SADIE
THE ONLY REMAINING CONSTANT IN my life was the ocean. Other than the scent of him, the sound of the sea was the most familiar thing to me.
I wanted to be able to stand on this beach and look forward to the rest of my life . . . with him.
But that wasn’t why I was here.
Somehow my life had gone so far off the rails; I didn’t even know how I got to where I was. Don’t get me wrong, the life I’d led was never normal by any means, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t wanted it to be.
I stood with cold sand beneath my toes and the salt-scented air tangling in my hair, and breathed deep. The water was anything except warm, and still, the waves did what was expected of them and frothed around my ankles as I stepped closer.
Despite this, or maybe of because of it, I moved forward, unsure if they were warning me away or beckoning me forward.
I guess it didn’t matter.
With each step I took, my teeth chattered, goose bumps covered my body, and the water rose higher and higher.
I shut out the darkness and wanted to look toward the light. The thing was, I wasn’t sure there was any left.
Water splashed my knees, and it urged me to move faster. Soon it was up to my thighs, and I hugged myself to stop from shivering. It didn’t do any good.
I’d done something terrible, and I had to pay for what I’d done. It wasn’t a simple mistake. That was a sweet lie. I hadn’t forgotten to pay the cable bill. What I’d done was something I could never forgive myself for.
I dove deep into the water and let it take me away.
Tomorrow, justice would to be served, but tonight I had my own penance to pay.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I opened my mouth and my lungs took in water instead of air. I swam until the waves turned me upside down and my body scraped along the sandy bottom.
I opened my mouth again, and this time I imagined it was his full lips pressing against mine and not the harsh taste of seawater.
But when I heard his laugh and felt it rush around me like cream-topped waves, my eyes snapped open.
Deep down in the sea, I saw his rugged, handsome face, and I remembered how it all began.
With a picture.
With his picture.
Jaxson Cassidy, no longer just a pretty face, but a man I knew I didn’t want to leave behind. A man I couldn’t leave shattered. No, I had to get back to him. To talk to him. To say goodbye in person.
Determined, I swam up, up, up, but I couldn’t reach the surface. I pushed and clawed and fought until my head broke the surface. Gasping, my arms and legs beat against the water. I swam and swam and swam until the sea tossed me upon the shore.
I laid there panting, searching for breath I had never wanted so desperately.
My wrist laid upright and in the moonlight I could see the ink on it. The rainbow. The sliver of hope I always clung to, and I knew right here I always would.
Hope.
No one would ever take it away from me.
Tonight I would face my past and tomorrow I would face my future. I owed that to Jaxson.
Drying off, I walked up the beach and toward the only thing I had left to my name, except for the mark Jaxson had left on me. The good he’d given me that I’d never forget. It would stay with me through whatever came next.
The door had been left unlocked.
It squeaked as I stepped inside and squeaked again when I closed it. After I locked it, I stood in the doorway and sighed a long, shaky breath. Simon had taken everything, just as he’d said.
Looking around the empty kitchen, I took in every sad detail. The outlines on the walls of where framed prints of coffee cups had once been were so prominent they screamed for a coat of paint. The wallpaper, slightly peeling in the corners, was more noticeable now than it had been when the place had furniture. The scrapes on the old bamboo floor where the chairs had worn patterns into the wood begged to be buffed.
At the window over the sink, I stared out into the darkness. It was after ten, but I could still see the waves in the moonlight. The sweet, sweet scent of the ocean lingered in the air, in my hair even, and I breathed it in.
I smiled when I saw the old hammock still in the corner. Simon hadn’t bothered with it and I was glad. I loved that thing.
Slowly, I walked through the beach shack and entered the living room. First, I checked the door to make sure it was locked.
The room was as empty as the kitchen, except for the box. It sat right in the center, the label reading, “Theodore Banks, 1 of 2.”
It was the same box that sat in my apartment for weeks, and I’d never opened it. Would my life be different if I had?
Worse?
Better?
Worse. Much worse, I determined, because everything I’d been through led me to Jaxson.
Beside the box sat a bottle of Jack Daniels. Nice one, Simon. It was meant as a jab, but I didn’t care. Beside that, just as he promised, his phone.
