Chapter Six
Trent was asleep by the time Hartford went back up the room. It was still loud and rowdy, but the music wasn’t as blaring as it had been. She watched from the first-floor terrace that curved out of the west wing of the house. The gigantic slip and slide was swarming with people.
Gerard was easy to spot. The man just did not blend in. Several inches taller than the others, his hair thick and blond and his shoulders too wide, every step he took spoke of a lifetime spent in privilege and comfort.
The authority and power stamped onto every fiber of his body was slightly intimidating now, when she barely knew him. What motivated him now? What were his goals now?
She’d known a different version of the man, and now, even the way he made love would’ve changed owing to years of experience, of course.
Cold, reptilian slime swirled in her heart. She almost choked on the jealousy, as a thin redhead curled closer to Gerard’s body and lifted her mouth for a kiss.
She gasped and turned away, clutching her chest. It happened. It must have happened hundreds of times. He was a Seahawks player; girls must have thrown themselves at him plenty. Why was she jealous? Gerard wasn’t hers. He was nothing to her.
Then why did she feel like wrenching that woman’s hands off her man and yelling at Gerard for allowing her to touch his body?
Resting her back against a pillar, she turned her back to the party. It was dark on the terrace, and she stared into the distance, at the life he had made for himself.
Detached. Immature. The ultimate bachelor life. No responsibilities tying him down, such as a longtime girlfriend or a child. A child support check sent early every month was the extent of the responsibly he wanted to take.
Obviously, she couldn’t cite her own maturity if she was still attracted to him after all that he had become. She regretted yelling at him downstairs. He shouldn’t have been capable of eliciting such a passionate angry reaction from her. She should’ve just let him be.
She was shivering all over, wanting to blot out of image of the redhead leaning up for a kiss. Gerard’s lips. She clenched her eyes shut. They had always slid over hers so territorially, his teeth biting, his tongue plunging out to meet hers. He swallowed every cry she made, every gasp, every moan, his hands holding her nape, and she relished being imprisoned in his grasp while he kissed her like his life and death depended on tasting her enough.
She’d spent many years waking up gasping for a taste of that mouth. No man had ever compared. No one could. The man marked a milestone in her life. He was support and adoration and passion. She’d given him her virginity, but actually, he’d taken way more. He had marked her for eternity, branded her with who he was, and she was terrified that she would end up alone. No one was ever going to be good enough.
Something moved in the shadows and she jumped. “Who is it?”
“It’s me.”
She sighed, clutching her chest. “You scared me.”
He neared and the mellow light from the party outside on the lawn hit his features. He was not only barefoot, but also shirtless. Her heart hammered in panic. The only thing on his body was a pair of drenched swimming trunks. “What are you doing up here?”
“Nothing. Just enjoying the weather,” she lied.
“It’s insanely hot.” He tried to look closer at her face, which was shrouded in darkness.
She crossed her arms over her chest as a defense mechanism to protect herself from the inflammable virility of the man. “What do you want, Trent?”
Trent drew in a deep breath. “What was that all about? Downstairs.”
She averted her eyes. “It came out wrong. I don’t really see Trent as your son.”
“You don’t see him as my son?” The words felt weird. “Right. Even though he’s somehow an exact replica of me even though his mom’s African American.”
She shook her head. “Yeah, even then. And it’s not about how he looks. On second thought, we don’t have to have this conversation, do we?”
“Yes, we do,” he said in a hiss when she shifted to walk away. “Stop fucking walking away from me all the time. Stop leaving me behind. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
She whirled around. “I left you behind?” she cried incredulously.
He scoffed. “Last I remember, I was begging people to somehow get you to call me back.”
She swallowed in defeat “Do you really want to talk about this?”
“Yes. It’s high time we do, don’t you think?” he snapped back in exasperation.
“I don’t know!” she screamed in answer, her chest rising and falling in anger. “What do you want me to say? Tell me and I’ll say it to soothe your wounded ego.”
He strode forward and gripped her elbows, pinning her close to him. Her breasts brushed his bare chest. “Why did you agree to coming here?”
She tilted her head back, refusing to back down. “I needed to spend time with my son, and this was a chance to have the summer with him.”
“Why didn’t you take my calls after I left for Seattle?” he said, his tone softer, his eyes warmer.
