It was so hard not to tell Jake the secret that I was holding tightly against my chest. Seeing how Jake appeared to be having second thoughts about what we were planning to do to the Angels only made the prospect of Scar telling him about their connection more dangerous. If he made Jake feel like his family had been keeping a secret from him and that Scar was the only one that he could trust, who knows what might happen? I just have to hope that Jake’s strong enough to see through whatever Scar tells him, that he remembers the honorable person that he is and that the real Jake doesn’t have anything at all to do with Scar.
The secret threatened to spill out at any moment when Jake and I were together last night, but I’d made a promise to Sally and I was going to stick to it. There had been enough promises and hearts broken to last a lifetime.
Lying on the bed in the studio, I think about what Jake and I did in the diner last night. I laugh a little to myself wondering if I’m ever going to look at the place in the same way after we’d christened it. I wonder if Jake is going to be able to pay me another visit. I can’t expect to see him every night—sneaking out of the compound is just too dangerous for him to risk it again and again. I look out of the window and I’m surprised to see that it’s getting dark already. The nights are starting to draw in as summer is left behind and fall holds open its arms to us.
Sally’s confession yesterday had made me think about my own mother. We hadn’t spoken since she’d told me that I wouldn’t be welcomed back if I left. Even in that moment I knew that she had said it out of fear, and that she knew that too. But we were both too stubborn to make the first move to reconcile. That was something we’d always had in common—our stubborn streak had been legendary in our house. But the time had come to swallow my pride. There was too much going on, too much danger lurking round the corner, too much at stake to let another day go past without reaching out to her. So that’s what I’d done.
When I’d walked through the door of the Summers’ home, she hadn’t even tried to keep her cool. She rushed towards me and hugged me to her, as if she was afraid that I might fly away if she didn’t keep me close.
“I’m okay, Mom, I’m alright,” I reassure her as she hugs the life out of me. “But I might not be if you don’t stop squeezing me,” I joke halfheartedly.
“I’m just… I’m so sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have said anything. You were right, it wasn’t my place. I just can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you. You’re still my baby girl, even though you’re all grown up now.” She smiles as she tucks a wayward strand of hair behind my ear, and it’s such a tender gesture that I feel a little teary.
“I know, Momma, I know. And the idea of something happening to me doesn’t make me want to jump for joy too much either. But there are some things that are more important than just one person. Taking the Angels down is one of them.” I squeeze her hand, trying to get through to her.
“You’ve grown into such a beautiful, strong young woman. And I know that I didn’t have much of a hand in it. You did all of this yourself.” The hurt that crosses her face makes me wonder if she’s ever going to forgive herself for turning out all those years. “I’m just glad that I get to see the amazing woman you’ve become.” She leans back to look at me as if she hasn’t seen me in months.
I get all choked up at her words. No matter how old we get, hearing something like that from our mothers is always going to touch us right in our very core.
For the first time, I look at her properly and realize that she’s different. Her hair is gathered back in a long plait, just like she used to wear it. The dark circles under her eyes are fading away and her cheeks don’t have that starved look about them anymore. She looks more like the woman I remember. “You look good, Momma. You look really good,” I tell her, and it’s one hundred percent true.
“I feel… I feel more like myself,” she agrees, looking down at her left hand where she’s still wearing her wedding ring.
A shadow passes across her face for a split-second but it’s gone as quickly as it’s come. I wonder if she’ll ever get over losing my dad, or if that hole inside of her is never going to be filled. I wonder if that’s how I would go through life if I lost Jake. It doesn’t bear thinking about, so I push the thought away. It’s not going to help me to do what needs to be done.
“It’s alright to miss him,” I tell her gently. We both know who I’m talking about. “I miss him too. I think about him all the time. Sometimes I talk to him and I imagine what he might say back.” Images of my dad flood through my mind and for the first time, I don’t want to cry. “He’s gone, Momma, and he’s not coming back. But we’re still here, we’re alive, and that’s too precious a thing to sleep through. That’s why I have to try to change things. I have to. Otherwise, what’s the point in any of this?”
My mother’s eyes shine with tears that are threatening to fall. “How did you get to be so much smarter than me?” she asks with a sad smile.
“I’m not so smart, Momma,” I tell her, shaking my head. “I’m just hardheaded. I don’t give up.” I shrug, figuring that about sums it up.
Thinking about the conversation with my mom now gives me a warm feeling that I haven’t experienced before. We’d talked together as equals and I felt like we’d both walked away with a better understanding of one another. It was like we’d gotten to know each other again. I knew she wasn’t happy that I hadn’t changed my mind about going after the Angels, but likewise, she knew that trying to stop me wasn’t an option. I don’t let her in on any of the details. I figure she’s better off not knowing, not having to worry any more than she already will anyway.
I turn the light off next to my bed, trying not to hope that I’ll be woken up by Jake’s footsteps up the stairs. But it’s not Jake’s steps that wake me. I feel like I’ve barely closed my eyes before there’s a hammering at the door. Jake wouldn’t knock. I slip out of bed and check out the window to see if the battered white van is outside. I’ve seen it come and go a couple of times, but the space where it was normally parked was empty. Great, I think to myself. When I actually need the Feds, they’re nowhere to be found.
I creep towards the kitchen, grabbing the knife that I’d taken hold of the last time I had an unwelcome visitor. I take a deep breath, ready for whatever is about to come through the door.
