Chapter Twenty
Never had joining with a woman been as it was with Lillianna. He wanted to savor each moment, memorize each and every curve, hollow, and line of her body. He wanted to watch her face as he brought her to the height of ecstasy again, but this time as they were one. He slid between her thighs, and his chest tightened painfully when she looked up at him, her eyes so trusting and guileless.
Her silken skin grazing his hot flesh sent a surge of lust through him, but he gritted his teeth, determined to keep the slow pace that would bring her to the greatest pleasure. It occurred to him as his gaze skimmed over her wounds that he might hurt her this way, so he grasped her hips and brought her with him as he flipped onto his back.
“What are you doing?” she asked, showing only curiosity, not fear.
“If I take ye as I’d planned, I may hurt yer stomach wounds. This way, I’ll nae touch them.”
She bit her lip. “Will it be as enjoyable for you?”
Good God. The lass was actually considering bearing the pain so he could have pleasure. That band that felt so snug around his chest already grew tighter. “Aye, lass. Any way I take ye will be pure bliss.”
“What shall I do?” she asked, revealing her innocence.
“I’ll guide ye,” he assured her, thankful no man but him had ever touched her, nor ever would. She was his. Deep in his bones he felt that she was meant for him. He grasped her hips and situated her at the peak of his hard staff, and when he lowered her so that his flesh met her hot, moist skin, a primal need gripped him.
“Angus?” she murmured, her palms coming to rest on his chest. “I’m afraid.”
His blood surged through every part of his body, and his mind screamed at him to take her now, but he’d cut off his arms before ever hurting his wife. His wife. The band grew tighter around his chest, so that he could only take a ragged breath. “If ye wish me to stop, simply say the word.”
“No.” She settled more firmly on him so that he breached the edge of her entrance.
“God…” He moaned, unable to contain how good it felt. “Ye are Heaven on Earth,” he growled, his fingers tightening around her hips.
She gave him a wicked smile and said, “Shall I simply sink onto you bit by bit?”
“I’d likely die from the sensations,” he said, only half joking, “and that will prolong the hurting, which comes from breaking yer maidenhead. If I thrust into ye, the pain will last but a breath, and then ye will become accustomed to me. Will ye trust me?”
“Always,” she answered so vehemently and so immediately that he knew it to be true.
A strong feeling swirled inside him like a violent storm, and he recognized immediately it was need for her. He needed her, and not just physically. He could not imagine his life without her. He shoved the thoughts aside for a later time, slid his hands partially under her bottom, and plunged deep within her welcoming heat.
She cried out in pain at the same time he cried out in ecstasy, and though every fiber that made him a man yearned to move, to possess, to pour his seed into her, he stilled and ran his hands up the perfect curve of her back to offer her support. “When ye are ready for me to move,” he managed to get out through teeth clenched against the desire to slide in and out of her, “say so.” She wiggled ever so slightly, and a guttural groan escaped him. “Lillianna,” he said on a ragged breath, “dunnae wiggle unless ye are ready.”
“I’m ready,” she said, wiggling her sweet, perfect arse once more.
He pulled out all the way to his tip and slid back in, reveling in the whimpers of pleasure that came from her. As he found a rhythm and her body matched it, he kept his gaze on his beautiful wife, and the band around his chest continued to grow tighter and tighter. Her eyelids fluttered shut, her back arched, and she tilted her head back, clinging to his arms as she rode him. His release came so completely, so violently, that he feared for a moment that he had hurt her, but when she looked down at him with a grin and said, “When can we do that again?” he felt connected to her in a way he’d never felt to another person in his life. He brought her into the cradle of his arms and stroked her hair until her breathing became deep and he knew sleep had claimed her.
He closed his own eyes, thinking sleep would claim him, too, but his thoughts were consumed by her: how to keep her safe, how to make her feel worthy, how to ensure his own sister did not do something to harm her.
God’s teeth! He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Wedding Lillianna was supposed to make her less of a distraction, not more. Of course, she had only been his wife for a few hours, but all the same…
He laughed at himself, but stilled when she stirred restlessly. He did not relax until she had settled again, and then he found himself staring at the ceiling once more. What had he thought? That he would marry her and one joining would banish the distraction? He clenched his jaw as he realized he had expected just that. It would take time, clearly, and determination on his part.
