Chapter Three
Chad
I felt as if I was on cloud fucking nine. I was singing to Joshua and doing all kinds of crazy shit. I even took him to the park. Sure, he couldn’t go on the swings, so I tortured him by holding him and scaring the shit out of him by being on the swings.
I needed parenting lessons. I could go to Noah’s but I couldn’t deal with seeing him and Kylie. I was happy that my friend decided to grow some balls and go after the one girl he couldn’t get over since high school, but if I was going to save face, I didn’t want them to think that their infectious obsession with babies had rubbed off on me. If they gave me some lessons, they’d probably set up a fucking second date for future sessions. I wasn’t that keen to learn. Kylie doesn’t have long to go until they add another addition to the family. I’m sure that Richard loves the attention, but another addition would give him some breathing space. God knows he needed it with those two. Last week Kylie said, “He slept ten minutes more today then he did yesterday.”
Noah was just as bad, as he said, “Right, tomorrow we’ll see if he naps for the same length of time. If so, then maybe he needs to see the doctor.”
Sure guys, because Richard has a stressful lifestyle and probably wasn’t sleeping for those ten minutes. He was probably happy about the breathing space.
I shook my head, deciding that they weren’t an option.
Martin and Gia weren’t, either. Martin had managed to turn the one woman that didn’t have a maternal bone in her body into a woman who was obsessed with not only pleasing the kids, but Martin, too. Even he admitted that she was going over the top these days.
I needed to stay from my dramatic friends and their wives.
Dan wasn’t an option after he’d been dumped by his wife. He’d turned into a hermit. Shit, he was more miserable than me at the best of times. I called to check in with him once in a while, but there was only so much drinking I could do in one day and he wanted to do it every second of the day.
No, I needed to wait until Olivia got home from work. She would be able to help me out. Make me look more dadable. If there was such a word.
I didn’t have a fucking clue about parenting. Sure, I baby sat him once in a while, but Olivia made sure that he was sleeping whenever I did. I would listen out for him. He’d cry, I’d give him a bottle and then he was sleeping again. That'd been our interaction... until now.
I knew the moment Joshua was at least walking and talking, we’d be the best of friends. I’d take him to hang out with Richard, even teach him to ride a horse and we’d all hang out. It would be a win-win situation for all of us.
I struggled with babies. They’re cute to look at. Smile at. But that’s about it. I watched Noah have deep conversations with Richard and every time I knew that Richard wasn’t listening. I knew that I fucking wasn’t. It was always something boring.
“Today, Richard, we went to the farm and looked at the horses. Then we looked at the chickens. And you smiled as I showed you how to milk the cows. When you’re older, you can do the same thing.”
How fucking exciting to hear exactly what they did the whole day, all over again. Noah said that it helped with Richard’s memory. I would say that Noah had been reading one too many books. Because not only did it send Richard to sleep, but me, too. When I went with them on one of their exciting trips around his farm, I didn't remember Richard seeing anything because he slept most of the time.
I’d been sitting in my sister’s driveway thinking about how to ask her about Joshua. I knew this was a win-win situation for both of us. Olivia has been down lately. I’ve been bored ever since I sold my dating app. I made money and then found myself just fucking sitting at home bored.
I’d spent the last five years developing it and making it what it is today. Winton, my business partner, wanted to sell. He had a fiancee, a kid on the way and it felt as if selling was the best option for us. It was for him. He invested in property, bought a house and got married and has a wife.
I felt as if I was in the middle of a mid-life crisis and I wasn’t even thirty yet. I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I had money. Good looks. Charm. But no job and no interest in starting something all over again.
Part of the reason that I wanted mom to go on the cruise was because she was always complaining that I’m not doing anything with my life. I’d booked her on a cruise so I didn’t have to hear her nagging me all the time. Travel and jewelry are a way to a girl’s heart, because it always seems to work with my mom.
Olivia was pissed that I sent mom on a cruise when she was struggling to work and look after Joshua. When I offered to help, Olivia ignored my offer. Maybe now she would listen because I had to get out of the house more often and my baby sister needed more rest.
***
Olivia stared at me as if I was crazy or something. I waited for her to say something before I repeated myself once again.
“You want to borrow your nephew on the weekends only?”
“Exactly! Just for a couple of weeks or so. Nothing more, then you can go back to doing whatever you guys do on the weekends.”
She shook her head, looking at me as if I was insane.
“Let me get this straight, you don’t want to babysit your nephew. You want to borrow him?”
Why was I repeating myself?
“Yes. You see, I met this single mom, Ivy, when I went to look at the pre-school and she thinks that Joshua’s mine. She even came up with this suggestion that we’ll go to the next pre-school tour as a couple, just so that Joshua has a better chance of getting into a good one. Apparently, they frown upon single parents. You should have seen the dirty looks they were giving us when we were on the tour.”
“Who?” She blurted out, as if that was really important, but I answered all the same.
“The parents. Anyway, I asked her out on a playdate and she agreed so that we could figure out the next pre-school. Besides, Joshua needs some company. He gets lonely at times.”
“Really? How do you know?”
She shook her head as she entered her house. Maybe I should have at least waited for her to come in, instead of catching her at the driveway and then coming out with my proposition. She walked towards her open-plan kitchen. She was laughing at the same time, which meant that she wasn’t taking me seriously.
“Well, he told me.”
“My six-month-old baby told you that he needs company?”
She had her hands on her hips and her blue eyes were looking at me as if I was insane as she rose an eyebrow waiting for me to respond.
“Yes, when he was with her kid. He was laughing and obviously having a good time.”
“Chad, he probably felt your testosterone going into over time. Besides, do you want to start a relationship based on a lie?”
I lifted up my hands, “Who said anything about a relationship? I just said that I'd give you a break, go out with Ivy on a couple of playdates and then I’ll tell her the truth. Besides, this is helping Joshua. Think about ‘tomorrow’s child’.”
She shook her head, probably because I was throwing her own words back at her.
“Let me get this straight. You want to borrow my son so that you can go out with a girl. Oh, but you’re helping Joshua get into a good pre-school by pretending that you’re his dad and this girl is his mom. And then to make matters worse, after she likes your dumb ass, you’ll tell her the truth?”
I nodded my head thinking that this made perfect sense, but I could tell by the look on her face she wasn’t convinced. Besides, I didn’t like the way she used my name and the word ‘relationship’ all in the same sentence. I was getting the shivers, so I headed to the fridge to grab a beer.
“I could do with a break. Things are getting stressful at work…”
I handed her a bottle, “Exactly! So, I’m doing you a favor, too. Helping out my little sister and spending time with Joshua. And he’ll be in line for one of the best pre-schools. Shit, you wouldn’t even have to worry about researching them. I’ll do all that. This is a win-win situation and you know it!”
She smiled, “Chad, if that’s what you need to tell yourself then go ahead, be my guest, go and be a Fake Daddy with your nephew!”
Now she saw things my way. I knew that she would in the end. I clicked my bottle against her’s and took a swing of it. I must admit my plan was to get Joshua into a good pre-school. How I would do that with Ivy’s name and not Olivia’s was a minor technicality. We would go on a couple of playdates and then I’d tell her the truth. Olivia was exaggerating; I doubted Ivy would hold it against me. She’d think that it was cute that I used Joshua to get close to her. Then again, this Fake Daddy thing could get out of hand.
I sip my beer thinking that there was no way that I would let it get out of hand. Officially, I didn’t work and I had no reason to let things get out of hand. I’d never gone to so much trouble to get close to a woman and that was the part that scared me the most.