She coiled away from the hurt in those blue eyes. “I didn’t want to.”
“Why?” he cried. “Why couldn’t you just tell me? When I was leaving… at the airport. When I said I loved you, Hart… why didn’t you say you didn’t love me anymore?”
“Because I did love you,” she wailed, her eyes burning with tears. “But you’d already destroyed everything.”
Her voice broke, and he sighed, releasing her elbows and lifting his hands to her nape. He pushed his hands through her hair and jerked her face up. “Come on, Hart. Tell me what I did that was so terrible that you broke me.”
“Stop it!” She pushed at his chest. “I can’t believe you’re insinuating that it was my fault in any way. I did nothing. It was all you!” She whispered furiously, tears sliding down her face. “You were supposed to be there for me, and you weren’t. And I hated you for it.”
He paused, releasing her neck and stepping back. He reared back, visibly struggling to suck in air. “I remember you telling me you were pregnant…” he began slowly, and Hartford’s head snapped up at his tender tone. “I remember trying to be supportive but then losing my shit because I got hit with the details and obligations I had going to pros.”
Hartford gasped and their eyes held. She hadn’t known she wanted answers, but she did. She was hanging on to every word, every bit of it an ointment to the gashes and aches that she’d walked around with for years.
“I remember my first instinct was to take you with me, Hart. I wasn’t worried about supporting the both of us…” His features tensed when her face scrunched up to fight the tears threatening to erupt. “But you had your residency, and I knew you’d never sacrifice it. And I had to go too. So I said what I thought was supportive, and I wanted to be around, but you cut me out of your life… so easily—”
“Don’t.” She broke down, tears streaming down her face. She’d never given him the benefit of the doubt. Because in her mind, there was no doubt about the fact that he had let her down when she most wanted his love. Every time she’d thought about him, she remembered him as the man who was centered on his own desires and goals. But it wasn’t just his goals on the line. Would she have sacrificed her residency to stay with him? She wouldn’t have. She had way too many plans, just like he had.
“Hart…” His fists tightened by his sides as he watched her cry. “I couldn’t think of a solution on the spot. It was so unexpected, and then my mind just snapped. And I thought the only choice was to have an abortion. I never even thought for an instant that you would consider having the baby.”
She sobbed harder and didn’t have the will to fight him, when she felt herself being hauled into his wide chest. She let the mistrust and anger fizzle out for a moment and sobbed hard, her shoulders jerking with the intensity of the sobs.
“I didn’t even know he existed up until my parents came to visit six months ago. I tried to see you then. To see him. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I wanted to see you, ask you why you didn’t tell me. But you didn’t want anything to do with me, so I… sent the check.” He forced her crying face up to his. “Was it enough, the child support?”
She shook her head, fighting her sobs. “I never used it.”
He smiled, then slid his thumbs across her cheeks. “Of course you didn’t. I had a feeling you wouldn’t touch it.”
When she looked up, his smile faded. His eyes dropped to her lips, and she knew why. Her mouth was so close to his. His breath smelled so familiar, and his scent was swirling around her. Her hands were pressed onto his spine, her breasts crushed against his chest.
Her heart hammered wildly, and she wondered if he could tell she was nervous, and turned on, and secretly, reluctantly, waiting for him to kiss her.
They were alone in the house. Trent was in bed. The only sound was the pounding beat of the music as it made the walls shake. He pushed her hair off her face, and she let him. It was right. It felt right. She couldn’t pull away.
Just when she thought he’d kiss her, his soft voice caressed her face.
“Why didn’t you get an abortion, Hartford?”
She pursed her lips and was glad that he hadn’t kissed her. Because she wouldn’t have pulled away. This man had single-handedly destroyed her for every other man. He’d changed how she viewed the world, and what she liked, and what she wanted. “I couldn’t do it because…”
“Because what?”
She looked him straight in the eye, but her sight got blurry as the tears erupted again. “Because it was a part of you.”
His expression changed, his jaw hardening, while his eyes softened at the same time. She drew in a sharp breath as he swiftly moved and crushed her parted lips with his.
***
Emotion hit him in the base of this throat. He kissed her harder to fight the agony swirling inside of him. He needed an outlet for the regret and the love swirling through him like madness.