Pulling my wet hair aside, I lowered myself down in the empty room and lifted the flaps of the box to find the diary lying on top of an old army jacket with my father’s handle, “Goose,” embroidered on the chest pocket.
Guess Simon didn’t want anything else in the box.
With shaky fingers, I lifted the diary and set it on the floor in front of me. Then I took out the coat and wrapped it around myself. Through everything, I’d never stopped loving my father. I only wished I could have helped him get well.
Lifting the diary, I opened the cover. Engraved to the left in gold was an inscription. It read:
My dearest Teddy,
No matter what you fly, you will always be my wingman. Just remember to keep your thoughts close and don’t let them fly away.
Love, Brenda
Like me, my mother only wanted to help him. I just hadn’t realized his issues reached back that far.
Pulling the cap of the whiskey, I took a sip and hated the burn I felt as it went down. I took one more swig and then set it down on the ground.
Flipping through the first few pages, I read about how my father thought his wife didn’t love him anymore. That she was looking for someone new. Pages and pages of erratic thoughts about what she did with her time when he was at work.
I looked at the date as I turned each page. His entries were sparse. Ten pages later a year had passed. It was now the year my mother died. He wrote that he knew she was having an affair with Ruffus Magnolia, and they were meeting while he was flying to Miami.
The wind knocked against the shutters of the roof, and I jumped, almost throwing the book in the air. These weren’t my secrets to know, and I wished I didn’t need to read about them.
I stood and dragged the box, along with the bottle, and his damn phone, over against the staircase and I leaned back.
It was dark outside and the light from the ceiling fixtures was dim, making some the entries hard to read. Near the stairs, I had the light from above as well as the living room.
And yes, I was closer to the front door if I felt I had to run. Something unnerved me. I almost felt like I was being watched, yet I knew no one was here.
Finding the page I’d left off at, I started to read again. The entries picked up a week after my mother was found dead. He wrote that he knew it was Ruffus here that day because his cigar smoke lingered in the air.
I gasped when I read that. I remembered that smell. It had been in our house for a very long time. Perhaps, my father wasn’t delusional. Maybe she was having an affair with Ruffus Magnolia, the owner of Moongate, my father’s partner.
I kept reading. He wrote about how Ruffus had pissed himself when Linc, who was Simon’s father, interrogated him. It took two days, but he admitted to arguing with her over leaving my father, and he didn’t mean for her to fall when he hit her.
Ruffus Magnolia had hit my mother.
He’d been hitting my mother.
I recalled the bruises I’d seen on her body all the time. She’d claimed she needed to eat more iron because she was bruising easily. Why would she continue to have an affair with a man who hit her?
I knew that was a question I would never know the answer to.
I read on. My father wrote that Ruffus was going to pay. He and his two Navy buddies were going to make certain.
Slapping my hand over my mouth, I didn’t want to read anymore. I didn’t want to know. Yet I knew I had to.
The next entry was made a week later, and it stated that no one was ever going to find Ruffus Magnolia’s body. The three of them had made sure of it.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to know the truth. I wanted to unlearn it. My father had committed murder, and so had Harvey and Linc. And Simon knew this.
What had he done with that knowledge?
The entries that followed were about me. How my father feared for my life. That Linc was unhappy with the money they were making at Moongate. That he wanted to sell, but Harvey and my father refused. Linc made threats. My father worried his threats were real.
My heart pounded and I started to cry. He really wasn’t paranoid. My life truly was in danger, and I never knew it.
I flipped faster. Pages and pages of the same. For years this went on. Then it all stopped, and the entries didn’t pick up until he was in prison.
My eyes were tired. My body was tired. My mind was tired. Yet, I kept reading.
The next entry was three months after my father went to prison. He wrote about how worried he was that I had run but how grateful he was at the same time because now Linc couldn’t make good with his threats.
There were pages and pages of the twelve steps. Years of fighting for sobriety that he was forced into. How good he felt to be able to think clearly. How he wanted to get out so he could find me and keep me safe. How Harvey vowed he would make sure Linc didn’t find me.
Then came the entry about Linc’s death. What I read terrified me and I gasped. My father wrote that Simon had killed his own father with a drug meant to mimic a heart attack and then told Harvey about it.
