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Angie’s house was a brick split-level a few miles west of Big Falls proper, near the giant construction site with the sign that read, “Future site of Big Falls Reservoir and Park.” Lighted pine garland wound around the posts and draped from the white railings of the small front porch. It felt like the kind of place where weary strangers would be met at the door with a welcoming smile, and brought inside for a cup of hot cocoa beside a crackling fire.

They’d both been quiet on the drive. Allie didn’t know what to say. Things between them had changed. He was attentive. He was charming. He was attracted to her and letting her know it, and that didn’t make sense.

She shivered, thinking about that kiss. It had been full of fire. What the hell was Logan doing? He kissed her like he meant it. Did he mean it? Could he mean it? Or was he just trying to convince her that they should get married, and using every tool at his disposal?

That had to be it, she thought.  He probably thought he could charm her into marrying him just as easily as he’d charmed her into his arms that fateful night. And it wasn’t nice, playing with her that way, trying to make her believe there might be something real between them.

She ought to turn around and smack him, she thought as she stood at her sister’s Christmassy front door, nose-to-pine cones with a wreath big enough to encircle her middle. But instead, she rang the bell and tried not to think about the man standing behind her. Her sister was more important. Holidays were hard without Jeff.

Angie came to the door dressed in fuzzy green and red stripped pajama pants and a red shirt with a sparkly Christmas tree on it. The inside of the house was dark, though it was barely eight o’clock.

Angie looked worried when she saw her little sister. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Didn’t you get my text?”

“No, I was busy.”

“Well, I just ditched our brother and two bimbettes at Haggerty House and I wanted to check in on my way home. I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“It’s not that late.” Angie held the door open for them. “Mom and dad went home right after we got our tree up. The kids and I are watching Rudolf. Come on in. I was just about to put on some hot chocolate.”

Allie stepped through the door and Logan placed a hand on the small of her back. She turned and glared at him, but not before Angie cast a curious look their way. They walked through the entryway and down a few steps into the living room. It didn't take long to see why the lights were off. Angie had the tree plugged in, and it was big enough and twinkly enough to light the whole neighborhood.

Jack was sitting in the middle of the couch, his arm around Shaggy, his sheepdog sidekick. He grabbed his remote, paused his program, and said, “Hey Logan! Come sit here.”

Logan walked over to the couch and sat down and Jack immediately began telling him about what dinosaurs he suspected might have evolved into the Bumble.

“Where’s Cassie?” Allie asked her sister.

Angie looked around. “Oh no! Oh jeeze, I swear to God she was sitting right here two seconds ago!” She ran through the house, and Allie followed. The dining room was dark, but the kitchen light was on. They both raced through the doorway and skidded to a stop. Cassie sat in front of the fridge, exactly as she had before at Allie's house. A dozen eggs lay smashed around her on the floor. This time she held a spatula in her hand and was slapping it repeatedly in the egg-puddle, sending yolk-spatter in a hundred directions.

“Eggs. It’s always eggs.” Angie scooped up the little girl and handed her to Allie.

Allie took her, grasping under the arms. The kid was dripping in egg. “She does this often?”

“Every chance she gets.”

Relief washed through Allie in a rush that left her knees weak. She hadn’t even realized how bad she’d been feeling about the egg incident until it just whooshed away, leaving her lighter than before. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Angie sent her a puzzled frown. “It never came up. She sticks string beans up her nose, and puts pancakes in the DVD player, too.”

Allie felt like she might cry. “I thought it was just me. I couldn’t keep her out of trouble even for a couple hours.” She pulled Cassie right in close. To heck with the sticky, gooey mess on her hands and clothes. She hugged her. Cassie grabbed a handful of hair with an egg-coated hand. “She got into my eggs, too.”

“I knew something had happened,” Angie said. “No, sis, it’s not you. She does this. A lot. I can barely blink. But at least it’s just eggs. She’s not getting outside or sticking forks into electrical outlets or—”

“Oh, God.” The horror of that notion ended Allie’s relief instantly. “I don’t think I’m ready for this.” Allie whispered the words she’d been afraid to say, even to herself. “Angie, what am I gonna do? I don’t know how to be a mommy.”

“Oh sweetie, nobody is ready for this. It doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, married or single, planned or unplanned. Nothing can prepare anyone for motherhood—except motherhood.” She grabbed a roll of paper towels from under the sink. “The good news is, it starts slow. At first, they’re so little the worst thing they do is cry. Other than that, they eat, sleep and snuggle. The crying can be tough, and the lack of sleep is brutal for a couple of months, but the snuggling is worth the trouble.” She kissed Cassie’s cheek, then bent to clean up the egg mess.

