“I don’t understand.” Landon’s pragmatic mind was having real trouble with a fake soap opera world. “How could one guy pretend to be the other guy and no one notice the difference?”

“You would be surprised how often that happens on soaps,” I said. “A lot of times it happens because the original actor quit and they needed to recast. They often explain the change with an accident that required plastic surgery. Other times they simply ignore it.

“Then, when the original actor comes back, they do this sort of switch thing where they either pretend the facial reconstruction didn’t happen or create a never-before-seen twin,” I continued. “I think every soap has trotted this out a time or two.”

“Max on One Life to Live,” Clove volunteered.

“Todd on One Life to Live,” Thistle added.

“It sounds like there’s more than one life to live on that soap,” Landon grumbled. “It looks like the red shirt is going to speak again. I can’t wait to hear the rest of this.”

“Zeton was built as a place for peace and happiness,” Flynn continued. “That’s what I envisioned when I set out to establish the community. I still believe in it, despite the fact that I was held in the basement for three years and no one noticed this imposter sullying my good name!”

He roared the final words as he pointed at Teddy. For his part, Thistle’s father looked as if he’d rather be in a different hole in the ground.

“Does anyone else feel as if we’re stuck in a high school Shakespeare production and the knives and poison are about to start flying?” Marcus asked.

Sadly, that felt like an apt comparison. “We need to get out of here.”

“We need the diamond first,” Landon argued. “We have to stick to the storyline. If it’s one thing I’ve learned about Aunt Tillie’s little magical lessons, if we don’t stick to the storyline we’ll be worse off.”

“I’m not sure how it could get worse than this,” Thistle noted, her eyes zeroing in on the rather impressive … um, package … on display thanks to the man standing next to her. Apparently underwear and boxer shorts were a no-no in Zeton, even though they desperately needed them thanks to the tight jumpsuits. “Seriously, it’s like being trapped in a really weird porn movie.”

“Hey!” Marcus snapped his fingers in front of Thistle’s face to get her attention. “Don’t look at that.”

“Oh, it’s not so funny now, is it?” Landon chortled. “When Bay’s butt was getting pinched, everyone told me to suck it up. Now that Thistle has roaming eyes we need to get out of this mess. That’s typical.”

“I happened to believe we needed to get out of this mess before that,” Marcus argued. “It’s just … hey, what is that guy doing?”

Marcus’ attention moved back to the stage and, as with any good train wreck, I couldn’t stop myself from looking. It seemed Flynn was in the middle of stripping out of his jumper … and he had something clutched in his hand.

“I’ve decided to move Zeton to a fresh location, one that hasn’t been corrupted by greed,” Flynn announced. “The current location is a mess thanks to that man and his machinations. I’m not very happy with everyone else, either. I mean … couldn’t you have tested him with questions only I’d know the answers to?”

“We tried,” a woman in the crowd replied. “He said he had amnesia.”

“And you believed him?”

The woman shrugged. “He had a jumper. Where did he get the jumper if he wasn’t you?”

“I believe you can find them at any cheap Halloween store,” Clove offered helpfully.

“It doesn’t matter,” Flynn bellowed. “I am moving the location of Zeton. Only those I trust will be allowed to come with me.”

“How do you expect to do that?” Teddy challenged, finding his voice. “You can’t steal the heritage of this mountain, of this group, and co-opt it for a new group simply because you wish it. Zeton is much more than a place to live. If the people leave here, their immune systems will crash. They haven’t been exposed to the outside world in decades.”

“The door is right there,” Landon offered. “It opens and closes pretty easily. I think they’ll be fine.”

“Silence,” Teddy snapped. “You’re the reason this is happening.”

“Me?”

“You distracted me. You called me away when I should’ve been watching the prisoner.”

“Hey, if you were the only one watching him for years on end, you have other issues.” Landon’s weariness came out to play. “Now, give me that diamond and we’ll leave you to your domestic dispute.”

“I will not.” Teddy was firm. “You can torture me, make me listen to Barbra Streisand music and eat turnips, I still won’t hand over the diamond.”