With that in mind, he decided to rise before dawn and work with his men to prepare them for battle. He would not linger in this bed, no matter how much he wished to.
When Lillianna awoke the next morning, Angus was gone. She thought she must have slept late, so he had simply crept out of bed, to avoid waking her, but when she glanced out the window of their bedchamber, she realized the sun was barely in the sky. She dressed hurriedly, fearing perhaps something had happened and he had been needed, but as she made her way downstairs and into the great hall, she found it all but empty except for Greer, who looked like she had just woken up herself.
Lillianna paused in the doorway, not wanting to have a confrontation with Greer but wishing to learn where Angus had gone. “Have you seen your brother?”
Greer put down the goblet she had just raised to her lips and turned in her seat to look at Lillianna. “Aye,” she said, a rather smug smile appearing on her face. “He is training, as he always does when he is home. He rises before dawn, gathers his commanders, and trains them so that they can then train the men they are in charge of.” She arched her eyebrows at Lillianna. “Did ye think he would laze his day away in bed with ye? Especially with the threat of an enemy coming our way?”
A blush heated Lillianna’s face as she realized she had foolishly hoped he might spend some time with her this morning.
Greer laughed derisively, likely seeing Lillianna’s blush. “Ye are his wife, nae one of his warriors. Yer worth to him comes in the night.”
Anger flared in Lillianna. She fisted her hands, marched toward Greer, and slapped her palm on the table beside the woman. She understood Greer had endured great loss, but so had she. “Your brother did not marry me simply to bed me,” Lillianna said, though the slightest bit of doubt crept in, which infuriated her.
A mocking smile twisted Greer’s lips. “Of course he did nae wed ye just to bed ye. He will also use yer powers when the need arises. Mark my words.”
Lillianna sucked in a sharp breath. The woman knew exactly what to say to hurt her the most. “I could just take the brooch off and destroy it,” Lillianna bit out. “Then I’d have no powers, and you would see that your brother does not even care.”
“Do it, then,” Greer challenged. “Destroy yer brooch. Take the chance that Angus dunnae care, but if he does…”
Lillianna’s belly clenched in fear. She swung away from the woman with the desire to race out of the room, but she didn’t want Greer to know just how much she had affected her. “You’re wrong, Greer,” Lillianna said, hearing the stiffness in her tone. “But I’ll not argue with you.”
“Thank God for that!” the woman said, slammed her goblet down behind Lillianna, and marched past her and out of the room. Lillianna slumped into the chair that Greer had vacated. She sat there as doubt battered her. Had she been duped?
No! Angus had been honest. He was not going to use her. He did not care about her powers.
Determined not to let Greer steal the happiness she had found with Angus, Lillianna broke her fast. The great hall slowly began to fill with people, and soon Mari came in, and they sat companionably side by side as Mari ate. Then Allisdair joined them, and he offered to show Lillianna how to wield a sword.
“I can show ye how to shoot a bow and arrow, too,” Mari said.
“How did you learn?” she asked Mari.
“Angus taught me. He says the greatest worth each member of our clan has is in how they can help the clan, so I asked him to teach me. That way, when a battle comes, I can be of value.”
Excitement bubbled inside Lillianna. She would learn how to wield a sword and shoot, and Angus would see how valuable she could be without her powers. But first she wanted to find Angus and, at the very least, simply say good morning. “Mari, can you show me where Angus trains his men?”
Mari looked hesitant. “I can, but he dunnae like to be interrupted during training.”
Allisdair nodded his agreement.
“I understand,” Lillianna said. “I won’t distract him. I simply want to tell him good morning, and then the three of us can go somewhere else to train.”
Mari and Allisdair exchanged a doubtful look, but after a moment, Mari nodded.
Not long later, the three of them stood at the edge of a sharp incline. At the bottom of the incline was a large, flat piece of land that sat between two rock walls. Angus was training with six men, one of whom Lillianna could tell was Ross. Angus and Ross circled each other, swinging their swords, and the other men stood around them. When Ross swung his sword perilously close to Angus’s head, Lillianna tensed.
“Do they ever wound each other?” she asked, her heart beating hard.
“Aye,” Allisdair answered, only to be elbowed by Mari.
