Chapter Ten
Elizabeth
“Where’s Monica?” Andrea frowned. “Isn’t she coming?”
“No,” I said. “She’s not.”
“Why not?” Andrea wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. “This place gives me the creeps. I want to go home.”
“That’s what we’re doing,” I said. I led Andrea out of the magical land of the coven, out of the clearing, until we were in the thick, cold woods. Monica’s backpack had a strange weight on my shoulders, and when I slung it down and unzipped it, I was shocked to see a huge canteen full of water, six more sandwiches, and some odd-looking brown bread.
“How did we get that?” Andrea frowned. “That’s not from her house.”
I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. She’s still exactly the same naïve kid she used to be, I thought.
“You forget we just left an enchanted place,” I said. “But you’re right, I don’t know why she gave us so much.”
Andrea’s frown deepened. “So that was…real?”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “That was real.”
“I’m thirsty,” Andrea said. “Can I have the canteen?” When I passed it over, she unscrewed the top and peered inside. “Is this safe to drink?”
I shuddered, thinking of all the potions and horrors that Ligeia had fed me over the years. She’s gone, I thought. It still didn’t feel real to acknowledge.
“Yeah,” I said after a pause. “It’s safe.”
We walked on in silence, for hours. Darkness fell and I built a fire. We ate some of the sandwiches and curled up on the hard ground, close together for warmth. The night passed slowly – I slept in fitful stretches, awakened at the slightest sound or chirp. Andrea snoozed like a child – she even snored.
In the morning, I was tired and dehydrated and exhausted, but I made us push on. We trudged through the woods, searching for any sign of home.
“I think we’re lost,” Andrea kept saying, about once every fifteen minutes. “Why haven’t we gotten home yet? It didn’t take this long before.”
“I think Monica is showing us how far the coven truly is from home,” I said slowly. “I never thought about it before.”
“You mean, we only found it by…magic before?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said. I shivered. “And I have a feeling we won’t ever be able to find it again.”
“Good,” Andrea said. “Not like I’d ever want to go back.” She stretched and yawned.
Another night began to fall. Like the previous night, I built a fire. But this night, I was so tired that I collapsed and slept like a rock all night long. In the morning, my body was stiff and achy. I groaned when I ran a hand through my greasy hair, knotting it into a bun at the back of my neck.
We walked for hours in silence. Occasionally, Andrea would ask about what happened to Monica, and I found myself unable to answer without starting to cry. Now that we’d left, I felt the absence of her presence so strongly that it was like a physical pain. Maybe it didn’t matter what guys we wanted when we were younger, I thought as I trudged on through the woods. Maybe Monica and I were soulmates. After all, we’re the ones who went through all of that stuff together.
I shuddered.
“What’s wrong?” Andrea asked.
For a moment, I debated telling her. But as much as Andrea had grown on me over the past few days, I found myself unable to put how I was feeling into words.
“Nothing,” I lied. “Look, the woods are thinning. We’re almost home.”
By the time we stumbled out of the woods and into Monica’s parents’ backyard, I was so tired that I could barely stand. But Andrea’s shriek brought me crashing down into the real world.
“Oh my god, the house!”
When I looked up, I gasped and covered my mouth with both hands. Monica’s parents’ house looked like it had been abandoned for hundreds of years. The white paint was flaking off the wood in giant chunks and the back porch was sagging and swaying as if giants had sat upon it. Some of the windows were broken, and the intact ones were missing their screens.
“What happened?” Andrea asked as we stepped forward in surprise. “Elizabeth, what happened?!” Her voice was tinged with panic and shock.
“I don’t know,” I said, running my hand over the old wood. “I…I really don’t.”
Andrea peered up at me, her round face split with a frown. “How long have we been gone?”
“I don’t think it’s that,” I said softly. “I think Monica must have done something…I don’t know what, to make sure everyone forgets about her.”
“I’m never going to forget her,” Andrea said.
I almost laughed. Yeah, I wouldn’t forget someone who stabbed me in the chest, either, I thought. Guilt seared my brain.
“I know,” I said, putting a hand on Andrea’s back. “I won’t forget her, either.”
“Can I go home now?”
“We both can.”
Andrea sighed. “Elizabeth, can you take me to see Steven? I don’t care if he doesn’t know me. I just…I really want to see him, I have some things to say.”
An image popped into my head of teenaged Andrea and Steven, flirting like lovers. It sent a lingering taste of disgust into my mouth, but I shook my head until it was gone. That’s all over, I thought, almost with a touch of sadness. Everything is different now.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll drive you.”