“Oh, let’s not get dramatic.” Landon rolled his eyes. “I really hate this place.”

“Besides, friend, that imposter is no longer in charge of the Diamond of Life,” Flynn announced. “I am.”

The crowd gasped as Flynn held up what looked to be a very cheap hunk of cut glass.

“You can’t take that,” Teddy shrieked. “You’ll kill us if you do. The oxygenators won’t work without the diamond.”

“And yet we’re breathing now,” Landon pointed out. “In fact … the door is literally right there. All you have to do is walk through it … and stop at the nearest clothing store, because you’ll get your ass beat on the street if you wear that. You’ll be fine.”

“It’s not going to be fine,” Teddy argued. “Zeton is falling.”

“It is,” Flynn agreed, clutching the diamond to his chest. “It will be reborn, though. I will see it reborn.”

Landon lifted his hand in the air to get Flynn’s attention, but it was already too late. The flamboyant man was opening a door set in the papier mâché rock, stopping only to cast a dramatic look at the room of panicking people. “I wish I could’ve saved you from this. Your undoing is on you.”

And, with that, he disappeared through the door.

“Great,” Landon spat. “Now we have to chase the freak with the diamond. I just know the next stop will be worse than this one … if that’s even possible.”

Teddy, who was doing a good impersonation of a bad actor himself, clutched at his neck as he fell near Landon’s feet. He clawed at his neck as if he was struggling for his very last breath. “Avenge us.”

“The door is right there!” Landon barked. “You’re not suffocating. It’s all in your head.”

“Come on.” I grabbed Landon’s arm and dragged him toward the stage. “You can’t fix this. It’s part of the story.”

“But he’s acting as if he’s a fish out of water or something. It’s ridiculous.”

“This whole thing is ridiculous,” Thistle said, leaving her father behind without a backward glance. “You might as well get used to it. We’ve got a long way to go before things get better. Aunt Tillie is barely getting started with us.”

THE DOOR OPENED ON the docks.

I expected a dark hallway, maybe something resembling the planet Hoth – without the snow, of course – but instead we found ourselves in a dimly lit harbor setting that made me want to check my shoes to make sure there wasn’t a sea slug trying to climb my leg.

Landon was befuddled. “What the heck is this?”

“Docks,” Clove answered. “See … that’s water and that’s a boat.”

The look Landon shot her was right out of the book Irritation 101. “Thank you, Clove. I never would’ve figured that out myself.”

Clove merely shrugged. “You asked.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled under his breath before turning his attention to me. “What do you think?”

“I think we’re here for a reason,” I replied. “Aunt Tillie clearly wants us to see a lot of sets. At least we don’t have to arrange for our own transportation. I wondered when we didn’t see any cars on the road. You very rarely see vehicles on soaps … unless it’s for a scene in which someone is going to run someone else down.”

“I guess we have that going for us.” Landon tugged a restless hand through his hair. “What are we supposed to do here?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think the bigger question is: Where did Flynn go?”

“Yeah, that guy needs some Prozac,” Thistle said.

“I think that’s what happens when you’re kept in a locked room for years,” Marcus supplied. “You should think long and hard before trying to do that with Aunt Tillie. Do you want her ending up nuttier than she already is?”

Thistle’s expression was appraising. “You usually stick up for Aunt Tillie no matter what. Things must be bad if you’re turning on her.”

“I’m not turning on her.”

“She can’t hear you. There’s no reason to deny what you’re feeling.”

“I’m not turning on her.” Marcus repeated the words, but the way he lifted his eyes to the sky made me think he believed Aunt Tillie was spying on us. I couldn’t help but wonder about that, too. “I’m simply … tired. We’ve been here only an hour, but it somehow feels longer.”

“So much longer,” Sam intoned. “I think this world is better than the fairy tale one, though. At least here I don’t have to climb anyone’s hair to save my beloved … oh, and I don’t have that pesky growing nose problem.”

“Oh, I like when you call me that,” Clove cooed, leaning closer to Sam and resting her cheek against his chest. “You’re my beloved, too.”

