Deconstruction
Rya
Liar.
He’s lying. Everything he’s saying is a lie. I watch his face all bloodied and bruised, the strain of the fight blooming in dark bruises along his jaw, neck. I can even tell he’s fighting not to cry with what he’s saying.
He’s an artist of lies.
“How could you be so cruel to her?” Dallas just looks at Clayton with ears that don’t believe what he’s been told.
“She needs to hear it.” That’s what Clayton says, that I need to hear it.
“I will never understand how you can just give her away like this without even a fight. Is she not worth your fight?” Dallas challenges.
“She isn’t worth my fight.” Another stray tear comes down my face. He watches it with eyes that try to hold his own tears in.
Repressing emotions is not good. They have a way of coming out eventually.
“You’re a good wolf, Dallas. I can’t thank you enough for what you have done for this pack, for me, for her. But I want you out now. I want her out and away from me. I need her to leave because I don’t want to have to fight you for her.”
“You wouldn’t win, Clayton. You can’t beat me. I know it, you know it. But I would welcome the fight with teeth. I would honor her in a real fight. Give me a real fight, Clayton.” Dallas is posturing. The smell of male testosterone is sending my electrical pulses to every nerve ending I have.
“I won’t fight you for her. You can have her.” I’m just a throwaway. Dallas shakes his head in disgust.
“We’ll be gone by the end of tomorrow. We just have to pack our stuff.”
“Good.” That’s all Clayton says as he turns his back on us, going into the male changing room.
“Rya, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” Caleb says with his head hanging low, shoulders hunched over. He delicately steps toward me.
“I’m not sure what happened. I just couldn’t control the wolf for a second. Please forgive me.” Caleb is now at my feet, kneeling in front of me, his head down low in great shame for what he was going to do.
“I got too close to you. When you started to press yourself against me, I just couldn’t stop.” He’s barely able to say these words his throat is so tight; the sounds are barely cracking out.
“I would never do that to a female, ever, especially one that belongs to my brother.” It’s hard to stay mad at this creature. Males always react somewhat different around me. My smell, they say, is tantalizing to their senses, along with my eyes. Even Dallas says I smell as if I am in a constant state of heat. It must be hard for Caleb because he loves all types of females.
Putting a hand on his head, I forgive him, but I won’t ever fight him again.
Dallas is looking at his brother as if he could eat him.
Grabbing Dallas’s hand, I pull him away and out of the training center. I don’t stop walking until we are far down the road. Every now and then, Dallas turns toward where we came from to growl or start walking toward it, only for me to pull him back toward the way home.
“I need to go home and pack, Rya. I don’t have very much left here. I started shipping it home a few weeks ago. You should start packing. Maybe tonight you and I could go visit your parents to say goodbye.” I laugh slightly. I don’t even think they know I’m home or even left at all. Not a word from them, but then again, I never called either.
“All right, Dallas, we can go together.” This feels somewhat rushed, as if we’re being thrown out and not just leaving of our own accord.
“I won’t be long, okay? Just a few hours. Then we can just leave.” I give him a quick kiss, and he leaves to get his stuff. No need lingering where I’m not wanted.
Taking my suitcases from out of the closet, I start packing everything I own, which really isn’t very much. Going into the fridge, I heat up my meal, pouring myself the last of the white wine that was in the back, pushed to the side.
No use wasting food or wine.
While eating my meal, the wine is hard to swallow for some reason. The food that I’m eating tastes kind of funny as well. I sniff at it, poking my fork around. I throw it away because I think maybe it’s gone bad. I rinse my mouth out with water, throwing the rest of the wine away. I just can’t stomach it right now.
A knock at the door startles me. The way the wolf approached was quiet, a shadow in the doorway. Another knock comes, almost urgent this time.
Opening the door, I smell him before I see him.
“What do you want, Clayton?” I cross my arms over my chest against him.
He looks guilty, as if he knows he’s doing something wrong.
“I just needed to see you one last time. I wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything that I have put you through. That I only want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Rya.” The way my name falls off that mouth of his makes my legs shake slightly.