Andrea and I made plans to meet up later in the day. She wanted to go home and see her parents, and I was dying for a shower. When I let myself into my parents’ house, Mom was standing in the kitchen, just like old times.
“You were gone for a week! I thought you’d gone back home, but your car was still here. We had to move it, honey, I’m sorry,” Mom said in an apologetic tone. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I glanced down at my muddy, torn, and soiled clothes. “I went camping in the woods behind Monica’s house.”
“Who?”
“Um, never mind. Forget it, I’m going upstairs to shower.”
“You want anything to eat?”
My stomach rumbled and I nodded. “I can make it, though, it’s okay.”
Mom nodded. “How much longer do you think you’re going to be staying?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’d be gone,” I said. “I just…I wanted some time alone.”
Mom nodded. “Okay, honey,” she said. “You go clean up, I’ll be down here.”
Taking a shower felt like a baptism. I stood under the spray for so long that the hot water turned icy and every inch of my skin was pruned. When I got out, I put on clean clothes and went downstairs with my wet hair hanging in my face. As strange as it sounded, I was almost nervous about seeing Steven again. What would it be like? I could hardly remember him before Monica’s spell.
And would he remember? Or would I have to lie, and just make something up? I couldn’t bear to tell him everything: the unbearable clinginess, the way I’d stayed because I had no choice.
And then there was Andrea. Would Steven remember her? Or would I spend hours comforting her instead?
“I’m going out for a while,” I told my mom as I made myself a sandwich. “I’ll probably be back before dinner, but don’t wait up for me.”
Mom made a face. “That’s fine,” she said. “Honey, you know it’s fine if you stay, but a little more regularity might be nice.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. I promise, it won’t happen again. I won’t just disappear for a week without letting you know.”
“It’s okay if you do, honey, just call next time.”
I forced a smile. “Trust me, there won’t be a next time.”
I could tell Mom didn’t believe me, but it didn’t matter. I was never going back to the coven. I was never going into the woods, to a magical place where the time passes so much differently.
Andrea showed up just as I was finished eating. We got in my car and she fumbled with the radio, changing the station every third seconds. She kept shaking her knee, and I knew she was nervous.
“I’m moving out of this place,” I said.
“Oh, Elizabeth, why?” Andrea made a face. “You and my brother should get back together. He always really liked you,” she added.
I sighed. “I know. It’s not about that.”
“Then, what?”
“We’ve been together for almost seven years,” I said softly, steering the car onto the highway and speeding up. “We’ve never had a chance to really see ourselves without each other, you know? And I don’t really like that idea.”
“Oh.”
“Maybe we can be friends or something in the future,” I said. “I just don’t have romantic feelings for your brother anymore.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry about me, though,” I said, desperately hoping to change the subject. “Are you okay? Are you nervous?”
Andrea shrugged. “Yeah,” she said. “My parents were happy to see me. But you told me Steven might not remember.”
I sighed with relief. “If your parents remembered you, that means he will, too.”
Andrea fell silent. The traffic was heavy and it took longer than expected to get to the house I used to call home. When I pulled into the driveway, my heart started to pound. Both Steven and Karen were home, judging by their cars, and I had no desire for a confrontation with either of them.
I owe this to Andrea, I told myself as I climbed out of the car and shut the door. She deserves this.
Even though I knew it was all over, I couldn’t shake the sense of guilt I felt about Andrea. Somehow, I knew that I’d feel it forever.
“I don’t know if I should knock or not,” I said awkwardly, looking at the front door. Just as Andrea was about to speak, the door swung open.
Steven stood there, looking both different and so familiar that it almost hurt to look at him. His dirty-blonde hair was pushed away from his forehead, and his dark blue eyes were concerned and soft.
“Hi,” I said shyly.
Andrea smiled. I watched as she stepped forward, tears glistening in her eyes. “Hi, Steven,” Andrea said.
Steven grinned. I stepped to the side and he wrapped his arms around Andrea, pulling her into a close hug. She kissed his cheek and I felt an old flicker of unease. That’s over now, I told myself firmly.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Steven said. “Wow, it’s great to see you.”
Andrea nodded, still smiling. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry it’s been so long,” she said. “I’ve been away for a long time.”
Steven nodded. “Yeah. I know.”
The three of us stood there awkwardly for a minute. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and forced a smile.
“Can we come in?” I asked.
“Oh! Yeah,” Steven said. He stepped back awkwardly, glancing down. It was strange – I’d grown so used to his eyes on me all the time that it felt odd being there without his gaze fixed on me.
Andrea and I followed Steven inside. Thankfully, there was no sign of Karen.