He’d blackmailed Harvey and drained Harvey of every cent.
The last entry was when he learned of his early release and how he was going to beg my forgiveness, and when he gathered the courage, he was going to tell me everything.
Tears streamed down my face.
I swiped the water away.
The creak of the floor above me had me jumping.
“Riveting reading, don’t you think?”
I heard my pulse start to race and when I twisted around, my breath caught.
I thought he was in Grenada.
How did he get here so fast?
Simon was here, though, and standing at the top of the stairs dressed in black from head to toe. Black suit, black shirt, black tie and shoes. He looked like was going to a funeral, and I prayed it wasn’t mine. He had his arms crossed and when he caught my shocked stare, he gave me a sugary smile.
With my heart hammering out of my chest, I threw the diary under the staircase and stood.
When I started to run for the front door, I tripped over the bottle of Jack and fell flat on my face. Pain exploded through my body as I stared at the door, knowing that even if I could reach it before he came down the stairs, I’d locked it. And with the amount of time it would take me to unlock it, he’d already be behind me before I could.
It was hopeless.
I glanced back and found him in the same position, having not moved an inch. “I take it you didn’t get my invitation to the party?”
I got up on my elbows. “What are you talking about?”
“The text I sent you not even thirty minutes ago.”
I eyed the door and started to crawl toward it. “I don’t have my phone.”
“Ahhh . . . that explains why you’re not following instructions. I’ll give you a pass then. But I wouldn’t leave if I were you.”
I glared at him.
“As I explained in the text, if you do, I’m going to upload that video of you hitting that poor little boy onto YouTube.”
I glared at him harder, daggers shooting like arrows in his direction.
“How many hits do you think I’ll get in the first hour?”
I was in hell, and the worst part was I deserved to be here.
“How many?” he taunted like the child he never was.
Blood smeared my nose and I could taste it in my mouth. “Why do you want to hurt me so much? I was your friend.”
He took a step down. “Friend?” he said in a tone that sent shivers down my spine. “You ruined my life when you made that call, and I’m here to return the favor.”
Pain shrieked through my body as I pushed myself up to a sitting position. Nothing was broken. I was going to be fine. “I made that call to save those people.”
Another step forward. “Always the good one.”
Fear caused my pulse to accelerate. “I had to stop him.”
Simon laughed. “From what? Himself?”
I hesitated, my breath blowing through my lips. “From flying drunk.”
Simon rolled his eyes. “He’d been doing that for years, Sadie, you were just too blind to see it. My dad and Harvey always had his back, and I never knew why, but I do now.”
“I saved those people,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“No, Sadie, you were the one who harmed them. They would have been fine on that plane. Your old man would have been fine, too. My father was flying the fucking thing, but after your little alert, he had to hand control back to your old man. So yeah, as you can see, you caused the crash. You’re the reason everything changed. You ruined my life.”
“I didn’t make that call to hurt you, Simon.”
“Maybe not, but you did. My father lost his job, and no one would give him another with the chaos you ousted. Because of that, we lost our house and had to live out of our shitty car. Did you know that?”
I shook my head. I’d lived on the street at times, but I didn’t tell him that. He wouldn’t care.
“We had nothing, and I had to steal, just so we could eat.”
Tears gathered in my eyes and slid silently down my cheeks. “Your getting caught doing something you’d been doing for years wasn’t my fault,” I tried to rationalize.
He was now standing over me. “Sadie, my dear, it was your fault. You and your old man’s. Linc was too weak to do what had to be done. To make you both pay. Luckily, I’m not.”
Suspicion lurked up my throat. “What are you talking about?”
His smile was sinister. “I got the truth out of Harvey and old Teddy. An admission of what I suspected but my father would never talk about to me. Their secret.”
Fear coated my skin. “What did you do to them?”
His brow rose, and he pointed to himself. “Me, I didn’t touch them. They shouldn’t have taken the boat out in their condition.”
My heart was in my throat. “And what condition was that?”
“They’d had too much to drink.”
“It was freaking storming out! Harvey wouldn’t have been drinking!”
He shrugged. “Sure they would have, with a little help.”