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Allie gazed at her niece and tried to imagine living up to the love and trust in her eyes.

“You learn as you go, you figure out what they need, and you fall in love with them. Head over heels. So by the time they start doing things like this, you love them enough that you don’t go completely insane.”

Allie plucked a piece of eggshell out of her niece’s beautiful blond hair. “How do you do it on your own, Angie? I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

Angie pushed puddles of egg around the floor, trying to capture them in the paper towels. Globs kept escaping.

“When you have no other choice, you get strong in a hurry.” She tossed the wad of paper towels into the garbage can and grabbed another bunch. “But…” Angie bit her lower lip. “I’ll shut up.”

“But what?” Allie asked. “Go on, tell me.”

She shrugged one shoulder. “Are you sure you have no other choice?”

Allie shook her head. “I’m not sure of anything.”

“Well, I don't know what’s going on with you, mostly because you stubbornly refuse to spill it. I understand that. Mostly. But just think about it. I’m not saying you need to marry the guy or even date him, but if he’s around and he’s willing to be involved, let him. Because if you don’t—babies grow up, Allie. This baby will be Cassie’s age, and then Jack’s age, and then a teenager and then an adult. Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to answer all the questions from ‘who is my father,’ to ‘why isn’t he in my life?’”

A big hot tear erupted, and rolled slowly down Allie’s cheek. Cassie patted it with her gooey hand. “I’m gonna go start the tub.”

“I knew I should’ve shut up,” Angie muttered as she hurried away.

“If I were Rudolph, I’d fly a quetzalcoatlus in there to get the Bumble,” Jack said.

“What’s a quetzalcoatlus?”

“It’s a pterosaur and it was the biggest flying animal of all time.”

“You mean like a pterodactyl?”

“That’s not their real name. ‘Member? I ‘splained that to you last time.”  

“Okay, so you say Rudolph should just use the quetzalco-whatsit, but what if Rudolph doesn’t have a …” Logan trailed off as Allie entered the room, a sticky messy toddler wriggling and giggling in her arms.

Allie drew his focus, no matter where they were or who else was present. His eyes just stopped obeying his brain when she walked into a room.

She was smiling adoringly at the little girl in her arms. There was something sticky in her hair and on her face, and all over little Cassie. For a second he thought about their own baby in those same arms. Or in his. The dog jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen, apparently recognizing the signs of a food-coated floor, and eager to help clean up Cassie’s mess.

“It’s a quetz-al-co-at-lus.” Jack said the worlds slowly, forcing Logan’s attention back to him. Allie disappeared with the sticky baby, and he heard water running somewhere nearby. “If Rudolph doesn’t have one, he should get in his time machine and go get one.”

Logan nodded. “Sure, but what if he doesn’t have a time machine?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “He lives in the North Pole. With Santa. He could definitely get a time machine.”

Logan didn’t even try to argue with that logic.

They spent a few minutes just watching the show. “I don’t understand the Island of Misfit Toys,” Logan said after a little while. “What’s wrong with that doll? She looks normal to me.”

Jack gave him a look like he thought Logan had the mentality of an ant. “You know it’s just pretend, right?”

“Are you sure?”

 “Can you keep a secret?” Jack’s tone was serious.

“Of course.”

Jack leaned a little closer. “Santa’s not real.”

Logan didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have any experience dealing with kids, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t a discussion he should be having. This was something Jack should talk to his mother about. He was afraid he was going to say the wrong thing. Pretty sure of it actually, because he couldn’t think of anything to say at all.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, deciding non-committal was his best bet.

“Last year, I was really good, and I only asked Santa for one thing, and I didn’t get it. I always get the stuff I ask for if you can buy it at the store, but if Santa was real, he could help with the important stuff, too.”

Logan didn't have to ask Jack what he meant. He remembered Allie’s story. The kid had been sure Santa would bring his dad home for Christmas last year.

Logan put his arm around Jack’s shoulders. “Some problems are so big, even Santa can’t fix them, buddy,” Logan said. “But that doesn’t mean you should give up on him.”

Jack shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I do understand. I don’t have any parents.”

“Everybody has parents,” Jack said in his knowing voice.

“I guess that’s true, but I never knew mine. They gave me away when I was little and I spent lots of Christmases asking Santa for a family. And when it didn’t happen, I was sure he wasn’t real. Just like you are now.”

“So, I’m right.”

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I was either.” The look in the little boy’s eyes made Logan’s heart break. It was like his last shred of hope was vanishing.