Her groan resounded through his ears. Familiar. Her nails clawed at his back. Familiar. Her breasts crushed onto his chest, and she shifted her lower body closer to his. So damn familiar. Nostalgia gripped him; the way she felt in his arms, the way she tasted against his lips, he remembered it all like it was yesterday. Hungrily he drove his mouth along the contours of her mouth and drew in a shaky breath when she offered him her tongue.
Sliding his hands down her back and up inside the tank top, his shoulders tautened as she moaned and curled close. The move crushed the hard erection that was throbbing in his trunks. He yanked her closer and pushed her against the pillar with his body, gripping her nape territorially, tilting her head with the force of his hands, his crotch grinding against her navel. She hooked a leg around his waist, and he inhaled the scent of her greedily. When he bit her lip, she whined and dug her fingers into his body.
When he dragged his short fingernails along her scalp and tugged at handfuls of her hair, the lust dribbled out from between her legs. Her nipples burned, standing up hard and stiff. Her breasts tingled and ached, and her navel twisted deep inside with sizzling heat.
She bit his upper lip, dragging at it gently, and her eyes opened briefly. Her heart stopped. His eyes were open, and he was watching her with a fiery gleam in his orbs. They looked different in the dark, the light blue glimmering. The dark didn’t hide the wild high and passion. She let her lips stay stationary and unmoving beneath his, lost in the drugging way he ogled her face while claiming her lips. The muscles in his back tensed when she dragged her hands over it.
Abruptly, he yanked her up higher by clutching her hips in a fierce, almost painful grip. She wound her legs around his waist instinctively, and he crushed her harder against the pillar. His crotch ground against her, and she moaned, breaking the kiss as the sound escaped loud and brazen.
He caught her mouth again, releasing her body, and his lips gentled. He dragged them over the contours of her full ones; he traced the sides of her face and the sides of her neck, and covered her breasts with his large palms, digging his fingers into the ample mounds.
She cried out in his mouth and pushed him away. Her body jerked but he persevered, plunging his tongue into her mouth, unable to swallow his answering groan when her tongue met his halfway. Her hands delved down his spine to his hips, and he clenched his ass as she pushed her fingers down the waistband.
She dug her fingers into his hips, and he swiftly thrust his crotch against her, yanking her leg up sideways. When her head fell back and she arched her back, he clutched her hair and brought his mouth down hard onto hers. The greedy sound of his kiss was music to her ears, and for those few moments, she was transported to another time.
She was the eighteen-year-old Hartford again. And he was her nineteen-year-old boyfriend who’d taken her virginity, and he’d loved her and made her feel precious and wanted every minute. She curled toward him, drugged on the feeling of having him close again, of knowing he was there and that he’d take care of her and that he’d be there.
Her eyes snapped open at the reminder that her fantasy world didn’t exist. Because he hadn’t been there. He’d left. He hadn’t taken care of her; he’d been too busy getting on with his life to worry about his pregnant girlfriend. She didn’t care that he’d tried to get her back. That he’d argued with their mutual friends when they wouldn’t help him get her back. That he’d called her incessantly while he was away.
She broke the kiss and pushed against his shoulders as the pain of his betrayal cleaved her chest.
Gerard instinctively knew this push wasn’t like the earlier ones. He meant to make her stop. Stepping back, he let her land on both feet. Panting, his chest rising and falling in rapid breaths, he swallowed as his gaze roved over her.
Hartford gaped at the still-greedy look in his eyes, and she looked down self-consciously. Her top yanked sideways, her hair disheveled, she stung all over from his rough hands. Her lips throbbed, and her insides clenched and relaxed around nothing in anticipation of his manhood.
She glanced at him, blushing at the state of her body and that she’d allowed him to touch her again. His manhood stood up proudly, lifting the swimming trunks at the front. His abs tightened as he breathed. She didn’t understand herself, or her motivation for doing what she’d just done.
This couldn’t happen. This shouldn’t have happened. This, whatever it was she thought she was doing, was going to end up worse than last time’s debacle. Because, back then, she’d cited her naiveté as reason for misjudging Gerard. But now she knew what he was capable of. He was going to leave her raw and incapable of healing the next time he abandoned her.