“They are nae bad wounds,” Mari added.
“Well, except once,” Allisdair said, and then he grunted when Mari elbowed him again.
It was with this worry in mind that Lillianna started down the rocky hill with Allisdair and Mari arguing behind her. A little over halfway down, the siblings really started squabbling after Allisdair let it slip that someone had lost an arm last year in training. At the exact moment Allisdair shared that information, Ross swung his sword at Angus, and it seemed to Lillianna that it would strike Angus’s chest. She screamed in fright, missed her step, and went flying down the remainder of the hill, the rocks cutting her as she went.
Angus could do little more than stare at the sight of Lillianna falling down the steep incline that led to where he was training. Her scream had jerked his attention from training, and because he’d not been focused, Ross’s sword had sliced Angus’s right arm. But the burning pain in his arm did not compare with the near-suffocating terror gripping him as he helplessly watched Lillianna tumble while Allisdair and Mari raced after her.
When she landed with a thud on her back, unmoving, it was as if the terror holding him in place released its grip. He darted to her, reaching her at the same time that Mari and Allisdair did, and as he kneeled beside her, she blinked up at him. He felt himself tremble with relief that she was alive. “Are ye hurt verra badly, lass?”
She wiggled her arms and then her legs, and smiled sheepishly. “No. It’s more my pride,” she said, her gaze cutting to the rocks she had just tumbled down. She looked back to him. “Well, that could have been bad.” Her tone was so casual that anger filled him. She should never be so cavalier about her life.
“Damn it, Lillianna,” he roared, not realizing how loud his voice was until Lillianna and his siblings flinched. Behind him, his men had gathered around them, and now they backed away immediately, including Ross. Allisdair and Mari hovered loyally and foolishly by Lillianna’s side. Angus was pleased by the attachment they were already forming to her but irritated that they had not given him and his wife some privacy.
“Give me a moment alone with Lillianna,” he commanded of his siblings, trying and failing to temper the anger in his tone.
Lillianna sat up, glaring at him, and then scrambled to her feet. “You don’t have to be such a brute to Allisdair and Mari!”
He thought perhaps she was embarrassed, but he could not allow her to order him about in front of his men. “Lillianna,” he said, struggling to quell his emotion, “dunnae think to ever order me about again.”
Mari and Allisdair both cast their gazes down and slowly edged away from him and Lillianna. She set her hands on her hips. “Why not? Because I’m now your wife? Your chattel?”
He ground his teeth at the situation he found himself in. He could not explain in front of his men that her taking that tone with him, her ordering him about, would cause him to lose respect from his men, and a leader who did not have full respect was less effective. Men in battle may decide not to obey important orders.
“Aye,” he bit out. “Ye are my wife; therefore, ye dunnae have the right.”
She flinched as if he’d slapped her. “What rights do I have as yer wife?”
He looked at her, knowing full well he was in a terrible spot. If he answered as he should in front of the men, he would hurt her. If he answered as he wanted to so as not hurt her, he would look weak to his men.
She made a derisive noise and waved a hand at him. “The right to warm your bed?” she demanded, and he felt himself grow hot at her tone. “The right to foretell the future when you desire it?” An angry tic began at his jaw. “The right to stay out of your way during the day, so as not to distract you?”
“Woman,” he growled, barely resisting the urge to shake some sense into his beautiful, fiery wife. She had no notion of her worth, so she assumed he did not think her worth very much. It infuriated him, but he could say none of that now, not with an audience of his commanders. “Ye already distracted me.” He jerked his bloody arm forward to show her. “See this?” Her eyes widened, and her mouth parted on a soft cry. “It’s lucky for me that my moment of being distracted by yer scream did nae cost me my arm. I kinnae afford to be distracted. I told ye that before.”
“Don’t worry,” she flung out, “I will not distract you again. I merely came here to say good morning, but I suppose that is not something you wish from me.” With that, she turned on her heel and started climbing the incline she had just tumbled down. He forced himself to stand there and not go after her, though everything in him longed to do just that. It was because of that overwhelming desire to do so that he stood still. He had to control himself when it came to her, and this was the first step.
