FAITH

It was happening again. The sensations were too intense and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. There was this tightness in my body that felt like it was about to erupt, ripping its way through my limbs. My chest constricted and I bowed forward, almost letting go of the bars in my hands, but I couldn’t.

He’d told me not to.

“Please. Ah. Please, Faith,” he pleaded and only slowed a fraction. “We’ll go together, but I can’t wait much longer. You’re right there. I can feel it.”

His hips rolled and somewhere deep inside my body, I began to fall apart. One cell at a time. My body quivered and impulsively I wanted to shut it down, frightened I’d do something wrong or make some kind of mistake.

That if I did, he’d leave.

But in that instant, the second I needed that reassurance, he hoarsely instructed, “Let go. I’m right here.”

Those words—his words—undid me. My hands released from the chrome bars, but he gathered my body against his and thunderously brought us to climax.

I gasped when it hit, and, weightlessly against him, I paid attention to everything I could about the moment. How my body gripped him, loosely and then tighter without me instructing it to. How his arms encompassed me and held me together when I felt like I was about to fly away. I even felt him pulse where we were seamlessly joined.

How would I ever go any measurable amount of time without feeling like that again? After Sunday night, three whole days had been torture. It wasn’t that we hadn’t spoken or seen each other, because we had—often.

It was something else.

Something I hadn’t even known I’d been missing. Affection. Intimacy. Desire.

He kissed my shoulder, over and over, and I could tell he was smiling, feeling his teeth gently rake my skin between pecks. I twisted to the side to see his face.

“What?” I asked, enjoying his expression. His deep blue eyes shined. His face was flushed, and there were beads of sweat on his forehead.

Aaron placed one more kiss on my neck and said, “Damn.”

Before he let me go and our bodies parted, his arms tightened in a hug from behind.

My limbs were floppy and I hadn’t yet completely recovered my bearings, so I again held onto the bars to steady myself as I climbed off the step.

I faced him, and while he tucked himself away, I realized he hadn’t even pulled my underwear off. I wasn’t sure if it was endorphins, or adrenaline, or just how happy I was, but suddenly I was laughing like a lunatic.

I’d just had sex—super hot sex—with Aaron at the Wynne Fire Department.

I guess Emma and Noel were wrong—I did have enough balls to show up and get what I wanted. I’d never been a hypersexual woman, but hopefully that was changing too.

“I hate to run off, but I better get back to Delaney,” I explained as I straightened the hem of my dress.

He scratched the back of his neck as we walked around the truck, and then he pressed the button to open the overhead door for me.

Slowly, I started to make my exit because I wasn’t really sure what the etiquette for stopping by for a quickie at someone else’s job suggested.

“Hey.” He reached for my hand. His fingers were warm around it and he swung our arms. “When can I take you out? Spoil you a little.”

My thoughts were all over the place from what had just happened, and I struggled to even think about what I was doing for the rest of the night. “Um. Yeah.” Clearly, I was poetic.

“You okay?”

“I’m awesome,” I confirmed.

He chuckled. “You sure?”

“Totally.”

“And you’ll let me know when I can take you out?”

I shook my head up and down. I swore I wasn’t drunk, but I was acting like it. “Uh-huh.”

“May I have a kiss goodbye?” He tapped his lips.

God, give me the strength to not attack him again like a sex-starved maniac.

He leaned over into my half of cloud nine and pulled me to his mouth. Face to face, he said, “Thank you for coming to see me.”

How was this actually my life?

Aaron’s eyes closed and I shut mine when his lips lightly touched me. It was slow and neither of us moved, pressed against each other. He pulled back and then planted another quick peck on my forehead.

“I’ll call you later,” he said and let me go.

It was hard to believe it was really, really real.

#

ME: YES! THE SIDE OF the fire truck ... doggie style.

Noel: That’s my jam. Woof, woof!

Emma: You just did something off of my sexual bucket list. I’m jealous.

Me: Maybe it’s because I’ve had such a dry spell, but he’s so fucking gooooooood! This will wear off, won’t it? It’s just the new phase. Right?