Jerking sideways, she shook her head and spun around, walking away from him even though it physically hurt.
Gerard gaped down at his hands and then back up at where she’d stood moments ago. He’d come up there to talk. He had no idea how he’d ended up kissing her, stroking her body, crushing her curves.
Whatever it was that existed between them was already over. There was so much resentment in their hearts, and he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t go back in time and make another decision. And even if he could, he was sure he’d repeat his decision. He couldn’t apologize for chasing his dreams, because she’d been doing the same thing. If only he’d been able to handle the situation better, she wouldn’t have left him.
But he had to face it: they were meant to be wrenched apart.
***
An hour later, Hartford lay in bed. The party was still in full swing. Flashes of bright light filtered through the sides of the curtains to cast patterns on her bedroom wall. The screams and music continued to pound, but she was hardly angry at that anymore.
She was angry at herself, because the kiss that had left her shaking and shivering and her lips bruised had been exactly as good as she remembered it. No wonder she had never enjoyed kissing any of her dates after Gerard. No one kissed like he did. It was as if he wanted to eat her up, right then and there, and if he didn’t, he’d die. His kisses spoke of the promise of his want of driving his body deep inside hers.
Frustrated, she got out of bed and checked on Trent. He was fast asleep. For her, it was going to be a long night. Not only could she not sleep because of the constant noise, but now, the sexual frustration was going to leave her tingling and shivering for hours.
Making her way to the vast bathroom that belonged in a magazine, she splashed cold water on her face and gaped at her reflection. The party was getting louder and wilder as the alcohol in bloodstreams rose. She left the room and held the railing of the balcony that overlooked the back lawns and pool. The slip and slide was swarming with half-naked people. She could spot Gerard in the distance—of course.
His arm was around the waist of the skinny redhead again. Her heart twisting in profound jealousy that made her toes curl, she tried to recall their four-year-long relationship and whether she’d ever felt jealous during that time. She hadn’t. Gerard had been unequivocally hers.
The rotten jealousy was not a pleasant feeling. She didn’t enjoy it. It was vile and poisonous, and she wanted to rip her hair out in frustration. She spotted Gerard walking up to the crowded slip and slide. For a moment, Hartford stopped breathing. Surely, he wasn’t going to have a go at it with his injured knee.
Her breath escaped in a rush when he stepped sideways and walked to the pool instead. The doctor in her concerned with nothing but his recovering knee, she gasped as one of his friends grabbed him, hurling him sideways into the pool. It happened so fast and out of nowhere that Gerard couldn’t prepare himself. His leg twisted, and that was the last thing Hartford saw as Gerard’s body plunged into the naked-body-infested water.
She ran, down the stairs and across the hall, and yanked the sliding doors open to where everyone were hollering.
A group of people had already formed a suffocating circle around a pissed-off Gerard. “Get back!” she cried, and the group dissipated slightly. “What happened?”
“I tripped.” He clutched the side of his thigh and winced.
Her hands stilled on his leg as she froze against the blatant lie. “So, this is something else you learned during the years?”
He was panting, grating his teeth. “Shit, I fucked it up, didn’t I?”
Hartford turned to see the guy standing near Gerard’s head. The same red trunks she distinctively remembered. He was the guy who’d pushed Gerard into the pool. “You. Get away from Gerard.”
When the dark-haired, heavily built guy gaped at her as if she was crazy, Hartford lost it. She stood up ominously, feeling Gerard’s eyes on her. She grated her teeth and glanced around. People had stopped dancing, drinking, and swimming.
“Okay, every single one of you, out of this house, right now.” Her fury made her voice vibrate, and it carried loud and clear.
Gerard watched the avenging angel. Dark and incomparable. The taste of her mouth still on his lips.
Silence. The only sound was of some of the girls swimming their way out of the pool.
“Did you not hear me?” she cried, turning around. “This party is over right now. Get out!”
When none of them moved and instead looked toward Gerard for confirmation, she dropped her eyes to his, challenging him to negate her. He didn’t.
Gerard thought she looked gorgeous. She looked wild and ferocious and feline. She looked like the Hartford he remembered. She’d always claimed him. She’d always exploited her rights over him. She’d always let him have a piece of her mind. And goose bumps covered his arms as he acceded that she’d been the only one who had dared.