 “Santa might not be able to fix everything, but I believe he’s real. There’s something magical about Christmastime. People start looking out for each other and doing nice things for each other, and let me tell you kid, that doesn't happen every day.  That’s real magic—the best kind of magic. It’s the kind that you can trick yourself into thinking isn’t real. But it’s the most real kind of all, Jack. Because it’s not just toys and presents. It’s something a lot harder to make. Something that matters.”

Logan knew Allie was standing behind him. He didn’t know how long she’d been there, but he knew she was listening.

“Everybody says he’s gone and he’s not coming back, but do you think the magic could be strong enough to bring my dad home this year?” Jack didn’t meet Logan’s eyes when he asked it. Logan knew he should say no. He didn’t want Jack to be holding out hope again, only to be destroyed Christmas morning. He couldn't bear the thought of that, but he couldn’t be the one to destroy the little guy’s last hope either.

“I don’t know, Jack. What I do know is if your daddy could be here with you, he would be. And he wouldn't want you to stop believing in magic just because he didn’t make it home.”

Jack nodded. He turned his head back toward the television, but his arm snaked around Logan’s and he rested his cheek against his shoulder. Logan couldn’t help but notice the tears that dripped onto his shirt where the little boy’s head hung, but he pretended not to. Jack’s little shoulders shook and Logan squeezed the little boy closer to his side.

Allie came around the side of the couch, her own eyes were damp. She mouthed a silent thank you and sat down in the spot that the dog had vacated. Logan’s fingers found Allie’s, and without letting go of the little boy, he held her hand.

Logan wondered about their child. He prayed their baby would never have to go through what Jack was going through. He knew this was Allie’s reason. It was why she didn't want to try to have a future with him, and he couldn't blame her. He’d spent hours with this little boy and his heart broke for him. He couldn’t imagine Allie, knowing what Jack had gone through, what their own child might face if things went wrong, and still taking a chance on a relationship with him. The situation seemed hopeless, but her fingers were warm against his. He hoped this could be the start of a future for them. But how could it be? In less than two weeks, he’d be flying back to Afghanistan. How was he supposed to make things work with her when he only had twelve days to do it?

Angie stepped out of the bathroom with Cassie in her arms. The little girl was dressed in Grinch footie pajamas and she looked the picture of innocence as she yawned against her mother’s shoulder.  “You two might have to visit every night,” she said in a hushed voice. “It usually takes me hours to get Jack down.”

Allie squeezed his fingers and let go of his hand and he knew it was because she didn't want her sister to know there might be something between them.

“He’s had nightmares ever since…”

Logan stood, scooping the little boy into his arms. “He’ll be okay. It just takes time,” he gave Angie a reassuring smile. “Where should I put him?”

“Follow me,” Allie said.

She led the way up the stairs to the entryway and then up another set to the second level. A nightlight lit the hall and he followed Allie to the end of it. She opened Jack’s door and hurried inside to pull back the covers on his bed. Logan walked carefully, trying to avoid the toys that were scattered on the floor. His foot slammed into a robot and it started talking and flashing lights. He held his breath for a second, hoping the noise wouldn’t wake Jack.

The little boy stirred and wrapped his arms tighter around Logan’s neck. He snuggled close. “Daddy,” he muttered in a sleepy voice. Logan felt his heart crack in his chest all over again.  He lay the little boy down in his bed and tucked the blankets around his shoulders.

Allie’s little farmhouse was quiet when they pulled into the driveway. Adam’s car was nowhere in sight and Allie thanked her lucky stars for that. She loved her brother, but a little more alone time with Logan wasn’t unwelcome. Maybe he’d explain himself, or admit the truth, or….kiss her again.

What harm could it do? She was already pregnant.

But she knew that would lead to more complications. She wasn’t ready to plan a happily ever after with him, and she knew that would only make her more confused about what was happening between them.

The coward in her wanted to sneak off to bed, but she didn’t think she’d get any sleep with him in the next room. She’d be thinking about that kiss every time she closed her eyes.

Logan didn’t look at all bothered by the situation. He closed the door behind her after she let them both in, and then he walked into the kitchen. She took off her coat, and heeled off her shoes, stretched her back, and then went further inside to see what he was up to. He had a plate of cookies and had poured milk for two.

He gave her that mischievous grin that made her toes curl. She didn’t return it.

“Are you unhappy with my snack selection?”

“Not on your life.”

He set the glasses down on the kitchen island and moved closer to her. “Are you unhappy with something else I’ve done?”

“No.”

“Then maybe you’re unhappy because of something I haven’t done yet.” He moved closer still until he was mere inches away from her. His fingers trailed over the side of her face, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “Is that it?”

Her head was suddenly clouded with thoughts of him. Of what could happen between them.

