CHAPTER SIXTEEN
‘I’ll get my change of clothes and make-up from the car,’ I tell Rob. ‘I’ll just be a minute.’
He sticks up a thumb and five minutes later, I’m climbing over the fence, my backpack stuffed with the things I’ll need. Mounting the snowmobile, I feel a little frisson of excitement. I’m stepping `way out of my comfort zone, but with Rob here beside me, I’m barely aware of that. Actually, it feels more like an adventure.
Rob and I are good together.
No sooner have I thought this than I feel an imaginary tap on my shoulder and when I turn, Alicia’s annoyingly pretty face is looming in front of me. She’s smiling sweetly as if to say, I’m still here!
‘You okay? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost,’ says Rob.
‘I wish,’ I mutter under my breath. ‘I mean no, I don’t mean that!’ I add, overcome with guilt. Alicia might have ruined my chance of happiness with Rob but I definitely don’t wish her any harm. A small Chinese burn, perhaps, but nothing major.
Rob helps me onto the back of the snowmobile, hands me a visor and jumps on himself. He tells me to hold on tightly, starts the motor and then we’re off.
It’s a beautiful day of calm blue skies and powdery, blindingly white snow stretching as far as the eye can see - very different to the scary snowstorms of the night before. And as we move over the slightly bumpy terrain, making steady progress up the shallow slope, my hair streams behind me and I feel a rush of heady adrenalin. Flying down the other side of the hill, clutching tightly to Rob’s waist, I find myself thinking, Bugger Rob and Alicia! This is an experience I’m never going to forget and I’m just going to enjoy it!
We pass the stables and Rob’s friend, Callum, waves from the field where he’s towing a small child on a sledge. I wave back and almost lose my balance, clutching Rob even tighter after that.
We hit the hiking trail, humming along the snow-packed lane between sparkling winter hedgerows. The path is narrow and every so often we ride through an over-hanging branch and snow slides off and splats onto our heads. At times, the lane widens and Rob picks up speed, obviously forgetting in the glee of the moment my rather chicken tendencies, but when I grip his waist tighter, he slows down.
It hardly seems any time at all until the cottages and farms of Wickleshaw start coming into view. Most of the stationery cars we pass, sitting on driveways, are well and truly snowed in.
When the lane we’re on meets the main road through the village, there’s a snowplough trundling along in the distance so we stop a moment to let it go past.
Rob turns. ‘My brother’s farm is just through the village. Grace, my sister-in-law, is lovely - and so are my nephews if you get them on a day when they’re not having mad gun fights all over the house. You can get changed in the house if you like before he drives us back to the car.’
‘Er, no, no. I’ll just get changed at the venue,’ I say swiftly. ‘I’d like to make tracks as soon as we can, just in case it takes a long time to dig us out.’
It’s more that I don’t particularly want to meet Rob’s whole family. It would be different if we were still together. But under the circumstances, how on earth would Rob introduce me?
This is my ex, who I was going out with for all of a week until I let her down and she chucked me?
I’d rather just stay outside with the snowmobile and perhaps meet his brother. Apart from anything else, I still feel shy with a group of people I’ve never met.
‘At least the snowplough will have cleared the road out of the village by the time we leave,’ I say, to change the subject before Rob gets any ideas of playing happy families and agreeing to stay for breakfast or something equally awkward.
We take the snowmobile up the farm track and park it in a little courtyard at the back of the farmhouse.
When Rob heads for the back door, I stop and he turns with a querying look. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Er, yes. Look, why don’t I just stay with the snowmobile while you go and chat to your brother? It’s so lovely out here.’ I gaze at the rolling countryside, blanketed with snow that sparkles where the winter sun is catching it. I point at a rocky ridge a short walk beyond the farm’s fence boundary. ‘I bet there’s a fantastic view from up there,’ I say, hoping he’ll take the hint and let me just stay here, admiring the scenery.
‘It is a great view, although there’s a fairly steep drop on the other side.’ He looks bemused. ‘Don’t you need to come in and use the loo?’
I hesitate. As it happens, I desperately do.
Sighing inwardly, I decide it’s time to stop prevaricating . . .
‘Come in and meet George at least. He’s – um - heard a lot about you.’ Rob gives me a sheepish smile and my heart flips.
‘Okay.’ I follow him over to the house and as it turns out, Grace is busy entertaining the boys upstairs as school is cancelled because of the snow, so she just manages to pop her head into the kitchen very briefly to say hello.
George is very like Rob - open and friendly and easy-going. He puts me at my ease immediately, making coffee and opening a packet of Danish pastries, all the while chatting about his fondness for cake of all varieties and asking me about the bake-off heat.
He suggests that Rob and I drive his four by four into Guildford, while he gets a neighbour to help him dig out Rob’s car. This will get us into Guildford with time to spare, which is a big relief because I could really do with washing my face and freshening my make-up before meeting the people at Bake!
