Book 2: The Ritual
Chapter One
Elizabeth – Present Day
You know that moment right before you wake up, when you’re almost still dreaming? You can see the light and the shadows playing in front of your eyelids, and you’re warm and wrapped up and comfortable?
Sometimes, I wished I could stay like that forever. It sounds crazy. Even I know that. But sometimes, I can’t shake the thought of how much I want to disappear from the world.
When I keep feeling like that for more than a few minutes, the guilt starts to seep in. ‘I have a great life,’ I think. ‘I shouldn’t want to escape from everything.’
But I can’t help myself. That’s part of being human.
The morning after my twenty-second birthday, I was in one of those moods. Spring had come early, and the windows were open. A fresh breeze was blowing in, the kind that we normally wouldn’t get until much later in the season. Steven or Karen or someone had done laundry that week, and the duvet still smelled like fresh cotton. ‘This is heaven,’ I thought as I nuzzled the pillow, refusing to open my eyes. ‘I wish I never had to get up.’
The second that thought flashed through my head, the bedroom door opened with the same creak as always. We lived in an old house, and the wood was always swelling and bloating with the change of the seasons.
“Morning, beautiful.” Steven’s voice was raspy. The pillow next to me was cool, but I could tell that he hadn’t been awake for long.
I yawned, covering my mouth with both hands and rubbed my eyes.
“You gotta stop doing that, babe,” Steven said. He reached for my hands and held them tightly in his own. “You’re gonna ruin the skin around your eyes.”
I snorted. “Come on,” I said. “I’m only twenty-one. Don’t you think I have a few years left to worry about that?”
Steven snickered. I felt the bed shifting with his weight as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. He smelled good – musky, but in a clean way. Almost like sandalwood.
“You’re twenty-two,” Steven said. He tapped the tip of my nose with his finger. “Or did you forget that, too?”
I opened my eyes and laughed. Already, the desire to vanish into half-sleep for eternity was starting to fade and seem ridiculous. It always did when I was around people. Whenever I had to make conversation or think about the real world, I couldn’t disappear inside my subconscious.
“I remember,” I groaned as I sat up in bed and yawned again, stretching my arms over my head.
Steven shook his head. “You still sleep like a kid, though.” He snorted. “That was some storm we had last night. You hear that?”
I shook my head and frowned. “What storm?”
“It was huge,” Steven said. He ran his hands through his thick, brown hair. “Thunder and lightning. Shit, I think there was hail.” He raised an eyebrow at me.
I blinked. “Wow! I must have really been out.”
Steven nodded. “Six cocktails before dinner will do that to ya,” he said. He pulled me into a clumsy embrace, rubbing my back with one of his oversized hands. “How ya feelin’, kid?”
I licked my lips and swallowed. “Hungover.” Actually, until I said that, I hadn’t been feeling particularly bad. But now that I was sitting up in bed, my head ached like it was filled with wet cement. My lips and tongue were dry and papery, and I was so thirsty that my gut was cramped and twisted.
“Poor kid.” Steven handed me a cup of water. “I put this here last night, but you didn’t even wake up.”
I drank greedily until my stomach felt like it would burst. Burping softly, I wiped my lips and handed the cup back to Steven.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”
“Good.” Steven flashed a big grin toward me. “Because I have a plan for today.”
“You do?” I frowned. “I have to study, remember? The GRE is next week.”
Steven looked guilty. “So, I may have done something about that,” he said uneasily. He shifted forward and crossed his fingers in his lap. “Remember how you told me the other day that you weren’t sure if you’d be ready by next week?”
I nodded.
“Well, I called the board and rescheduled your test for next month. I know your internship is over in a couple of weeks, and since I’m making more now, I thought you could use the extra free time to study.”
My jaw dropped. “Steven!” I grinned. “I can’t believe you did that!” I shook my head and laughed. “I know that should probably piss me off, but I don’t care. Wow. Best birthday present ever. Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?”
Steven shrugged. His face lit up with a shy smile – the kind I hadn’t actually seen in years. All of a sudden, I was fifteen years old again.
“You look happy,” Steven said. He grinned, and all traces of the adolescent gawkiness disappeared.
“I am,” I said. “Why, do I normally not look like it?”
Steven opened his mouth and then shrugged. “I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately,” he said. “But I bet when you get into grad school and really get settled, things will be easier.”
I bit my lip. “I hope you’re right.”
“Anyway, get dressed,” Steven said. He stretched and bounded off the bed in a single fluid motion. “Wear something comfortable,” he said with a wink.
I giggled. “I can’t believe you’re trying to surprise me,” I said. “This is so not like you!”
Steven flashed me a grin before walking into the hall. “I know, babe,” he said. “See you soon.”
When I was alone again, I yawned and rubbed my eyes. My little moment of selfish escapism had passed, and I was already starting to emerge from the fog of my hangover. At twenty-two, I wasn’t exactly old. ‘Still,’ I thought weakly as I climbed out of bed, ‘really shouldn’t be pounding tequila whenever I have the chance.’
