CHAPTER FIVE
Fur prickled beneath Henry’s skin and he could feel his body beginning to shift, but he exerted a good deal of energy into pausing the transformation because it was always better to understand the nature of an attack before choosing the best form to battle it in. Although his bear was stronger, there were times where his human shape held the fighting advantage, especially indoors.
The hallway was empty, and he neither saw nor smelled any strangers in the house. There was no discernible sign of forced entry. Before he could give any more thought to where the hidden assailants might be lurking, another heart wrenching scream tore through the silence. It was Grace’s voice without a doubt.
He ran to the door of her room and jiggled the handle, but it was locked. Had someone climbed into her room through the window? Had the assailant locked the door after slipping inside? In the end it didn’t really matter how they’d gotten in. No one was going to hurt his mate and live.
He stepped back, took a deep breath, and then charged into the door, breaking the locking mechanism and sending the door crashing open. The room was empty except for Grace. Alone in the bed, she was twisted up in the covers and screaming “NO!!!” repeatedly. The window was secure and it became readily apparent that the only intruders had crept in via her nightmares.
“GRACE!” he yelled, but she didn’t wake up. He climbed into the bed and nudged her arm, but she just flinched and pulled away from his touch. The crying didn’t cease. It was as if she wasn’t even aware of his presence. The piteous sight turned his stomach.
“COMFORT HER!” his bear roared in his ear. And for once he and his animal were in complete accord. The bed dipped when he climbed up beside her. He scooted over closer to her and pulled her into his arms. Surprisingly, this time she didn’t push him away.
She continued to thrash about, caught up in the vivid throes of whatever twisted dreams she was enduring, or whatever terrible memories she was reliving. She cried out “No!” repeatedly and when he saw the tears streaking down her face it about broke his heart.
He’d been all revved up to fight her attackers, but he didn’t know how to defeat the bad guys when they were trapped inside of her skull. Her nails raked furrows down his arms, but he let her scratch away, knowing that the bear would set to work healing the minor injuries in no time.
As he cradled her close he began to rock her gently from side to side. Words welled up inside of him and he started to sing, because somehow it seemed right. It was a side of himself that he never shared, but he wanted to give her a no-holds-barred access to all of him, and that included his music. His voice was deep and strong and after a while she stopped struggling and just let his words wash over her.
And sometimes, I lie awake at night and imagine you.
It’s been sooo long, and I’m ashamed to admit I gave up on you.
All it took was one--- look, just one---- glance
And I was lost.
I would wait forever again, just to hear you say my name.
Now that I know how perfect you are, my life will never ever be the same.
Her breathing had evened out and she was sleeping peacefully once more, but he found he didn’t want to let her go. When she was awake it seemed like all she did was snarl and claw at him like a trapped cat. He’d never had to pursue a woman before, and quite frankly he’d never wanted to. Generally he was stuck trying to extricate himself from awkward situations where women threw themselves at him, but this was so very different.
Grace was his whole future wrapped up in a beautiful little package, and he would spend the rest of his life trying to chase away her demons and make her happy if she let him. He sighed reluctantly and slid her gently back down on the bed. He didn’t want her to think he was a creep, so he pulled the covers back over her and tiptoed out of the room, even though he wanted nothing more than to stay by her side.
He did his best to close the broken door, wondering how on earth he was going to explain that one when she woke up. Maybe she wouldn’t notice? Henry didn’t go back to sleep even though he did lie down. He was too busy scheming to yield to his body’s desire for rest.
***
Hours later Grace yawned and opened her eyes. She was surprised at how rested she felt. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept quite that well. She certainly hadn’t rested easily during her former captivity.
“And all without pills,” she murmured thoughtfully. “That’s gotta be a sign or something,” she decided, stopping herself when she instinctively reached for her hidden stash of drugs. She was going to change her life today, and that meant no illegal substances.
Step number one, she was going for a walk to clear her head. The closest she’d ever been to this much greenery was the big park in the middle of the city. She’d always found walking in nature to be restorative and calming. It was what she did when she needed to make a tough decision, and boy did she have a lot to think about.
