CHAPTER TEN
“I don’t have any condoms,” he groaned dejectedly. He was so horny it hurt, and if she insisted he drive to the drugstore and buy rubbers he was seriously going to cry the whole way . . . but he would do it.
“I’m not on birth control,” she admitted.
“Neither am I,” he quipped humorously.
“That’s not funny,” she said, slapping him on the arm. “I could get pregnant.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” Henry asked.
Suddenly everything had turned very serious. Why did being a grownup have to be so complicated? She should probably have stopped him, yelled, and assured him that that was hands down the worst idea of the century. But she didn’t. Right then and there the thought of having Henry’s baby made her sublimely happy. She lay there quietly, unsure of what to say.
Henry used the pause to explain himself further, “I have loved you from the moment we first met, and I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of our lives together. I know I can make you happy.”
“I, I, I . . .” Graced attempted to speak several times, but she couldn’t seem to get past that first word.
“Do you hate kids? Have you ever considered being a mother?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
Because he wanted nothing less than a houseful of their cubs, filling their lives with love, mess, and a ruckus. He wanted a little girl that looked just like Grace so he could spoil her and protect her from the hurt her mama had endured. The secret pain she refused to share with him, the pain that he wished he could wipe from her brain, that pain would never touch their offspring.
“I don’t hate kids!” Grace stammered, at last having recovered the ability to speak.
“So you hate me then?”
“No. I—the opposite of hate you, you big goof.”
That was the closest she could get to expressing the love she felt. Those three little words would never come easily, because she’d been programmed since birth to know better than to trust. In her world love was a liability.
“Do you want me to go to the store?” he asked finally, sounding like a wounded puppy.
Grace was tired of playing it safe. She was sick to death of always looking for the evil lurking inside of people, especially given how she always seemed to find it. But she’d spent every last moment of the past several days with Henry, and she hadn’t found any darkness.
There hadn’t been so much as a single second where she’d sensed that he was harboring an abusive nature. Why should she deny herself the one thing she’d always wanted? Not knowing if she was making the best decision of her life, or the worst, Grace met his eyes fully and spoke clearly.
“I don’t want you to go to the store.”
Henry leaped on her exuberantly and began raining kisses on her forehead, her mouth, her cheeks, and her neck. He was so happy that Grace couldn’t help but get sucked up in the vortex of joy with him. After a while his kisses deepened, and the delighted kiss attack shifted into something inherently more sensual.
By the time she felt his lips on her breasts, desire was already beating a heady pulse in her core. They were playing a very high stakes game of Russian Roulette and she’d never been so turned on in her life. She NEVER had sex without protection, because creating life was a sacred act. That he was willing to risk her mothering his children was the greatest honor anyone had ever bestowed on her. She felt like she was ten feet tall.
Henry was the first man she’d ever been able to envision a happily-ever-after future with and she was ready to take a risk. However, in the back of her mind was a very real fear, because something told her that if he betrayed her fragile trust and hurt her she’d never be able to try again.
They’d come full circle and he was once again poised at her entrance. He didn’t say the words, but the question was written clearly in his eyes. He was a man that wouldn’t take anything not freely given, and she was a woman that quite frankly had run out of patience. She reached out, wrapping her legs around his waist and tugging him roughly forward until he couldn’t help but yield to gravity and her desires as he buried his shaft to the hilt.
He was struggling to regain some semblance of control over his body, because she was so tight that her channel barely had ample space to accommodate him. If he hadn’t been assured she was otherwise, he would have thought she was virginal. Would it always be like this between them? So hot. So tight. So wet.
“You’re a goddess,” he murmured huskily.
And then there was no more time for words, or even thoughts for that matter. He began the timeless dance of retreating and plunging back into her tenderly receptive flesh. Her hands were on his back as he moved, tracing the contours of his muscles, savoring every tight dip and bend. His gaze never left hers.
He didn’t want to miss a single nuance on her beautifully expressive face. His bear was utterly at peace. So long as their bodies were joined he had no complaints, even if he did want to complete the mating ritual once and for all.
Afterwards, they lay there hot and sweaty, heavy breaths mingling together. He couldn’t bring himself to pull out from her snug sheath, so he gripped her tightly and rolled so that she was on top. She was so tiny, and he didn’t want to crush her with his massive frame. They fell asleep that way, and the last thought he had before drifting off fully was that he’d never been so universally happy in his entire life.
At some point during the night Grace shifted in her sleep and rolled off the side of the bed. The moment their skin lost contact it was as though a special spell had been severed between them. She began to toss and turn, tangled up in a mess of sheets and blankets on the ground. Her nightmares had returned.
Henry started awake. Something was wrong. For a moment he thought Grace had fled the room, but then he saw her huddled up in a pathetic ball on the floor. The sight of her like that about broke his heart in two.
He cradled her in his arms, messy blankets and all, and began to rock her. He whispered soothing words all the while crooning sweet nothings into her ear. She didn’t really start to calm down until he began to sing her song though. It was as though somewhere in her subconscious she had come to expect her nightly lullaby.
And sometimes, I lie awake at night and imagine you.
It’s been sooo long, and I’m ashamed to admit I gave up on you.
All it took was one--- look, just one---- glance
And I was lost.
I would wait forever again, just to hear you say my name.
Now that I know how perfect you are, my life will never ever be the same.
Henry sang with feeling, letting his love coat each and every note of his song. When he was sure her dreams had been fully calmed by his lullaby he returned her to his bed once more. He lay on his side, spooning her so closely that there wasn’t an inch of space between them anywhere.
In addition to that he wrapped an arm around her waist, securing her snuggly to him so she wouldn’t roll off the bed again. He would have given anything to have the power to chase away the darkness of her past for good. But how could he when he didn’t even know what her demons were?
“Will you ever trust me enough to share the horrors that haunt you?” he whispered.
He burrowed his nose closer to her head, and inhaled so deeply that her long hair tickled his nose. Her scent calmed him and settled his inner bear. In no time his breathing slowed until he was asleep beside her once more. The only thing that could have made the night better would have been some kind of guarantee that she’d be his forever, but something told Henry that was going to be an uphill battle.