“You don’t really want me. You couldn’t. Stop pretending.”

“Allie, I told you, you have no idea what I want. And if you think I don’t want you, you’re fooling yourself. Do you know how many nights I spent alone dreaming of having you this close to me again?” He twisted a lock of her hair around his finger, rubbing it with his thumb. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now.”

She closed her eyes, wishing she could believe him.

“I could prove it to you.”

Her breath caught in her throat. He leaned down to kiss her and all her fears and doubts came to the forefront. His lips brushed across hers, and she felt panic settling in. She slid a hand onto his chest between them and pushed him gently.

“We can’t... You’re leaving soon. This isn’t smart.”

He sighed and looked down at her with a sad smile. “That’s what I thought you’d say. Hence the cookies.” He shrugged, gave a sad smile. “So, do you want to take ‘em to the couch and watch a movie?”

“Just because I’m pregnant, you assume I want cookies?” She made her tone teasing, to hide the storm going on inside her.

“No, I want cookies. But I’m willing to share. If you don’t want any, I’m more than happy to eat them myself. You make some damn good cookies.”

She smiled. “Don’t be silly. I always want cookies.” She turned and headed into the living room, sank onto the sofa and reached for the remote. “We can each them while we watch White Christmas.

Logan brought the cookies and milk and sat down beside her. She was eager to watch her favorite holiday movie, and more eager to watch it with him. But when he sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders, she had a hard time concentrating on the television screen.

Logan didn’t seem to be having the same problem.

“The Army must have been a lot different in the forties. No one in my unit has ever preformed a song and dance number while taking mortar fire.”

Allie smiled. “Maybe if you hadn’t come home before Christmas, you would have seen some kind of a show.”

“Maybe,” he said.

It felt good, sitting beside him, eating cookies, watching him enjoy the film. She told herself not to get used to having Logan around. The more she let herself enjoy this now, the worse she would feel when he was gone. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from snuggling closer and leaning her head on his shoulder, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Edwards?” Adam’s voice pulled Logan out of a sound sleep. The first decent sleep he’d had since coming home.

He was tired and groggy and it took him a minute to figure out why Adam was so upset. But once his brain started firing on all cylinders, he realized that the reason he was so warm and comfortable was because Allie was snuggled up at his side. Her head was cradled on his chest and his chin had been resting on the top of her head.

Logan placed a finger to his lips and struggled to untangle himself. It took some effort. Allie’s fingers were wrapped around the collar of his shirt, and she didn’t seem in any hurry to let go.

Adam stood there, apparently seething.

He finally managed to roll Allie away from him and he stood up and walked into the dining room. Adam followed.

“What is going on with you and my sister?” Adam wasn’t speaking in best-friend tones. He was 100% in C.O. mode.

Logan wanted to tell the truth. This was his chance. His friend was asking him a question and he didn’t want to lie. But all he could see in his mind was Allie’s eyes as she’d begged him to keep the secret for just a little longer. He couldn’t betray her now.

“Look, she’s…she’s an amazing woman. She needs someone to lean on right now and I don’t mind being there for her,” he said instead.

Adam looked at Logan for a long time. When he spoke, he was calmer, but just as firm. “She’s in a fragile state. Maybe you’re just trying to be a good guy, but it would be easy for her to get confused right now. She can’t handle someone else coming into her life and then taking off again just when she needs them. Not again.”

It was like a knife to his chest, but Logan knew Adam was right. He hadn’t intended to leave Allie to handle an entire pregnancy on her own, but he had. And he was going to do it again only this time she would be left to handle a baby.

“I just want to help her while I can. That’s all.”

Deep down, though, he had to admit that helping Allie wasn’t his true motivation. Part of it, yeah. But being with Allie made him feel better than he’d felt in a long time. Maybe it was selfish, but when he was around her, he didn’t feel like an orphaned kid in search of a family.

He felt like a whole person. He felt complete.

“That sounds noble, Logan, but I swear to God, if you end up hurting her, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

If he hurt her, Logan thought, Adam wouldn’t have to make him miserable, because he’d already be there.

Adam paced out of the room and back to the couch. He shook Allie’s shoulder and she woke with a start. “It’s just me, Lexie. I think it’s time for you to get to bed.”

Allie muttered unintelligibly, stood up and shuffled her feet to the stairs and up them, to her bedroom.

Logan followed her up, and headed into the guest room, knowing Adam was still at the foot of the stairs watching. He wanted to walk right back out the door and into Allie’s room. He wanted to hold her in his arms and fall asleep with his body pressed tight against hers, but he knew that would only cause her trouble, so instead, he punched the pillow on the hard futon and looked forward to another night of tossing and turning.