He trained most of the day, not relinquishing the task to his commanders’ hands as he normally did. Once he had trained them, he worked with each of them and the men they were responsible for. When he was in the thick of the training, all his attention was on that, but the moment they were finished for the day, and he was making his way back to the castle, thoughts of Lillianna took over. What had she done all day? Was she still angry with him?
He washed the sweat and grime off in the sea and then went in search of Lillianna. She was not in their bedchamber, so he assumed she was likely with Mari or Allisdair, and when he saw Ross on the way to the great hall for supper, Ross told Angus that Mari and Allisdair were training Lillianna.
Angus frowned at the news. Training her for what?
He found the three of them by the horse stables, and he stood just behind the trees, watching his wife. She had a determined look on her face as she attempted to shoot an arrow at a target over and over again. She was not a terrible shot, but she had a great deal yet to learn.
Allisdair clapped for her when she skimmed the target, and she grinned at him. “If ye keep this hard work up, Lillianna, ye will be better with the bow and arrow than Mari.”
Mari stuck her tongue out at Allisdair. “She could be better than ye with the sword by the end of the week,” she teased, feigning a lunge at Allisdair with an invisible sword.
Angus swallowed a knot in his throat. Had Lillianna asked his siblings to train her? Was this an effort to show him she had worth outside of the legend? God’s teeth, he hated himself at the moment for adding to the feelings of unworthiness she was already burdened with. She needed him to let her in more, but how could he do that and not lose more of himself to her? And if he lost more of himself, how much more distracted by her would he become?
He left them then and made his way to supper to await her, determined to somehow show her tonight she was valuable to him and that it had nothing to do with her powers or her body.
When he sat down at the dais that night, Greer turned to him. “I heard ye nearly lost yer arm during training because ye were distracted by yer wife.” She gave him an accusatory look.
“I have everything under control,” he said, picking up his wine goblet and taking a long drink.
“What do ye have under control?” Mari asked as she, Allisdair, and Lillianna came up to the dais.
Angus indicated the space beside him to Lillianna as he stood. “Ye will sit here. Beside me.”
She arched her eyebrows at him. “Are you certain I’m worthy to sit by you, Laird?”
“As long as ye are still a seer,” Ross said, chuckling.
Lillianna visibly flinched and went pale.
Angus gripped his goblet so hard he thought it might break. “Ross is only teasing, lass. Are ye nae, ye clot-heid!”
Ross’s eyes went wide, and he tossed his bread onto his plate. “Aye. I’m sorry, Lillianna. It was unthinking of me. I’m used to teasing my siblings, and we bait each other. I need to remember ye are nae one of us.”
A different kind of hurt flitted across Lillianna’s face, and Angus thought he would have gladly strangled his brother in that moment if he was not his brother. He knew Ross had only meant to make it better, but he’d made it far worse.
“I don’t have much of an appetite,” Lillianna said and hurried from the dais. A tense silence fell in her absence, and Angus thought what to say to his siblings.
“Angus, I’m sorry,” Ross said.
Angus waved a hand at him. “I ken it, but watch what ye say to her. She needs to feel she has worth,” he said, trying to explain. He didn’t want to say more and tell them too much about her personal life or how vulnerable he thought she felt. He knew she would not like that. All his siblings nodded, but Greer gave him an odd conspiratorial smile. He thought momentarily to talk to her right then and set her straight on Lillianna, but he wanted to go to his wife. “Greer, come see me in the great hall first thing in the morning. I wish to speak to ye privately.”
“Of course,” Greer said with surprising cheerfulness.
He shoved back from the table, dismissing his sister’s odd behavior, and started for the great hall door after Lillianna. He got no more than four steps when Hector Fraser stood before him.
“I saw yer lovely wife rushing from the room,” Hector said.
Angus narrowed his eyes on Hector. “Were ye watching my wife?”
“Nay, nay. I was coming in when she fled. Jealous over her, eh?” Hector chuckled.
When Angus simply glared at the man, Hector began to fumble and fidget. Then he said, “I hear some of the clan whispering that the brooch yer wife wears is the Brooch of Lagothmier and that she has the gift of sight.”
“Ye should nae listen to whispers, Hector,” Angus said, bringing his fingers to his sword. “When do ye plan to leave my home?” He’d rather not throw Hector out, given he did have regard for his cousins, and Simon was a fellow Renegade, but Angus’s dislike for Hector had increased tenfold in the last few breaths.”
