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4 Days before Christmas

Allie woke up sore and exhausted. She had collapsed after the children left the night before. Her back hurt from bending over the tub and washing her niece. Muscles in every part of her body ached, and she could only imagine how much worse it would have been if she’d had to crawl around on her hands and knees cleaning up the mess Cassie had made in the kitchen. It was hard to admit, but Logan had been a huge help.

That should have made her happy, but it didn't. As a matter of fact, it made her even more annoyed.

Yesterday had been a test. Not just of her babysitting skills, but of her ability to handle a child of her own. As much as Allie insisted that she was prepared to be a single mother, the truth was she had no idea if she was up for the challenge. Yesterday had been a trial run and she’d failed miserably.

She threw her legs over the side of the bed and heaved herself into a standing position. Her feet hurt immediately. She tried to look down at her swollen toes, but couldn't see past her belly.

She had one job to do: convince Logan that she could raise a child on her own and didn't need his help. Yesterday had proven the exact opposite.

She stomped over to her dresser and pulled out one of the few remaining outfits that fit around her ever-growing form. She needed to put herself in a better mood. After all, there were only four days until Christmas and she wasn’t about to waste them being angry and hiding in her room.

Only four days until Christmas. They needed a tree!

She took a shower and threw on her stretchy maternity pants and an oversized sweater, spent a few minutes on her hair and makeup and told herself it wasn’t because of Logan. Not that it really mattered what her face looked like. She didn’t think she was likely to attract any man right now, and that was fine by her.

It was still early, but sunlight was peeking in the windows by the time Allie crept into the kitchen.

She grabbed her keys off the hook by the door and pulled her coat from the closet. She was just slipping it over her arms when she heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Sneaking out?” Logan asked. His voice was as warm and rich as the chocolate chip cookies she’d baked the night before.

“I’m not sneaking. This is my house, and I’m an adult. I come and go as I please.”

He held up both hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”

She narrowed her eyes on him and tried to give him the same withering stare she’d seen her mother use so many times throughout her childhood. “You’re here. You’re here and you’re ruining my Christmas spirit. I’m trying to be jolly, dammit.”

Logan smiled. Part of her wanted to slap the smile off his face and another part of her got all excited when he flashed that ridiculous dimple.

“Well, in the spirit of Christmas, I think we should make peace. We need to be able to talk to each other civilly if we’re ever going to get through this.”

She shrugged. “I can be civil.”

“I was hoping my charm would win you over,” he said with a grin.

“Without the benefit of alcohol and the threat of a bar fight, you probably wouldn’t have seemed that charming in the first place,” she lied.

He shrugged. “Then it’s a shame you can’t drink, because with alcohol, I’m a regular Sir Lancelot.”

Allie smiled a little. She was okay with making peace, but she still wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. A little alone time before the family descended.

“So since we’re now acquaintances who can speak politely, can I ask where you’re going?”

 “It’s Christmas tree day,” she said. “Or it will be, as soon as I text the family and tell them it is. And before we can load up and head over to Holiday Ranch, I have to pick up pastries from Sunny’s Place.” And maybe linger over coffee and a donut and some solitude.

“You need snacks to put up a Christmas tree?”

“No. You need snacks to keep the kids entertained and the grown-ups warm while we walk around in search of the perfect tree. Usually it’d be done by now, but we wanted to wait for Adam to come home. It’s kind of a family tradition.”

Logan didn’t look like he was understanding, but Allie didn’t have time to explain. She turned to grab her shoes.

“Wait. I have questions.”

She turned back to face him and saw the wonder in his eyes. It was almost endearing.

“Shoot,” she said, perching on a stool to pull the shoes onto her feet.

“First, I’m wondering about the tree. Isn’t that a lot of work considering it will only be up for a few days?”

“It’s not work. It’s fun! And it wouldn’t be Christmas without a tree. Mmm, especially a real tree, so you can smell the pine. There’s something about searching the lot and finding the right tree. It’s different every year, but always seems perfect.”

“And the whole family goes?”

“Yeah. We usually go the day after Thanksgiving, but like I said, we waited for Adam.” She saw the look on his face, and without being told, she knew that he’d never experienced anything like what she described. “Haven’t you ever had a real Christmas tree before?”

“A couple of the foster homes I was in had fake trees, but I spent most of my time at group homes and Christmas was like any other day.” He didn't say it with sadness in his voice. It was matter-of-fact, which made Allie feel even worse. She tried to imagine what it would be like to have no family. No happy memories. No childhood holidays to look back on.

