Chapter Five
Elizabeth
I tried calling Monica every day for a week.
But it was no use.
She was gone.
And this time, I had a feeling that it was for good.
Weeks passed and the chill spring turned into a real spring, a lush green spring that reminded me of the coven. Not that I ever thought about anything else. Ever since Monica had gone, she and the others were all I thought about.
The day I turned sixteen, there was a memorial service held for Monica. It wasn’t at the church – Jamie and Brian wouldn’t have liked that very much – but at a Quaker meeting home on the outskirts. I went with my family, expecting a low turnout. But I was shocked – as soon as I stepped inside, I saw that the place was packed.
“Wow,” I muttered.
“What’s that, honey?” Mom touched me on the shoulder. “Did you say something?”
“Nothing,” I said softly. “It’s just…there are more people here than for the town thing, at church.”
“Oh,” Mom said.
Steven spotted me and waved, pushing through a huge crowd of other kids. He pulled me into a tight hug and I stepped back, blushing hotly. My mom was giving us a curious look.
“All of my friends came,” Steven said. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “They’re all really upset, you know. Monica was a really cool girl.”
I narrowed my eyes and peered over Steven’s shoulder. He was right – a huge group of the most popular kids in town were all seated up front. Some of the girls were weeping.
I frowned.
“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy that everyone came,” Steven said. “I mean, isn’t that what Monica would’ve wanted?”
No, I thought. She’d rather come back from the dead and call all of these people losers, because they never gave a fuck about her when she was alive.
“I guess,” I said lamely. “I don’t really know.”
“Come sit with us,” Steven said. “I’m sure everyone will be glad to see you.”
I frowned. Steven took my hand and squeezed.
“I know this must be hard,” Steven said. “You guys were best friends.”
“Do…do you remember anything like this happening before?” I asked tentatively. “Like, do you ever remember Monica going away before now?”
Steven shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess not,” he said. “Why? What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” I said darkly. “Let’s go sit down.”
Steven led me through the room – it was circular, with lots of wooden chairs all turned to face a large picture of Monica. Jamie and Brian were nowhere to be seen, although it was so crowded that it was hard for me to really make anyone out. Everyone was dressed in black and most people looked devastated – the same way they’d looked when Andrea had vanished.
I shuddered. This is so fucked up, I thought, shaking my head. Death does strange things to people. But she can’t really be dead, can she?
When Steven and I reached his group of friends, we sat down. Immediately, Trisha Charles, one of the most popular girls in school, came over. Her face was streaked with tears and she couldn’t stop sniffling.
“Oh my god, Elizabeth, I’m so sorry,” Trisha said. She flung her arms around my neck and pulled me into a close, intimate hug.
I awkwardly patted her on the back. “Thanks,” I said softly. “I am, too.”
“Monica was so cool,” Trisha said. She pulled back, sniffling and sobbing. Rubbing her red nose with a tissue, she shook her head sadly. “She was like, really smart.”
“She was,” I said. “Were you…friends with her?”
“No,” Trisha said. She blew her nose. “But like, I knew her, you know? I mean everyone knew her. This is a small town, we’re all so connected.”
It was hard not to roll my eyes.
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess you’re right.”
The service was short. A non-denominational pastor stood up and made a short speech, talking about Monica’s life and everything she’d liked. It felt so strange – everyone else around me was sobbing so hard they sounded like they were on the verge of vomiting. But I couldn’t summon a single tear, no matter how sad and guilty and alone I felt.
Steven squeezed my hand. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I whispered back. “I’m fine.”
The pastor cleared his throat. “At this time, I’d like to invite friends of Monica to speak, if they so wish,” he said. “We have time for a few speakers.”
All of the popular girls, including Trisha, leapt up and formed a line behind the pastor.
I narrowed my eyes.
“They didn’t even know her,” I muttered under my breath. “I bet they never even talked!”
Steven turned to me with a frown. “Hey, be nice,” he said. “They’re sad, too – it’s hard when a classmate dies.”
“Yeah, but they weren’t friends,” I said. “What are they going to say about her? That they always saw her in the halls?”
Steven shrugged. “I don’t know, Elizabeth,” he said. “Just calm down. You weren’t the only person who cared about her.”
I glared. Although I didn’t appreciate what he’d said, at least it was better than the constant fawning and praise and desperate need for my attention.
Trisha cleared her throat into the microphone and wiped at her eyes. “I’d just like to say a few things about Monica,” she said. She sniffled and there was a smatter of applause.