Abbey: I miss sex like that. I don’t even want sex anymore.

I wasn’t sure how to reply to Abbey. Suddenly, I felt sort of guilty for all the fun things I’d been experiencing and blabbing to them. She was having a hard time, and all I could think about was giving a blow job at the WDF.

Emma: It doesn’t have to only be new sex. We still have good sex. Abbey, are you okay? Are things getting worse with you guys?

I was glad Emma replied to her before I could, but I still wanted to support her.

Me: Yeah. I thought things were getting better.

Noel didn’t say much. When it came to heavy relationship stuff, she usually checked out. She’d had a terrible experience with her in-real-life best friend when she’d been honest with her about her asshole boyfriend. It was hard being objective and honest when you’re not sure if it’ll come back to bite you in the ass later, like it had for her before.

Abbey: Oh, it’s the same old thing. It’s better. It’s worse. We fight. We don’t talk for two days. Then I cave because I hate the tension in the house because we have two little kids watching us. Then it’s better. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I’d been where she was, minus the children watching. Thank God Delaney hadn’t been born yet when Chad and I were together. Ha! Together.

Me: What are you going to do?

Abbey: What can I do?

Emma: You can do whatever you want. What do you want?

Abbey: I want him to quit being so selfish and I want to not resent everything he does.

Damn. That was honest.

Emma: You need a break.

Me: We’re here for you. I love you.

Noel: I love you guys.

Emma: Love you bitches.

Abbey: I love y’all too. Never leave me.

After the thread got quiet, I checked social media for anything interesting, but only found nonsense. I rolled to my side, turned off the light, and spontaneously dialed his number. Talking to him, even for five or ten minutes before bed was becoming a habit, but I always slept better.

Hearing Aaron’s voice before I fell asleep had other benefits, too. His deep, calming timbre eased the tension from my muscles. The things he said made me smile. Sometimes, he’d stay on the line with me as I dozed off, and then he’d appear in my dreams.

“Hello there,” he said through the line. “I was just thinking about you.”

I stretched and relaxed into my pillow. “You were?”

I heard a door shut through the speaker on my phone. “I would have called you earlier, but we got a call. Then I was worried it might be too late.” I supposed he had said he’d call, but I couldn’t fault him for not doing it if there was an emergency. Besides, he was usually the one calling me anyway.

“Everything okay?”

“It was a 911 call. Chest pains.”

I never asked who the people were when he told me about calls, but I was always curious. Surely there was some rule about talking about who’d been in the emergency, and I didn’t want to put him in an awkward position. He talked about some calls, but I didn’t like hearing about the more dangerous ones and hated the thought of him at fires, but he loved it.

“That’s scary.”

“I’m sure it is, but it’s taken care of now.” He sighed. “Tell me about your night.”

“Lost at Chutes and Ladders a few times, and when Delaney went to bed I chatted with the girls and watched Fixer Upper re-runs. I think you’d be good at flipping houses like they do, after seeing what you’ve done with yours.” My bare leg wandered to the far side of the bed where the sheets were cool.

“I wouldn’t mind trying my hand at it sometime, but I struggle with picking out stuff. I’d need your help.”

My chest filled with warmth. It should have felt too soon to talk like that, but it didn’t. Day by day, I was getting used to the idea that he was serious, and I liked it.

I replied, “I’ve never done that before. I mean, I’ve picked paint for one room here and there before, but never an entire house. I might not be the best person for the job.”

“You could do it.”

“You could probably sell your parents’ house pretty fast. Maybe you’ve already flipped one and you didn’t even know it.”

He groaned. “I think about that sometimes, but I still can’t bring myself to put it on the market.”

I could understand that. “It’s a great house.”

Then he chuckled, sounding mischievous, and I was eager to hear what he’d say next. I quickly imagined it was a play on the word flip and how he’d flipped me in the fire station.

“What?” I asked when he didn’t say what was so funny.