“You heard what she said. The party’s over.”
Hartford’s heart hammered as almost all of the drunken naked partiers glared at her furiously as if she’d yanked out their kidneys without their consent. Free booze and an amazing mansion to go wild in—she’d snatched it away. She stood there, her arms crossed, until they got on their way. When Gerard attempted to stand up, she slid an arm around his waist. Even though she was concerned about him, she was also livid and her temper was at boiling point. Her hands flexed consciously around his muscled physique, and she remembered the possessive way he’d kissed her barely an hour ago. The side of her breast crushed against his rib cage as she helped him through the door and inside the house.
“Mrs. Berry?” she called. The trusted housekeeper stepped into view, still in her pristine black uniform, looking like she was waiting for a command from her employer. Hartford did a double take, wondering if it was actually two in the morning, or if she was imagining it. “Please ensure every one of those idiots has left the house.”
***
Hartford’s hands were shaking. She yanked open the drawer Gerard had pointed to and stared at the neatly folded pairs of underwear. She pulled out a pair of boxers and shut the drawer, turning back to him. He was sitting in a high-backed chair a few feet from his bed, drenching the upholstery. Alone with him, in his bedroom, with a pair of his undergarments in her hand, she suddenly, belatedly realized how intimate the moment was. It didn’t have to be. If it were anyone but him, she wouldn’t have thought twice about this.
But this particular man had taken her virginity. He’d seen her naked and did things to her no other man ever had, and he’d also kissed her an hour ago like he couldn’t get enough of her.
“Stand up, please.” Her voice was shaking, but she hoped he didn’t hear the blatant shy vibration. She was cowering, her heart telling her to stop, to leave this house for good. She’d already stepped past too many lines that shouldn’t have been crossed.
Gerard’s eyes on her, he stood up and reached for the boxers. “I’ll be fine. I can do this.”
She glanced up at him, annoyance flashing in her eyes. “Yes. I’m sure you’ll do everything in your power to make sure you worsen your injury. I don’t like being a failure, and I would appreciate if you didn’t let that stamp my history with the sports medicine unit back in Maryland.”
Gerard stared up at the ceiling, wincing.
Hartford stole a glance at his face when she pushed her fingers through the waistband of his swimming trunks. He wasn’t looking at her. She drew in a deep breath and focused her eyes on a spot near his thigh, where a small scar was gleaming a deep golden color. Her heart missed a beat when she dragged the trunks off his body, keeping her eyes off his shaft, her heart pounding so loudly that the rushing sound of adrenaline-fueled blood resounded in her ears. She couldn’t avoid it, and when he stepped into the boxers, she let herself look at him guiltily.
The man was even more stunning naked than she remembered. Was it because she’d loved him so dearly once upon a time that she thought she hadn’t seen the equivalent of it? Was it because she’d never truly recovered from his betrayal that she was obsessed with him? He was connected to her for life through her son. But she was in awe of his body. His manhood soft and hanging low over his balls, she quickly yanked her gaze away, and he took over, pulling up the boxers.
Then she summoned her disoriented professionalism and slid an arm around his waist. It was hard beneath her touch, warm, and the familiar scent of him wafted to her nostrils.
Nostalgia gripped her, and by the time she helped him onto the bed, her entire core was screaming to be allowed to touch him a little longer. She bit her lip and refused to look at his face as she tucked him in, in the same way she was used to tucking in Trent.
She could feel his gaze on her face, and she met his eyes briefly. “Did you eat?”
She could tell that the gentle tone of her voice took Gerard by surprise. Lately, she was always furious with him and spoke to him with a bite in her voice. “Not really, but I’ll eat in the morning.”
She sighed, keeping her eyes averted. “You have to take meds for the pain. I’ll get you some food.”
She exited his bedroom and quickly slid sideways, away from the doorway, closing her eyes as she leaned her back against the wall. Her heart threatened to erupt out of her chest. Her head spinning, she tried to stop the rush of arousal and adoration and love for the man. It was returning full force, more powerful than her tattered senses to overcome. Sighing, she forced her legs to move and found Mrs. Berry.
Ten minutes later, Hartford returned with a bowl of reheated grilled chicken and some vegetables, leftover from dinner. Gerard had turned on his side.
