Ashley
Deshawn and Matteo were still not home from work, which gave me some alone time to think. Before that happened, I needed a shower because I still felt Sebastian all over me. All the hot water in the world couldn’t wash away the memories of his hands on me, or his body inside mine. He was like a drug that I was getting addicted too and I wasn’t sure how to resist the next dose. All the man had to do was touch me and I melted like butter in his hands.
My sex still ached where he’d taken me without regard, but instead of making me hate him for it, I wanted to have him fill me up again. I had to remember that he was only using me for my body, but that didn’t stop the longing to have his lips on mine or kissing down my stomach and into that region that was already wet again from thinking about it.
“Damn him.” I cursed aloud, and slid on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I needed anything to take my mind off him, and decided to chill in front of the television. It felt like forever since I’d done something normal, and I put on my favorite vampire show. It was a silly obsession I had, watching these things, but they made me smile.
I was half through an episode when someone knocked on the door. I really wanted to ignore it, and probably should have since the guys weren’t home. When the person wouldn’t stop knocking, I gave up in exasperation and looked through the peep hole. It was Thomas. I opened the door and the look of concern on his face had me worried.
“Come in.” Holding the door open for him, I shut it behind him, wondering what was wrong. “Is everything okay?” He really shouldn’t be here because I didn’t know if Deshawn would be stopping in for a late lunch.
“I had to check on you. Sebastian told me you were back together.” His soulful brown eyes were looking me over like he was searching for injuries. The only pain he would cause me was a broken heart, or an aching body.
“He didn’t give me much choice, but I’m fine.” Mentally, I wasn’t sure I was, but physically, I didn’t fear him that way any longer.
“You don’t have to give in to him. We’ve got a break in the case and he’s not going to risk you walking away.” I couldn’t tell him that it wasn’t just the deal that kept me in his bed.
“What kind of break?” Changing the subject was a lot less embarrassing than admitting the truth. I wanted Sebastian Church in a way I couldn’t put into words.
He explained to me that Matteo was being blackmailed by a worker at Church Industries, and he believe Deshawn was trying to help him. “Do you know much about their relationship?”
“Deshawn’s? I’ve never seen him so happy with another man, so I guess it’s pretty tight.” I might even be able to forgive him for doing something like this for someone he loved, even if it was still wrong.
“I need you to get Matteo talking about his mother and seeing if anything slips. Can you do that for me?” Tom lifted his hand to my cheek and caressed it gently and I hid my shock the action.
“I think so.” The look in his eyes told me he wanted something, and after being with Church, I understood it was me.
“I could keep you safe, Ashley. You don’t have to let him abuse you.” I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t really consider what Sebastian was doing abuse when I wanted to be in his bed. “Trust me. I could make you so happy.” I never expected what happened next.
Tom pulled me into his arms tenderly and kissed me with a gentleness that I never even knew I longed for. I kissed him back, not sure if it was about desire or the feeling of feeling safe with him. Our tongues danced in a lover’s duet, and I closed my eyes, curious about this other way of sharing passion.
He pulled back, and the smile on his face was everything a girl could ask for. “Say yes, Ashley. Let me take you away from here, from him. I’ll give you the world, sweetheart.” Part of me wanted to take him up on his offer, but I wanted my financial freedom.
“I can’t, Tom. I know you could make me happy, but I never want to depend on another person again.” His face fell, and he took a step back. “Maybe when all this over and I can stand on my own two feet again, I’d be willing. I’m just not ready.”
“Don’t let him change you then. You’re such a sweet, beautiful woman, and I’ve seen the devastation he’s capable of. I’m here if you need me, never forget that.” He lowered his head and kissed me tenderly on the forehead. “You deserve better.” With those words, he walked out the door and I almost ran after him.
Tom was the type of man I should fall in love with. There was so much he could give me that my heart longed for. Unfortunately, my body was a traitor because his kisses didn’t make me long to strip off my clothes and beg him to take me. What did that say about me?
After walking into the kitchen, I warmed up the steak Sebastian had ordered for lunch and it was good. Stress eating wasn’t good for my figure, but this was better than ice cream. For the first time in my life there were two men that wanted me. One would destroy my heart and the other would treat me with the love I craved, but leave my body longing. The situation was so insane I laughed.
Half a steak later and another episode of television, Deshawn walked in. “Girl, you are living the high life. You have some more of that I hope?” I thumbed him to the kitchen, and he warmed up a plate. There was enough food left to feed him and Matteo.
“You’re off early.” I walked into the kitchen and poured a glass of ice water, while he ate at the island bar.
“Needed to get out of that place and clear my head. “So, how’d you get Aureole’s?” The logo was printed on the bag.
“Sebastian decided he wasn’t done with me yet.” I whispered the words, feeling like the biggest whore on the planet.
“Oh, hell, no, he can’t keep screwing with you like that.” Deshawn slammed his hand down on the counter, and I would have been impressed if he’d done that before setting us up.
“He can do whatever he wants as long as he’s hanging you over my head. Why you’d do that? You’re the only friend I have, and I was heartbroken over being used that way.” It was time he came clean and told the truth. He owed me that much.
“If there was any other way, I wouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, baby girl, I love you more than life. You have to know that.” Those eyes that had seen into my soul more times than I could remember filled with pain, and I almost felt sorry for him. I couldn’t be that compassionate, though, when he’d basically sold me off like an unwanted pet.
“That’s not good enough, Deshawn. That man took my virginity like some animal, did you know that? I was in so much pain I could hardly walk. You tell me what was so important that you’d let me be used that way!” Tears filled my eyes, but they damn weren’t falling right now. I wanted answers!