“Don’t make me throw you in the water,” Thistle snapped. “I can take only so much.”

Clove scowled. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

“As long as I can hear you, you’re talking to me.”

“Knock it off, guys,” I warned. “Now is not the time for a fight.”

“When is the time for a fight?” Thistle challenged. “I would like to schedule it and set a warning on my phone so I don’t forget.”

Phone? Hmm. I dug in my pocket and came up empty. “Do you have your phone?”

Thistle balked. “Well … no. It was a figure of speech.”

“I’m not attacking you. I was simply asking.”

“What does the phone have to do with anything?” Landon asked. “It’s not as if we can call for help.”

“I know. I think we know the way Aunt Tillie’s mind works well enough to realize that we’re all sleeping in our beds and not really here. I was simply curious.”

“I have a phone,” Sam announced, drawing out what looked to be an old Nokia from his pocket. “I haven’t seen something like this in years.”

Landon peered over his shoulder. “That’s because they don’t make them anymore.”

“Why would Sam have a phone, but the rest of us don’t?” Thistle asked. “He’s Aunt Tillie’s least favorite – which is saying something because we have Landon with us – and yet he gets a phone. I don’t understand.”

“Does it work?” Landon snagged the phone from Sam’s hand, pressed some buttons and frowned. “It looks dead.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” Marcus said. “If she thought to include it, there’s a reason.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll find out eventually.” Landon handed the phone back to Sam. “We need to find that Flynn guy. He’s clearly our focus until something else pops up. He has the diamond we need … or at least we think we need … so we have to figure out where he would go next.”

“I think I can help you with that.”

The sultry voice from the shadows caught me off guard. I thought we were alone, just the six of us on ridiculously fake docks, but it seemed I was wrong. “Who’s there?”

Landon instinctively stepped in front of me, pushing his arm out to keep Thistle and me behind him. He cast a pointed look at Sam to make sure he did the same with Clove. It was a fake world, so the odds of us really being hurt were slim, but that didn’t mean Landon was taking any chances.

“Can I help you?”

The woman who stepped from the murk into the light was breathtaking. She was taller than me by a good three inches and she had long blond hair to her waist. Speaking of her waist, it was ridiculously small, even though her boobs could’ve claimed their own ZIP code.

“Hello, lover,” she purred as she sauntered closer to Landon.

I knew it wasn’t the time, yet I couldn’t stop myself from growing territorial. “Hey!”

“Oh, finally I get a reaction out of you,” Landon drawled, casting a quick look over his shoulder, his eyes gleaming when they locked with mine. “Now you care.”

“If she pinches your butt I’m throwing her into the water,” I warned.

“Duly noted.” Landon lowered his arm, although he made sure to stand in front of the pack. The woman didn’t look dangerous – unbelievably slutty, but not dangerous – so he clearly didn’t feel the need to go all Terminator when it came to protection mode. “Do I know you?”

The woman’s laugh was light and silky. “Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“Of course not. Um … .” Landon looked to me for help.

“I’m Bay Winchester,” I announced, extending my hand as I stepped forward.

“I’m Eden Rose.” The woman’s gaze was keen as she looked me up and down. “You look familiar, although I don’t believe I’ve ever heard that name before.”

“I think you’re supposed to use your other name,” Clove suggested.

“That name is ridiculous. I’m not using that name.”

“Yes, because Eden Rose isn’t a ridiculous name,” Thistle muttered. “She does look really familiar. Do we know her from somewhere?”

“Are you talking about me?” Eden arched an eyebrow as she stared down Thistle. “I’m a lieutenant with the Camelot Falls Police Department.”

“Oh, I must know her from work,” Landon mused.

“If you worked with someone who looked like that in real life I’d cuff you to me and never let you leave the house again,” I supplied.

Landon smirked. “Ah, it’s not so funny when the curse is on the other foot, is it?”

“It’s not funny at all.” I looked Eden up and down with overt disgust. “Those can’t possibly be real, by the way.”

“Oh, they’re real.” Eden’s expression was dismissive. “I’ve been waiting for you for more than an hour, Jericho. You were supposed to be here to give an update on the Michael Ferrigno case right after sunset. What took you so long?”

