CHAPTER NINE
Pandemonium follows.
Harry and Rob take charge, Harry ushering people out of the café while Rob finds a bucket to catch the worst of the leak. Ellie, pale with shock, is murmuring apologies to everyone who’s leaving, and when Zak appears with the news that the room directly above us has taken the brunt of the flood water, she claps a hand over her mouth.
‘I need to go up to Maisie,’ she says as if in a trance, staring fixedly at the water dripping down from the ceiling.
‘You go to her. We’ll take care of this,’ I tell her.
‘I’ve got a friend who’s a roofer,’ says Rob. ‘I’ll give him a call.’
‘On New Year’s Eve?’ asks Harry doubtfully.
Rob shrugs. ‘He’s used to call outs at all times of the day and night. He probably won’t come out till tomorrow but at least he’ll be able to advise us on what to do to minimise the chaos.’
Even while Rob makes his phone call, the flow of the water is slowing down and soon it’s little more than a couple of drips plopping into the buckets beneath. The bedroom directly above the café is obviously uninhabitable, though, so Rob asks me if I’d like to stay the night at his instead.
‘Okay.’ I stare at him with a heavy heart, thinking how happy I’d have been yesterday if he’d made that suggestion. Right now, I’m feeling so bad for poor Ellie. Her party has turned into a disaster and I can’t imagine how much it’s going to cost to get the leaky roof fixed.
I go up to the flat and pop my head round the door to explain to Ellie that I’m going to Rob’s.
‘That’s the silver lining in all of this.’ Grinning, she hands me my over-night bag and a pair of her wellies. ‘You get to spend the night with Rob!’
She’s putting on a brave front, I can tell. Beneath the smile, her face is ghostly white and she looks exhausted.
‘I’d far rather be staying here,’ I tell her gloomily, changing into the wellies to tramp across the green.
She frowns. ‘You haven’t fallen out with Rob, have you? You’ve only been together five minutes.’
‘No, no.’ I think of Rob inviting Alicia back to his flat and my insides lurch uncomfortably. ‘I just mean if I was staying at yours tonight, it would mean the roof leak wouldn’t have happened, which would obviously be better . . .’ I trail off, trying to stuff my shoes into my bag. They go in but then I can’t get the bag closed again, and I lose patience, almost breaking the zip trying to force it across.
Ellie peers at me curiously. ‘Are you okay, Fen?’
I paste on a smile. ‘Yes. Yes, I’m fine. It’s just been . . . a weird night, that’s all.’
‘Tell me about it!’
‘Is Maisie all right?’
Ellie rubs a weary hand over her eyes. ‘Oh, yes. She’s thoroughly enjoying the attention.’ She smiles fondly. ‘Zak’s made her hot chocolate with marshmallows and he’s currently tucked up in bed with her, reading her favourite story.’
‘You’ve got a gem there in Zak.’
She smiles. ‘I know. And so have you. Rob was brilliant, taking charge downstairs with Harry.’
At her words, tears threaten to burst through, taking me completely by surprise. Worried I’m about to start doing an impression of the leaky roof, I turn swiftly away. ‘Better go. Rob’s waiting. See you tomorrow.’
Walking over to Rob’s flat, across the village green, there’s an awkwardness between us that wasn’t there before. As the silence stretches, the lump in my throat grows more painful until I almost can’t bear it.
Why do I always do this?
I put my crushes up on a pedestal, just like Jaz warned me not to, and then I’m devastated all over again when they fall off it and crash to the ground! I’ve been living in dreamland for the past week, thinking Rob was the perfect man for me. But tonight the bubble has well and truly burst.
At last, Rob breaks the silence. ‘Look, I didn’t tell you that Alicia came back to mine because I was worried you might put two and two together and make five.’
‘Right,’ I say stiffly. ‘So is there anything else you haven’t told me?’
‘No, of course not. And strictly speaking, I didn’t lie to you. You assumed we took a taxi from the hotel and I allowed you to think that.’
‘Isn’t that the same as lying?’
He sighs. ‘Very possibly. In which case, I’m truly sorry, Fen. I’d just hate you to think there was anything between Alicia and me because there absolutely isn’t.’
He tries to take my hand but I stuff it into my pocket.
Ever since I’ve known him, Rob has made me feel safe and secure. But right now, I feel as scarily vulnerable as a baby bird who’s fallen from the warm protection of its nest.
Rob can dress it up however he likes. But the bottom line is, he lied to me about Alicia. And the shutters have sprung up around my heart, like the thick, thorny forest that imprisoned Sleeping Beauty in the palace.
Part of me longs to snap right back to the way we were. Happy and carefree. But feeling the way I do right now, I can’t imagine that ever happening. I long to break down and sob my heart out but I’m determined I won’t.
I’m not going to let another man trample over my feelings the way Ethan did.
I’ll make Rob think I really don’t care . . .
*****
Back at Rob’s flat, it feels icy cold when we go in.
He flicks on the heating. ‘Sorry about this. It’ll be cosy in no time. Fancy a coffee to warm up?’
‘Erm . . . yes, please.’
‘Great!’ He rubs his hands together and goes through to the kitchen. ‘Do you want to do your thing with the fancy coffee machine?’
I’m always joking that Rob has all the fancy kitchen equipment but he never uses it. Working in Ellie’s café, I’ve learned to knock up a cappuccino with the best of them.
‘No, it’s okay,’ I call. ‘I’ll just have instant.’
‘Two instant coffees coming up!’ he calls back cheerfully.
Chilled to the bone, despite the heat that’s now flowing from the nearby radiator, I sit on the edge of Rob’s sofa, a heaviness inside that’s like a boulder in my chest. Despite Rob being in the next room, I feel lonely and vulnerable, and it doesn’t help that the room I’m in is so completely comfortless. I’ve joked with Rob before that his flat needs a creative touch and that posters of rock bands on the walls from his student days don’t count. With no table lamps around, the stark glare of the central bulb in its beige shade above me is giving me a headache.
Rob brings in the coffee and asks if I want some music. When I shrug, he puts on the album of corny Christmas hits that I love and that usually makes him wince. Then he sits down on the sofa beside me and says it’s probably safe to take my coat off now.
I can tell he’s making a real effort to bring me round and make me laugh. But the obstinate streak inside me won’t let me relax. Every time he smiles his heart-stopping smile at me, making me weaken, Alicia’s face slips into my mind and the barrier goes right back up again.
In the end, after an awkward twenty minutes, I tell him I’m exhausted and I’d like to go to bed.
Rob shows me the spare room and in spite of everything, my heart sinks. I know if I suggested I sleep in his bed he’d say yes immediately. And part of me longs more than anything to just forget what’s happened and curl up with him; and do all the heart-pounding things I’ve dreamed about over the past week.
It’s so tempting but I can’t.
Something has died inside and I can’t change that, however much I might wish I could . . .