AARON

It had been bold to touch her. She was at work. I especially hadn’t meant to upset her and hadn’t noticed before how tired she looked. At that moment, she seemed so weary.

Her hair fell to the side as she nodded, and then she frowned.

My pulse hammered in my ears.

“I want to, but I don’t think I can. I don’t have the time.”

All I could focus on was the I want to part. That and putting a smile on her face again.

“Trust me, at this point, I won’t need much time.” That was the damn truth.

My dumb joke worked. The tension in her shoulders relaxed and she quietly laughed. It was an old trick, making her smile when things got too heavy, but in the past I’d never teased like that. I’d always hidden how badly I wanted her. Denied it, hoping it would help it go away when I left.

That hadn’t worked out for me, and there’d been times I wished I’d given her what she’d asked for back then. God, I made a lot of mistakes trying to do the right thing.

Look where that got us.

Her eyes brightened, but she pulled her hand away to wash something in the sink. “You know what I mean,” she contended.

The beer was going down too easily and it helped. “But if you had more time?”

“I don’t know, Aaron. What do you want me to say? That you’d be the first in line? You would be.” She shrugged and dunked another glass in the water. “But my life is complicated. I have a kid. I can’t just drop what I’m doing and go on dates. She’s my number one priority. That isn’t going to change.”

She was missing the point. “I wouldn’t expect it to, but while you’re busy making sure she has what she needs, what about you? You’ve more than proved you don’t need a man, Faith, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

Her glassy eyes returned to mine.

Years ago she would have argued with me. Fought me tooth and nail, but she didn’t. She didn’t have to say anything; her face said it all. It explained how she wished things were different. It told me she didn’t think it was even up to her. Mostly, it showed her disappointment.

I finished the last of my High Life and dug my wallet out of my jeans. A twenty was the first bill I came to, and I put it under the empty bottle as I stood and tucked the stool under the ledge.

“I’m heading out.”

I didn’t want to leave, but I’d said my piece and done what I came to do. I wasn’t about to give up, and I sensed she didn’t want me to, but I couldn’t stay any longer. She had enough to think about.

“You’ve only had two.”

I confessed, “Yeah, well, it took two at home to get me here.” I’d only planned to drink one at Sally’s, but it paid off in the end. My whole reason for going was to let her know I’d been thinking about her.

Who knew, after all that time, it took four beers instead of three.

That’s all I needed for the night, and what she did with that information was up to her. I wanted her, however that might be, and she needed to know I was waiting.

#

I’D BEEN AT A GRASS fire, a controlled burn which turned out not so controlled, for almost ten hours. About thirty acres smoldered in the field, and basically I was just staying until it was out. Burns like that were commonplace, but it had been on a weekday and not many volunteers were able to make it.

Luckily, we managed to keep the flames from spreading to the thick brush and woods between the track of land and my friends’ place. Rhett and Sunny’s property was across the creek, but close enough.

“What time did you get here?” Rhett asked, walking across the field. “You should have called me. I was just mowing the levee for Dad.”

“It wasn’t that bad after we got a fire line trenched. Willis had a few guys come over and Randy was here when it was going strong.”

It was late afternoon and Willis, the field owner, and his workers were watching the side that was closest to an old barn at the north end of the burn. I raked and thatched on the Caraways’ side.

“Hell, I still could have helped.” He examined how close it had gotten to his timber in a spot near us. “I called Sunny to let her know I was stopping here first, and she didn’t even know what was going on. She’s been down in the studio all day—totally clueless.” He laughed since the situation wasn’t too worrisome anymore, although it could have been.

His wife, Sunny, was my cousin and a few years older than me. I didn’t know Rhett very much in school. He’d been younger, closer to Faith’s age, but after he got together with Sunny I now considered him one of my closest friends, along with Vaughn and Dean. Our group was pretty solid, and without my family in Wynne, it was nice having people to hang out with from time to time.

“The new landscape around the house looks damn nice,” I mentioned, having seen it as I drove by that morning. I hadn’t been out that way for a while but had helped him with the frame and trusses when he was building.

“Thanks, it’ll take a few years to fill in, but Sunny likes it. So I’m happy.”

I leaned against the shovel I’d been using. “Hannah said you did great in the St. Louis race.”

He bent, picked up a rock, and threw it into the woods. “I did, but could have done better. My head wasn’t in it. Did Vaughn tell you their news?”

“About the baby?” I walked a few feet down and tamped out a lingering ember in the grass.

“Yeah, that’s kind of what Sunny and I were arguing about before the race. I’m ready. She says she isn’t.”

