Chapter Twenty-One
Early the next morning in the great hall, Angus tugged a hand through his hair in irritation. He glanced at the missive Simon had sent to him this morning. King Edward was set to attack Edinburgh Castle. It stood as a symbol of freedom to the Scottish people and Edward meant to take it. To make matters worse, Robbie was riding by the king’s side to be seen as a traitor by all Scots who did not know the truth.
And Robert is now wed to Elizabeth de Burgh.
The words Simon had written still shocked him. Robbie obviously trusted Elizabeth, but Angus still did not. He’d ride out to Edinburgh and rally with the Scots there who would try to defend the castle, and hopefully he’d see Robbie. He’d not tell him of his own marriage, though, not until he could learn for certain if Elizabeth de Burgh was plotting against Robbie.
His need to depart had come sooner than he’d anticipated, and he had to ensure things between Lillianna and Greer were settled before he left, otherwise his mind would be here at his home, with his wife, rather than in Edinburgh and on the battle where it needed to be. When the great hall door squeaked open, he looked up as Greer walked into the room. She pulled the door behind her, and as she started toward him, he rose and met her halfway. He had many things to do before he departed, and he hoped this conversation with Greer would be quick.
He was trying to find the right words when Greer spoke. “What is the plan?” she asked.
He frowned at his sister. “The plan? For what? My defenses against Drumlan and Belfaine should attack come?”
“Ye can cease pretending now,” Greer said with a chuckle.
“I can cease pretending what?” he asked, truly baffled.
Greer scowled at him. “That ye wed that wench for any reason other than the fact that she is a seer and will aid us in defeating our enemies.”
He stared at his sister in disbelief. How was it that he had failed to see that she truly thought such a thing? He sighed out a long breath. This conversation was going to take longer than he’d wished. He could insist that he did not wed Lillianna for her powers, but he suspected his sister would simply not believe him. He needed to get at the heart of what was making her dislike Lillianna so much, which he suspected was merely her fear that he would repeat the mistakes of his past, as she had told him previously.
“Greer, ye dunnae need to fret. It’s different with Lillianna than it was with Isla.”
Greer narrowed her eyes at him. “I ken it’s different. Ye dunnae care for her.”
Images of Lillianna from the day he had first met her until last night as they joined flew through his head. “Nay, Greer. I do care for her,” he admitted to her, as well as to himself.
“Nay!” Greer moved as if to rush from the room. He caught her gently by the elbow just as she was about to open the door and turned her to face him. Fear swam in her eyes. Damnation. He searched for the words to ease Greer’s trepidation. “Lillianna is good, Greer, whereas Isla was nae. Lillianna would nae ever do anything to harm ye or—”
“Cease this!” Greer fairly shouted, the emotions on her face stormy. “She is nae different! She’s tricked ye! Ye are distracted just as ye were with Isla. And one of us—” Greer took a ragged breath “—one of us will die again. I kinnae take it! I will nae stand it! If ye kinnae stop yerself, I’ll stop ye!”
“God’s teeth, Greer!” Angus roared. “If ye dunnae listen to reason, I’ll be forced to send ye away until ye will. I kinnae be fearful of what ye will do to Lillianna while I’m gone. I need to ken that she is safe, that all of ye are safe, nae be worried that ye are going to betray her.”
Greer grabbed his hands suddenly. “Dunnae let her use ye as Isla did. She is the niece of the king’s closest friend and advisor! Cousin to the king’s goddaughter. Think ye she dunnae conspire against ye? Against us? Dunnae be so foolish and controlled by lust! Use her. Use her visions to defeat our enemies. Ye can make her fall in love with ye, and she will do whatever ye ask. We can finally destroy Belfaine, and then we will nae have to worry anymore that he will hurt us again. Say ye will finally set to rights what ye caused.”