“Well, if you ever move in with me, we could buy your mom’s place and flip it.”

I sat straight up in bed with so many words jammed in my throat. I’d let my imagination run a few times, but never too far ahead into the future. Never to things that big. I was still deciding if it was too soon to ask him to spend the night with us, and frankly a little hesitant about it. I didn’t want to rush things or seem needy.

He was beyond that. Aaron wasn’t just thinking about stuff, he was actually saying it.

When I didn’t answer, he quietly asked, “Faith, you still there?”

My heart was pounding and my phone jiggled against my ear from my hand shaking so badly.

One might chalk it up to a guy just saying those things to get a girl into bed, but I knew better. He’d already had me in his bed, and earlier had been proof that I was dying to get back in it. He didn’t have to bribe me with pretty ideas of something more.

I took a deep breath. “I’m here.”

“Did I freak you out?” His tone was light and unworried.

“I don’t know, but it surprised me.” And freaked me out a little. “Is that what you’re planning?”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, I think about it a lot. When it boils down to it, coming home after a long day to you and Delaney is what I want. I’m done waiting for stuff to just happen when it’s supposed to. I’m ready. Maybe it’s that military part of my brain that makes me think like that. Working a task to get to the next. I hope we’re together now—for lack of a better way to say it—so my head automatically thinks to the next step, and then the next until I reach the goal. Operation complete. Mission accomplished.”

His explanation made sense, but it seemed too damn simple. Wasn’t life messy and complicated?

Then, I thought on it.

Maybe it really was that simple.

“Tell me more about these steps. You know, so I can get on the plan.”

Aaron made this sound like he was stretching his body, not a yawn, but more like a tired growl. “Okay, but I suppose we should talk about what you want first, before I make a fool out of myself.”

I fell back onto my pillow, but my chest was still pounding. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this, and no one has ever asked me anything like that.” It was like being at a restaurant, and everything smelled so good, and my appetite was strong, but there were no menus to look at.

I’d have to wing it.

Aaron coached, “Don’t think about it too much. Just whatever comes to your mind. I know things can change, and plans are never set in stone, but I want to hear what you are looking for first. Then I’ll divulge my master plan.” His smile lingered in his words and it coated them with comfort.

“Um. I don’t need much. I guess I’m looking for a partner, companionship. Someone I can rely on and laugh with.”

“I’m taking notes,” he teased.

My bed felt more comfy suddenly, the sheets were softer, and it was almost like he was there with me.

“Someone who listens to me and thinks what I say has value. I want a man who cares about me, but knows the center of my world revolves around my daughter—even if it isn’t always fair to him.”

When I paused to think, he asked, “What else, Fay?”

I rolled to my side and slipped my free hand under the pillowcase. “Someone to fall asleep with and wake up beside. Someone I can be myself with and who will teach me things about myself I didn’t know.”

“You’re right, that’s not too much to ask. What about your future? When you find this elusive man, what will you do with him? What will you have him do for you?”

“That’s the thing. I want us to do stuff together. Beyond that, whatever comes our way, it won’t matter. Move in, get married, don’t get married, have more kids, or just spoil Delaney. Who knows? All of it sounds good.” I went for it and added, “With you.” 

There was some clanging on the other end of the phone ... he was still working and talking to me at the same time, but then it got quiet.

“Sounds more like a non-plan plan, but I can’t deny I agree with you.”

“Okay, Mr. Know It All, what’s your plan?”

He tsked. “I don’t want to scare you off. I have some pretty specific things in mind.”

“I’ve never been the one to run. So scare me.”

“Okay,” he warned. “On my short list, I want to get to know Delaney better. Want her to feel comfortable around me. Hopefully, I’ll prove to you that I can love you both.”

My eyes stung, but it was probably because I was tired. Not because hearing him say the word love with regard to me and my daughter.

I stayed silent.

