.”
I looked directly at Viktor. “By the time I’m done with them, they won’t even be able to beg me to kill them. Not even if they wanted to.”
I saw Viktor raise an eyebrow at me, and he smiled almost sadistically. “Now that’s what I like to hear. I almost thought you were going soft. Looks like I was mistaken. You are still a crazy fucker.”
I shook my head at his stupid assumption. “I will always be one.”
Before he could say anything else, I changed the topic. I didn’t want to be reminded of who I was. Of what I had done.
I was a monster. I have killed without any remorse. I didn’t care.
What always worried me was…what would Ayla think of me? When she found out what I had done to get to her?
“Is there anything else?” I asked quickly, trying to clear my thoughts.
Nikolay nodded and spoke of all the things I had missed while taking care of Ayla. Lyov and Isaak had been able to take care of things I had almost ruined.
Nikolay paused when there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” I called out, already knowing who it was.
The door opened, revealing Nina. She walked inside before kicking the door closed. “What did you need?”
“I need to speak with Nina alone,” I said loudly. I saw Viktor raise an eyebrow, but he walked out without a word.
“Nikolay, I need you to stay outside at the door,” I ordered. He nodded and walked out too, closing the door behind him.
I stared at Nina as she took a seat on the couch. “So what is it? Anyone I need to kill? You could have told me the name on the phone.”
“Strip.”
Her mouth fell open and then snapped shut again. “What?” she sputtered.
I crossed my arms. “You heard me.”
“Look, I am no longer an undercover at the clubs. I’m not a stripper. And I’m not your fuck buddy anymore. So nope.”
“I don’t want to fuck you, either. That’s not why you are here. I’m not interested in you,” I replied drily.
“I don’t know if I should be insulted or not,” she shot back, sending me a fierce glare.
“It looks like I have to spell out everything for you,” I said, sitting forward.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh please, enlighten me.”
So I did.
And she laughed. “Do you really think it would work?”
I swallowed hard at the question and rubbed my forehead tiredly. “This could either go really bad or give us a good result.”
“And if it goes bad?”
“Then we’re back to square one. But I’m hoping for good results.”
“Cool, I’ll do it,” she agreed. Nina removed her black jacket and shirt.
When she was only in her undergarments, she walked toward me. I pushed my chair back, giving her space to fit between my legs.
I blew out a loud breath and closed my eyes. I felt her kneel between my spread thighs. When her hands made contact with my legs, I froze.
I trembled with panic and fear. What if this went bad?
I grabbed Nina’s hand. “Don’t touch me,” I growled, pulling her hands off.
“Got it,” she muttered.
I counted the seconds in my head, and each second was overwhelming.
When I heard the door open and Maddie’s voice, my fingers fisted around Nina’s hair and brought her head closer to my crotch.
This better work.
I guided her head up and down, mimicking the movement of her sucking me off. I opened my eyes and saw Ayla staring at me.
I smirked and tilted my head back. My Angel stood frozen, her gaze going to Nina’s head before moving back to my eyes.
There it was. The spark I was looking for.
There was a hint of anger in those beautiful green eyes. Her hands went to her stomach, and she rubbed her rounded belly, trying to soothe herself.
Her chest moved faster, her breathing becoming louder.
I groaned and fucking hated it.
Ayla shook her head, and I saw tears in her eyes. She looked hurt.
I should have been ashamed. I waited for the searing pain in my chest. It was there. It was definitely there at the sight of seeing Ayla hurt.
But I was also fucking ecstatic.
At least she wasn’t numb to what she seeing.
When I groaned again and acted as if I came, I saw a tear slide down her cheek. It broke my fucking heart, and I instinctively pushed Nina away.
She stood up and walked around the desk, leaning her hips against it. “Hello there,” she drawled huskily.
Ayla flinched and took a step back. It confirmed my suspicion.
Seeing Nikolay at the door again, Nina and I together, it definitely brought back some things from the past. A distant memory of us.
I just hoped this didn’t push her further away from me.
I glanced at Maddie. She nodded and took Ayla’s arm, pulling her out of the room.
As soon as the door closed, I stood up and faced the window, my muscles coiled with tension. “I hated doing this.”
Punching the wall beside me, I closed my eyes.
“If I’m honest, it was pretty awkward. But did you find what you wanted?” Nina asked quietly.
“Yeah, I did. I just need to see the aftermath now,” I muttered, my chest feeling heavy. My lungs were drawn up tight, and it was harder to breathe.
“I hope it works out,” she said before leaving.
I stayed in the office for a few more minutes. Pacing the length of it, I couldn’t shake the image of Ayla’s tears.
Fear and worry were instilled inside of me, choking me. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I walked out of the office. I knew Ayla would be waiting for me in our room. Maddie was strictly instructed to bring her back there.
I paused outside the door, feeling suddenly nervous.
Frustrated at the uncertainty, my fingers clenched into fists, and I took a deep breath.