He’d done something to them. My father hadn’t been drinking after all. He’d stayed sober like he promised. “Why would you want to harm them? They were two old men!”
“And I needed that diary my father talked about in his sleep. The one your father threatened to reveal whenever my father got out of hand. How was I supposed to know your old man had stuffed it in the trunk of the Caddy? And probably so he could burn it before Harvey went and told you everything. He always did have a big mouth.”
I couldn’t even process what he was saying.
He laughed to himself. “I had no idea finding it would be that easy. I kind of felt bad about what I’d done when I finally figured out where it was, but I needed them gone so I could search.”
Bile rose up my throat. He had killed them both, and he was going to kill me when he was finished with this game of his. I knew it.
The palms of my hands were damp with cold sweat and I couldn’t breathe properly. In all the years I’d known Simon, he’d never been a violent person. Was his vicious mind worse than any physical harm?
He picked up his phone and tapped his screen before handing it to me. I didn’t want to watch what he had videoed, and yet I didn’t look away. It was dark but I could see my hands on the wheel, hear the slamming of the brakes, and then the heart-stopping thud, followed by my piercing screeches.
I couldn’t take it. I closed my eyes. I knew what I had done. The sin I had committed by leaving him without going into the hospital with him. By running him over. I would atone for them both very soon.
Simon lifted my chin. “Open your eyes, Sadie. We’re not done here, yet.”
His skin prickled against mine and I felt repulsed. I wanted his hand gone, so I opened my eyes, wide.
“Now,” he leaned closer. “In the morning you’re going to sign this shithole over to me, along with the Caddy. Then we’re going to do a little shopping and max out all your credit cards. We’ll also drain your accounts of any funds you might have left. And then, and only then, when I’m sure you’ll be living on the street, am I going to leave you to face what you’ve done to that little boy. Alone.”
I stared at him with hatred and vehemence. I don’t think I’d ever hated anyone before, but I hated him.
He ran his finger up to my lips. “Come on, cheer up. Things could be worse.”
I jerked away from him. “Don’t touch me!”
He stepped back, raising his hands.
I took a breath.
Peering at me, he picked up the bottle of Jack that had tipped over. Examined it. Poured out what was left of it. “I wouldn’t think about it. Now, sit down and go to sleep, my sweet Sadie.”
Just as he said it, my eyelids felt heavy, and they fluttered closed. I forced them open. “What did you put in the Jack?”
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over. How about you sit back against the wall like the good girl you are and close your eyes?”
I was going to die like my father and Harvey. He’d poisoned me. “Screw you, Simon,” I spat.
He laughed a deep laugh that made me shiver. “No, Sadie, that’s screw you. And I don’t mean literally, of course.”
I tried to train my eyes on him, but everything was out of focus.
Headlights beamed through the picture window in the living room. Was someone here? Who? One of Simon’s friends? I had to take a chance it wasn’t. I had to find the strength to run for the door or I was going to die.
Somehow, I summoned everything I had within me to rise to my feet, and then I started to run.
Simon was fast though, or maybe I was slow, and he put himself in my path, grabbing me and slapping his hand over my mouth.
Hatred fizzed up my throat. I tried to scream, and when I couldn’t, I bit him.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered and slapped both of his hands over my mouth. “You were supposed to drink more or I would have dosed the liquor more potently.”
He gave me the same thing he’d put in the mints.
I wasn’t going to die, but I was going to pass out.
How had I not thought of that?
Still, he hadn’t given me enough, and I knew I could stay awake if I fought the haze that was falling over me.
Terror and adrenaline shot through me. Simon didn’t work out. He liked to stay thin. I knew this. However, he did have both pounds and inches on me. Still, I considered my options.
The lights were no longer shining in the window, and I had to hurry before whoever was at the door was long gone.
I heaved back with all my strength, slamming my Converse-clad sneaker down on his foot. Simon grunted in pain and his grip loosened enough for me to break free.
I screamed as loud as I could. “Help!”
My feet slipped on the Jack, but I managed to keep my balance and reach the door. Before I could unlock it though, Simon was smashing his body weight into me, tackling me to the ground.
Pain brought tears to my eyes as he grabbed my hair and pulled, hauling me away from the door.