“Who is it?” I call out, trying to keep my voice as steady as I can, while my stomach is doing back-flips.
“It’s Suzie. Now will you open this damn door?!” The urgency in her tone tells me that this isn’t just a social call.
I throw open the door, knife still in hand, and Suzie looks straight at it, like she’s worried despite our last meeting that I might still be thinking about using it on her.
I look down at the knife. “Protection.” I say simply with a shrug.
“Right.” She nods warily. “Because the bad guys are always going to knock before they come to kill you.”
I can’t help but burst out laughing at her words. She’s right, and it only takes a second for her to join me. If anyone saw us they would think that we were completely crazy. Me in my pajamas holding a kitchen knife doubled over in laughter and Suzie, decked out in her biker girl gear, trying to get her breath. As we both regain control of ourselves we catch each other’s eyes. Neither of us says anything, but it feels like old times, like we’re friends again.
“What’s going on?” I ask, sobering up and laying the knife back down on the kitchen counter.
“The drop-off. It’s tonight.” Suzie comes straight out with it. “I only just found out about it. They’ve been keeping it really quiet. I guess, with the Feds crawling around the town, they didn’t want to take any chances. We don’t have a lot of time.” For the first time since that day in the diner, when Suzie told me about being involved with the bikers, she looks scared.
“How much time?” I ask, already grabbing the cell phone that Warner had given me up from the drawer where I’d stashed it.
“An hour, maybe less.” She’s fidgeting, unable to sit still, and I know there’s more that she’s not telling me.
“What else?” I ask, fearing the worst.
“They’ve taken Jake. Scar wanted him to be part of the team,” Suzie explains apologetically, as if there were something she could have done to change the news she was bringing.
“Dammit,” I breathe under my breath while I punch the contact on the cell. The phone at the other end rings and rings and I tap my foot, waiting impatiently for Warner to answer. But he doesn’t—it goes to his answering machine, but not like any answering service I’ve ever heard. They’re Feds, I remind myself, They’re not going to have voicemail like regular people. “Warner, it’s Aimee. The drop-off is tonight. We don’t have a lot of time.” I’m speaking quickly and I force myself to calm down so that he can actually understand the message when he hears it. I give him the location where the deal is going down that Suzie has given me and hang up, urging him again to get there as fast as he can.
“So what now?” Suzie practically hops from one foot to the other. “What if the Feds don’t get there in time? This is our only chance—I can’t go back to the compound. Elvis has found out I gave some of the guys on Jake’s detail roofies. After the drop-off, he’s going to come for me and I don’t intend to be anywhere for him to find me.” The hard set of Suzie’s jaw tells me that she’s made her decision. She’s going to take her chances running from the Angels.
If we don’t move now then we lose the only insider we have. Not only that, but it won’t take them long to figure out why Suzie was drugging those bikers, and that will lead them back to Jake. I can’t let that happen. I pull on my jeans and wriggle into the closest shirt on hand while Suzie watches me like I’ve gone crazy. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to the drop-off. You’re right, this is our only chance, and I’m not going to run the risk of the Feds missing it.” I rush to the refrigerator, grabbing the wire that they’d left me, and trying to figure out how the hell to use it.
“Aimee, you can’t. It’s too dangerous. You’re not a cop—what are you going to do when you get there?” She’s talking sense, I know that what I’m about to do is immeasurably stupid.
“I don’t have a whole lot of choice. I’ll figure things out as I go.” I try to stop my confidence from wavering because a plan has already started to form in my mind. “If I can get this piece of crap wire to work, then I just need to be close enough to get what’s said on tape. A massive drug deal should be enough for the Feds to work with.” I’m tangling myself up in the wire as I try to put it on and I’m getting frustrated.
“Hey, Police Academy, let me help.” Suzie takes the wire from me and instantly works out how it’s supposed to be used.
“Thanks. You’ve always been good at figuring stuff like that out.” I don’t add that she could do so much with it. I’ve talked about the potential she has until I’m blue in the face. She already knows what I think.
“Well, if you’re going to do something as stupid as this, you’re going to need a hand,” Suzie says eventually.
“No, Suze,” I tell her, my voice firm. “You’re staying here. I need you to stay put, keep this cell phone, and if Agent Warner calls, you tell him exactly what’s going down.”
“I’m not going to let you go out there and play Rambo on your own. You’re going to get yourself killed, Aimee.” I see the worry in her blue eyes and I take hold of her shoulder to reassure her. The Suzie that I’m with now is the friend that I haven’t seen in a very long time.
“I’m not going to be on my own. Jake’ll be there. I need you here, Suzie.” I give her a look that doesn’t brook any argument and head over to the door, grabbing Jake’s leather jacket. It’s a couple of sizes too big for me but when I put it on I instantly feel safe, like I’m being protected.
“Stay safe, Aimee,” Suzie calls out before I head out the door.
“You too, Suze. I’ll see you soon.” With that I rush out, heading straight for Jake’s Jeep.
He would probably kill me if he knew I was going to drive it. He didn’t have a huge amount of faith in my driving skills at the best of times, let alone when I’m as wired as I’ve ever been. My hands are shaking so hard it takes a few seconds to put the key into the ignition. “Come on, Aimee,” I say out loud to myself. “You can do this, you can do this.” As I repeat the words, they give me strength. It’s enough to gun the engine and accelerate out of the shop towards the drop location. I just pray that the Feds are going to arrive in time.