Allie couldn’t imagine growing up like that. She’d believed in Santa Claus far longer than most of the kids her age. Christmas had always been full of magic for her. She couldn’t imagine it any other way.

“Then you have to come with us.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “I do?”

“You do. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“I don't know. It’s a family thing. Shouldn’t it just be family?”

You are family, something inside her said. Maybe it was the baby’s voice. She didn’t say it aloud. “The more, the merrier. Besides, we’re going to be getting three trees. We need all the strong backs we can get.”

Logan smiled and Allie tried to ignore the slight swell of her heart. “Any more questions?”

“Tons.”

Allie rolled her eyes. “Then you better grab some shoes. You can ask me on the way to Sunny’s.”

He glanced toward the den. “Should we wake Adam?”

“Not for the pre-game,” she said. “I’ll text him at kickoff.”

They’d lingered over breakfast together at the Big Falls diner, and Allie made calls and sent texts, and set everything up. Then they walked along Main Street, where every lamppost bore a wreath, and every shop window was decked for the holiday. They headed to the only place with a pink and white striped awning, instead of a green and white striped awning, Sunny’s Place, where they picked up dozens of cookies and pastries. Sunny had filled their two-gallon Thermos jug with hot cocoa, too.

And later, with the family all behind them, ready for action, they drove beneath an arching HOLIDAY RANCH sign, and parked beside the smaller of two barns.

Allie’s parents pulled in right behind them in David’s shiny red pickup truck. And Angie and her brood brought up the rear in her SUV.

Adam had ridden with David and Beth. He was quiet and looked as if he was still suffering the effects of the booze he’d had the night before.

“It doesn’t look like they’re open,” Logan said, looking at the all-but-deserted place. There were no trees in sight and he wondered if Allie had come to the wrong address.

“Just trust me,” Allie said, pulling into a parking spot and opening the car door. It was still early and there weren’t any other cars around, although Logan did see ample room for parking beside the small barn.

They had barely taken a step when a pretty strawberry blonde stepped out of the little barn pulling her jacket around her shoulders and greeting Allie with a hug. “I see you’re still pregnant,” she asked with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah rub it in,” Allie replied, then to Logan, “She had hers a month ago.”

“Three and a half weeks,” she corrected.

“It’s a helluva story. Remind me to tell you later.”

“Glad to be the source of amusement,” Kiley said.

“How’s the baby?”

“Diana is great. She’s with her auntie in the house. “I hear your big brother’s home and that he brought a friend. Is this him?” This with a look at Logan.

 “Kiley Kellogg McIntyre, meet Logan Edwards. He’s in Adam’s unit and came home to spend the holidays with us.”

He took her hand, gave it a polite squeeze. “It’s a real pleasure,” he said.

“Thank you for your service.”

He always felt odd when people said that, and glanced Allie’s way to distract himself from having to answer. Her eyes sparkled in the morning light. Her cheeks were pink and her smile beamed as she spoke to the other woman. Logan had always heard people say pregnant women glowed, but he’d never noticed it. But as he looked at Allie, he saw it. She was shining like the sun.

The rest of her family had arrived.

“Can I talk you into taking one of the pre-cut trees?” Kiley asked. “You don’t need to worry about it lasting. We’ve only got a few days to go, and I guarantee they’re fresh cut. Otherwise, you have your work cut out for you.” She added, for Logan’s benefit, “We bought the Christmas Tree farm that borders our place,” she said. “Owners retired to Sedona. But it’s way up back.”

Allie said, “I’ve been going way up back since I was a kid,” Allie said. “This year is no different.”

“Allie, are you sure?” her mother asked. “It’s quite a hike and you’re hardly in the condition to make it.”

“Not to mention you’re past your due date,” Logan said.

She rolled her eyes. “A walk will do me good. Maybe it’ll convince this baby to stop being so stubborn and make an appearance.”

Kiley shook her head. “Not on my watch. You wait right here. I’ll have Rob hook up the wagon. You can do a horse-drawn hay ride up to the pine lot. Go on into the shop. I’ll be right back.”

She hurried away before Allie could argue.

“All right everyone, you heard Kiley. While we wait, let’s pick out an ornament!” Beth’s voice carried over the chatter and all the Wakelands quieted down and made their way into the small barn.

“You coming?” Allie asked when Logan lagged behind.

“I’m not sure. What are we doing now?”

“Every year, we each pick out a special ornament that means something to us, to remind us of the year gone by. Kiley has a gift shop here. She has all kinds of ornaments. So…we might as well get them here.”

