I sit on the edge of the bed, knees drawn up, replaying what Jake had said to me. I’m not doing it to torture myself, although that’s what it feels like. I’m trying to figure out what it is that I’d seen in his eyes, to see if I’d missed something. A signal that would give me some indication that he didn’t mean the things he said.
But every time I get stuck at the point when he told me he didn’t want to be with me and that we’re over. I had never known Jake to be cruel; he was the kind of guy that would bury a bird if it broke its neck flying into a window. He was the last person I would ever have expected to say those things, and I was the last person that I would ever have expected him to say them to.
It doesn’t matter, I remind myself. You went into this knowing that Jake may never want to be with you again. That was the decision that you made, that his safety and his life was more important than your relationship. I know that it’s the truth, but it doesn’t make it any easier to take.
My eyes go to the alarm clock by the bed. It reads 2:03 in the morning. I’ve lost any hope that Jake is going to do what I asked and come over to talk. Now I guess I just have to figure out how I’m going to deliver on what I’d said to the Feds. How am I going to get the information I need to nail the Angels? I feel like time is running out, like Jake is slipping further and further away from what he was and closer and closer to them. Whatever I’m going to do, I need to do it soon. This isn’t something that can wait.
All of a sudden, I hear a noise downstairs. My first reaction is to think that it’s Bill, but I know that he went home tonight--he’d left me a note telling me to call if I needed anything. That only leaves one other option: it’s someone that’s come here to get whatever they can get their hands on—money, valuables, or me. I race to the kitchen as I hear footsteps on the wooden stairs and grab the only knife that Jake had in his possession in the studio.
I realize too late when I look at the door that in my eagerness for Jake to appear, I hadn’t bolted the lock. It’s completely unlocked and on the other side is someone that’s ready to rob me or kill me or worse.
I lift up the knife, ready to defend myself if I have to and, as the door slowly opens, I rush forward. But as soon as I see who it is, I stop dead and the knife clatters to the floor, breaking the silence.
“You came,” I say the words breathlessly, drinking in the sight of Jake. I can’t stop myself from walking towards him as if to hold him.
But he stops me in my tracks. “I can’t just pretend like nothing happened. I need you to tell me.” His words come out through gritted teeth and I have to prevent myself from stroking the stubble on his chin.
I nod in understanding. I don’t have the right to touch him anymore—he’s not my Jake, not until he says so. I betrayed his trust, so it’s in his hands now.
“You might want to take a seat.” I motion towards the couch that we’d sat on together, made love on, our legs intertwined, our bodies so close you couldn’t tell whose limbs belonged to whom.
“I’ll stand.” The expression on his face is guarded, like he doesn’t want to give anything away until he has all the facts.
“Okay,” I take a deep breath and tell him the story. I tell him that Ryan had offered an exchange when he came over here that day—my body for Jake’s freedom. I don’t look at him as I tell the story. It’s easier to look at the floor. It’s hard enough to concentrate on the facts and not to get caught up in it all again, without dealing with meeting his gaze too. I tell him about going to Wheels and Ryan promising me that sleeping with him would guarantee that Jake wouldn’t become an Angel. I stumble at the part where Ryan told me to undress.
“Don’t leave anything out.” Jake’s voice wavers, like he’s trying to keep his emotions under control. “I need to hear it all.”
I keep my gaze trained on the floorboards and do as he’s asked. I tell him about undressing in front of Ryan and how cheap he made me feel. I tell him about Ryan wanting to take me from behind and that I’d resisted him. “That’s when he hit me the first time.” The words leave my mouth mechanically, as if replaying a tale of someone else’s horrible fate.
The loud crack! that resounds through the room makes my head whip up and I see Jake standing with his fist halfway through the plaster wall.
“Jake, what the hell—” I start, jumping up to take a look at his hand, but he stops me.
“Finish it. Tell me everything.” His tone is dull and he doesn’t look at his bloody hand as he pulls it away from the wall.
I rush through all that I have to say, skipping to the part where Ryan lost his erection and couldn’t get hard again. I tell Jake about how mad he got and how he got increasingly drunker until he let slip that it had all been a trick, that he’d used me to bring Jake into the fold, to make him feel like he could trust them and not me.
