Ryan looks between Jake and me to see if there’s any shadow of a doubt. The desolation that he must see on my face speaks volumes. I don’t think I could have pretended to be any more upset than I already was. I hold tight onto the Formica counter until my fingers go white from the pressure. I don’t know how I keep standing up straight. All I want to do is collapse onto the floor and hug myself until the tears come and I can cry myself to sleep.
But I’d made a promise to myself. I was never going to let Ryan see what he’d done to me. I was never going to let him see the pain that he’s caused me. So there are no tears tonight. I’m not allowed any tears until Jake is free of the Angels and until they get what’s coming to them. But what if Jake doesn’t want to be free of them? The little voice in my head makes an unwelcome return. I push her away, closing her behind a door. I can’t think about that possibility. If I do, I’m sure it would drive me mad.
“Ah, Jakey-boy, you don’t have to be so harsh. Just because Winters here has been a little free and easy with her affections, doesn’t mean you have to cut her out.” I’m surprised at Ryan’s words. I would have thought that this is exactly what he would have wanted—for Jake and me to be as far away from each other as possible. But I know better than to trust him and, yet again, my suspicions are proved right. “It doesn’t mean that you can’t use her for what she is.” The encouragement in his tone is unmistakable and it doesn’t take me long to understand his meaning.
“You’re right, Ryan.” Jake almost sounds grateful for Ryan’s pearls of wisdom, and that in itself makes me sick to my stomach. “Come down to Wheels anytime,” Jake says, his tone deceptively soft. “I’m sure one of the boys would be happy to oblige.” Jack locks eyes with me and I feel like he’s trying to communicate something to me, but I’m blinded by the awfulness of his words—they make me just want to lie down and play dead. “If you play your cards right, Winters, you could be our own little whore. Seems like something you’d be good at.” With those words Jake turns around and heads straight out the door, not waiting for a response.
“Oh, that’s gotta hurt!” Ryan’s appreciation is evident and his gleefulness just makes me hate him even more. How is it possible for someone to take so much pleasure in someone else’s pain? “Well, Aimee, looks like you still have a chance with Jake, if you don’t mind being his little slut. Just like you were for me.” The last words are a whisper and his face is so close to mine that I can smell his rancid breath. It takes me back to that night in his bedroom where all I wanted to do was to run away. “Be seeing you, Winters. Don’t have too much fun without me.” He laughs at his own parting line and gives me a meaningful look from underneath his greasy blonde hair before he follows Jake out, slamming the door behind him.
I hear the noise of one bike start up, then the second, and they both roar off into the distance. I’m feeling dizzy, the first signal that I have a panic attack coming on. I concentrate on my breathing and repeat to myself over and over again that I’m fine, that I’m not scared, that I’m safe. After a minute my breathing is back to normal and I can open my eyes again.
George is standing next to me with unbelieving disbelieving expression on his face. I hadn’t even heard him come in.
“What in god’s name just happened?” He looks about as shocked as I feel. George looks between the open cash register and me and then towards the door where the two men made their escape.
“I’ll replace the money from my wages.” I say the words without even having to think twice. Right now the money is the least of my problems.
“That’s not what I meant.” George’s words are a low rumble.
“I know it isn’t. But that’s all I can cope with at the moment.” I stare down at my hands that have gone numb from holding onto the countertop so hard for so long. Movement in the corner of my eye brings me back to where I am and I realize that the Feds must have heard and seen pretty much everything that just happened. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I tell George as I head over to their table.
The two men are just sitting there looking down at the table when I arrive, and their lack of a reaction makes me wonder if I was wrong and if they’ve actually managed to miss what just played out in front of them.
“I’m sorry about that—” I start to say before Agent Warner holds his hand up to stop me.
“I think Agent Jones has something that he wants to say to you first.” He looks meaningfully over at Mr. Tall. Finally, he has a name, I think to myself.
“Whatever reservations I had about you before, I don’t feel them anymore. I understand why you want these guys dealt with.” His words sound sincere and the look in his eyes feels the same.
I’m embarrassed that these men have just seen the worst parts of my private life play out in front of them like a bad daytime soap. But I appreciate Jones’s words. I know how much it takes for a man like that to admit that he was wrong. “Thanks, that means a lot,” I respond quietly, my eyes fixed on a faraway spot out of the window.
My brain is still whirring with what just happened. I ask myself if there’s any chance that Jake will do as I asked and come to the studio tonight. After everything he said to me, I’m finding it hard to hold out a lot of hope for that. But hope is the last thing that we give up—my dad taught me tha,t and the things he taught me haven’t stood me in bad stead so far.
“The wire will get delivered to the body shop in the next 24 hours. Don’t tell anyone that you have it or anything about our conversation. When you have any information, you get in touch with us. This is the last time we’re going to meet like this.” Agent Warner pulls out a cell phone from his pocket and hands it to me. I stare at it in my hands as if it’s the first time I’ve seen one. “It’s a secure line and my number is the only one on there. Only use it when you’re sure that you have something. You’re on your own from here. Don’t put yourself in any danger. Don’t go into any potential situation without our back-up. Do you understand?” He fixes me with a serious stare that leaves me in no doubt over why he’s a man that’s used to giving orders.
“I understand.” I swallow any questions or concerns—there’s no time for either.
“Good.” He nods and, as if that were a signal, both men get up and start making their way out of the booth.
“Sorry about your food. Guess I got a little side-tracked,” I admit, rubbing my eyes like that might dispel everything I’ve just seen.
“Be safe, Ms. Winters.” Warner levels me with a serious gaze once more. “Try not to do anything stupid.” The last words are said with a smile.
“I’ll do my best.” I smile back, but the simple act seems to take all of my energy. I watch Agent Warner walk out the door and the realization that I really am going to be on my own from here on out hits me.
Mr. Jones stops before he follows his boss out. “People do stupid things for love,” he says, and it sounds like he’s speaking from experience. “Try to keep your head, even if it hurts your heart.” He squeezes my shoulder and the friendliness of the gesture almost breaks me in half. Then he walks out the door, leaving me well and truly alone.