I could never forget him. I couldn’t forget the way he touched me or whispered against my ear, softly. I would never forget his scent or the way his smile curled more on one side than the other.

There were so many things that I’d never forget. I would always remember his beautiful eyes, dark chocolate and deep. He was full of endless wonder. And that’s why I fell in love with him. Maybe that’s what I had to let him go. I wasn’t good for him.

I became the alpha of the century. I was the guy that everyone loved. When I scored a touchdown, the stadium roared with pride. If I wanted something, I’d get it. But then I blew it…

“Addison! Addison! Can you tell us why you left the league?” Cameras flashed in front of my eyes, blinding me. I stumbled toward my car, digging for my keys. Finally, I forced them inside of the lock.

“Please,” I said. “I’m not in the headspace to answer any more questions. Thank you.”

Thank you. I hated the paparazzi. I despised the absent-minded questions from reporters around the globe. They didn’t care about my heart and soul. They only cared about the numbers.

Well, I was buzz-worthy, but I wasn’t going to give them what they wanted. I wasn’t going to be the football league’s hero anymore. I was going to be myself. Addison Matthews, the man who took his team to victory countless times before.

I revved my engine loudly and quickly pulled out of the parking lot. I kept glancing in my rearview mirror, in case someone tried to follow me home. After a mile passed, I pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the car.

I couldn’t breathe. I could barely even see the road in front of me. I was usually someone who could control his emotions, but the panic attack took me by surprise.

“Fuck,” I whispered. “Okay, Addison. Just breathe. You’re not dying. You can get through this.”

I pulled out my phone and hovered over his name. Kristoff. I quickly scrolled past him, feeling my heart sink into my stomach. I stopped scrolling when I saw Andy’s name highlighted. He was the only person I could talk to. I clicked the green send button.

“Hey, buddy. The media is having a field day with you right now. Are you feeling okay? They said you’re leaving the league, but I figured it was some ad campaign you designed,” Andy said.

I took a deep breath and tried to formulate my words, but my voice sounded like a garbled mess. As tears fell from my eyes, I cleared my throat and got my foothold back.

“It’s no joke,” I said. “Fuck them all. I left for good. I can’t take it, Andy.”

I heard Andy step outside of his office. It was finally springtime, and the birds were chirping loudly around him. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?” Andy asked.

I let out a quick laugh. I wasn’t buying that argument. The accident was solely my fault. Right before I connected with that player’s body, I knew what was going to happen. The cracking sound still haunts me.

“I could have pulled back, but I just let it happen. I heard his neck snap,” I said.

I sat down in the grass, on the side of the road. I probably looked like a wreck. I sure as hell felt like one. “Accidents happen. Look, do you want to meet up and talk about this? I get off work in ten,” Andy said.

Before I could even reply, I saw a silver Honda civic pull up behind my car. Another paparazzi. A tall and lanky man stepped out of the vehicle and ran toward me.

“Hey, Andy. Something has come up. I, uh, gotta run,” I said.

“Wait, I—” I hung up the phone and started walking toward my car in a hurry, but the man with the camera followed my every step.

His smile said everything about his character. “Addison Matthews! What’s up, dude? Have anything to say for yourself?” The paparazzi peasant beamed at me. His smile was getting on my nerves fast.

“Please, get off my back. I’m just trying to have a second to myself,” I said.

The man’s smile only sharped. I felt more and more agitated. He walked toward me and poked the camera directly at my nose. I fell back onto the window of my car and put up my hands to shield myself.

“Addison Matthews, will you be paying for Holloway Jordan’s hospital bills?” he asked.

One tip: Never get in a quarterback’s face for too long. I shoved the camera out of his hands and threw it into the grass, hundreds of feet away.

“I quit the fucking game. My sponsors have pulled their money from my campaigns. What else do you want from me? Should I sacrifice myself to Holloway’s family? How about you just fuck off and die,” I said.

It wasn’t the best choice of words. “How about you pay for my camera. You just fucked up an expensive lens,” he said.

I thought of Kristoff again. The memory came to me out of nowhere. It was just a small flash of an emotion that I never wanted to feel again. We were inside of his room. We were both crying. It was the last time we saw each other.

Something in me just snapped.

I ran toward the man’s camera. I picked it up and held it above him. “Listen, very carefully. I worked hard to get where I am. I gave up my entire life for this soul-sucking sport. You can sell my soul to TMZ, or whatever gossip column pays you best. Go ahead. But let me ask you one thing. Do you know who I am?” I asked him.

This was the lowest point of my life. I had no one. That meant that I had zero friends and no teammates who wanted to associate with me anymore. I had hit rock bottom, and I hit it fucking hard.

“It doesn’t matter to me who you are. You’re all the same to me.” The man laughed. It made me sick to my stomach. I wasn’t a human to him. I was just another celebrity.

“I was the first non-beta football player in the league, you moron,” I said.

“I get it. You’re an icon,” he said.

“Fuck it,” I whispered with a sly smile on my face. He was right. I was nothing. But if I was nothing, then so was he.

I took his camera and wound my arm back. “Go long,” I said. I threw that brand new Canon camera clear across the road. “I’m out of here. Don’t follow me.”

I got in the car, turned the ignition, and pounded my heel against the pedal. I switched on the radio and screamed at the top of my lungs.

I was Addison Matthews, the star quarterback. And this was the end of my life, as I knew it.