Pain and regret squeezed his chest, and he saw clearly what he’d failed to see all these years, or maybe just refused to see because of his guilt and need to punish himself. True love was not a weakness. He had chosen poorly with Isla. He had ignored that she was not a good person because he’d been in the throes of lust. It was not so with Lillianna. She was good and had proven it with every word, every action. She made him stronger.
He loved her.
The realization sucked the air from his lungs. He was not a man to talk of soft emotions, but he’d have to find a way, so he could help soften his sister’s heart, which he himself had a hand in hardening.
“I will do as ye ask,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I will set to rights what I have caused.”
Lillianna stood shaking at the great hall door. She could hardly believe what she had just heard. The thing she had feared most was happening: Angus had agreed to use her. She tore herself away from the door and raced down the passage to the courtyard, bypassing surprised servants along the way. When she barreled through the door, into the fading sunlight, she faltered, her thoughts colliding in her head like violent waves.
Surely, she had misunderstood what she had heard. Her mind replayed the conversation between Angus and Greer, and Lillianna gave a bitter laugh. She did not see how she could have misunderstood their words. And now she had to get away from Angus. She had to get away from him because when he was near, she forgot to be afraid of men and she did foolish things like wed one, open up to him, and want to make him fall in love with her.
Tears blinded her as she ran across the courtyard toward the stables, and as she approached, she almost slammed into Allisdair who was coming around the corner. She stopped just short of colliding with him and reached out a hand, touching his elbow. “I’m sorry, Allisdair.”
He frowned as he looked at her. “What’s the matter, Lillianna?”
She swallowed the need to complain about his brother. She refused to put anything between them, despite the fact that Angus deserved it. He’d duped her. Or if he hadn’t duped her, he’d been all too willing to do so now when asked to by his sister. Lillianna needed to be alone and think. She was wed to him, but did that mean she was stuck here? Could she ride to the MacLeods and seek their protection? The thought of leaving Angus, of never seeing him or being held by him again, ripped her heart open, sorrow and anger spilling out.
“Lillianna?” Allisdair prodded. “Do ye want me to fetch Angus?”
“No! No, I, well, we had a fight,” she lied, unable to think of anything else to say. “I simply need to ride out and clear my head. Do you understand? I just need to be alone.”
“Aye, but dunnae ride long. Dark is approaching. And dunnae go farther than the cliffs or Angus will be sore that ye risked yer safety. And take my dagger,” he said, holding out his blade.
She took the dagger. “He’d only be angry out of fear of losing me because of my powers,” she grumbled, then bit her lip on saying the foolish words aloud in front of Allisdair. She drew him into a hug. “I’m sorry, Allisdair. I should not have said that.” Though it was true. “I’m vexed.”
The boy awkwardly patted her back. “Shall I fetch a horse for ye?”
She shook her head. “No, I can manage.”
“All right, but remember what I said: dunnae venture farther than the cliffs.”
She nodded and watched as Allisdair walked away. He looked back several times, so she finally called, “I’m all right, truly,” but her voice sounded false to her own ears.
It didn’t take long to get a destrier, and once she was mounted, she sent the horse galloping out of the courtyard and toward the cliffs. She had half a mind to turn the horse around and ride toward the bridge, past the guards, and all the way to the MacLeods, but she was not so foolish as that. If she was going to flee Angus, she would do so in the early-morning hours so she’d have the safety of light.
She rode to the edge of the cliffs, then dismounted and tethered the destrier to a nearby tree. She headed toward the ledge that overlooked the ocean, the wind blowing a fine mist of salt and whipping her hair against her cheeks. Hot tears coursed over her cold skin, and she raised her arms over her head, capturing her hair and working to fashion it into a knot. Her heart squeezed in anguish as she thought about Angus and all she had imprudently allowed herself to hope. Her silent tears turned to loud sobs. The wind howled around her, and the waves crashed into the cliffs below. The ferocity of the stormy water matched her mood, she thought bitterly, her numb fingers still clumsily trying to tie her hair. She had walked into deception like a fool. The swell of pain enveloping her made her feel ill.