I opened the door and walked inside to find Ayla sitting on the bed. Her head snapped up toward mine, her shoulder tensed. I saw fear in her eyes, but it was quickly gone when she saw it was me.
She stood up, her hand going to her throat. It was nervousness.
Ayla looked at me, her chest moving up and down, her breathing harsh. I took a step forward, and Ayla choked back a sob.
She walked back until she touched the wall. Ayla shook her head several times, and she rubbed at her throat furiously.
I saw her face crumble, and she cried quietly. When I tried to move forward again, she shook her head. Her eyes went wide, and she gasped for breath.
“I…I…breathe…can’t…breathe…”
“Shit!” I swore, moving forward in a rush. Taking her in my arms, I carried Ayla to the bed.
I sat down on the edge, placing her on my lap. “Calm down. It’s okay. Don’t try to breathe too fast. Take it slow. Shh…I got you, Angel. Slow breath. In and out.”
Ayla laid her head on my shoulders, but I heard her taking slow breaths, just like I told her.
When her breathing finally calmed, I heard her crying softly on my shoulder. I kept holding her in my embrace, never once letting go.
Ayla didn’t try to move away, either. No, she had a death grip on my arms.
Her tears made my heart ache in the most painful way.
It was a strange mixture of emotions building up inside of me. Agony and happiness. I didn’t know which one to hold on to.
So instead, I just held my Angel. I let her be my anchor, while I was hers.
When her tears finally dried, I shifted her in my arms and laid her on the bed.
He eyes were closed, but her face was red and puffy from crying. This was the second time she cried since we rescued her. Both reasons had nothing to do with her captivity but everything to do with me.
In that moment, I realized that all my efforts were not going to waste. She knew me. Ayla felt me deep inside her heart.
I had to continue believing in us.
Giving her a final glance, I went to get up but felt something tighten around my wrist.
My eyes widened, and I looked down to see Ayla holding the edge of my sleeve, stopping me from stepping away.
My head snapped up, and I saw that her eyes were open. Our gaze made contact, and we stared. We breathed. A matching rhythm between us.
I saw Ayla swallow several times. She looked down at my hand before staring into my eyes again.
I waited…I didn’t know for how long, but I waited.
Her lips finally parted, and her voice was melody to my ears.
“Can…you…please hold…me?”
The words were softly spoken. She stuttered them but never took her eyes off mine.
My heart leaped and danced. My stomach tightened, and with my heart in my throat, I nodded.
“I’ll hold you, Angel. I will hold you however long you want me to.” Leaning forward until our noses were touching, I said, “And even when you don’t want me to hold you anymore, I still won’t let you go.”
I saw her cheeks grow redder. Placing a kiss on the tip of her nose, I laid down beside Ayla.
Before I could move, she turned toward me and burrowed into my chest. I smiled then.
I wrapped my arms around her hips, pulling her closer. Her stomach was in the way, but I worked around it. When she was firmly held in my embrace, I kissed her cheek.
She sighed in my chest, her arms tightening around my waist. My heart soared.
We were both quiet.
I was almost asleep when she broke the silence.
Her words took me by surprise. Hell, her voice was a shock to me. I didn’t expect her to speak again. But she did.
And I had never expected her to utter those words.
“You are my savior,” she whispered so softly into my chest.
Her arms were a band of steel around my hips. I was her savior. Just like before.
My nose prickled with emotions. It was almost too much to bear, so I could only imagine what Ayla was going through.
“You are my savior,” she whispered again. “Not hers.”
My eyes widened, finally understanding where she was going. The words were filled with innocence, her voice sounding so childlike, almost scared.
“You are not hers,” she continued brokenly, stealing my breath away.
Bringing my hand up, I placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. She stared at me tearfully. Her green eyes were glassy. It reminded me of the first time we met.
“You…won’t leave me?” she asked softly.
I shook my head and pressed our foreheads together. “No. No. No. Ayla, I won’t leave you.”
“She won’t…take you…from me?” Her expression was so broken. She looked so hurt and scared.
I brought her body closer to mine. “No, Ayla. I’m never leaving you. I made a promise to you before. I said I won’t ever leave you. I’m keeping that promise. She won’t take me away from you.”
Our lips joined together in a feather-light touch. “You are my Angel.”
Ayla closed her eyes, and I felt the tension in her shoulders slowly slipping away.
“When I…was with…the Devil…you were my savior. You are not hers. You can’t…be hers,” Ayla continued, breaking my heart further.
“Shh…I’m not hers. I’m yours, Angel. Only yours. I was yours before. I am now. And I will always be yours. Just like you are mine,” I whispered in her ears, hoping she would remember those words later.
“Just like I am your savior. You are my beautiful Angel.”
She hummed against my chest. Her eyes were closed, and I knew she was quickly drifting off to sleep.
Smiling, I stared at the beauty in my arms.
I am going to wait for you, Angel. Forever. This is my fucking vow to you.