“I want to provide for you, even though I know you don’t really want me to. I’m not sure where that need comes from, but it’s always there. Always been there.” He cleared his throat and I could picture him flexing his jaw like he often did. “I want to live where you live. Sleep where you sleep. Eat what you eat. I want to make vows to you someday when I’m sure you’ll believe them. I want to share kids with you—not that Delaney isn’t enough, because she is—but I love watching you with her, watching you be a mother. I want to be there for all of it. Experience parenthood from the very start.” A low chuckle rumbled. “From the very, very start.”

I was lost somewhere between reality and a dream, and his innuendo made me quietly laugh into the palm covering my mouth.

“I’d like to go on vacations and have honey-do lists. I want to learn how to fight with you, because that’s inevitable, but still a skill I have yet to learn. You used to fight dirty when we were kids.”

“I still do,” I threatened as I yawned, feeling none of the hostility the words promised. 

“That’s just some of what I want,” he said.

I did my best to hide the sound of another yawn, but he heard it.

“That’ll give you a few things to think about, but you’re tired so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I hated hanging up, but it was for the best. If you’re supposed to end things on a good note, then that was the best good note I’d ever heard.

My eyes were heavy, but my heart was light.

#

THE NEXT MORNING, I found another note outside my kitchen window with more phone minutes.

Faith,

I meant every word I said last night. Think about it.

Aaron

It wasn’t some long diatribe, some epic love letter, but it was more than enough to keep him on my mind the whole day as I worked at the diner.

That afternoon when I got home, Delaney and I played with chalk and drew on the sidewalk when Darrell popped over from next door.

“What are you two hoodlums doing? Vandalizing?” he asked in his ornery, teasing voice.

“I’m making a school bus,” Delaney told him.

“And you?” he asked, looking at my mess.

“Mine’s a little more abstract.” What began as maybe a butterfly had morphed into just a bunch of colors on the one square portion of the concrete that Madame allowed me to draw on.

“Who are all those people, Del?” He pointed the end of his ratty old boot to the first window on her bus.

“That’s Mom,” she began and listed the other riders.

My phone rang and I lifted it from the grass beside me, seeing it was the bank.

“Oh, I have to get this.”

Darrell waved me off as I ran inside the house for a modicum of privacy.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey there, Faith. Hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time,” Howie greeted. I watched out the screen door as Vaughn pulled up out front, and then Aaron pulled in right behind him.

“No, it’s fine. What can I do for you?” I prayed he wasn’t calling to tell me the position had been filled, and to not bother coming in the next day for an interview. Things had just been going too well lately, something was bound to go wrong.

“Turns out something came up tomorrow around the time I set up for your interview.”

There it was.

“I hope everything is okay,” I said, trying to be optimistic for the both of us.

“Everything is great. It’s just a meeting that became kind of urgent, is all. Is there any chance you could swing by this afternoon? I don’t want to put you off until next week. Connie and the tellers will probably quit if I don’t find them some help soon.”

I looked down at myself. Chalk dust everywhere. A grease stain on my shirt. I was in no shape for an interview, but I wasn’t in a position to say no either.

“Sure, I can come in, but I might need a few minutes to clean up.”

“Faith, that’s fine. I know I’m springing this on you. Just swing by this afternoon when you can.”

I took a deep breath and answered, “I’ll be up there in a while.”

“Great, and thanks for being flexible. I’ll see you soon.”

I tossed my phone on the couch and went outside.

“Oh, Darrell, best neighbor on Earth...” I couldn’t bring my four-year-old to a job interview, and my mom was working the afternoon and evening shifts at the restaurant.

“Oh, get a load of this.” He rolled his eyes.

I smiled at Vaughn, and then really smiled at Aaron.

“I just got a call and I need to run uptown. Do you mind watching Del for a little while?” I bared my teeth, hating that I put him on the spot. “Please?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he hemmed and hawed. “I have plans.”

Anxiety turned my stomach. I could always drop Delaney off at the diner, but she spent enough time there as it was.

Aaron grabbed my hand. “Hey, I can hang out with her.”

“Thanks, but...”

Delaney was looking up at us quietly.