Logan held back, thinking about that. The only thing special about the past year, was meeting Allie, and making a baby with her.

The rest of the group had already gone in through the big rolling door and Logan was happy he had Allie all to himself for another few minutes.

“Tell me about the one you picked out last year.”

“Last year was different.” The smile had fled her face all of the sudden.

He knew that. Stupid to bring it up and dampen her joy.

Yesterday he’d been so annoyed with her, he wished he never had to speak to her again, but today in the glow of the early morning sunlight, she looked sweet and tempting and he found himself having a hard time keeping his hands off her.

“What will you get this year?” he asked, to bring her smile back. “One with a baby on it?”

Allie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Maybe.”

 “Any suggestions for someone like me?”

“You can’t think of anything you’ve done this year that you want to remember?”

Logan flashed his most charming smile. “Nothing that I think will be found on an ornament.”

Allie’s face flushed, and she couldn’t hide her smile. “Maybe start with something easy. Like a snowman with your name on it.”

They took the wagon ride through the woods and up a hill. Everyone laughed and talked, and the kids played and bickered and giggled. Beth hugged her husband’s arm to her side and leaned her head on his shoulder and gazed at the boisterous crew of their offspring in a kind of rapture. Angie’s forced smile was convincing enough to fool her kids, but no one else, and Adam just looked lonely.

They’d disembarked, and split up at the beginning of this scavenger hunt. Allie’s parents had gone in one direction and he’d glimpsed them smooching behind a needled bough once. Adam had gone with Angie and the kids so he could carry Cassie on his shoulders.  

Logan was following Allie through what seemed to be an endless forest.

“How about this one?” Logan asked, pointing at a tree that looked exactly as green and perfect as every other tree on the lot.

Allie pursed her lips looking the tree up and down and then she moved around it in a circle. “Nope. It has a bare spot.”

“I’m beginning to understand why Kiley’s husband brought a book along to read while he waited on the wagon. What was it? War and Peace?”

“Nothing wrong with being picky.”

“As picky as you are, I’d think you would have bought a fake tree years ago. Could save yourself an awful lot of time.”

Her nose crinkled in disgust. “Not if I live to be one hundred and ten. I’ll still drag my wrinkly, old butt up this hill and come back down with a real tree.”

“I bet you will. So tell me, what is it about this back lot that’s so special?” Logan asked, wanting to know more about the woman next to him.

“My parents got their first Christmas tree from these same woods, the year they got married. After that, it became a tradition.” Her cheeks flushed a little. “It’s corny and silly, but I love it.”

 “I think that’s sweet.” He imagined their child. A little girl with Allie’s dark brown curls, running at her mother’s side. Or a little boy with her mischievous gleam in his eyes. In Logan’s imagination, he was there, too. Walking right beside them, and he wished that could be reality, but maybe Allie was right. Maybe the only thing he could guarantee his child was a broken heart when he had to leave.

“How about that one?” he asked pointing to another generic looking pine.

“Too short,” she said walking further down the row of evergreens.

He cast his eyes around for a taller one and found it two rows over. “How about that one?” He pointed.

“That one…might work.” Allie hurried toward it, and circled the tree a few times. “Nope...see the brown needles on the back side? They’ll be falling off before we even get it in the door.”

They were nearly to the back corner of the lot. “Allie, I know you always get your trees from this area, but maybe we should just get one of the pre-cut ones. They looked nice. You know, no brown spots.”

“No, it’s here. I know it is.”

“We’re almost out of trees,” Logan tried to point out logically, but Allie wasn’t listening.

Then suddenly she shouted, scaring him half out of his shoes, “That’s it, Logan! Do you see it?” She pointed to the last tree in the corner of the field. It was a beautiful tree, but so were the other two thousand they’d passed to find it.

“What makes this one the right tree?” he asked, watching Allie admire the tree as they went to take a closer look.

“It just is! This is the perfect tree.”

When he saw the way her face lit as she gazed at the conifer, Logan had to agree.

“I guess I’m lucky you weren’t this picky the night we met.”

She crooked an eyebrow at him. “You never would have passed the test.”

He smiled. “But the tree does?”

“Yes, this is the one!” She was so excited she practically bounced, which he imagined was no easy task for a pregnant woman.

“Great.” He crouched on the cold ground with the hand saw Rob McIntyre had provided and got to work.

“Be careful. Make sure you hold the saw level or it’ll never stand up straight in the tree stand,” Allie said.

