SADIE
THE BREAKS IN BARBADOS MAY not be on the same level as the Gold Coast of Australia, but that didn’t stop the tourists from surfing.
Me. I preferred wading.
My feet found the hard-packed sand the last wave had left behind. I curled my toes into the grooves. A glimmer of white foam appeared, but the water didn’t reach me, not yet.
I took a dragging step, letting my feet guide me so I wouldn’t come down on any sharp shells. Another step forward led me to even wetter sand.
The rush and roar of the waves threw spray up into the breeze, and I welcomed it upon my blazing skin.
The water was warm as it kissed my ankles.
Laughing, I bent to let it flow over my hands, my wrists, my elbows. Finally, I knelt, soaking myself in the Caribbean sea.
Cleansing myself.
I wanted to stay like this forever and never go back to where I’d come from but that was a wild fantasy made of fluffy white clouds. The reality was my time was coming to a very quick end, and I had to start preparing myself for the whole rock-meet-bottom thing I was going to be stepping into. Following my father’s footsteps, after all.
Step 9: Make direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Getting to my feet, I made my way toward the shore. I would be accountable for what I’d done. I had to be.
The warm breeze felt good on my skin, and I took a moment to look up at the sky.
It was so blue.
I wondered how often you were allowed outside in prison. When would I be able to see something this beautiful again?
I held back my tears.
I would not feel sorry for myself.
I had made this bed, and now I would force myself to lie in it.
My eyes fell to my wrist. The rainbow of hope. The symbol of hope. Balance. Good luck. Of a brighter future. I hoped I had one. Some day.
Shaking off the sadness, there would be plenty of time for that later, I wrapped a towel around myself, slipped on my sandals, and then hiked up the hill to the bed and breakfast. We had a late shoot today, but I had gear to pack, so it was time to get ready.
The white clapboard buildings with wooden hurricane shutters were nestled together. The main plantation-style house in the middle and the guest cottages dotted along either side of it.
As soon I unlocked the door to our top-floor bedroom suite in the main house, I saw him on the bed. Dark head down. Elbows on his knees. His indigo stare rose, but the light that had been in it for weeks looked diminished. Like something had snuffed it out.
The coral tropic décor suddenly seemed so icy, and I felt a pang in my heart. Something wasn’t right.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, closing the door behind me. It squeaked, and so did the floors as I slowly made my way toward him.
Jaxson got to his feet, and his straight, rigid posture made him appear all-powerful. “I’m only going to ask you this once, Sadie. Do you understand me?”
That dominance he always exuded turned dark, and I choked on my breath. “Yes.”
His jaw twitched. “Has this whole thing been a lie?”
Bile rose up my throat. I wanted to turn and run, my fight-or-flight instinct kicking in, but I fought it. What was going on? I thought we were past this. “Nothing I told you was a lie. I told you everything. I told you the truth. You know that!”
His burning glare never left my worried stare. “Are you sure? Absolutely certain.”
I gulped. “Yes.”
“Well, it turns out Simon is Sidney, and he could have afforded to pay for that operation twice over. He didn’t need my cameras or my money, or you.”
My knees threatened to give way, and I sat on the bed with my hands under my legs to stop their shaking. “That’s not true. He had nothing. He told me so, or he would have helped.”
Jaxson tossed his phone beside me on the bed. “Read this,” he gritted out, his nostrils flaring.
Hesitantly, I picked it up.
Blood whooshed in my ears as I thumbed through the photos and documents attached to an email his friend Finn had sent.
It took me a few long moments to process what I was looking at. According to these papers, Simon, or rather Sidney, as was evidenced by the pawn store footage, owned a Mercedes, had over two hundred thousand dollars to his name, and owned a condo in Coral Gables.
Rage tingled up my spine. Coral Gables. The wealthiest area in Miami. Miami.
My fists clenched together as I fought for air. I wanted to kill him.
Why hadn’t he just given the Houstons the money?
Why make me do all this?
I glanced up and caught sight of Jaxson’s expression, which had morphed from pure anger into a taut frown. Don’t get me wrong—it wasn’t softer by any means. I swiped the tears from my eyes as fast as they fell and the word slipped out. “Why?”
“Why what, Sadie?”