She was somewhat hungry, but she knew from poking about in his kitchen that all of Henry’s food required a ton of work to transform into something edible. She made up her mind to forgo breaking her fast until after her nature stroll. She wasn’t ready to talk to her sexy host until she figured out how to piece back together her crappy life.
“That’s weird,” she said when she noticed the broken door. “I could swear that didn’t have a chunk torn out of it yesterday.” She shrugged her shoulders and headed for the front door. She had bigger fish to fry, and it wasn’t like it was her apartment so she couldn’t be held liable for damages. She heard some noise coming from the kitchen area, so with any luck there would be something to eat when she got back from her walk.
She let her thoughts drift as she soaked up the beauty all around her. She saw a small path off to the right and she veered onto it. It was time for some serious soul searching. It wasn’t until she began to mull over her options that she realized she had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do with her life . . . which sucked so far as eureka moments went.
The revelation was so huge that she felt as though her legs could no longer support her meager weight and she had to sit down and hold onto a nearby tree for support. Who didn’t have life goals? She was twenty-eight, way too old to still be operating like an aimless child.
“I’m so fucked,” she wailed softly.
She felt like such a loser, sitting there in that moment. Was it too late for her to start over? Everything she considered just seemed so unattainable. She hadn’t even graduated high school, so how could she ever hope to earn a good living? She felt so alone; she wasn’t smart like Michelle. Or driven, for that matter. But then, could you really be driven if you had no goals?
It seemed to her as though her foster sister had always known what she wanted out of life and had been working tirelessly to achieve it since they were young. What if it was too late for her? Thoughts of defeat began to overwhelm her.
There was one thing she’d always wanted to be, but it was too crazy to even consider. Besides, being a mother wasn’t exactly an official job title, and it certainly didn’t come with a paycheck. She had to be insane, that’s all there was to it.
“Bad idea. Stop being an idiot,” she whispered to herself, gripping the tree harder, as she tried to work past the pain. But it was such a deep-seated hurt that she felt it all the way down to the marrow of her being. This wasn’t the first time that she’d wrestled with maternal longings, and it wouldn’t be the last. Why couldn’t she ever want something good for her?
Her baby timer could go screw itself, because far stronger than any desire to start a family was her deep rooted fear that if she had a child of her own she’d fuck them up in some unforgivable way. Hadn’t that been exactly what her parents had done to her? This was all the bear’s fault. If he hadn’t been so freaking sexy, she wouldn’t be dealing with a hormonal lust storm.
Fundamentally speaking, she wanted to believe she’d do a better job than all the parental figures who’d let her down over the years. Sometimes she tried to convince herself that she was different, that she’d love and protect any child of hers, but the fact that her own parents had no doubt had similar beliefs always stopped her daydreams cold. Still, she told herself that she’d never let her imaginary children see anything but the beauty in the world. But she knew it was nothing but a pipe dream. She would never take the risk. The stakes were too darned high.
Her hands began to shake and she thought about the little baggie of pills back in her room. It would be so easy to go back and take something, anything to block out the pain. But she didn’t want to. She wanted to be stronger, but maybe some habits weren’t meant to be broken.
***
Henry had experienced a momentary panic when he realized Grace was gone, but he had calmed down when he’d been able to easily sniff her out and follow her trail.
“I thought you were a city girl, but here you are camped out in the woods like a bear,” he teased. He could scent the sadness in the air, and he wanted to distract her from her pain.
“Are you going to kill me today?” she asked, with a resigned tone that he didn’t like one bit. Where was the sass and fire she’d exhibited the day before? She should have been angry that he’d followed her, but instead she was just grateful for the distraction from her morose thoughts.
“Nope. Sorry, you’re stuck with my furry bear ass for now.” He wanted to say forever, but he wisely held that bit back.
“And what are we doing today? Fighting owls? Foxes? Helpless little bunnies perhaps?” she asked sounding surly, but secretly enjoying the way he made her feel like she was worth spending time with.
“Your wish is my command,” he said, bowing down low and offering her his hand.
“You’re so going to regret saying that,” she said mysteriously. When she grinned at him he knew that whatever she’d make him do would be more than worth it in the end.