Normally, Rhett and I didn’t talk about that sort of stuff. Most of our conversations were about grant work I did for the station and one he’d recently written for a local youth ag program. Sometimes we talked about side jobs I had or just random town things, but women and kids never came up.

Rhett was young, but accomplished. He had a degree, a new home, a family business, and a wife he adored. I could see where kids would be the next step, the next goal, and I think we all expected it sooner than later.

Then again, Sunny had always done things in her own time. Why would children be any different?

I did my best to stay objective. “Not ready yet isn’t a bad thing, is it?”

“I guess not.” He stomped at the ground beside him, and I decided it was probably time to walk the fire line once more before I left Willis to tend to it on his own.

I aimed my shovel across the field. “I need to walk down there. Check it’s safe before I go.”

He nodded and came along. “Ever thought about having kids?”

“I have.” Actually, I thought about it all the time.

My boots crunched over the charred ground. Walking a fire line wasn’t a race, and as I walked I scoured the area for anything that might be a problem later if the wind picked up.

Rhett kept his head down, and as we trekked to the far side he tamped out hot spots too. “It’s just that I’ve been sure about Sunny my whole life. You know?”

I could relate.

“And I want a big family,” he admitted and laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, that’s something we’ll have to agree on, and I don’t expect Sunny to pop a kid out every year or two, but I don’t see the point in waiting to get started either. I’m excited for the next phase.”

The air was harsh with the charred smell of a field-sized campfire, causing my throat to dry. I coughed into the collar of my shirt and said, “To tell you the truth, I never thought about kids until I came back home.”

“I get that. They weren’t on my radar until I got with Sunny. Now it’s like there’s something in my farmer’s DNA saying do it. And she’ll be a great mom. God, this shit probably sounds fucked up to you. You’re still living the bachelor’s life.”

It wasn’t taking us long to get to the end of the line with two of us inspecting the ground. When Rhett came to a patch that was smoldering more than he liked, he dutifully reached for the handle of my shovel and pounded it out, turning the soil over to smother it.

I hadn’t spoken to anyone about Faith. Ever. In fact, in the Air Force, I began exchanging her name with Foxtrot when I thought about her, with the hopes that it wouldn’t conjure up her image every night. It didn’t help.

Hell, maybe my strategy for putting the ball in her court wasn’t going to work either because it had been nearly a week since I’d gone to the bar. Almost a whole fucking week since I’d seen her eyes or heard her voice, and as Rhett and I talked over what was going on with him, I missed her.

“I’m not single by choice,” I confessed. “I just have shitty timing.”

He stopped and cocked his head. “No shit?”

“No shit.”

“Someone in town?” he asked and marched ahead a few paces. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to say, but he’d been after Sunny since he was a kid and it turned out all right for him. Some advice couldn’t hurt.

“Yeah, but she’s got a lot going on so it’s never the right time.”

“I know all about that. It sucks.”

We got to the end and turned around, which had us walking straight into the afternoon sun. It was a hot one and my turn-outs would definitely be due for a wash when I got back to the station.

“Does she know?” He picked up another rock and tossed it as we headed over the hill, back to our trucks.

“She knows, but there’s history there and it’s kind of a mess.” I dug and covered another spot and he stopped to wait. “What happens next is up to her. There’s not much else I can do. Just keep waiting, I guess.”

He tipped his head to the sky. “Fuck. The waiting. It sucked.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s like they know your breaking point, and they let you get right there.” He chucked yet another rock into the woods. “I guess you just have to ask yourself if it’s worth the wait.”

“Likewise,” I countered, referring to his desire to start a family.

“Right?” He strolled up to his truck bed and pulled a bottle of water from his cooler, and then tossed it to me. Digging for another, he added, “I don’t give up easily, though, and convincing my wife to do things is half the fun.” He slapped the side of his leg and pulled his phone out of a cargo pocket. “Speak of the blue-eyed devil herself.” He swiped it open and answered. “Hello, sunshine.”

I put the tools I’d used that afternoon into their compartments and listened to him talk.

“It’s mostly out now. They had a hold of it long before I got here. If you want, put some real shoes on. We’ll take the four wheeler out when I get back and I’ll show you.” He laughed listening to her. “Yeah right. You haven’t been outside all day.”

I still needed to talk to Willis before I left, so I waved at Rhett who was climbing into the cab of his truck.

“Hold on a second,” he said into the cellphone before he pulled it away from his ear. “I’ll see you later, Aaron,” he called. “And, hey, it is worth the wait.”

I climbed into engine number one and waved out the window, letting him pull away first. He laughed as he headed home to the woman on the other end of the line.

Maybe I should call Faith.