I rolled my eyes.
“Monica was such a great girl,” Trisha said. “She was always, like, so smart. I’m going to miss her so much, I mean, nothing is ever going to be the same. My life is like, totally different now.”
“This is awful,” I murmured to Steven. “She knew nothing about her!”
“She was smart,” Steven said. He shrugged and narrowed his eyes at me. “You should be more open-minded, Elizabeth. You don’t have the sole lock on grieving for her.”
His words pushed me over the edge. I pulled my hand back, took a deep breath, and stood up, standing at the end of the line of popular girls.
It was a long wait. It seemed like every former homecoming queen and prom queen and runner-up was standing in front of me, somehow making Monica’s death all about them.
When it was my turn, the people watching looked tired.
“I won’t be long,” I said, clearing my throat and sniffling. “I just wanted to say that Monica was more than a friend to me, she was like a sister. I always admired her – she did whatever she wanted, and she never let anyone stop her.” Guilt plagued me and I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. “I wasn’t always the best friend to her, but it didn’t matter. She did…she did some great things, and my life would be totally different today if it wasn’t for her.”
I saw Jamie and Brian, standing in the back, looking at me sadly. Between that and the unfortunate truth of what I’d just said, the tears finally came. I blinked them away and handed off the microphone as quickly as I could.
Back in my chair, Steven put his arm around me and held me close.
The service wasn’t much longer than that. The pastor did a blessing – he didn’t even say ‘heaven,’ he said ‘the afterlife’ – and invited us all to a reception at Jamie and Brian’s home. Then it was over.
Steven and I stood up together.
“Do you want to go?”
“I should say something to her parents,” I said softly. “I don’t really want to stay, though. Are you coming?”
Steven nodded. My heart sank – I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I’d been secretly hoping that Steven wouldn’t want to go. I knew that if he went, all of the popular kids would, too…and then I’d be sitting there, hating all of them, for practically no reason at all.
I kept my head down as we walked out of the meeting house and into the bright sunshine. It was one of the first truly hot days we’d had. I’m sixteen, I thought sadly as I followed Steven to his car. And if Monica were still here, she’d have turned sixteen the week before. And she’d be teasing me about having her driver’s license, while I only have a permit.
“Elizabeth?”
At the sound of my name, my head snapped up. I turned around and saw David standing there, clad in all-black like always.
“Hey,” I said softly. “Steven, go ahead, I’ll catch up with you in a second.”
Steven narrowed his eyes. “I’ll stay with you,” he said.
“No,” I said quickly. “It’s fine, just give me a minute. I’ll be right there. It’s okay,” I added. “It’s Monica’s boyfriend. I just…want to say something to him.”
Steven frowned but reluctantly turned on his heel and kept walking towards the parking lot.
David looked supremely uncomfortable. He shielded his eyes from the sun, then stepped into the shade of a tree.
“I didn’t see you in there,” I said, gesturing to the building. “Were you in the back?”
David shook his head. “No. I couldn’t bear the thought of being surrounded by those idiots who didn’t know her.”
Just being next to him was making my heart pound faster.
“Are you going to her parents’ place?”
“No,” David said. “I just came to say goodbye, Elizabeth.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Where are you going?”
David shrugged. “I don’t know yet,” he said. “But I have to get out of here for a while. I don’t…” He trailed off. “It doesn’t matter,” he added. “I just thought I should say bye.”
“Oh.” Everything in me wanted to throw my arms around David and pull him close, kiss him deeply, beg him not to leave…or to take me with him.
“Yeah,” David said. He held out his hand. After a few seconds, I pressed my palm against his. David lifted my hand to his mouth and gently kissed my fingers. A thrill shot through my body.
“Bye, Elizabeth,” David said quietly. “Good luck.”
When I realized he wasn’t going to say anything else, or suddenly confess desperate love for me, my heart sank.
“Bye,” I choked out. The word felt strangely inadequate. David tore his eyes from mine and walked away. I watched him until he disappeared, hoping he’d look back at me.
But he never did.
“Hey, Elizabeth, what was that?” Steven tapped me on the shoulder and frowned. “That guy seems like such a creep.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said bitterly. “He’s leaving, and he’s not coming back.”
Steven put an arm around me and squeezed me. I had the sudden urge to put my hands on his chest and push him away, as hard as I could.
“Come on,” Steven said. “We should get going.” He took my hand and started leading me to his car.
What else could I do? I had no choice.