Suddenly, heat enveloped her from behind, and her reckless heart leaped at the thought that it was Angus. She clenched her teeth and whirled around to tell him what she thought of him, but her words died on her tongue. Icy fear twisted through her. A stranger stood there with a dagger pointed at her.
Angus shifted self-consciously as he fumbled with his words to Greer. Trying to talk of love and his heart was more difficult than any battle he’d ever fought. “And so,” he said, finishing, “it is nae softness that is bad.”
“Love?” Greer asked. “Do ye mean love?”
He jerked his head in a nod, feeling as awkward as a newborn bairn. “Aye. That… That did nae make me weak, nor make me lose my good sense. I ignored what Isla showed me of her character time and again, because I wanted to ignore it, because I wanted her.”
“Ye mean ye lusted for her,” Greer clarified, arching her eyebrows.
His neck heated, but he nodded, thinking briefly that he wished Lillianna could have had this conversation with Greer instead of him. Lillianna would have said it better. He could have told her of his heart more easily. He prayed Greer would hear him and accept the words, because he damn sure did not want to try to explain it again.
“How can ye be certain ye dunnae just want Lillianna?” Greer demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and giving him a suspicious look.
“It’s different,” he said, Robbie’s words about his chest tightening suddenly appearing in his memory. “She makes my chest tight. She steals my air. And I have watched her with open eyes. She is good and true. Allisdair, Mari, and Ross all see it.”
Greer bit her lip. “Nae anyone liked Isla.”
“True,” he agreed. “Ross hated her. So did Ma and Da, but I ignored them.”
She looked at him, her lower lip started to tremble, and then she began to cry. “I’m sorry, Angus. I will try. Honestly, I will.”
Before he could respond, a knock came at the door. “Enter,” he bellowed.
The great hall door opened, and Ross strode in. “We’ve a problem,” he said by way of greeting.
“Aye? What is it?” Angus asked.
“One of the men saw some riders in the woods, but when he tried to chase them down, they escaped.”
Angus tensed, immediately thinking upon Belfaine and Drumlan. “Did ye—” The horns announcing intruders began to blow, and Angus nodded. “Ye did alert the guards,” he said, not needing to ask the question anymore.
“Of course,” Ross said with a smug smile. “Ye can rely upon me, Brother. Ye’ve taught me well. I also told the guards to bring anyone outside of the main gates into the castle grounds.”
“Excellent. Let me tell Lillianna I’m riding out, and we will see what enemies we can catch,” Angus said, anticipation of hopefully finding and crushing one or both of his enemies filling him.
“Angus,” Allisdair said from the door.
Angus looked to the door, not having realized his youngest brother had entered the room. “Aye?” he asked, baffled when Allisdair glared at him.
Allisdair marched into the room, his lips puckered, and folded his arms across his chest. “What did ye do to Lillianna? I saw her at the stables, and she was crying.”
“The stables?” Fear shot through him. “God’s blood.” He started toward the door. “She was nae headed out of the main castle grounds, was she?”
“Nay. I warned her nae to ride farther than the sea cliffs, and she assured me she would nae. I even gave her my dagger for protection from animals. But what did ye do?” Allisdair asked again. “When I said ye’d be angry if she put herself in danger, she said you’d only be angry because ye would fear losing her because of her powers. Angus, is that true?”
“God’s bones,” Angus muttered, looking from Greer to the door.
Greer’s face paled. “She heard us.”
“Aye,” he said, never more certain of anything in his life. She had heard what they’d said, though clearly not all of it. And if she had only overheard the bad part, then in her mind, everything she had feared of him was true. Pain lanced through him at how devastated she must feel. “Ross, await me in the courtyard with the men. I need to find Lillianna and speak with her before I ride out. I need to try to explain what she heard.”
But would she even believe him?