“I… I shouted at him, mocked him for not being able to finish the job with me. I wanted to get to him, and I did. That’s when he hit me the second time.” Unconsciously, I lift my hand to my cheek. Telling the story is a little like re-living it and I feel the force of the blow that knocked me to the floor. “After that, I ran back here as quickly as I could. But you’d already gone.” I shrug and finally look up at Jake. “The rest, you know.”
Jake is leaning over with his hands on the back of the couch and I can see the deep breaths that he’s taking. I notice that he’s clutching onto the fabric until his knuckles go white. His right hand is starting to swell from punching the wall and it looks like he’s opened up a cut that was just starting to heal. I wonder how many walls he’s punched since he went with the Angels.
“Let me get you something for that.” I stand quickly and go about the kitchen, filling a bowl with some warm water and grabbing a towel.
But as I approach Jake, he grabs my hand and pulls me towards him, making me drop the water. It splashes over my bare legs, but I don’t care. All that I care about is his touch and his nearness and his heat against my body.
“I’m sorry.” He says the words heavily, painfully, and he lets his head fall towards mine. We stand there, foreheads touching, and I feel like this is all I’ve ever wanted in the whole world. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Aimee."
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” I tell him as I look into his deep brown eyes and feel myself drifting away in them.
“What are you talking about, Aimee? I have everything to be sorry for. For believing them instead of you, for questioning us, for not being there when Ryan… when he hurt you.” Jake strokes my cheek and I lean into his soothing, healing touch.
“I’m a big girl,” I tell him, summoning a smile that I know won’t convince him.
“I’m sorry he hurt you. I will never let anyone hurt you again. I need you to know that.” He has that intense look in his eyes that he gets when he is being truly sincere.
I reach up to his stubbly chin, hesitantly, almost like I’m expecting him to jerk away from me. But he remains still as I trace the line of his jaw. It’s a line that I could have drawn in my sleep.
“I know,” I assure him, because I really do. In that moment, with him holding me, I’m completely sure of all things. I don’t doubt that he will always be here to protect me.
“And I’m sorry for the things I said to you at the diner.” I start to shake my head and open my mouth to object, but he doesn’t let me speak. “And don’t tell me that it doesn’t matter, because it does. I didn’t mean what I said to you—I only said it all to get Ryan off my back. But that doesn’t make it right. I hurt you and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” Jake looks at me with so much sadness and regret in his eyes that I know how sincere he is. I thank god that I won’t have to hear his voice in my head anymore calling me the words that Ryan had labelled me with. I feel like I’ve been set free. “Will you forgive me?” he asks as he cradles my face in his hands like he used to, and we look into each other’s eyes, the spark of need that I’m so used to experiencing around him reigniting with renewed force.
“Of course I do.” I don’t even have to think twice about the words. “What about me? Will you forgive me for… for what happened with Ryan?” I ask, still not able to put a name to it.
“Aimee.” Jake says my name as if it were a gift and he brings my face closer to his, so close that I can feel the heat of his breath against my skin. “There’s nothing to forgive.” Then he brings his lips to mine and we kiss.
But it’s so much more than a kiss. It feels like everything that we have been feeling over the past few days, all the pain, all the need, is being distilled into this one kiss.
I fall into him, my body melting against his, and then everything turns into a blur. I rest my hands against his chest, feeling the strength of his muscles under my touch. His hands go around my waist and pull me even tighter until I’m plastered over him, not even an inch between us. We don’t stop kissing. Even though we can barely breathe, neither of us wants to break this connection. Jake’s tongue darts in and out of my mouth and I moan into him as his kiss creates a bloom of warmth between my legs.
“I’ve missed you,” I manage to get out between kisses, saying the words against his lips before we dive back into each other.
Jake grabs the cami pajama top I’m wearing from behind and starts to pull it up. We only split apart for a brief second for it to go over my head before we’re on each other again, not wanting to miss anything. I scrunch Jake’s shirt in between my hands, shoving it up towards his head, touching his hard abs, his muscular chest, touching his skin everywhere, not wanting to miss one part of him.