He squeezed my fingers. “Seriously, I need a partner anyway. Delaney, have you ever played golf?”

“I don’t know how,” she replied to him and then looked at me, not sure what was going on.

“That’s okay, neither does Darrell, but we’re still letting him go.”

She giggled and popped up off the ground. “Can I go, Mom?”

I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. My mom-brain kicked into high gear debating. Is he going to just think he’s some glorified babysitter? Will I owe him? Will Delaney be comfortable? Then again, Darrell would be there and she was with him all the time. Plus, Vaughn had a little girl.

The main thing was, I actually trusted Aaron and knew she’d be fine with him. Besides, only the night before he’d said he wanted to get to know her better. Maybe it was a good opportunity, if she wanted to go.

I let go of Aaron’s hand and squatted down to her height. “Do you want to go play golf with them? I’m not going and it might last a long time.”

Her mouth twisted to the side, and then she glanced up at the man beside me, who was patiently waiting to hear her decision.

“I want to go. I’m on Aaron’s team.”

He clapped his hands and his smile lit up the neighborhood.

“Good, that’s settled. Now Aaron has a team, and you can go run all over hell’s half acre,” Darrell announced. He looked about as smart as he could, attempting to hide his shit-eating grin. “That works out perfect.” He’d told me no for that very reason.

I stood and when Delaney wasn’t looking I flipped Big D the big bird. He caught it like I’d blown him a kiss. What a turd.

“Is golfing hard? Do I need to bring stuff with me?” she asked her new partner.

“I don’t think so,” he answered her, his eyes friendly and reassuring as he spoke.

Vaughn surmised, “I think they have a set of kids’ clubs she can use at the course. I’ve seen them rented out before.”

“Are you guys sure?” I asked one more time. It was one thing to volunteer to watch a little girl for a while, but it was a completely different thing to take one to a golf course.

“She’s going,” Aaron confirmed. “Help me get her car seat.”

“Delaney, I’ll put up your chalk later for you, but go put some tennis shoes and socks on.”

“We’re not playing tennis,” she argued.

I looked Aaron in the eye. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“Yes,” he contended with gusto.

She was waiting for me to reply, her hands on her hips. As I walked to the back of my car, I told her, “Tennis shoes are also golf shoes. Go put them on, and I’ll tie them out here.”

I opened the car door and grabbed the booster seat from the back and passed it to him.

“We’ll see you there, Aaron,” Vaughn called from his truck as he and Darrell climbed in.

We walked to his pickup, and I told him, “If it doesn’t go well, just text me. I can swing by and get her after I’m done uptown.”

He put the booster in the passenger side. “She’ll be fine.”

“I’m not worried about her,” I admitted.

“I’ll be fine.”

I took a deep breath, naturally sort of nervous to let my kid go with someone new. On top of that, I was nervous for him to take her and nervous for her to be in such an unfamiliar situation. What if she drove him nuts? She could be a shit when she wanted ... then again I supposed that was all kids.

“Okay, then. Thanks for doing this.”

He nodded for me to step closer and I willingly obliged. What was it about being so close to him that always had my lips tingling and my body gravitating toward his?

He bent and kissed me, and his warm palm cupped my cheek.

“Thanks for letting her go. If I get an emergency, I’ll call you. Otherwise, I’ll bring her back when we’re done.” Aaron didn’t look apprehensive or worried about spending time with her, which was good.

Actually, he looked excited.

All I could think of was his grinning lips. “Maybe I’ll make you dinner and you can stay here tonight, if everything goes okay.”

“Maybe we’ll swing by and pick up Smokie on our way back.” His smile grew and I felt all gooey inside. Then he explained, “I can’t leave him alone overnight.”

Overnight. Oh my God, yes.

That was, if Delaney was cool with things. I wouldn’t make her uncomfortable in her own home, but I also knew she slept like the dead. So I was optimistic.

“I hope Smokie likes spaghetti.”

He nodded and his tongue slipped back and forth behind his bottom lip as he tried to hide his amusement. “I think that’s his favorite.”