He had to lie on his side to saw all the way through. Allie stood over him, holding the center of the tree to keep it from pinching the saw blade. He made the final cut and the tree tumbled from her grip falling to the ground. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sound of her delighted laughter.

Then he said, “You had to pick the furthest tree from the wagon.”

“Not by a long shot,” she said, pointing up ahead. “There are three more lots that way. Next time I should make you go through all of them.”

“Next time, Mr. McIntyre better bring his entire library.”

They realized at the same time that next time, Logan might not be there and they both fell silent. Logan pulled the tree to the path and as soon as he spotted them, Rob McIntyre hopped down from the wagon to help load it up.

“That’s a beauty,” he said.

Logan glanced around. “Where’s the rest of the crew?”

“Oh, they won’t be back for a while yet. Finding the perfect tree takes time,” Allie explained.

McIntyre said, “I’ll hike out and check on them. You two go ahead and settle into the wagon. You should get off your feet, Allie. I put your snacks under the seat.”

Logan helped Allie climb onto the wagon and scrambled up after her. She sat down on the hard, wooden bench, then tracked down the thermos full of cocoa and started to pour it into a pair of the foam cups they’d brought.

“You really do this every year?” he asked, eager to hear more about her childhood.

“Every except last. Like I said, last year was different. Angie got the news about Jeff two days after Thanksgiving.”

Logan swallowed the lump in his throat. You couldn’t be in his line of work and not be aware of what could happen, but he’d never seen someone who was going through the loss first hand. It wouldn’t be like that if it happened to him. He was a loner. No connections. No ties.

At least not until now.

“That must’ve been awful.”

“Angie was a mess. Living on the base in Fort Sill with the kids. No family down there. So I went down to get her, but she insisted on having Christmas there, in the last place where they’d been a family together. I tried to help with the kids and the arrangements. But I couldn’t help with her broken heart.”

Allie shivered and Logan knew it had nothing to do with the chill of the morning. Still he put his arm around her shoulders and felt her relax into him just a little.

“I was trying to hold it together for the kids. And Angie was doing everything the way she and Jeff always had, but that only made it harder on Jack. Cassie was too little to know what was going on, but poor Jack. He was sure Santa was going to bring his daddy home.” A tear spilled onto her cheek.

“We woke up on Christmas morning and Jack ran into the living room, yelling for his dad. When he didn’t find him, he lost it. It just broke him. He was so disappointed.”

An ache settled into Logan’s chest, imagining what little Jack had gone through. “What’d you do?”

“The only thing I could think of. I threw everything in my car. The presents, the kids, Angie, and I drove them to my house. I called Adam on the way and told him what had happened. I told him and our parents to meet us at my house and bring food.

“It took us hours to get home, but the whole way I was thinking, what am I going to do when we get there? How am I going to fix this? Then we pulled into the driveway and about five minutes later Adam arrived with more presents for the kids. And then…then it just got amazing.”

“How so?” He was watching the emotions cross her face as she spoke, feeling every one of them with her.

“The locals must have spread the word, because all day neighbors stopped in with food and gifts. A roast turkey from Rosie over at the Big Falls diner. Pies and Christmas cookies from Sunny’s. Toys for the kids. Dolls and books and videogames. I don’t know how they did it on such short notice. On Christmas Day of all things. It was like magic. The whole town coming together to bring Christmas to these two kids who’d lost their dad.” The tears were streaming down Allie’s face now and Logan knew if he was the crying type, he’d have shed a few, too.

His heart ached for Jack, and he made a mental note to grab a couple of things for Angie’s kids before Christmas morning. “That’s incredible. It makes me wish I’d grown up in a town like this.

“It’s not perfect. We have a humbug here and there. You’d fit right in.”

“I bet you charm the socks off every single one of them.”

“Not every one. There’s Mr. Andrews. He is definitely not a fan of mine.” Allie said, smiling.

The sunlight shone on her dark hair and made it look lighter, like there were swirls of gold in it, and he longed to reach out his fingers and feel the silky softness for himself. He resisted the urge.

“That’s enough to declare him the town grouch? What did you do to poor Mr. Andrews? You didn’t throw him into the middle of a bar fight, did you?”

“I stole his dog.” Allie looked quite pleased with herself.

“I might have heard part of this story. But I’m dying to hear your version.”

“It happened one spring. I was driving home when a huge storm hit. The rain was coming in sideways and the wind was howling. The sky was pitch black. I had just turned onto my parents’ street when I heard the tornado warnings on the radio and the siren started going off. Anyway, I drove past Mr. Andrews’ house, and there was his poor dog, Rusty, chained to a post in the middle of the yard with nothing to protect him from the weather.” Allie shrugged, like that explained everything.