But it’s not enough. I squirm in my shorts, needing some release from the wetness that is building there. It seems like Jake can read my mind, because he shoots me a knowing smile and lifts me up as if I weigh nothing. He holds me in his arms and carries me to the bed, where he lays me down like I might break if he doesn’t handle me with care. It couldn’t be any further away from the way that Ryan treated me. The two men are light years apart.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jake breathes as he lays me down underneath him. He runs his hands from my cheek, down to my jaw, my neck, and then over my breasts, feeling my nipples stand to attention under his touch.
I reach up to him, eager to have him on top of me, against me, all over me. I need him more than I’ve needed anything before. “Kiss me.”
“Where?” Jake smiles with that sexy smile of his that turns me inside out.
“Everywhere.” I whisper the word, locking eyes with him and feeling the slickness between my legs deepen.
Jake doesn’t wait for me to ask him again. He starts trailing kisses, following the path that his fingers had made, from my cheek, along my jawline and neck, and over my breasts. He licks my nipples and then blows on them, first one and then the other. The mix of the heat from his mouth and the coolness of his breath drives me crazy and I writhe underneath him, trying to give myself some release.
Jakes takes my nipples into his mouth, kissing and biting gently, looking up at me as I moan and wriggle underneath him. I can tell from his expression that he likes what he sees. He continues his trail of kisses, moving further down, over my flat belly, feathering kisses around my belly button and then he slowly, laboriously, makes his way towards the waist of my skimpy shorts. I’m breathing hard as I knot my fingers in his hair, watching him as he pushes the shorts down, revealing the dark triangle between my legs.
Jake looks at my pussy as if it were a present and kisses me gently from one side of my inner thigh to the other. He shifts himself down and then he dips his head, flicking his tongue over my sensitive lips. I’m so excited and horny and turned on that I don’t know what to do with myself. I writhe underneath his touch, riding the wave of pleasure as he flicks his tongue inside of me, tasting me.
“Jake, Jake.” I moan his name. I’m incapable of saying anything else. I feel like my brain has lost all of its power, and the only part of my body I’m listening to now is my pussy. Watching Jake go down on me is just about the sexiest thing that I have ever seen. I knot my fingers in his hair, transfixed as I watch him licking me. I can feel my pleasure building as he massages my clit with his tongue and I know that I’m close, that it’s not long until I’m going to explode.
“You’re so wet, baby, and you taste so fucking amazing.” Jakes words and his breath against my hot pussy send me over the edge. I hold onto him as my body is racked in shockwaves of ecstasy. Heat overcomes my whole form and I can’t remember a time when I felt more alive.
My breath is ragged,=. I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard before. This is what Jake does to me. This is what being with him does to me. When we’re together it’s like nothing else exists. The rest of the world just falls away and everything that I need, everything that I want, is in this little room. My world becomes the size of a studio apartment and that’s just fine with me.
I’m still shivering from the force of my orgasm when Jake moves up my body, bringing us face to face again. But he keeps his hand on my pussy, cupping the wet heat that he’s created there. “I’ve missed everything about you,” he whispers to me, his lips against mine. “Your face, your smile, your hands, the sound of your voice, the way I feel around you.” Jake murmurs the words against my skin and I feel my whole body tingle with his breath. I can taste myself on his lips and I almost come again right there and then. “I feel like there is no me without you.” He pulls back so that he can look at me and, in that moment, I know that everything that I feel for him is reflected in his gaze upon me.
“I feel the same,” I tell him, reaching up to bring his lips towards mine, sealing the promise in a kiss.
The kiss deepens, and I’m so hungry for him that when I feel how hard he is underneath his jeans, I know exactly what I want to do. I palm him through his pants and feel him straining against the material. I grapple at his jeans, unbuttoning them as fast as I can, as if my life depended on getting him out of his pants . I pray that Jake hasn’t stopped to worry about underwear and I’m rewarded when I see that he’s gone commando. I stroke his thick shaft, holding it in my hand and wanting nothing more than to taste him, just like he tasted me.
“Lie back,” I instruct him, encouraging him to flip over so that I’m on top. Jake doesn’t protest; I know that he wants us to have as much of each other as we can. He needs this as much as I do.
I kiss his chest, breathing in the scent of him, the manly smell that drives me out of my mind. I catch sight of the tattoo on his shoulder and I feel a stab of shock when I register exactly what it says. But I’m not going to let the Angels come between us again—not tonight, not now that we’ve just found our way back to each other.
