Chapter Thirteen
It might have been growing chilly in New York, but in North Carolina, it was still beautiful summer. Despite her heartache, Pearl breathed in the beauty of the forest and the ocean, letting it reach into her soul to heal her.
The little trailer she had rented was primitive with only a narrow bed and a lock she figured could be taken out of commission by a few blows from an ax, but all that mattered was that it was shelter, and she could pay for it with cash. The old man who had rented it to her had looked dubiously at her belly when she’d offered him payment, but he’d shrugged, not remarking on it.
Pearl knew living on the coast wasn't a permanent solution, but for now, it was all she could deal with. For three weeks now, she had lived in the forest, paying the campers that came by to bring her food from town and whatever other supplies she needed.
She walked the trail from the trailer to the sea, and she looked out over the ocean. It felt like she grew heavier and rounder by the day, and she spoke to her children sometimes.
You will always have me, and you will always have the sea, and oh, I will love you so...
One morning she woke up, and when she stepped outside, she could feel a chill in the air. Soon enough she would have to move on, but for now, Pearl walked down to the beach.
There was a man throwing rocks at the waves, and even before he turned, Pearl felt a deep chill run down her spine. It couldn't be, but it was, and just as she turned to run, he spun around and came after her.
There was no way she was going to outrun him, so she let him catch her, looking up into his eyes with defiance.
“You look like hell,” she blurted out in surprise.
Luciano looked gaunt, and there were lavender, dark circles under his eyes, and a nearly wild cast to his features. He looked like a madman who hadn't slept in days.
“Of course I do,” Luciano said impatiently. “I've run myself ragged looking for you. One of the investigators thought you were in fucking Canada, and I spent nearly a week up there.”
She started to reply, but he cut her off with a furious gesture.
“I think you've already had your say,” he said, holding out his hand. When he opened it, she saw a scrap of paper, balled up but familiar in his palm. Her note. Even after all these weeks, Pearl remembered what it said.
You can't shove me aside. I won't go live in Palermo like some woman you don't care about any longer. I don't need you or your charity. If you don't want us, then we'll make our own way.
With the hyper focus of the moment, she could still see her tear stains on the paper. Luciano's hand loosened on her arm before he let her go entirely.
“Palermo wasn't for you, not like that,” he said quietly. “It was...a gift, I suppose. A place that was meant to be for you. A leverage so that you would never feel as if you had nowhere to go. It was meant to be a place that was all yours, so you didn't feel beholden to me, or trapped. I hoped...”
Luciano's voice tightened like a knot, and he nearly choked. Pearl couldn't stop herself. She reached out for him, touched his shoulder and then his cheek. She thought he would push her away, but instead he nuzzled her hand with longing.
“What did you hope?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“I had hoped it might be for the both of us. Little mermaid, I can't tell you how it's been, the time we spent together. It was amazing. Suddenly, I didn't care about what the world thought or being seen or being in all the fashionable places. I never cared much before, but I thought I should, so I did....and when I was with you, I didn't give a damn. All that mattered was being with you. Touching you. Seeing you. Making you happy. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making you happy, and I wondered if we could do it in Palermo.”
He paused, and then he took her hand again. The grief she saw there stole her voice, and it could break her heart if she let it. It might have already broken her heart, left her with nothing but a few sharp shards.
“If you don't want that...if you don't... I'll give you what you want, but I will not let you run from me again. Not with our children. I want to know where you are, even if I can't be with you...”
That was when Pearl broke.
The tears flowed down her face, and all she could do was wrap her arms around Luciano, hanging on hard. Together they sank to the ground, holding on so tight that Pearl thought they might never let go.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” she whispered. “I was so scared, I thought you were going to send me away...”
“Never,” Luciano said fiercely. “Never in all my life, and if I made you think that, I am the worst kind of fool.”
They hung on to each other for some timeless moment, and then Luciano drew back. His face was still gaunt, of course, but there was something healed about it already.
“I should have told you this long ago, when I first knew it to be true,” he said. “Perhaps it might have calmed your fears and spared us this. I love you. Pearl, little mermaid, I love you so much, and when you were gone, I thought my heart would stop beating... I love you. I love you.”
“Oh my god, Luciano, please...” she whispered. Hearing about his grief was almost unbearable, but she knew how to start healing it. “I love you, I'll never run again, I love you so much...”
As the sun rose over the water, Pearl held on to her man, and she knew she would never let him go again.