“Karen’s out,” Steven said, looking up at me. I felt a flash of fear – was the spell still working after all? But then he swallowed and gave me an awkward look. “I think we should talk later,” Steven said, too quiet for Andrea to hear. “Is that okay?”
I nodded. “I’m…going upstairs for a while. I should get some more of my stuff together.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I left Steven and Andrea together in the kitchen while I walked up the familiar stairs and into the bedroom. Seeing my things strewn around the room was like a punch in the gut. The sheets had been washed, but it was much more cluttered than I knew Steven liked. I frowned at the sight of four empty beer bottles on the nightstand before sweeping them into the trash.
I pulled the rest of my clothes out of the dressed and folded them, setting them down at the edge of the bed. I’d barely been working for more than a few minutes when Steven’s head appeared in the doorway.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m making something to eat – Andrea’s really hungry – you want anything?”
I licked my lips and shook my head. “No,” I said. “I’m fine, thanks.”
Steven stepped forward. “Look, I’m sorry,” he said. He put a hand to his forehead and shook his head, looking confused. “I…I feel like I should apologize for something.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You…you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Steven chuckled. “This is going to sound crazy, but I feel like I’ve been in some kind of really weird dream, and it’s been going on for years.” He frowned, creasing his tanned forehead. “I can barely remember anything. Karen told me we were engaged, but that she left.”
“She’s right,” I said. My heart sank – this was the exact conversation I’d been dreading.
“Why?”
“Steven, I…I just don’t think we’re right for each other,” I said slowly. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to get married.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Steven said. He shook his head again. “I feel like…I feel like I was bad to you, somehow, I just wish I could fucking remember,” he added. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“You’re not losing your mind,” I said. “Trust me, I promise.”
“Look, maybe you’re right about us not getting married, but I really want another chance,” Steven said. “Can I have that? Do I even deserve it?”
“I’m sorry,” I said awkwardly. I sat down at the edge of the bed, spilling my clothes onto the floor. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe we can be friends, someday.”
Steven winced. “I didn’t know people actually said that in real life.”
I forced a dry laugh. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I really am. I just…we were together for so long, it’s scary. I know. But I really think we shouldn’t be together anymore.”
Steven sighed. “Okay,” he said. “You want help with this?” He gestured around. “Getting your stuff, I mean?”
“I’m fine, really,” I said. “You should go talk to your sister. She really missed you.”
Steven nodded. “I missed her,” he said. “At least, I feel like I did. Does that sound crazy?”
“Not comparatively.”
Steven held out his hand. “Shake?”
I shook my head and got up from the bed, leaning over and lightly hugging him with one arm.
“Good luck,” I said. “I really mean that.”
Steven nodded sadly. “I know,” he said. “I really do.”
Steven started down the stairs and I took one last look around our room. For the first time in what felt like my whole life, I was finally excited for the future.
Epilogue
Elizabeth – One Year Later
God damnit, he’s so late, I thought, looking down at my phone to check the time. Is he going to stand me up?
Just as the waitress came by with a second glass of wine, he appeared. Standing there in a black jacket, with his dark hair flopping into his eyes. When he saw me, the corner of his mouth lifted in half of a sardonic smile.
“Hey,” David said. “Sorry, there was traffic.”
I nodded. “It’s not a big deal,” I said quickly. “This is only my second glass.”
David snickered. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, sending a shiver through my whole body. Then he sat on the opposite side of the booth.
“Maybe I should’ve been later,” he said dryly. “You get pretty fun after wine.”
I rolled my eyes. “You would say that,” I said, picking my glass up and taking a sip.
“I missed you a lot,” David said. “It’s been a long time.”
“A year that felt like a decade,” I said, groaning. “I just moved here a month ago and it feels like it happened last night.
“You like it so far?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I said, looking out the window. “Boston is nice. It’s…different from home.”
David laughed. “That’s a good thing,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s one of the only places I can tolerate.”
“So no plans to go back abroad?”
David shook his head. “Not right now.”
Hearing him say that felt better than it should have.
“You probably want to know why I called you,” I said slowly, looking down and running my finger around the rim of my wineglass. Suddenly, I regretted ordering a glass before David had arrived. The alcohol was making me nervous and awkward, and I felt like my cheeks were flaming hot.
“I think I know.”
I looked up. “Yeah?”
David nodded. “Yeah.”
“You’re not gonna make me say, are you?” I laughed nervously.
David reached across the table and took my hand. His fingers were ice-cold, but a warm sensation slid up my arm and into my chest, making me shiver.
“Elizabeth, you know I’ve had feelings for you a long time,” David said in a low voice. The way he said my name made me shiver. “But something was holding me back.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know. I…I felt the same way,” I admitted.