“Keep going. You just got to the good part.”

“That’s it, really. I stopped the car, unhooked the dog and took him home.”

“In the middle of a tornado warning, you stopped to steal your neighbor’s dog.” Logan looked at her, incredulous.

“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds crazy. But I couldn’t let the poor thing suffer out there. He was the sweetest dog. A big shaggy mutt with more fur than brains. I took him home, and he wreaked havoc on Mom’s furniture for a while and ate everything in sight, but I was crazy about that dog. I never told anyone in the family where he came from. I would have kept him, but Mr. Andrews saw the whole thing. A few days later, Jimmy Corona was at my door.”

“Jimmy Co—“

“Big Falls police chief. He said I had to give the dog back and apologize or Andrews would press charges. He said if I let him take the dog, he wouldn’t tell my folks. So I didn’t have much choice. But I told him to tell Andrews that if I saw him mistreat that poor animal again, he’d lose more than just his dog.”

Logan was grinning like an idiot by the end of the story. “You told the police chief that.” She nodded. Her version of the tale was much more entertaining than Adam’s had been, and it cast her in an entirely different light. She wasn’t the family screw-up her brother believed her to be. She was a strong, stubborn woman who knew exactly what she wanted and did everything she could to get it. He liked that. He liked her. More and more, with every minute he spent with her. And he had no idea what he was going to do about it.

“So, tell me about you,” she said. “You really don’t know anything about your family?”

“I know enough. They gave me up two hours after I was born. There were health issues, most of them due to my mother taking drugs throughout her pregnancy. Luckily, I escaped without any permanent damage. But it was enough to keep interested adoptive parents away. When I was eight, I received a clean bill of health, but by that time, I was well past the ideal adoption age. So, I bounced around the system until I was a teenager, and when I couldn’t stand it anymore, I ran away. I figured being on my own was better than being in a group home. As soon as I was old enough, I got my GED and enlisted.”

He wasn’t bitter or angry about his past. He didn’t tell her so she’d feel sorry for him. He just wanted her to understand why he couldn’t desert their baby. Even if she wanted him to. Even if she believed in her stubborn way that it was the only way things could work. He couldn’t do it. Not ever.

“Did you ever try to find your parents?” she asked. Her eyes held the pity and sorrow he always saw when he told people about his family. He hated that look. And he hated seeing it on Allie’s face even more. He didn’t need pity. He’d had made a life for himself without his parents. Without anyone.

“No.”

“Aren’t you curious about them? About why they gave you up?”

“I know everything I need to know. They didn’t even wait around to see if I was going to make it before they signed me over to the state. When I was little, when I needed them, I spent years imagining them coming back for me. They never did. I wasted enough time and energy on that. I don't need them anymore. Probably never did.”

He couldn't expect her to understand. She came from a home full of love. A town that transformed into a fairy tale when bad things happened. She’d told him once that her hometown was magic. She was magic, too, he thought.

He looked into her sparkling eyes and then he kissed her. He just cupped her face with a palm and he leaned in and kissed her, long, and slow and deep.

 “Uncle Adam says if I’m real quiet, maybe we’ll see a deer or a rabbit or something,” Jack yelled at the top of his lungs, as he came charging out of the tree lot at a dead run.

They pulled apart. Allie’s brown eyes were wide and full of questions.

Angie followed with the toddler on her hip and Adam brought up the rear, looking like he’d just been hit by a steam roller. “I’d tell him he might see bigfoot if it would make him keep his voice down,” Adam muttered dragging a massive pine tree behind him.  Rob McIntyre was close behind, and helped him load it. “I adore that kid, but I’m seriously thinking about getting him a muzzle for Christmas.”

Angie gave her brother a sharp elbow to the ribs and tried to hide a smile.  “It’s not Jack’s fault you can’t hold your booze,” she retorted.

“Nope. It’s Dad’s fault. Bad genes.”

“Your father’s genes are excellent. Don’t go blaming us for your shortcomings,” Beth said from the other side of the tree line. Logan wasn't sure how she’d gotten close enough to hear without her children noticing, but she didn’t look like she was about to tolerate them taking jabs at her husband.

David whispered something in his wife’s ear and Logan saw her cheeks turn pink. He wondered what that was like. Having a relationship like that. A love like that. He was still wondering about it when the wagon pulled back into the parking lot and slowed to a stop. His eyes were drawn to Allie and he let himself imagine for just a second.