Remembering Steven’s advice on dressing comfortably, I pulled on my favorite distressed-boyfriend jeans and a flowy peasant top that hung off one shoulder. I grabbed a jacket – spring in New Hampshire feels like a warm version of winter, even on sunny days – and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
Downstairs, I found Steven and Karen sitting at the table together. Steven was sipping coffee and glancing down at the news on his tablet. I laughed, and he looked up.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said, sliding into an empty chair. “You just look so much like a teacher right now. It’s funny.”
Steven smirked. “I am a teacher,” he said smugly. “At least, I like to think so.”
“Hey, Elizabeth,” Karen said. “I made bacon. Want some?”
My stomach rumbled, and I nodded. Karen passed me a plate loaded with greasy slices, and I grabbed a few. The salty, savory taste spread through my mouth, and I closed my eyes.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. “This is good.”
“Not a problem.” Karen smiled politely before getting up and walking out of the kitchen. I glanced after her for a few seconds before turning my attention to Steven.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I said. “She’s nice. She’s a good roommate.”
“Especially because she makes bacon,” Steven teased. “But yeah, she’s fine.” He yawned. “Still hoping this whole place will be ours someday.”
I frowned. I loved the big, old farmhouse where we all lived, but I couldn’t see just Steven and myself living there. I knew that I wouldn’t exactly be making much in grad school, and Steven made a decent salary as a teacher, but it wasn’t the kind of money that could buy a house. Until recently, we’d had another roommate, Paul. But he’d left for a military deployment. We’d found Karen on Craigslist about two weeks later, and, while she was quiet, I thought she was a good fit.
“Come on,” Steven said before I had a chance to ask him about it. “Let’s go.”
--
Steven drove us out of Jaffrey toward Pitcher Mountain. “I thought we could take a lazy hike,” he said. “Then maybe we could go into Peterborough for lunch. There’s a new deli that looks good – lots of craft beer on tap.”
I nodded. “That sounds nice,” I said. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sun’s warmth on my face. I wasn’t much of a hiker – Steven was by far the more athletic – but I loved the idea of spending a lazy day in the sun with my boyfriend.
To my relief, Steven suggested the easier path. Pitcher Mountain wasn’t huge – only a little more than two thousand feet – and in the summer, it was covered with patches of blueberries. I had to admit that it looked beautiful in the early spring. Buds covered the trees, and the grass was just beginning to glow again from a long, dreary winter.
We walked together in silence. Steven reached for my hand and squeezed. “I know I don’t tell you a lot,” he said in a low voice as we rounded a corner and started uphill. “But I appreciate you, Elizabeth. You mean so much to me.”
I bit my lip, smiling self-consciously. “I know,” I said softly. I squeezed Steven’s hand, and he squeezed back. “We’ve been through a lot together.”
“We have,” Steven said. He cleared his throat, and I waited, wondering if he would say anything else. But then he swallowed. I watched as a muscle ticked in his jaw.
“I’m happy we’re together now,” I said. “I hated when you weren’t here.”
“I know.” Steven sighed. He ran a hand through his hair. In the sun, it looked almost blond again, like it had when we were kids. “But maybe I had to go away for a while, you know? I had to realize how much we meant to each other.”
I nodded. “I know. I missed you every day.”
Steven squeezed my hand. “I missed you, too,” he said. Suddenly, he stopped walking. “Elizabeth, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” My heart skipped a beat in my chest, and I felt my fingers trembling. Steven locked eyes with me, then dropped down on one knee. I gasped as he pulled a small, velvet box from his pocket and opened it up to reveal a sparkling diamond solitaire.
“Oh, my god,” I murmured. “What is this?”
“Marry me, Elizabeth,” Steven said. “I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Make me the happiest man on Earth and say yes.”
Tears flooded my eyes, and I started nodding rapidly, bobbing my head up and down. “Yes,” I whispered hotly. “Yes.”
Steven leapt from the ground and pulled me into a tight embrace. He nuzzled my hair, and I tilted my face up to meet his lips. We kissed, and I felt tears spilling from my eyes as Steven locked his arms around me.
“I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate,” I said, wiping my eyes and laughing. “I feel like I’m having a heart attack!”
Steven pulled the solitaire ring from the box and slid it on the third finger of my left hand. It fit perfectly, and I stared down, enraptured by the shiny diamond twinkling on my hand. It was large, but understated – a simple round cut set in six prongs of white gold.
“This is so beautiful,” I said softly. “How did you find this?”
Steven grinned. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me close. “I had a lucky guess,” he said. He kissed the side of my forehead.
Right then, I was so glad to be alive. I couldn’t believe how happy I was. Being engaged seemed natural. Steven and I had been together for almost seven years – not counting the two years we were apart – and he was my best friend. Whenever I closed my eyes and thought about the future, Steven was there by my side.
“I love you,” I said softly. The tears came back to my eyes. “I wish Monica was here.”
Steven squeezed me again. “Do you ever think about what happened to her?”
A lump formed in my throat, and I nodded. “Every day,” I admitted quietly. “I can’t not think about her, you know?”
Steven nodded. “I know.” He sighed. “I do, too.”
“David probably killed her,” I said bitterly. “Asshole.”
Steven clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Yep,” he said. “That’s probably what happened.”