“Thanks.” He slid back to sit up, and she handed him the bowl before sitting next to his hip.
He looked taken aback for a moment, but when she pushed the covers off his leg and applied a foul-smelling ointment to his knee, he relaxed. She was silent as he ate, her mind spinning in circles.
“Did you sleep at all?” His voice split the silence.
She shook her head. “No, it was too loud. And I had to keep watch on my patient.”
He sighed, placing the bowl on the bedside table. Her fingers stroked the tendons of his calf gingerly, applying the gentlest of pressures, and then she wrapped a pressure bandage around it.
Every sound—be it the duvet rustling, or him shifting in bed, or her bare feet padding on the carpet—was loud in the utter silence between them. She considered initiating a conversation to alleviate the awkwardness, but she didn’t know where to start. I better not bother. I’ll make a fool of myself.
Hartford handed him the medicine when he finished eating, and even though she tried to avoid it, her fingertips touched his palm briefly. She cursed herself silently when that brief touch sent shockwaves straight to her navel.
She needed to get some sleep. She couldn’t be trusted to do or think anything rational in this state. She didn’t look at him again as she left, in case he was looking at her with the same greedy, lustful stare.
“Good night, Gerard,” she said as she switched off the light and left his bedroom.
***
It was ten a.m. when she finally came down for breakfast. This house and its lunatic inhabitant had completely thrown off her routine. She was sleep deprived and exhausted, and she was missing out on important work.
“What do you want to do today, Trent?” she asked as she helped him with his fork.
“Play football.”
Hartford rolled her tongue in her mouth. “Football? Did you play football with your grandpa?”
“No. But I want to play.”
Hartford nodded. Perfect, just perfect. The football player’s son wants to play football. Surprise, surprise.
“I can play with him,” Mrs. Berry offered.
Hartford smiled at the godsent woman. “Thanks, Mrs. Berry, but I think I’ll join him today.” She had a bucketload of work from the hospital pending, and she had received two phone calls for updates since this morning. She was desperate to work but also preoccupied by the owner of this house. She’d hoped to find time with her son, and that was clearly not something she would be able to achieve. But she was going to try, at least.
She was helping Trent off the chair when she heard the familiar rowdy voices of the group of buffoons that came to see Gerard and play games all day. One second, she was smiling down at her son lovingly, and the next, her temper exploded. Her head pounding with fury, she stalked toward the side room, a place full of gadgets and games and boy toys, and stopped in the doorway.
“What’s going on?”
Her voice resounded through the room, and all men looked toward her. So did Gerard.
Gerard’s brows furrowed. “We’re just hanging out.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?” Gerard said, his temper flaring. “What do you mean by no?”
“No. You don’t have time for this. And we need to be dealing with your knee so you can go back to the field and I can go back home.” She looked around at the grown men who were somehow always free to land there. “Don’t you all have jobs?”
Gerard pushed his hands through his hair. She was disrespecting him in his own house, but his tongue got twisted and knotted when he tried think of something to say to make her stop.
“Sorry, guys. Don’t want to be rude, but Gerard and I have work to do.”
Even though Gerard looked furious, he also looked amused by her casual tone as she attempted to throw his friends out of his house. She knew he could tell that she was enjoying it.
Once again, like last night when she’d cut the party short, the group of gigantic men looked to Gerard for confirmation. And once again, Gerard shrugged. “You heard what she said. I’ll call you when it’s over with.”
Hartford turned to leave. At least Gerard was smart. He knew his priorities and he knew how to pick his battles. She took Trent out the back of the house, past the pool, and onto the expansive lawns. She couldn’t see where they ended; she couldn’t spot a fence, but only a bridge that curved over a small pond.
“Let’s go look at that.”
She and Trent spent the next hour getting acquainted with the ducks that lived in the pond. Hartford fell in love with the place. Gerard’s home was serene and stunning, yet all he seemed to want to do was stay in that room with all the electronics and games and movies.
When they returned to the house, her eyes narrowed at the four men next to the pool. It took a moment to register that they were in uniform, and they were installing a fence around the pool. Her heart hammering, she walked into the house and stopped short. Gerard was sitting in the living room, reading a book.
“What’s going on outside?”