It’s with the greatest of effort I hold onto the open door frame for balance. This will all go away once Dallas and I mark each other. I can’t wait.
I block the entrance of my door so he knows he’s not welcomed in.
“I just don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for you.” If he wants to say goodbye, I just need my questions answered.
“You have always been good enough. I just was in love with someone else. I loved her, I loved her so much I refused to give you a chance. I can’t help the way I felt—feel about her. How was I supposed to turn it off? How could I stop loving her? She will always have my heart in some way.” I hit my palm against the door frame. He’s hurting me all over again, as if I’m back to being that young juvenile.
“So you came here for what, Clayton? To rub my nose in your love, to press me down in it, to make me relive it? Why come here now? Why bother saying goodbye? You have said everything that needs to be said.” I try to keep my quaking voice as even as possible, but it’s hard.
He takes a step closer to me, and I step back slightly, so I have nothing to hold onto. He looks around inside my house, not much to see. I haven’t even put pictures up.
There is a feeling of deep heat coming off his body, the smell of him snaking up my legs, slithering slowly around my torso, before it hits the tip of my tongue so I can almost taste his flesh. My mouth starts to water with the thirst for him.
Trying to shake this feeling off, it’s hard to fight the closer he gets to me.
“Don’t come any closer, Clayton.” Putting my hand out to stop his approach, his eyes are dilated slightly, nose flaring. A moan that’s deeply based in the back of his throat makes the insides of my thighs tremor.
My hand actually touches his chest, and the both of us freeze. I can’t remove my hand, and he stills. His whole body shakes, goosebumps ascending. He licks his lips, and I watch the way his tongue moves over his mouth.
Clayton takes another step closer. “I should leave.” He says this to himself because I already thought the same thing.
Instead of turning around and walking away, he comes closer.
“You need to leave,” I say as he steps completely into my space.
“I know.” His hand goes around my waist, his breath hitting my neck. I can feel the vibration of him.
“What are you doing?” I’m breathless, my voice dropping slightly.
“I’m not sure.” His nose goes into my neck. I need to stop him.
“You have to stop.” My eyes feel as if they are rolling back into my head with how close he is to the place that holds wolves’ marks.
“I know,” he says yet pulls me into him, no space between bodies. The earth shifts underneath my feet. I sway, yet he’s holding me.
“This is wrong.”
His mouth comes closer to mine.
“Is it?” His question is asked just a feather’s breath away from my lips.
“Yes, it is.” I don’t think he believes me.
Touch.
Our lips sink into each other.
His lips are fire, a glorious torture that I can’t pull myself away from. His hands caress my face as I kiss him the way I have always dreamed about. I am living my juvenile fantasy in this moment.
Warmth slides through my body. It’s energizing on a cellular level.
Hands begin to roam down my back, cupping my bottom, my chest crushed against his.
“Rya?” Instantly I back away from Clayton while I look at Dallas. He can’t hide his devastation from my eyes.
“Dallas, I can explain.”
“What can you explain, Rya? Tell me. How can you explain this?” I can taste his hurt. His emotions wash over me as if I am a break wall.
“I believed you, Rya. I believed everything you said to me. Now.” He shakes his head to himself.
Clayton steps away from me, sliding past Dallas.
“You’re a liar, Rya.” He turns his back on me, walking away.
Running after him, I beg him to wait and listen to me. He doesn’t. He just keeps walking away, growling low in his throat.
“Wait, don’t leave, Dallas.” I beg and plead, trying to grab onto his shirt for him to stop.
“No, Rya, it wasn’t a mistake. The mistake was in me thinking somehow I had a chance with you.”
“Dallas, stop. Just listen to me for a minute.” I’m shaking because I know how much I just screwed up. I’ve ruined everything.
“Dallas, wait, don’t go.” My heart pounds so hard that I think it will explode.
“I’m an idiot,” he says to himself, shaking his head.
Watching him drive away from me leaves me with an emptiness that shakes me to my core.