If Landon was bothered by her tone he didn’t show it. “I had to go to an underground city and watch a bunch of freaks fake dying.”

“You were there?” Eden was grave. “The loss of life at Zeton was enormous.”

“Really? I’m sure if you wander over there you can just drag them outside and they’ll make miraculous recoveries.”

“That’s not part of the mission.” Eden was firm. “What do you have? Do you have the information we need to bring down Ferrigno?”

“Um … no.” Landon shook his head. “I’m working on it, though. I hope to have the information shortly.”

“You have to work faster.”

“I’m working as fast as I can.”

“It’s not fast enough.” Eden adopted a pouty expression as she sidled closer. “I miss you, lover. I cry myself to sleep every night that you’re not next to me.”

“Oh, my … Goddess.” I thought my head might implode. “She’s your girlfriend!”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Landon protested.

“That’s right,” Eden confirmed. “We live together. We’re supposed to be getting married in a few months. We’re going to live happily ever after. I’m his fiancée.”

My stomach twisted. “Yeah, because that makes it better.”

“Hey, you’re married,” Landon reminded me. “Why wouldn’t I have a girlfriend in this … cesspool?”

“Because you’re supposed to be in love with me.”

“This is a fake world!” Landon exploded, his temper getting the better of him. “I can’t control how Aunt Tillie wrote it. It’s not as if I’ve really been cheating on you.”

“What is going on here?” Eden planted her hands on her hips as her eyes bounced between us. “Is there something you want to tell me, Jericho?”

Landon nodded without hesitation. “Yes. Jericho is a stupid name.”

“And?”

“And … um … I think we should stop seeing each other.” Landon was clearly trying to appease me, but Eden didn’t take it well. Instead she slapped him hard across the face, causing him to reel back. He wasn’t even minimally recovered when she attacked a second time and threw a drink at him, the liquid splashing across his handsome features. “Hey!”

“Where did she get the drink?” Clove asked. “Did anyone see her carrying a drink?”

Thistle shook her head. “No, but throwing drinks is a soap staple. It doesn’t really surprise me.”

Eden moved to slap Landon again, but he caught her wrist before she could.

“Don’t do that,” Landon warned.

“Hey, my phone is ringing.” Sam lost interest in the scene playing out in front of us and dug for his phone. “Should I answer it?”

Marcus nodded. “It’s probably part of the story.”

“Okay.” Sam pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“You can’t leave me,” Eden screeched. “We’re destined to be together. I will kill anyone who tries to get between us.”

“Yeah, that sounds healthy,” Landon deadpanned. “I really don’t care. I think we need to take a break.”

“Oh, of course you do,” Eden sneered. “I know you’ve been running around behind my back. I assumed you were doing it because you had no choice, you had to or risk being found out and ultimately killed for your betrayal of Ferrigno. I guess I know better now, don’t I?”

“I guess you do.” Landon was blasé … right up to the point when Eden wrenched her wrist free and grabbed the front of his shirt. With an ease that shouldn’t have been possible given my knowledge of fabric and seams, she ripped Landon’s shirt from his chest, leaving behind only two sleeves and a baffled look on his face. “What the … ?”

“This is your doing,” Eden hissed, rubbing the remnants of the shirt over her face as her eyes turned crazy and dangerous. “You’ll rue the day you broke my heart!”

Landon was over the drama. “Give me back my shirt.”

“No!” Eden continued rubbing it against her cheek. “It’s all I have to remember you by. I won’t forget any of this. You’ve broken me, wrecked me. You set off a bomb in my heart and now that it has exploded there are too many pieces to pick up.”

“But … .”

Landon didn’t get a chance to finish his statement, because Sam had finished his phone call and he looked altogether sick to his stomach.

“What is it?” Clove asked, worried.

“I’m needed at the hospital,” Sam replied woodenly. “I’m supposed to perform emergency brain surgery.”

“Oh, well, that explains the phone.” Thistle was clearly amused. “This world is starting to look up. I can’t wait to see the hospital.”