We were past this, and I wasn’t going backwards. Standing up and crossing my arms, I pinched my lips together to stop myself from shouting when I spoke. I knew he didn’t mean what he said, but it still hurt. “Why did Simon lie to me about his situation?”
“Are you sure he was the one lying?”
My entire body trembled. “Yes! I’m sure. He lied, and I want to know why.”
From the stance he’d taken against the wall, he studied me like he had that first night in Antigua. And just like that night, I allowed him to. When he was done with the whole brooding thing, he muttered, “It’s pretty fucking obvious.”
Yes, it was. Simon, the thief, had become Sidney, the thief, and the worst part was I should have never believed him when he told me he’d reformed. Was he even really going to be running Moongate, or was that a lie, too?
I opened my mouth to tell Jaxson about Simon and his thieving ways, but didn’t have the courage. I felt like a fool.
His glare was harsh, those blue eyes hard enough to cut diamonds.
I couldn’t take the coldness any longer. I knew beneath the shell was a warm man who cared. I just had to remind him. I got to my feet, taking small challenging steps in his direction. “Stop treating me like I’m lying. You know I’m not.”
He took a moment to examine me, his eyes burning as he scanned me from head to toe, as if he was sizing me up. “Then stop acting like you don’t see the writing on the wall pretty fucking clearly.”
I halted in my movement. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re living in denial.”
My stomach somersaulted, and I looked at him with my mouth hanging open. “I’m not in denial.”
He pushed off the wall and headed in my direction. “Yes. You. Are. Simon McCoy is a psychopath who enjoys benefitting from other people’s misery. Face it.”
I closed the distance between us and pointed my finger right at his chest. “You might be right, Jaxson Cassidy, but you’re also being a dick.” I turned and started for the bathroom.
Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me flush against his body. “Where are you going?”
I refused to look at him. To give him one more second of my attention than I needed to. “To get dressed so I can prepare for the shoot today.”
I wanted to text Simon and ask him about all of this, but something in my gut told me not to. To let the quiet between us remain that way—for now.
Jaxson leaned down, his voice gruff and low. “I already packed everything.”
I stared at him and really thought I was going to break down. I needed that task to occupy my mind. It was my job, not his.
He went on. “I want you to toughen up, Sadie. Stand your ground when you know you’re right. This asshole is up to something, and I promise you I’m going to find out what. And then I’ll make him pay.”
I shook my head and looked at my bare toes. “But Jaxson, that’s just it, he isn’t up to anything. And even if he is, it doesn’t matter. I hit that kid. Not him. It was me. I’m the bad one.” My voice was shaking, and I hated that I couldn’t keep it together, but every time I thought about that night, I remembered the way Riley’s body skidded off my car with a thud and I wanted to throw up all over again.
Gathering my wet hair with his fingers, he pulled it down and forced me to look into his indigo eyes, which swirled with a darkness and a light I didn’t understand. “It was an accident, and you made the wrong choice by not reporting it. But you can’t keep punishing yourself for it. I won’t let you.”
What was he saying?
That he didn’t want me to turn myself in?
I wasn’t going to ask him that. I didn’t have to. He was blaming Simon. Sidney. Whoever the hell he was. But Jaxson was wrong. Regardless of what Simon was or was not, it was me driving that night, not Simon.
Before I could think too much about what Jaxson meant by, “I won’t let you,” he ripped the towel from my body, and it dropped to the floor. “The next time you refer to yourself as bad, you’re not going to like what happens to you. Understand?”
Out of nowhere my pulse accelerated, tripping erratically at the badass look on his face. “Yes,” I whispered, my body quivering but not from the wet bathing suit I was wearing.
He whirled me around and bent me over the bed. “You’re mine, Sadie,” he said in a guttural tone. “And you’re going to stay that way. Now pull your bottoms down so I can prove to you who you belong to.”
I did as he ordered, and without even blinking.
“Palms flat on the bed and don’t move.”
I did as he ordered again and stayed right where I was.
Like that, he fucked me so hard, I no longer thought he was trying to fuck his ex-fiancée out of his system, but the bad out of me.
I wasn’t sure which was better.
I wasn’t sure if I cared.
I wasn’t sure about anything, actually. Only that I came four times and my pussy was numb in the most delicious way. Oh, and that I wished it had been five or six.
See, I really was bad.