Gerard stole a glance at the boy whose hand she was holding. “Um… I thought… the open pool was unsafe with Trent around.”
Their eyes held, as Hartford tried hard to ignore the tugs on her heart. “Okay,” she replied woodenly and stayed rooted to the spot, gaping at Gerard. His eyes dropped to Trent and then back to her face.
“Is there a problem?”
She broke out of the halo of shock and nodded, smiling, then froze her face again. “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fab. I was just…” Stop rambling. She sealed her mouth.
It was odd seeing him there, in his own living room. Ever since she’d arrived with Trent, he’d been hidden in the gadget-laden playroom. Clearly, he was using the group of idiots to stay out of their way. For a moment, she wasn’t sure about the wisdom of dismissing the group, and it got monumentally worse when Gerard reached his hand out to Trent.
“Hey there, buddy, are you having a good time?”
Harford felt Trent’s small soft fingers part with hers as he walked toward Gerard. Her body coiled for flight, with her son, but she could do nothing but stand there while Trent walked over to the man who was basically just a big-muscled version of himself.
She turned away, slightly unsure what do with herself.
“What did you do out there?”
“I was looking at the ducks,” Trent answered sweetly.
“Ohh.” Gerard smiled and clutched the boy’s shoulders. “Were they good out there? Did they need anything?”
Trent chuckled in reply, and Hartford saw Gerard’s face transform, his smile wide and his eyes glinting. She couldn’t do this. She walked away, turning out of view and standing behind a wall.
“What are their names?” Trent was saying, and she clenched her eyes shut. This was not a good idea. What had she done? She should’ve just let the group of buffoons stay.
“They don’t have names yet. However, you and I could go out there and name them tomorrow if you want. They’ll love it.”
Trent chuckled again and the musical sound made her smile. She stopped herself and ran up the stairs to the office that looked out to the vast lawns. She stood at the window for long minutes, her body taut with the desire to go back downstairs and put some distance between Trent and Gerard—even if she had to do it by force. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The two of them conversing had been the most poignant moment of her life. She had goose bumps all over her body.
As she sat down to work, knowing the housekeeper would watch Trent for a while, she was constantly reminded of the fact that when she walked back down, Gerard would be there. His bedroom was on the ground floor. And with his friends banished from the house, he was constantly going to be around her and Trent, and she had to figure out a way to not be so emotionally affected by his presence near Trent.
***
“Are you sure it doesn’t hurt any more than it did before the fall, or are you just trying to get it over with by lying?”
Gerard shrugged and wasn’t offended by her question. “I’m not lying, and it’s actually the same. I don’t even feel it unless I’m crossing my legs.”
She nodded and wiped her hands on a paper towel. “You’re good to go.”
He stood up. “I’m going to take a nap.”
“Good.” She was getting up to wash her hands when he turned around.
“Let’s have dinner together.”
She paused, gaping at him. “Umm.” She glanced at Trent. “Sure.” What else was she supposed to say? She was a guest at his place. She could hardly say no. But what was he thinking?
As soon as Gerard left, her senses frayed in nervousness and the arousal that always crept up her bones when she touched him returned. She brought her laptop down to the dining table and handed Trent some building blocks to play with.
Fifteen minutes in, Trent nudged her to show her something. She smiled, kissed his hand, and turned back to work. She’d just gotten back into the mental connection with work when he came up to show her a small school building he’d made. She stared at it woodenly for a minute.
Why in the world had she thought she could work on anything while Trent was around? She forced herself to smile. “That’s very cool, Trent.” She gushed at the haphazard pile of blocks that looked like Tetris gone bad. “Why don’t you make lots of buildings and Mommy can see them all when she’s done with work?”
“Okay,” he said in his tiny voice and went off.
Hartford fought the guilt creeping up her bones. He hadn’t chosen this. She’d brought him here. And now she was struggling to manage the office work, Gerard, and Trent all together.
When Trent walked up to her ten minutes later, she slowly shut her laptop, her work hardly even started, and sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, she spent the next hour making silly buildings with Trent.
There was no way she was getting any work down around here. She would simply have to stay up at night and deal with work.