I carry on making my way down over his six pack, tracing a line over the deep V of muscle that points towards his beautiful cock. I sneak a look up at him before I take his cock into my mouth and he’s gazing back with so much tenderness that I know I want to show him how much I love him.
I take his shaft into my mouth as deep as I can, until I can feel him in the back of my throat. Jake groans above me, running his fingers through my long hair as he gives himself up to the sensation. I savor him, tasting him, licking him from base to tip. I suck him hard and reach my hand underneath him to cup his hard ass and I hear Jake’s intake of breath as he gets even hotter.
His cock is huge in my mouth and it feels like it’s swelling even more, like it’s about to burst. The thought of his hot seed in my mouth makes me even wetter and, as if Jake knows exactly what’s running through my mind, he slips one finger inside of me. Easing me open and stroking me, he slowly inserts another two digits, touching me exactly where I need to be touched.
“Ride my fingers baby, ride them until you can’t take it anymore.” Jake’s words come in short gasps as I continue to suckle his hard cock while I move my hips, bobbing up and down on his finger.
I circle his head with my tongue and feel the saltiness of his tip, and it almost pushes me over the edge.
“Not like this.” The urgency in Jake’s words is clear. I look up at him, confused for a moment. “I want to come inside of you. I want to be inside of you.” He says the words as if they were torture and I know how close he must be and how hard he’s trying to control himself.
I don’t waste any time. I give his cock one last loving lick and position myself so that my pussy is over his shaft. Jake is laying back and looking at me as if I were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen and that only makes me more turned on, if that were possible.
I sink down on his hard cock, sighing as he opens me, pushing inside of me. We’re both already breathing raggedly. We’re holding on so tight, wanting the moment to last, but we’re so hot right now it isn’t going to be long before we find our release. I move up and down on his cock, feeling him slide in and out of me as we build up a rhythm.
“Fuck, Aimee, you’re so wet and so tight. I can feel—”
“—Everything.” I finish Jake’s sentence because I know exactly what he’s feeling. I’m feeling the same.
I look down at this handsome, wonderful man, and knowing that he’s inside of me and filling me up takes me to another dimension.
“You’re so beautiful, Aimee. I love seeing you like this, riding me hard. You’re so fucking hot.” Jake is breathing hard and as he squeezes my bare ass hard I know that he’s moving towards his release.
“I’m close, Jake. I’m so close.” I speed up, moving myself up and down onto him faster, clenching the muscles in my pussy to hold him even tighter inside of me. Jake slips his hand down to between my thighs, stimulating my clit as I glide over his cock. Jake’s hips start to move faster and faster, thrusting inside of me.
“Fuck me, Jake, fuck me,” I plead with him as he buries himself inside of me again and again. I whimper his name as he caresses my pussy.
“Come with me, Aimee. Come hard, baby,” Jake dives into me again and again until I scream his name as my orgasm reaches its climax. I feel him spurt inside of me and the knowledge that he’s just come pushes me towards another climax and my body is wracked with pleasure as I orgasm again.
My entire body turns to jelly and I collapse on top of Jake, nuzzling his neck and breathing in the smell of him and the warmth of his body against mine. This moment is so perfect, it’s like it was made especially for us. I feel like my whole life has been building towards tonight, lying in bed with the man that I love. It’s not just sex; it’s something so much more than that. It feels like everything— everything that I need, everything that I want—is right here.
“I love you, Jake Summers,” I sigh against his neck, feeling more content than I have for a long time.
“I love you too, Aimee Winters,” Jake replies, turning his head to kiss me gently on the forehead and tenderly move my hair out of my eyes.
We lie in silence and I know that we’re both wishing we could stay like this forever. But at the same time we’re all too aware that we can’t, and no amount of wishing will make it so. The real world comes rushing back into my brain and I wish that I could keep it at bay for a little longer.
“How long have we got?” I ask eventually, knowing that he can’t stay for much longer without risking himself even more.
“Suzie told me to make sure I was back by 6, so I have a couple of hours.” Jake pulls me tighter against him, but my body has gone rigid at his words.
“Suzie?” I raise my head to look at him in confusion. “What does that snake in the grass have to do with anything?”