“Tomorrow,” Hector said. “Likely by nightfall.”
“I’ll see you in the morning, then,” Angus replied, glad he’d soon be rid of the man.
When he opened his bedchamber door, Lillianna was sitting on the edge of the bed in her thin cotton underclothes. Moonlight sent a shaft of light over her face, and it glinted off her necklace. She looked like a nymph with her wide eyes and wild hair. And when the expression on her face turned tense and she seemed to be staring through him rather than at him, he closed the door and went to her, kneeling in front of her. “What is it? Did ye encounter someone and have a vision?”
He regretted mentioning her powers immediately. Wariness settled on her face, and she moved over so his arm was not brushing her leg. He felt her loss acutely, but he did not reach for her, wishing to prove to himself he could control the overwhelming desire to touch her.
“You hurt me today,” she said quietly into the silence that had stretched between them.
“I ken,” he admitted. He had never been a man to apologize. He was laird. But with her, the rules he lived by had to change a bit. He saw it now in a way he had not previously understood.
She looked at him with obvious surprise and wariness, and took a deep breath. “If you cannot afford to be distracted by me, where does that leave me? Us?”
He tugged a hand through his hair in frustration. “At night, I can be consumed by ye, lose myself in ye, but in the daytime, I must be focused totally on being the laird. I don’t want to hurt ye, but it must be this way. I kinnae repeat my past.”
“And you think you will do so because of me?” she asked, her eyes beseeching him to explain.
He felt the fragile bond between them as if invisible tethers had formed. He wanted that bond, despite the fact that it would entangle him with her even further, and he feared breaking it with the wrong words. “I think if I allow thoughts of ye to control me in the day, then aye, I could easily make a mistake. Let an enemy best me. Lower my guard when it should be up. Allow ye to defy me in front of my men and lose their respect.”
Her eyes widened, and she opened her mouth as if to say something. But then she gave a little shake of her head, and a look of such sadness crossed her face that he felt her pain to the depths of his soul. “What is it?” he asked, wanting to make right what was hurting her.
“I want more,” she said simply, a single tear slipping down her cheek.
“More? More of what?” he asked, sensing a gap growing between them.
Her eyes locked with his. “More than you want to give me.”
He stood and pulled her up to him, the lengths of their bodies pressing together. She tensed and squeezed her eyes shut. She grew rigid and her face pale, but when she opened her eyes, they were not golden with visions of the future but the green that he loved so much. “Can it nae be enough that I give ye all of me in the night when we hold each other?”
She sighed and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “For now,” she whispered. “For now, I will make it enough. But I’ve become greedy,” she said, tracing her fingers over his chest and then low to the edge of his braies. “You have awakened a part of me I never even knew existed, and I want things I never dared to desire before.
“What sort of things?” he teased, his wife’s delectable body bringing his desire for her to the very forefront of his mind.
“This,” she said, taking his hand and putting it over her breast. Her heart raced under his touch, and the very air between them seemed to thicken with the yearning they both shared. He wanted to dive headfirst into that bliss, where they could both let go. He cupped her other breast, and the moan it elicited from her sent a white-hot shaft through him. He told himself to go slow, but when he gave her a gentle kiss, she wound her hands around his neck and ground her hips into him. His kiss became immediately ravenous, and soon they were tearing at each other’s clothes. She might be just as desperate for him as he was for her!
When they stood bare, she tugged his head close to her breasts and cried out her pleasure when he flicked his tongue over one hard bud and then the other. He decided to tease and torment her until she was screaming for release, but as he left her breasts to kiss his way down between her creamy thighs, she grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.
“No,” she said, panting. “This time I will bring you pleasure first.” Before he could respond, she scrambled to her knees and took him in her hot mouth, pulling on his shaft with long strokes that made him lose his senses.
All his blood seemed to rush to where she worked her magic, and when she brought him to the edge of where he knew he’d not return, he grabbed her by the arms and lifted her on top of him. With a knowing grin, she took him into her welcoming body. Her core tightened around him, and then he simply could not think. His body took over where his mind left off, and he slid in and out of her, wanting to possess all of her and, God help him, wanting to give her all of him.