Every ounce of fear I’d ever felt when I was a kid locked away in the darkness was nothing compared to what I felt now. I was going to die in this empty room, tonight. I knew I had to fight until my last breath to get free or I was never going to.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Simon hissed. “But if you don’t shut up, I’m going to have to.”
The sound of glass shattering drew our attention. It was a blur. But the old green post that used to hold the hammock up in the yard was now being used to push the glass from its frame.
What the hell?
And then like Superman himself, someone came flying through the window. The familiar dark hair. That body. It was him. Superman was Jaxson Cassidy.
What was he doing here?
I gasped and screamed in horror when he landed in the pile of glass before hauling himself to his feet. Blood covered his arms, but he didn’t seem to care.
Our eyes met for one brief second and I saw fear in them. I felt it. “Run to the car!” he ordered me.
Simon had eased back, as if he was going to run out the back door. Jaxson wasn’t having that. He lunged for him, taking him to the ground in one fell swoop. Simon didn’t stand a chance as Jaxson gripped him by the throat and smashed his head against the hardwood floor.
“You motherfucker!” Jaxson shouted.
The struggle wasn’t much of a struggle. Jaxson punched him once, twice, three times, and I swore Simon was begging him to stop.
I swung my gaze from them to the door and took a step in that direction. It felt like I was moving in slow motion, everything spinning as I passed by, but somehow I managed to reach the door. Unlocking it wasn’t so easy.
Just as I attempted to twist the lock, I heard another clash. More glass shattering. This time it came from the kitchen.
A man in jeans with chocolate-brown hair stood in the kitchen entry.
The room was darker now, spinning more, and then my legs gave out and I found myself sliding to the ground.
I heard Jaxson shout, “Sadie!”
There was a thud, and it was me. I was lying in a heap on the floor. I couldn’t feel my legs. I started to whimper.
“Sadie? Sweetheart?”
There was shouting. Yelling. In the haze, I saw the man I didn’t know kick a leg in the air and then pin Simon to the ground. The door flew open, and I saw flashes of letters, “F. B. I.” So many men stormed through the front door, my head started to spin even more.
I didn’t know how, but I was in Jaxson’s lap and he was cradling me. “Sadie, talk to me.”
“Jax—” His name came out barely a whisper and I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head. The roaring in my ears wasn’t making my comprehension any easier, either.
“Call an ambulance! There’s something wrong with her.”
“I love you,” I told him. “I’m sorry I left.”
“I love you, Sadie, more than you’ll ever know,” he said back.
I could barely hold on to consciousness but those words made me feel like I was floating high up in the clouds. I hated that I’d found him and now I was going to lose him.
There was a lot of commotion, a sea of black and yellow, and then sirens. They were coming for me. I looked at the tattoo on the inside of my wrist. The brighter side. I’d found it. Experienced it. Tasted it. I would keep it with me always.
I fought to keep my eyes open to catch a few last glimpses of my pot of gold, but they were fluttering closed.
“What did you do to her, you son of a bitch?” Jaxson shouted.
“Come a little closer.”
“What is it, sweetheart?”
I pulled Jaxson’s head down to my lips. “You have to let me go, Jaxson. I have to pay for my sins.”
He shook his head, almost violently. “You didn’t do anything, sweetheart. The whole thing was part of Simon’s scam.”
“But Riley?”
“He wasn’t real.”
I looked at him, lost, my head spinning and my mind a jumbled mess.
“The boy named Riley Houston in the hospital wasn’t the same child you hit. In fact I’m not sure you ever hit anything flesh and bones.”
All I could do was stare in shock. “I don’t understand.”
“Sadie, baby, you didn’t injure him or anyone else. Whatever happened that night, I don’t have a fucking clue, but I do know it was all part of a plan Simon must have concocted from the start.”
My head became a jumbled mess. I didn’t understand. I concentrated hard on what he was saying, watching his mouth move as he spoke, and then I said, “You mean I’m not going to jail?”
His full, beautiful lips curved upward. “No, you’re not going to jail.”
The darkness was pulling me under. “I’m not bad?”
He pressed his lips to mine in the softest of kisses. “You were never bad, Sadie Banks.”
That was a lie.
But it was a lie I could live with.