He tried to pull me into his arms, but I held him at arm’s length. No more apologies. I wanted the truth. I deserved it. “I love him, Ashe. You’re my best friend, but Matteo has my heart. Losing him would kill me.” Deshawn had always been a diva but the emotion on his face this time couldn’t be denied.
“What does that have to do with me? I let him do those things to me to save your ass, not your lover’s. Tell me all of it!” Sebastian was right, people couldn’t be trusted not even you dearest friend. I felt an anger burning so deeply in my chest that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be whole again.
“He’s illegal, so is his mother. There are men we work with that would turn him into the immigration office. You know what’s going on in our world here. We can get married, and plan to, but that doesn’t save his mother. He won’t stay without her.” Tom was right he was doing this to save his lover.
“So, what, you embezzled money for these men so they’d keep this secret?” I could almost forgive him for throwing me under the bus, almost, but what did that have to do with stealing from Sebastian?
“I didn’t take that money, Ashe. You know me better than that. They took it, and to make sure I didn’t open my mouth, they bought this penthouse, telling me that if I opened my mouth they’d pin it all on me. When they started investigating, Landry and his friend made it look like I did it all and I couldn’t open my mouth to say otherwise.” Deshawn hung his head in shame, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel.
“How could you do that?” I hadn’t even heard Matteo walk in, and wasn’t sure how much of the conversation he’d heard, but it was obviously enough.
“I love you, baby. I know you need to be close to your mother. I wanted to help. This was all I could do.” This situation was so screwed up, I didn’t know who I felt sorrier for. Me, Matteo or even Deshawn.
“I need to clear my head.” I picked up my purse and walked out the door, knowing I needed to decide what to do. I hadn’t been to church in a long time, but my granny had always told me that when a problem is too big for you, you lay it at God’s feet. Hailing down a taxi when I got outside, I told the driver to take me to the first church he could think of.
I stepped out in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral and it took my breath away. It was a vision of Gothic beauty and the intricate design of stone and glass was something to make you believe in the power of God. I felt so small walking up to those doors and pushing one open I was sure I’d be struck down by lighting for all the sins I’d committed lately. I wasn’t Catholic, but I believed Christians all had God in common and that was enough.
For a moment, I’d forgotten why I was here and took in the stained-glass windows, unforgettable columns, and sheer splendor that overwhelmed my soul. Sliding into one of the back pews, I prayed for guidance, and forgiveness. An hour passed by and I was alone pouring my heart out, hoping for some sign that would give the strength to know what I needed to do.
“Do you have any idea how much I had to bribe the taxi service to tell me where you were?” Sebastian’s words broke into the peace I felt surrounding me, and I looked up into his gorgeous face, seeing the anger his eyes and the tick of his jaw. “Of all the places you could have come. We’re leaving, Ashley. Now!” His raised voice seemed like an abomination to this house of worship and instead of arguing I let him grab my arm and walk me out of the beautiful building.
“I hope you’ve done all the praying you need to because you’re going to be on your knees for the next hour worshipping me.” With no gentleness, he pushed me into the car and climbed in. “Drive.” His tone was arrogant as he made his demand of the driver and I wanted to punch him in the arm.
“You don’t have to take your bad mood out on your employees.” I had no idea why he was so angry, and at that point, I didn’t care.
“Do yourself a favor and don’t talk to me until I calm down.” His voice had grown deathly quiet and I don’t know why I gave into his demand, but he was suddenly a man I should be very afraid of.
Staring out the window to control my nervousness, I wanted to demand answers. I’d done nothing wrong. Since when had going to church become a criminal offense in the eyes of Sebastian Church? Crossing my arms over my chest I let my anger boil inside until I was so full of it I thought I’d burst.
“What the hell is your problem?” Turning to glare at him, I decided he owed me an explanation.
“I have to walk in and pull you out of the same church my mother was murdered in, and you ask me that?” For Sebastian to shout I knew he was at the end of his patience. The revelation was news to me, I knew nothing about his past and very little about who he was now. Keeping my mouth shut, I decided now wasn’t the time to have a logical conversation with him. I didn’t think he’d physically hurt me, but his hands being balled into fists made me second guess that.
It felt like the temperature in the limousine was frigid, but it had little to do with the heating system. By the time we pulled up to his home, I was shivering at the rage I felt and saw in him. He opened the car door, and held it for me, and without speaking, I followed him out of it and up the stairs.
“My bedroom now. Strip and I’ll be with you in a moment.” My anger at being ordered around wasn’t nearly as strong as the fight or flight scenario spinning around in my brain. I did what he asked and decided that a few minutes of him getting his temper in check might be a smart idea.
Why I undressed and put my clothes in a nice little pile on the bed, I couldn’t say. Sebastian could be a ruthless sonofabitch, but I knew I could halt anything he wanted to do to me with a word. Of course, he could change my mind with a touch of his hand too. None of it was fair.
I wasn’t standing around with my ass showing, so I slid into his bed and under the covers. How long I waited there, I couldn’t say, it felt like time dragged on forever before he walked through the door. Without a single word, or glance my way, he undressed and walked over to the bed. “Slide over to the edge.” He didn’t look ready to commit mass murder at least, and his shaft was hard, almost resting against his stomach. Doing what he asked, he looked down his body then back in my eyes.
“I meant what I said in the car, Ashley. I want your mouth on me giving worship where it’s due. I’m going to fuck your little mouth to try and forget I want to wear out that beautiful ass of yours.”