***
When Gerard couldn’t sleep, he walked back out to the living room. Something about Trent was drawing him closer. It was almost as if Gerard had a noose around his waist and whenever Trent was nearby, the rope was tugged in his direction. He couldn’t stop it even though he tried.
He’d managed fine when he had the buffer of his friends in the house. But now, with them gone—thanks to Hartford—he couldn’t help but be around Trent.
And what was worse was that Gerard was justifying it with insane reasons that cropped up in his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking that Trent was only around for a few weeks. Then he’d be gone again. He’d grow taller and bigger, and Gerard would have no part in the boy’s life apart from the child support he sent Hartford, which she didn’t even bother to use. He would consider it an insult, except he knew Hartford was in the right.
And she was proud. She was so, so proud, and as he watched her and Trent playing with building blocks, he stopped short. They did not know he was there, and the moment was raw and warm and mesmerizing.
He saw her laughing at the silly things Trent said—but it wasn’t a pretend laugh. She was actually enjoying herself as she helped him make buildings. Suddenly, the prospect of playing with those colorful blocks of plastic was very endearing. You’re just bored, he told himself, but he didn’t ponder too much over his reasons for feeling like a play-greedy child.
“But it has to be red,” Trent was saying.
“No,” Hartford said sweetly. “That’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be. It can be rainbow colored. Have you ever seen a rainbow-colored building? Everyone will love your city when it’s done. They’ll think it’s the best thing in the world.”
Trent chuckled in response.
Gerard swallowed, his eyes cascading over Hartford’s stunning high cheekbones. He recalled how he’d taken pictures of her, every day. Somehow, she’d managed to grow more attractive during the past four years. Her hair was longer, thicker, her skin more vibrant. The dark shadows beneath her eyes hadn’t been there when she’d come to his place—those were courtesy of him. His heart twisted in remorse for the stuff he’d put her through. She’d only tried to help him get better, and he’d turned into a man on a mission, in denial at having her there, at having his son there. He’d hidden behind a wall of stupid social interactions that had stressed Hartford out enough to make her lose sleep. He spotted her laptop at the table and silently wondered why she carried it around everywhere when he hardly ever saw her using it.
Then his reverie was interrupted by Trent’s squeal of laughter, and he fought back an answering smile at the sound. His heart palpitated viciously, and he drew in deep breaths. Trent’s hands were chubby and small, and his blond hair fell over his forehead. Hartford reached forward to push it sideways.
“Do you think you can play with Mrs. Berry for a while now while Mommy gets some work done?”
“Yes.”
Hartford smiled and kissed the top of his nose. “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too,” the boy said distractedly, and that’s when he spotted it. The agitation and frustration on Hartford’s face as she yanked up the screen of her laptop.
He slinked deeper into the dark of the corridor, not wanting her to spot him. She pushed her hair back and up into a high ponytail, which at the last minute ended up like a haphazard bun. Then she sighed loudly, her forehead resting in her hand as she stared at the screen for a few long seconds. She shook her head as if trying to sort her thoughts by jerking her brain and then began to tap on her keyboard. He stepped back, took a deep breath, and walked straight into the living room.
Without a word, ignoring her when she looked up at him with a jolt, he sat cross-legged on the floor just like she’d been sitting a few seconds ago. “Whoa, look at this rainbow-colored building. Man, did you build this?” he asked Trent excitedly.
He could feel Hartford’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look at her. Instead, he spent the next twenty minutes building houses and shops with Trent. When the kid soon got bored, Trent asked if he’d like to go name the ducks.
At the door, he turned and caught Hartford twisting her neck, her eyes worried, her features clearly tensed. He was sure he should ask for her permission, but it seemed odd to do it. So he just clenched his teeth and took a deep breath. “Is it okay if he…”
She gaped at him for long seconds, then glanced down at Trent and nodded. At that instant, Gerard felt something warm and incredibly soft slide through his palm. His gaze jerked toward it and found that Trent had very casually given him his hand. His arm tense, a weird tingling sensation overtaking his body, he blinked several times in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. But his heart was beating all over the place. He’d merely wanted to help Hartford because she looked stressed. He’d only wanted to give her some time off from caring for a toddler who always needed something to do and someone to do it with. But his throat was dry when he met Hartford’s eye again. Without a word, she looked away, but not before he caught the same bewildered, confused expression mirroring her face.