As all three of us walk back out with the keys to George’s big white Jeep, I listen to the two brothers chatting, gently winding each other up comparing their cars, and I find myself feeling totally relaxed in their company. The beauty of the setting helps my mood, too. The winter sun is sparkling on the frosty ridge.
I only wish I’d had time to walk to the top and see the view from up there.
With Rob.
‘George is lovely,’ I say shyly as we drive away, waving to his brother, the Jeep crunching over the snowy farm track.
‘He was on his best behaviour, of course.’ Rob grins, his eyes crinkling up in that way of his that makes my heart dance. Then the smile fades from his face. ‘He really liked you, too.’
I glance at him, feeling suddenly emotional. The sun has completely gone from Rob’s expression. He’s staring straight ahead, his jaw rigid, and the space between us feels weighed down with unspoken thoughts.
‘I’d have liked you to meet my nephews as well,’ he murmurs after a while. ‘And get to know my sister-in-law. Grace would think you were lovely.’
I swallow hard and look away. A week or so ago, I’d have been over the moon to hear this. But now, it’s bitter sweet because I’m never likely to see Rob’s brother and his family again.
Suddenly, the challenge ahead seems too much to take on, with my emotions in shreds like this.
When Rob suggested he drive me to the bake-off venue, it all seemed fairly simple. We’d get there, I’d compete in the heat and we’d drive back. End of. I could never have guessed that the journey to Guildford would be so testing on my nerves and my emotions – in more ways than one . . .
We drive the rest of the way in silence and I give myself a pep talk, trying to prepare myself for the task ahead of me. But all the time I’m painfully aware of Rob’s closeness, his strong hands on the wheel, his long, muscular legs flexing every time he changes gear. I want to tell him to pull over so I can throw myself into his arms and tell him I understand why he didn’t tell me about his friendship with Alicia.
Because I do understand.
He was afraid he’d lose my friendship and any chance of a romance.
And perhaps if Ethan hadn’t treated me so badly, I’d have forgiven Rob a long time ago.
I swallow hard. Life is strange. When something bad happens, we grow a tough shell to ensure we don’t get hurt again. Rob has been a casualty of this very human reaction.
I glance at his profile, my heart swelling with love.
He’s one of the good guys. Everybody says so. The mistake I made was thinking he was ‘perfect’. But of course no-one is. Not even someone as gorgeous and caring as Rob. And actually, would I really want to be with someone whose totally honourable character would have the effect of magnifying all my own little faults in stark relief?
No one wants to be in love with a saint!
I draw in a big breath and turn to him. ‘Rob, can we talk? There’s a lay-by just up ahead there.’
He glances across. ‘Yes, sure.’
We’re driving through Guildford now, heading for the venue, the lay-by just up ahead. But just as we’re drawing close, Rob’s attention is caught by something on my left. I peer over and see someone familiar waiting just outside the railway station.
‘Is that . . . ?’ he murmurs, frowning.
‘Yup. It’s Alicia,’ I say flatly. She’s sitting on her case in the snow, looking totally miserable.
‘Loads of trains have been cancelled because of the snow. She must be stuck,’ says Rob, as we pause at some traffic lights. He glances across at me. ‘She’s probably trying to get back to Sunnybrook. Perhaps we should offer her a lift.’
My heart sinks. We’ve driven past the lay-by. I force a smile. ‘Yes, I think we should. She looks really fed up. And we’d have been so grateful if someone had rescued us last night.’
Rob nods and swings the car into the station.
Alicia is hugely relieved to be rescued. Rob takes her case and opens the passenger door for her. He leans in and says to me, ‘I’m just going to grab some drinks and sandwiches. I’ll not be long.’
So then Alicia and I are alone in the car, making polite conversation.
I tell her all about the bake-off heat and how Rob has gone out of his way to get me there through the snow.
‘He’s such a kind man,’ she says. ‘You’ve got a real gem there.’
I swallow. ‘Well, actually, Rob and I aren’t together any more.’
‘Really?’ She sounds shocked, as if she couldn’t imagine us ever splitting up. ‘Gosh, I’m so sorry.’
I can’t help wondering if underneath her concern, she might be feeling pleased that Rob is now back on the market.
‘Thank you. But I’m fine,’ I lie.
There’s a brief silence. Then I feel her hand pressing lightly on my shoulder. ‘Listen, Fen, I hope what happened with Rob and me wasn’t the reason you split up. Because really, it was nothing.’
My heart lurches.
It was nothing?
What does she mean?
Her words are still echoing around inside my head, even though she’s now telling me how she thought Rob and I were so right for each other.
I look at her face as she talks on, trying to process her words, and a muted roar fills my ears. Little shock waves keep breaking over me, one after the other.
Alicia said it was nothing. But that means it was something.
Something happened between them . . .