“I want to be with you,” David said. “I’m…I’m sorry it took this long.”
I laughed shortly. “I feel like I can’t be without you,” I said. “And I don’t know what it is – I’ve felt like that for a long time, since before I saw you overseas.”
David nodded. “I know.”
“And you don’t think…whatever it was is going to hold you back anymore?”
David shook his head. “No,” he said. “I felt loyalty to Monica for a long time. I still do,” he added, looking right into my eyes. “And I’ll always…I don’t know, be grateful to her. She was one of the first people who didn’t look at me like a delinquent.”
“She was one of only people who treated me like I was actually interesting,” I said. A lump was forming in my throat and I forced myself to swallow it, send it back down to my stomach where it belonged. “I miss her every day, David. But I think she would want us to be happy.”
“We won’t ever forget her,” David said. “But something changed – I dunno, a year ago, maybe. It was like I realized that I could still be happy. I mean, I wasn’t happy.” He squeezed my hand. “But I think we could be happy together.”
“I think this is the only way things can be from now on,” I said quietly. “I’m sick of waiting for things to get better without doing anything about it.”
“Hey, you’ve done a lot,” David said. He wrinkled his nose. “You and Steven split up, you moved to Boston, you know. You’re doing really well.”
I shrugged. “I feel like all of my success now is owed to Monica,” I said softly. “I feel like I owe her everything.”
“You don’t owe her everything,” David said. “Just…some things.”
“I never would’ve met you if it hadn’t been for her.”
David nodded. “I know. I think about that sometimes. Does that make me a bad person?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said softly. “It doesn’t.”
The waitress came back and there was a short, awkward dialogue between her and David. When she’d left again, David got up and slid into the booth next to me. He put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. I closed my eyes and nestled my head on his shoulder, inhaling his musk. Happiness shot through me. It wasn’t electric – although there was lust there, too – but it was content, and fulfilling. Like I’d somehow found the one thing I’d always wanted.
“I still miss her,” I said softly without opening my eyes. “I think about her all the time.”
“Whatever happened to her parents? You hear from them?”
Monica’s house flashed back to me – the way it had looked a year ago, practically in ruin.
“No,” I said softly. “I don’t know. My mom told me someone bought their old house and tore most of it down. She doesn’t remember, though. Most people don’t – it’s like the family just disappeared.”
David slid his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. “Hey,” he said. “I think we both know they didn’t disappear.”
I shuddered. “I know.”
David kissed me gently and I snuggled closer, putting my hand out to meet his on my shoulder.
“You wanna get out of here?”
“Yeah,” I said softly.
“Your place? Mine?”
I bit my lip and frowned. “This is going to sound nuts,” I said softly. “But part of me wants to go back to Jaffrey. Just for an hour or so,” I added. “If you don’t want to come, it’s okay.”
David nodded. “Nah, it’s fine,” he said. “I’ll come.” He smiled wryly. “I feel like I’ve had enough of being apart from you.”
I smiled so widely that my cheeks ached. “I know just what you mean,” I said quietly.
Three hours later, David and I were climbing out of his car and crossing the yard of Monica's old house. My mom had been right – most of the house was gone, and from what I could tell, construction had halted.
“It’s been a year since I’ve been back here,” I said, closing my eyes and inhaling the air. It smelled exactly the same. “I feel like I’m a kid again.”
“Oh, god, don’t say that,” David said. He twisted his mouth into a smirk. “I hated being a kid.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know,” I said. “I think you probably came out of the womb at thirty.”
David snickered. “Hey,” he said. “I’m only twenty-four, thanks for that.”
I stuck my tongue out. David wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. We stood there for a moment, holding each other. Then I took his hand and led him to the edge of the yard, where the woods began.
“What’re you doing?” David asked.
I didn’t reply. Pulling the athame out of my bag, I knelt down on the ground and gently kissed the blade.
“Thank you,” I said softly, closing my eyes and picturing Monica’s face. “For everything.”
There was no answer. The wind gently blew through the trees and ruffled my hair. I held onto the athame for another moment, then carefully set it down on the ground.
I’ll never forget you, I thought. A lump swelled in my throat and I blinked back a few tears. I couldn’t explain it, but somehow I had a feeling that wherever Monica was, she was doing well.
Standing up, I wiped my hands on my jeans and turned to David.
“I’m ready.”
David raised an eyebrow. “For what?”
Stepping closer, I put my hand in his and squeezed. A strong feeling of love welled up in my chest. With my free hand, I wiped the few remaining tears from my eyes.
“I’m ready to go home.”
THE END